mysteries | ic; god that was strange to see you again

[ To be fair, Mamoru didn't really know there was any sort of surprise waiting for him. It sounded fairly simple in theory - their group was too cooperate with a unit from some apparent sister organisation to the Church called Botan. Sure, he can do that. It's not like Mamoru is bad with people, after all, so there's no part of him that really is against one of the few opportunities to meet new people he has while being with Sakura.

But the part where he'd actually recognize one of the Botan members wasn't exactly anything he saw coming. At first he tried to stay silent through Kamikita's introductory speech about it all since he's not rude enough to interrupt, but Mamoru's hardly even caught a single word of the speech. How is he supposed to focus on what he's being told when one of the girls standing there is unmistakably Tsushima Kiraki of all people? It's like seeing a ghost walking, and Mamoru just gapes at her until they're dismissed.

Although it's at least at that point that he's quick to approach them once the others have already moved on from the brief meeting - when it's just the two of them, he finally manages to take a step towards her, still looking just as confused as he did just now. ]

Tsushima..?

[ But there's no way, right? There's no way it's her, but there's also no way that this person in front of him is anything but her. But if it is, then-- why isn't she dead..? ]

[She didn't notice him until it was far too late to say anything. Mochizuki of course didn't say anything. Even though she was the one who told her that Mamoru had died in the first place. She wasn't lying after all. If he was here, it mean that he was dead to the outside world.
Her breath caught in her throat. She wanted to call him like she used to. Familiarly and full of joy. But there was too much that made this reunion bittersweet ]

Mamoru...

[She breathed. The last time they had seen each other, months ago now. As far as they knew, it was to have been the last time.

And yet, here they were. Two ghosts walking. There was no way she could

She frowned suddenly.]

They told me that you were dead.

.. I see.

[ The words come out with a little difficulty, if not just since her actually recognizing him only confirms the fact that it really is her. That she's here, that she's alive, that he can meet her again - they're all good things, no doubt. But the shadow of the last time they saw each other hangs over him like a weight pressing down on his shoulders hard.

He abandoned her, didn't he? He lead her there to be killed - and despite the fact that he didn't have any other choice, it's been weighing on him heavily ever since. Why didn't he just find some way to save her-- that's what he thought to himself over and over when he was alone. Wasn't that why he got with the police to begin with, to save people, not get them killed? ]

I thought.. [ .. you were dead too, he means to say, but he can't force the words past his lips. They feel too loaded, too harsh, and he swallows them right back up, shaking his head a little.

That's not what she needs to hear, and it's not what he wants to say. He wants to say that he's so glad to see her, that he's sorry if she might have worried about him when she heard that, that so much happened--

But he has to say the most important thing first, right? ]

.. I'm sorry.

[ For last time - for all of it. ]

[Her heart began to ache. There were few things that she hated to see more than that look in his eyes. The look of guilt, of crushing sadness and failure.

She tried to tell him last time. That it wasn't his fault. He was just doing his job he had no choice. But that wouldn't help. She had always known what his job meant to him.
It wasn't leading friends to the death-row.]

Yeah. I'm alive...

Her chest feels tight. It's almost hard to breathe. They are alone for now but it's still too open, too exposed. She looked around. The architecture of the Church was identical to the Convent as she was told. There had to be some place they could go.]

[She couldn't form any more words. She wanted to scream, cry and run all at the same time.
Without warning she jerked forward and grabbed a hold of his wrist. She jerked her head to the side. Trying to indicate that she wanted to go somewhere more secluded. But she knew that if she tried to speak at that moment only tears would come out.]

[ She's alive. He can hardly even grasp the idea of it yet when he suddenly feels that hold on his wrist - firm enough that it makes him look up, his gaze meeting hers. And despite the fact that she's not yet crying, there's something so incredibly sad about that look that it breaks his heart right on the spot.

Mamoru has already made his mind up within seconds, no matter how the guilt still feels like it threatens to knock him right over. He can't let her stand around being this sad, no matter what, so he's already nodding at her before moving, letting her be pulled along by that hold she has on his wrist.

She must want to be somewhere alone with him to talk this out, and he can't blame her.. just saying "I'm sorry" doesn't feel like it's good enough. Not to a friend you led to their own execution. No way. He figures that his room must be empty right now (Kaito did say something about going to use the computer system, but it was drowned out by the fact that Mamoru was still in his stupor over recognizing Kiraki before the other even did in the middle of all that), so it's the best spot he can think of for now.

Thankfully he could dream the way through these hallways to that place, so despite the fact that his mind is in a thousand places at once, his feet carry them straight to the door, opening it and leading her inside before closing it behind the two of them again.

.. not that it makes any of this easier. They've moved, but he still doesn't know what to say, or how to quite look her into the eyes right now.

Sucking in a breath, he says the first thing that comes to mind from his natural mother hen tendencies-- ]

Are you.. alright?

[ Wait. No. She looked like she was just about to cry before, why would he ask that now, stupid? He would hit himself in the head right now if he wasn't so concerned about her foremost. ]

[In her lost moment of indecision, she is beyond grateful that he decides something. Anything. As he led her along, she tried to keep herself calm. She didn't even know what she was so upset about anymore. There were just so many emotions welled up inside of her that there was no way for her to process it anymore.

He leads her into the living quarters. She notes that funnily enough, his room is in the exact same position as hers in her sister school.
It's not a comfort, simply a fact.

She could almost predict what he was going to say. That itself was almost funny to her.
She lets out a strained and broken laugh, tears still threatening to fall. She might have even been bruising his wrist but she didn't want to let go.
Her laughter was almost unhinged. As logical a response as tears would be to the cacophony of emotions within her. She was ecstatic to see him again. That little bit of joy managed to leak out, but not untainted.]

Mamoru...God I want to say that I'm fine, but the last thing you deserve is me lying for the sake of your feelings.

[her words come out rushed and jumbled. The first real sentence she's said to him and she hardly even knows what she said. She wants to meet his eyes, but instead looks down at her hand still clamped around his wrist. It's like an infant's grip and she seems to have lost the ability to control her hand.]

I...I'm just...really glad that you're alive...

[She managed to whisper,]

[ It's a different kind of guilt that sets in at those words. At least she's alright, at least he didn't get her killed (the very idea of it still makes his stomach turn within him even to this day), but.. even so, he doesn't know what happened to her. How she survived. How she ended up with Botan. He didn't even imagine what she must be going through since he didn't know she was alive - he felt guilty towards Takano for not being able to properly explain things before he disappeared, but he never got to have the same thoughts about Kiraki since he thought she was dead anyway.

And now he's just standing there, asking stupid questions when all she needs is comfort. It's the least thing he should do for her after what he almost did to her.

All he can think of are the nights when Kaito's delusion of Haruto almost seemed to waver, when he was standing there looking so very lonely, and the only thing that could comfort him was--

Using his free arm that isn't currently clasped by the girl like it's done with a claw, Mamoru moves it around her back before drawing her a little closer towards him. Maybe a hug is a little strange and intimate since they haven't seen each other in what feels like so long thanks to how drastically his life changed and with them only just meeting again, but.. well, he can't think of any better way to make this come across. ]

It's alright, Tsushima.. it's alright.

[ They're both alive. Even though each of them thought the other was dead, they're actually standing here, both of them together. She's so close that he can practically feel her heartbeat only confirm the fact that she's really there, the solid physicalness of her body against her arm telling him she's real.

There's so much to make up for that he doesn't quite know where to start, but maybe this will just have to be said start - Mamoru doesn't quite notice he's holding his breath for a moment after that slightly shakey statement. ]

.. it's alright.

[ There's more he wants to say - like I'm so glad and I'm so sorry and I missed you, but those don't quite make their way out. All he can say is this much. It's alright now, the two of them are right here, their friendship wasn't brutally severed by death.

He'll be here. He doesn't know how much it might help (what if she actually can't stand him anymore because of what he did, even when she uses words like "the last thing you deserve", he wouldn't blame her for it), but if she needs it, then he'll be right here. He's not moving an inch from the spot where he's holding her with one arm.

That much is what he's decided. ]

[Her eyes widened as she realized what he was doing. Her right hand still refusing to cooperate, she lifted her left arm to encircle his back in return, resting her face in the crook of his neck.

She couldn't help but take several steadying breathes, that in turn filled her senses with his familiar scent. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she swore she could almost feel his against hers.

It was all her fault. Regardless of the situation, she had killed a man, and was sentenced for her crimes. She had killed the man who was dead set on destroying her life and everyone in it.

He made a threat and she snapped. And then she broke the heart of the very person she had wanted to protect.

She knew Mamoru blamed himself. He always did. If he ever even thought about himself at all, it was always thoughts of blame and regret.

As pathetic as she felt, she had to do something for him. She could not imagine the suffering he had to have endured, thinking that he had led someone he cared about to their death.

Having glimpsed his face, she saw a look she knew well.]

If you have something you want to say, please...don't hold back.

[She pried her fingers from his wrist one by one. The digits trembling as they traced their way up the back of his arm. She gripped his shoulder and pulled him closer. She was tense and her movements rough but that was not going to stop her from holding him too.]

[ He only finds himself surprised for a brief moment when he hears those words. Maybe it's because they haven't been able to see each other for a while now so he doesn't remember as quickly, but then the memory sets in again. That's just what she's always been like. Of course Mamoru doesn't realise that it's just that he's such an open book when it comes to.. well, everything, but Kiraki had always been able to see straight through him at all times. He can't keep anything hidden from her.

It's why he smiles very, very sheepishly, pausing for a moment as if he's trying to even find the words. It's true that there's stuff he wants to say, but rather than holding himself back from saying them, it's more just that he doesn't know how to do it to begin with. ]

I.. [ He starts, and then shakes his head, staring again - not letting go of her just yet. ]

I'm just glad to see you alive too.

[ That's the main thing here, isn't it? To know that she isn't dead.. that's the most important thing.

His grip on her tightens just a little bit, and he's not entirely sure anymore just who's comforting who here by now. ]

I missed you. [ Sure, it's not like he was lonely. Takano was there before Mamoru ended up joining Sakura, but it always felt like there were some things he couldn't tell him. And Kaito was there too, of course, but since he was still stuck with his delusion of Haruto, it always felt like there was some sort of weird distance between them too - Kiraki not being there anymore, especially after Haruto died, somehow felt like a huge void. ]

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