mysteries | ic; god that was strange to see you again

[She released his hand as she stood up with him. Waving and bowing politely to the two shop proprietors, Tsubame and Uba before stepping right to Mamoru's side, smiling gently.]

What'd Kaito ask you for? I at least know the immediate are round here pretty well but...I imagine you do too.
[She said with a nervous rot of grin. While she had know of Saku's existence for quite some time now, she he had simply not known of Kaito and Mamoru being alive there.]

[It would e nearly impossible to keep their relationship a complete secret. Considering how the two of them were complete and utterly open books when in came to their emotions. But it was still some thing thing he could ignore fairly easily. She lifted her hand and pinched his cheek briefly as she star to walk out of the store.]

[ He's about to answer her question, but then he momentarily just gets entirely caught off track by the way she pinches his cheek like that. His jaw drops open for a moment, and his brain has to caught up with what just happened.. but when it does a very faint shade of pink appears on his cheeks, and he only barely remembers in time to turn and bow towards the proprietors.

But the first moment after that he's already chasing after her as she's leaving through the door. ]

Kiraki..!

[ You cheek-pincher you. Especially when he doesn't expect it, geez. Not that it's really unpleasant, but.. well, it just flusters him, okay.

When he catches up with her as they walk outside he slows his pace down again so they can walk side by side, this time hopefully away from scrutinizing gazes. ]

I just promised him some green tea cookies.. I can pick those up no problem. [ Don't mind the way he rubs his cheek a little bit, as if he can still feel the sensation from just now. ] Although.. I can't deny that it's sort of nice to be walking out here.

[ With her especially, sure, but the time they actually have to do this sort of stuff in general has been pretty scarce inbetween all the training and missions. Not to mention that they aren't supposed to be alive - neither of them.

He can't even tell Takano that they're both fine, as tempting as the thought might be. Even if they'd spot him right here out on the streets, they'd have to hurry and hide.. it's a slightly sad thought, Mamoru thinks, considering what a good friend he'd been to them. ]

[She raises her eyebrows at him with a slight grin. He was disgustingly adorable when he got flustered like that. She had once thought that boys weren't supposed to be that cute, but she had long since accepted that it was a part of Mamoru, and also learned that is one of the things she loved most about him. ]

Lucky it's such a nice day huh.

[Her hand twitches a bit towards him, and she fans out the fingers of her hand, trying to hide the slight spasm by using her hand to smooth her hair back. She wanted to hold his hand again. But not out in public like some foreigner couple. It was too much. But she still, looked at him as much as she could as they walked.]

We could stop by the bakery on the way back. [She nodded in the general direction of the aforementioned bakery.]
But...we're in no rush...right? [She said with a lingering glance in his direction]

[ The corners of his lips quirk up into a smile when she says that. ]

Of course we're not.

[ It'll be weird if they spend too much time out together, sure, but he figures a little bit can't hurt.. there's no doubt about it that Sakura and Botan already know about the fact that they knew each other before this, so they must figure they have to catch up first anyway. It buys them a little time, especially since Mamoru really doesn't want to go back yet. Sure, he wants to protect her from being punished for being close to him even though he's not her Messiah whatsoever, but that's just why he's got to find ways to make it a little less noticable. Somehow.

(Or at least make sure that if they're caught, he's the one who gets punished instead of her.) ]

It's way too nice out to rush. Besides.. [ Mamoru pauses for a moment, sucking in a breath of air. ] .. it's a little nostalgic.

[ The two of them walking here like this. It hasn't even been a year, but it still feels like so long ago that the two of them walked side by side like this. Those moments after long days of work when he'd insist on walking with her to her apartment, even though it wasn't even close to the road he needed to take home himself. But he never seemed to care about taking the long way around as long as he could walk and talk with her for a little while more, just like now. ]

I kind of miss it sometimes. Living that simply.

[Kiraki simply watched him a moment as he spoke. As always, simply enthralled by his features as they shifted so vividly along with his words and emotions.

She smiles back in unabashed relief. She wanted nothing more than to relish in the time that they could together.]

Yeah...[she began, trailing off slightly.] I miss it too. [She replied, her mind filling up with her memories of those simple times, walking together, talking together. Even though Mamoru was now standing right in front of her, her and went instinctively to the necklace around her neck. She didn't even remember what the occasion had been, but it was one of her favorite gifts from him.]

I remember, you used to follow me around sometimes like you were my little bodyguard. [She said affectionately,] Even though, I was the one who was in karate... [She laughed a little, looking forward to make sure she didn't run into anything. She continued walking in the direction of the park she liked. It also happened to be an area she was rather familiar with before even joining Section 5.] I wouldn't mind if that didn't change, honestly. [She looked at him with an expression that was one of love. She was so happy that they could have moments like this again. ]

[ There's a part of him that almost looks a little bashful when she puts it that way.. Honestly, it's not like Mamoru doesn't know that she was (and maybe still is, although he's at least gotten a lot more training thanks to joining Section 4 at first and then Sakura) much stronger than him back then. He was aware of it, but at the same time.. it just didn't feel right to make her do the fighting. There was a risk she'd get hurt while doing so, and he never wanted to see her hurt, even when they were still much younger than they are now. ]

It's not going to change. [ He still says that though in the middle of the bashfullness, and at least Mamoru does sound sure about that. No matter how much their circumstances have changed, he still wants to protect her, still wants to make sure nothing bad will happen to her.

Sure, it'll be harder. They're in seperate parts of Section 5, they're not Messiah, but.. he'll find some way, somehow. Since they learned of each other's continued existence just now, surely Sakura and Botan must be planning joint missions in the future. ]

I already promised you I'd be by your side. And.. well, you know I suck at sitting back and just letting stuff happen.

[ Especially when it comes to injustice or people possibly being hurt - let alone the girl he loves. ]

Edited 2015-07-07 14:30 (UTC)

Not that I'd want that to change. You jumping in front of me all the time is just gonna mean that I'll always have your back.

[She wasn't about to let him get hurt protecting her. But that was where this cycle persisted.
They stopped at a intersection, just beyond was the park she had been mentioning.]

Yeah, I suppose you are a man of action. Even if it takes you a little while to catch on to some things.

[She stuck her tongue out at him teasingly. Ignoring the darker possible implications of her statement.

There were reasons that Sakura and Botan were kept separate, and this was just it. Romantic relationships across the divisions could cause problems, but sometimes the varying skills were needed in order for the missions to succeed.

She knew that Mamoru would probably try and take responsibility if they were caught, try and make sure that he alone was punished. But that would not stand. If anyone deserved to be punished it would be her. Because, she had been breaking one of the other Sakura rules long before Mamoru even arrived there.]

[ Thankfully he knows she's not really meaning the darker implications. It does shoot across his mind for a moment - how he never knew that she was still alive, even though Kaito had known all this time - but he quickly forces it to the back of his mind. He doesn't want to think about sad things, not right now. Not when Kiraki is right by his side, as alive and radiant as she always has been. Sure, the teasing is maybe a little embarrassing, but Mamoru can at least take it in good spirits. Especially while he's still in his mood.

But it still means he can't resist nudging her a little by bumping his shoulder against their own (Mamoru might not be as much all over the place with physical contact the way she is, but when it's with the people he cares about he doesn't really mind this much) before starting to cross the road to get to the park. ]

Back to back then, right? [ Not that there aren't a lot of people Mamoru would trust with his back. He'd trust Mamiya and Ariga with it too, despite neither of them being his Messiah and him not knowing too much about them.. but Kiraki's a special case, of course. She's all the way up there. ] Kaito's still not much of a combat person anyway.. well, it's not his speciality.

[ Because when it comes to computers, he's never seen anyone work them the way Kaito does. The fact that he was able to even break into Section 5's database of all things.. ]

Your Messiah sounds a little like that too.

[ So in other words - if they do go on some joint mission, it'll be easier if they just stick together that way. Maybe Kaito would actually be able to bond a little with Umie too and actually make a new friend.. he's not too great with people, sure, but if you get him to start talking about computers, Mamoru knows that Kaito can be just as sociable as anyone else. It just takes certain topics. ]

[She nudged him back a little too roughly as always. But she giggles to try and diffuse her lack of control over her strength. ]

Yeah she is. I never thought I'd meet some one even close to Kaito ability wise. Almost feels like they should go head-to-head. [she said with a joking smile.] But that'd probably be the worst spectator sport ever. [She gave a light snort.] She's able to speak sometimes, but because of how the artificial database was connected to her brain, whatever she wants to say just comes out in seemingly irrelevant facts. But, after a while, you can figure out that if she's reciting specs for military grade server hubs it means she's happy to see you.

[She still had so much she wanted to talk about with Mamoru. Talk, joke, discuss, whatever it was.

[The park was spacious, somewhat western style, but with a few old vestiges of the past. A few shrines dotted about that no one had the heart to tear down, even a aging Torii gate at the far end. her favorite spot had always been a small shrine that sat in a cluster of trees and bamboo right next to a lake. A park bench had been put up years before more young alder growths sprung up around it, causing the whole little area to become more and more closed off each spring. Perhaps because of the shrine's presence, caretakers had been reluctant to cut down the trees.]

Wanna sit here for a bit?

[She rested her hand on the bench, looking out at the lake a little wistfully.]

[ He nods. ]

Sure.

[ Moving to sit down and watching her sit down next to him as well, he can't help but feel like this place is almost a little oddly symbolic - it's so hidden away in the park thanks to everything that grows around it. It's almost as if it's hiding them from the world, the way everything in Section 5's structure has already been doing for a while now.

(But this is still a little different. It's just them here. No superiors, no Messiah, none of their other friends. It's just the two of them sheltered here like this. It's been a long time since it was just them two - it hasn't been that way since the times he'd come to eat at her apartment when everything with Kaito got a little too much for him, and even then Kaito was technically always on his mind. Maybe it hasn't been the two of them like this since some moments in high school.)

Now it's just them again without anyone being able to see them, he gently moves to grasp her hand with his own again as they sit side by side. ]

Have you come here often since you got into Botan?

[ Mamoru wants to know. He wants to know more about those months of her life that he totally missed since he assumed that she had died. They've been friends for so long and been seeing each other for so long - the times that she disappeared only to return later aside - that it almost feels odd to miss such a chunk of each other's lives. ]

[She still felt so silly, but she got butterflies again almost instantly when he took her hand. Her cheeks tinged pink and she couldn't meet his eyes for a moment.]

I come here when I can. [She said softly, brushing her hair behind her ear again. She had been in love with him for so long it was still so hard for her to believe. She cleared her throat, knowing that Mamoru wanted more specifics.]

Umie doesn't like going outside very much, so I get her things from time to time. Oddly enough she likes books a lot. You'd think she wouldn't considering, her mind is like a database but...she says that she likes Fiction a lot, because, it's like new information. Something that didn't exist in the world until someone thought it up. [She cracked a grin.] But the stuff she reads is so dense it might as well just be encyclopedias...

[She looked at him, finally meeting his eyes. She still wasn't prepared and she felt her heartbeat pick up again. She had to take a deep breath, but kept meeting his eyes as her fingers fluttered against the back of his hands. He was always able to make her infallibly serene and uncontrollably exhilarated at the same time.

but besides that, she had something that she wanted to tell him.]

But I uh...I also went to go...check on you a lot. I didn't just keep an eye through the Database but I...[she paused, looking down.] I saw you...at my old apartment a lot. I'm sorry but, I couldn't risk it...I couldn't break the rules...[She trailed off, once again she had made the mood dark again, but she hoped that he would understand. She wanted to start telling him her secrets. All of them, one-by-one.]

[ It's nice.

Just sitting here, listening to Kiraki talking about her life at the Convent.. it's pretty nice. If not just since he likes knowing more about her, and that it makes things oddly calm for once (compared to the hustle and bustle of missions from the Church and trying to make sure his friends aren't about to shove each other off a rooftop). It's just them sitting here, holding hands - one of the few forms of physical contact he does think of, since it's just something they've been doing for so long, even if it has a different sort of feeling to it now. Even when they were kids and dragging each other around enthusiastically.. it feels so long since then.

But Kiraki is talking about her Messiah, and that's something he likes listening to as well. Because there's a kind of care in the way Kiraki speaks about her, a fondness, and it makes him smile. Both because he's glad she found someone to get along with, and because it's a reminder of how kind she can be. How much she cares when she cares about people. She's great.

.. except then the topic shifts, and his stomach feels like it's being squished together. ]

You saw..?

[ It's not that he minds that she didn't speak up. He can't blame her, he knows the rules people in their position have to obey. It's not what bothers him - it's the fact that she saw him.

She saw him standing there, no matter the weather. She saw him standing there, and Mamoru remembers he started tearing up quite a few times too. Because it was the only moment he could unload. Between not wanting to worry Takano at work and not wanting to worry Kaito at home, he never had time to mourn Kiraki. Those were the only moments since he thought no one was watching, that he wouldn't make anyone feel bad.

He thought wrong, apparently. ]

Ah.. so-- hnn. [ He remembers mid-apology (it comes out almost instinctively) that they promised to not say sorry anymore, even if it's already half come out. Mamoru tries to smile still, but there's something a little wry about it, even as he keeps looking at her. ] It must've looked pretty strange, huh..? I hope I didn't worry you too much.

[Kiraki bites her lip and shakes her head at him. ]

No no no, Mamoru don't--

[She suddenly releases his hand and jerks forward to pull him into a sudden embrace. She saw the memories of that time flash across his face, and she saw that it still hurt him. She had grasped him so suddenly that his arms were pinned to his sides and she just started sputtering without restraint.]

You-- I bet you didn't even have time to grieve did you, what with Kaito how he was and...
[She wanted to apologise, she wanted to scold him again for being so recklessly selfless.]

I don't think it's weird okay? Everyone cries and--I just-- I want to be able to be the one who is there with you-- I want to be able to help you.

[She made a frustrated noise before continuing.]

You're only going to worry me more if you keep neglecting yourself like this...

[That wasn't the right thing to say, and she cursed herself for it. He was just going to worry more, and try harder to please her in the way he thought would be best. He'd keep pushing himself and ignoring his own needs. She clenched her teeth, her hands balling into fists against his back.

[ At first Mamoru stiffens a little bit in the grip, like he didn't see it coming. He didn't, after all - maybe he should at this point, considering for how much of a portion of his life Kiraki has already been physical with him, even before they confessed their feelings like this, but at the same time it manages to catch him off guard every single time.

The stiffness only lingers for a moment until the surprise of it ebs away though, and then he shifts a little, pulling his arms out of her death grip carefully so he can wrap them around her back in return. Mamoru certainly will never only be on the receiving side of a hug, that's for sure. ]

It's okay, Kiraki. [ He rubs his hand up and down her back a little bit, like he's trying to calm her. She always reacts so emotionally to everything, but it also means he's always going to worry a little if she isn't just hurting herself. ]

Yes, it hurt a lot back then, but.. it's alright now. [ And he means that, despite the times he just puts up a front so no one will have to worry about him. ] You're right here.. you're not dead.

[ And that means everything right now. ]

That makes me more happy than anything else could.

[She was acting irrational again, and again she was worrying too much. She had never had a very good handle on her emotions. Whatever she was feeling usually was expressed physically, whether through a sudden hug or a fist.
She swallowed and took a breath. Let his familiar scent wash over her.]

I know it's silly now, after we're reunited but I guess I...I just...I wanted nothing more than to hold you then. It was all I could do to not just rush out and tell you that I was alive that I was okay...

But you're right...it's fine now, we're both alive.

[She let out a calming sigh. He was happy, that was fine. That was beyond fine. It was wonderful.]

I interrupted myself again...
[She said, a little embarrassed as she pulled away again. She rotated her body outward to a slightly more comfortable position. Letting her arm fall away as she leaned her head on his shoulder.]
If there's more you want to know, you'll have to keep me on track...
[she giggled a little. She had almost felt erratic all day. Mamoru had always been able to change her mood no matter what. And with everything else, the mood shifts were starting to get exhausting. She thought back to all the information they had shared.]

We didn't have anything like a Messiah switch but... Umie did show up a lot later than the others. Kusatsu and Hasekura were both there before me, and it seemed obvious that they'd be paired up when the time came. I'd had more time to bond with them before Umi arrived. And even then it was a bit rough at first, since I had to learn a whole new way to communicate.

[ It's not like he minds the sidetracking. It's what he's used to from Kiraki. She always jumps straight ahead into something if she gets emotional - he's seen it often enough from when she got into fights when they were little kids, even if it was often just her dealing with some bullies. Happiness, anger, sadness - Kiraki just feels everything very quickly and intensely. Mamoru knows.

He likes it though, which is why he just smiles at her in return, putting his arm over her shoulders as she leans against his shoulder. It's pretty comfortable, just sitting here like this and listening to her prattle on about things in the Convent. Although he's at least making sure to actually listen; this is all important to her, so of course it's important to him too. ]

Still.. you sound like you learned a lot. And you seem like you're getting along pretty well with her by now because of it. [ Even though it can't have been easy, Kiraki - in her own way - helped someone who probably needed the help. Communicated with someone who didn't get the chance a whole lot.

His hand moves up a little to ruffle her hair lightly in their current position. ]

I'm proud of you.

[ But when isn't he, honestly? Kiraki's the best, even her impulsiveness is cute in its own way. And even if it can bring trouble along, well.. they'll just have to deal with that as it comes. ]

Edited 2015-07-23 17:19 (UTC)

[She sighed, frowning slightly.] What are you my mom?

[She said without conviction. Her hand moving across his back to rest on his hip.
In all honestly he was in someways. (and that made her feel a little uncomfortable...considering.) When her mom had been so frequently absent, Mamoru had always been there for her. Going to her soccer games, even bringing her lunches sometimes like a dutiful housewife.
She wanted to support him in return, if she could. But she always felt so inadequate. He always knew exactly what to say or do when someone he loved was upset. Kiraki on the other hand would just shake people until they came to their sense(not always a very effective tactic). Mamoru was constant and unchanging. While she was a volatile unpredictable storm.]

Thank you...Mamoru.

[She said softly, her free hand going to the pendant on her neck once again.]

Say...do you remember...do you remember when you gave this to me?

[She said softly, her eyes losing focus a little as she began to reminisce. She wanted to hear him talk about it though. He had always been so unintentionally romantic with her. Perfectly thoughtful gifts for every occasion. Now that he seemed to have realized his feelings, she wanted to hear it again.]

[ The accusation doesn't seem to bother him too much, especially not when she thanks him after. She can call it momming all she wants, but to him it's just looking after her, in a sense.. besides, it's always been mutually looking out for each other with the two of them, just in different ways. He always made sure Kiraki was feeling okay, and she always made sure to scare off anyone who dared to make fun of him.

He glances to the side to see she means the pendant, even if he doesn't have to see to be able to guess what she's talking about. Of course it'd be that.. she's always treasured it so much. Enough to have it even now, even after she had to cut off all her ties to her former life when she joined Botan.

It makes his chest feel a little warm. ]

Of course.

[ Mamoru always made sure to put a lot of thought into his gifts - he didn't want to ever disappoint anyone with them, after all. ]

It actually took me a lot of time to pick that one.. I mean, they had so many different kinds in the stores, and I really didn't know what you'd like [ "what girls would like", his words almost seem to imply ] so I asked my older sisters about what would be best.

[ .. a slightly awkward laugh leaves him, and his free hand moves up to scratch his cheek a little. ]

Actually, they kept teasing me about buying that for someone.. I didn't really get it. [ Because Mamoru has zero idea of how romantic these kind of things can seem, and yet he kept buying all of that stuff in a row - flowers, chocolates, jewelry, just about any cliche'd present one could think of. ]

[She laughed, leaning up against him a little more.]

With how you acted around me, I'm pretty sure everyone, your family, Takano and everyone at work thought we were dating.

[It had always been fine with her, she was able to survive, thrive even. Despite the fact that they were never officially a couple. She was content knowing that he loved her even without realizing it.]

I know now that you did love me, and you weren't just being nice.

[as if that could have been the case with how thoughtful he had always been.

It was fine, she kept tlling herself. It was fine if they didn't kiss or hold hands and do other coupley things. It was fine wasn't it? Then why was a certain memory pricking in her mind. One that she had thought best to forget, as Mamoru had clearly done the same. It had started to enter her mind when she mentioned going to see him when he grieved in front of her apartment.
There was one particular night when it had become too much, and she had broken one of botan's core rules.
She blushed and jerked away suddenly, sitting up straight and clutching her cheeks. She was supposed to be the more together of the two regarding these things, but she too had more-or-less suppressed it since it was just troublesome most of the time. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to shoo the troublesome thoughts away.]

[ He can't help but frown in thought a little for a moment.. no way everyone had been thinking that, right? Wouldn't they have told him as much if they did? (It's not like they didn't, anyway, stuff like that was implied around them left and right, it's just that Mamoru has been way too oblivious to pick it up any one of those times.) ]

Well, I just..

[ He did love her, but even now, it's sort of weird to think back on it like that. He's about to continue about it, but instead his words end up trailing off like that as she lets out that sound and he glances to the side at her.

Kiraki may be emotional and quick to react in emotional ways, sure, but he's pretty sure this is not really an usual one and there wasn't anything to prompt it either.. he mostly ends up looking a combination of baffled and worried at it. ]

.. Kiraki? What's wrong?

Uh...

[Nothing was wrong per se, she simply had no idea how to tell him. She was almost certain that he would have forced himself to forget it, or have simply chalked it up to a particular vivid wet dream.
But she knew that it had been real. The memories had moved her in their moments of closeness just hours before.
She furrowed her brows, pondering how to answer him.]

This is gonna sound weird but...The was one time, when you were standing outside my apartment uh--[She swallowed.] I broke the rules. I couldn't stand seeing you out there looking so miserable, you could have gotten sick. [She sat up straighter, having to give herself a little confidence. She still couldn't face him.(And she definitely couldn't lie to him)]
And I uh, I brought you inside to help you dry off, even though you couldn't know I was alive and...Well, I think things got...a little out of hand after that...

[Her words were beyond an understatement. With how Mamoru had reacted to her today, she could only imagine how he'd take the revelation. She was worried for some reason. It had been she who initiated it of course. And to this day she still wondered how it had gotten that far]

[ ...

Huh?

It's not that he doesn't remember that, but.. he doesn't get why she's talking about it now. It had all been so weird and surreal back then that he convinced himself that it wasn't real - the morning he woke up naked and alone in her half-empty apartment he just thought that was how wet dreams were supposed to work somehow. (Not like he had ever had another one to be able to compare, after all.) There had been no way Kiraki could have been alive, after all, so it must all have been subconscious wishful thinking that had made him dream about that, so strong that in that dream he and her even..

They even...

God. It was already embarrassing enough when he thought it was just a dream, but now reality is hitting him hard. He really did have sex with Kiraki that night and all this time, he hadn't realised it. He hadn't even thought during all of that, he hadn't been as careful as he normally would have wanted to be -- what if he hurt her, and what if he deflowered her that night (he must have, right, who else could Kiraki have had sex with otherwise?), and what if she didn't like it, and..

Mamoru just sits there staring ahead as if some wires in his head just got disconnected for a few moments, but then he suddenly slumps forward, head dropping into his hands. He did that to her. And now he's just here sitting with her on a bench, here he is having talked to her calmly all this time once the surprise of her being alive wore off slightly, even though all of that happened. What sort of man is he supposed to be? ]

That... that was...

[ Yeah, it's pretty obvious that he chalked it up to his imagination or a dream from the way he's reacting right now, he's in complete shock. Give him a few moments to catch up to it. ]

[She waited a few moments, watching him solemnly. Kiraki's heart sunk a little as even more worried cropped up in her mind. He had been a little hesitant when she talked about him having loved her even back then. Was she wrong then? Was it really just his way of expression the intense platonic affection that he felt for her? If he didn't really feel the same way...she wouldn't put it past him to lie to himself for her sake. Convince himself that's how he felt just for her. It would explain why he was so uncomfortable with physical intimacy, and how he was reacting now.

She reached out a hand to touch his back, but thought better of it. Mamoru was fragile and she knew it. That experience must have been overwhelming and uncomfortable, especially if he really only thought of her as a close and precious friend.

She felt almost a little sick. Mamoru was sentimental and a romantic at heart. That was certainly not how he would have wanted him first time to be, and she had forced his hand, kissing him when he was grieving and vulnerable like he was.]

Mamoru I--I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for it to go that far--You clearly didn't fully realize what was happening, since you still thought I was dead. You probably just thought you were dreaming or hallucinating. I'm sure you would have done differently if you had been fully aware.

[She twisted her hands over her abdomen, looking down as well. She couldn't stand herself at that moment. Always so rash and selfish. She had desired that intimacy with Mamoru for so long, and so she continually just bulldozed right over his feelings. And she couldn't stand the idea of hurting him no matter what.]

[ He can hardly even hear her words at first. He's too caught up in the realisation and shock and guilt of the moment, but then the words slowly manage to catch up to him. And even though he feels terrible and like he's been the worst to her, even though he's so shocked and worried right now, of course Mamoru's mind immediately turns to her instead. She sounds like she's feeling guilty and bad too, and his first instinct is that he has to make sure she doesn't feel that way. Especially not over this. All of it was his fault (of course it gets twisted in his mind to that), so she shouldn't suffer.

Slowly he moves to sit up again, his gaze not quite meeting hers as he struggles to find words. ]

No, I... [ He sucks in a deep breath, losing the words he'd been meaning to say yet again before he starts anew, stumbling over his sentence the entire time. ] I--.. I must've hurt you, and I probably didn't treat you right, or you were..

[ Yeah, it's just not coming out right. He just wants to apologize for it since it was all so unlike the way he is, he just wants her to be alright.

He just wants her to stop looking so sad since it makes him feel like he's falling apart right in front of her too.

Placing his hands carefully, almost nervously on her shoulders, he leans forward a little bit to gently press his lips against her own. It's a very chaste kiss, but it's meant more as a sign of comfort than anything else - it's one of the few expressions of love Mamoru can handle, if not just since he can't think of the right words to comfort her, so maybe he can at least transfer the feeling this way.

Pulling away, he still doesn't move too far away from her face, lingering instead. ]

... I love you, so.. I-.. I wish I hadn't hurt you. I'm sorry.

[Kiraki sighed a little after he kissed her. It was the sign she needed, to hopefully chase her illogical anxiety away. Mamoru did love her. It was just that he didn't express it in the 'normal' way. But that didn't make it any less real. She lifted her hand to caress his cheek, leaning her forehead up against his.]

You didn't hurt me, Mamoru, get that into your head first. All that stuff about a girl's first time needing to be painful is just a myth. You didn't do anything wrong okay? [She managed to push through her own feelings of guilt, her voice re-gaining its usual playful tone.] You know me, if you had hurt me I wouldn't have stood for it. [She cracked a small grin.] You always just try so hard to make sure that I'm okay...

[All she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and kiss him fiercely in return, but she resisted. She was starting to see that they simply had very different comfort zones when it came to these things. ]

I love you too Mamoru. I love you so much. I don't ever want to hurt you either so you need to tell me if I even do something out of line. It's fine if you're not comfortable with something I do. You don't have to feel bad, okay?
[She sighed again, letting her other hand fall to rest on his hip. Her heart felt full to bursting and it was all she could do just to contain herself. She closed her eyes for a moment, a serene smile forming on her face ]

ic; god that was strange to see you again

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god this is so late i'm so sorry

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