mysteries | ic; god that was strange to see you again

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ic; god that was strange to see you again

( puts mamoru being cute here because i can )

[ It's hard for him to understand these sort of things, really. It's easy to see that something is bothering her, but even from her words it's hard to make up just what it is. The fact that he calls her by her last name, apparently, but what's so strange about that? He never called Takano by his first name either, and Kaito is.. well, Kaito. He can't imagine it any other way, even now they're both with the Church.

Does it even change anything about them, whether he calls her Tsushima or Kiraki..? ]

Kaito's different. I've known him since forever. [ Although the fact that Kaito got delusional and became a hikikomori after the whole deal with Haruto certainly cemented the fact that Mamoru could only call him by his first name even further. It was almost a little like he was looking after him, it'd just be weird to switch to calling him Yuuri at any given time then. He doesn't mention that part out loud though, since it's even an awkward topic now Kaito has gotten a lot better about things. ]

I mean..

[ He stops for a moment, letting out a small almost sigh-like noise. Not since he's bothered by what she's saying, but more just that he's bothered at himself. He wants to make her feel better, but he doesn't know how, and he doesn't know what to say - it's the opposite of last time, when what got him annoyed was the fact that she didn't know what to say, or rather didn't want to say anything. ]

.. why does it bother you when I call you like that, Tsushima? [ He doesn't even realise he's doing it again - Mamoru's just a little oblivious like that at times. But his concern is very much genuine, at least. ]

A spark of rage flashes in her mind and that's all that it takes to set her self control a blaze.
She herself had never been very good with words. Always hiding her true feelings behind brash jokes and quips. Too afraid to lay her heart bare.
Even while her emotions were getting the better of her, her years of martial arts training did not abandon her. She slipped off the bed, her knees to the floor, then launched herself forward, barreling straight into his chest, channeling the one time she played rugby in middle school.

She propped her self up above him, hands on each side of his head.

Mamoru. You call me like I'm a stranger, even though i've known you since we were kids. Don't you have idea why that might hurt me?

[Tears began to leak out, as it began to sink in how inexcusable she was acting. There was no way he would be alright like this, he'd hate her for sure; The anxiety racking her brain, was however not enough to stop the words that she wanted to stay.]

It makes me feel like you're keeping me at a distance, and that...really...

[She grimaced. Not waiting for another idiotic response, the words fell out as quickly and sloppily as her tears.

It's because I like you Mamoru. I've been in love with you for as long as I've known you.

[She couldn't meet his eyes anymore. She cursed her rashness, her selfishness, and every time she had ever hurt him. Perhaps, somday, he coul forgive her.]

[ .. Wait, what?!

Mamoru has no idea what's going on the moment she slips off the bed and then suddenly tackles him, forcing him down on his back on the ground with her hovering over him. Sure, he's had training too (doubly so with first Section 4 and then the Church), but Mamoru isn't the type who has his guard up when he's with people he cares about. He cares way too much about his interpersonal relationships to think about that sort of thing. So she can indeed easily tackle him like that, making them end up in their current situation.

But then she starts crying, and he can feel his heart breaking a little at the sight, desperate to stop those tears from spilling further.

But when he tries to speak up, she keeps going on. Her words keep coming, and then she says those words - that she likes him. And not just now, but that she's loved him all along. Even before the mess, even when they worked together, and even before that..

It's nothing he expected, and for a moment he looks like a deer trapped in the headlights of a speeding truck. Kiraki.. likes him? Loves him? But wouldn't he have noticed if it had been for that long already? If that was the case, wouldn't she have told him why she had killed her father so he could have helped her maybe get some form of acquittal?

.. no, it's no time to think about that. He has to deal with this first. He has to deal with her crying, he has to find some way to stop it, since he knows he never wants to see her sad.

He's never thought much about love - more just since he's so damn friendly he's not the type to think beyond that - but he knows he doesn't want to see her cry. He doesn't want to see her suffer. He's always thought she seemed so strong (especially compared to the wimpy bunch of kids they were), that she seemed so bright, like a spark of energy that makes everything around her bathe in light. He knows that there's been so many days that he wished to go back to a time where everything was more simple, where they could all still laugh together - and Kiraki was always included in that, especially since bringing her away to die has always been one of the things that weighed the heaviest on him. ]

I'm...

[ It takes him a moment to get over his shock enough to start talking again, and even then he stops after the first word, shaking his head a little as he tugs the fabric of his coat's sleeve over his hand, reaching up with it to gently wipe at the tears that stream down her face. ]

.. I'm sorry. Again. I guess I really am terrible at telling what you're thinking of sometimes.. [ Now, and before too, with the whole incident with her father - if he had just known, if he had just figured out somehow before it all happened, she might have never had to be this hurt. ]

But-- I never wanted to hurt you. Really. You've always been important to me.

[ That much is true. Even if he never thought in any romantic kind of way since he's oblivious as hell, Kiraki has always, always been an important part of his life. It felt so empty with everyone disappearing one by one - first Haruto's death, then Kiraki's "death".. ]

So don't cry. Instead of wanting to keep you at a distance, I... thinking about it, I've liked you too. [ He smiles up at her. It's true - it's probably what this feeling was all along, but Mamoru is just so terrible at recognizing it's that specifically until he's hit over the head with it. ] .. Kiraki.

[She blinks and holds her breath for a moment. She can’t even remember the last time anyone, let alone Mamoru even called her by her first name.

She leans her face against his hand, and lets a few more sobs out before letting head droop down to rest against his shoulder.
Kiraki had more or less grown up alone. Her mom keeping her alive and away from her father's dirty dealings. As much as her mom loved her, she was away so often that her absence became normal.
Kiraki was supposed to be strong. Stronger than this. She wasn't supposed to be unraveled by worry over whether or not some boy liked her.

But Mamoru wasn't just "some boy”. He was the one who was always there for her. The one who made sure she wasn’t alone. Who helped her and comforted her, no matter how much he was suffering.]

You better not be just saying that, or I’ll kick your ass.
[She whispered without conviction. She tried to resist the joy and relief bubbling in her chest. She didn't dare hope, when things were so bleak.

She moved her head to look at him again, her face now mere centimeters from his.]

Hey, I thought you said we weren’t going to apologize anymore.

[She looks straight down at him, her own breath being caught in her throat as the reality of their current situation started to sink in. At first she had only cared about getting her feelings through to him, but now it seemed that things were approaching a much different borderline. All at once she was thoroughly away of every point where their bodies touched. She didn’t know where this was headed. But she wasn’t afraid to find out.

[ For a moment he just stares at her when she says that - a hint of faint red might be sneaking up on his face right about now because she's so close and she's still straddling him and now he's snapped out of his illusion that this situation isn't romantic at all, it sure is getting embarrassing quickly.

But a moment later a smile works its way on his face even if the blush doesn't fully leave, and a small laugh escapes him. ]

.. ah. You're right.

[ It's all so very much like her. Even though she was crying only a moment ago, she's still acting so very much like herself - threatening to kick his ass, keeping him to every word he says. (It's something he needs, even if he doesn't consciously realise it. Someone who keeps him rooted in the earth.) ]

Then, instead..

[ .. he hesitates for another brief moment, but then his hands work their way up to cup her face instead - and from there on it's hardly any effort to cover the last slight distance between their faces, gently pushing his lips against her own. It's his first time doing this because of how oblivious he is - something that might be pretty lame, and he sure is hoping that he isn't doing something wrong and she's judging him big time for it. But more than that, he just wants to show it to her that he means this, that his words aren't just hollow.

He's had Kaito here with him, and even Ariga and Mamiya weren't bad people. But he doesn't know what it's been like for Kiraki. Had she been feeling lonely? In pain, after everything that happened? Did she even have anyone to rely on - was she getting along with her partner?

Mamoru doesn't know the answer to all of those questions, but at least this way he can show that he is here for her.

(It'll take a little longer to realise just how many problems he's taking upon himself here, considering the rules of Sakura, but he's not thinking about it just yet. His mind is only filled by her at the moment.) ]

[It was still hard for her to believe. Even though she knew how oblivious he was. How could her just turn on a dime like that? Perhaps it was that he wasn't stupid after all. They had been friends for so long, and so it really wasn't much of a leap.

She did her best to restrain herself at first. Not wanting to scare him off. Because, as far as she knew, this was his first kiss.
And as far as he knew, this was hers. So in that light, it was entirely possible that he also had some romantic history that he was hiding. It still didn't seem that likely to her.

Despite the guilt and conflicted emotions that lingered after her own first kiss, she used that experience to do better this time. She kissed him back gently, pressing her chest flush against his.

She had been lonely. There was no hiding that. Her Messiah Umie was reliable and a very good friend. But her own circumstances left Kiraki in the position of protector and caretaker. While Umie had expressed to her many times how she wanted to help Kiraki in exchange, Kiraki couldn’t bring herself to unload her own problems on such a deeply troubled and arguably much more lonely person than herself.

She knew Mamoru well, and so was almost certain that this was how things were with Kaito at this time. She wondered if his mental state had improved. He was still deep in hallucinations and isolation when she was forced to leave them. The only traces of him she had found were his attempts to crack the Section 5 mainframe networks.]

Mamoru...

[she whispered against his lips. There was so much more she wanted to say to him, but there would be plenty of time for talking later. She kissed him again, and moved her shoulders to be level with his. Her hips drag against his and she felt more and more heat ignite between them. This was completely new and different. This was foreign and unknown, but she didn't mind. Because it was Mamoru, and they were in this strange and desperate place together.]

[ There's something weird about this. Not bad, definitely not bad, since he can't think of her presence right there, her body heat against his own, as a bad thing. But even so, he can feel more and more blood started to rush to his cheeks - and to other areas, which is the main cause of all of it. Even if it's just an innocent sort of grind right against his crotch, he can still start to feel the most awkward boner forming, and it's not really anything Mamoru is used to.

The way she whispers his name and kisses him again certainly doesn't help it either, even if he kisses her in return as well, their lips moving against each other. He likes it, but it's all going so fast and he's starting to feel more than just a little bit light-headed, the cold floor still pressing hard against his back. The chill seeps right through his uniform, and the moment her lips leave his own again for a moment, he uses the opportunity to softly start to mumble. ]

Kiraki-- Nn, just a second..

[ Just a second to get all his thoughts in row again, to slow this down a little bit before it escalates even further right here on the floor of his room. He doesn't even want to think of Kaito accidentally walking in on it (or any of the others, really, but with that particular case there's about 15 different awkward layers mixed in, some he doesn't even know about).

His hands move to her shoulders for a moment, and then slide down the sides of her arms, indicating that it's not some sort of full on rejection - Mamoru's just delicate, okay, he doesn't know how to deal with this so quickly, and it shows in just how red his cheeks are. ]

Let's get up and talk first, okay..? I mean-- there's a lot.

[ About that time when he found her next to her father's corpse, for one. About all the events after between the two of them. About everything that happened after that, that caused him to end up here - it hasn't even been that long, but it feels like ages, just with how much his life had been turned upside down. ]

[She didn't want to stop, god, she didn't want to stop. But, at that moment, there was something far more important than how long(and so badly) she had wanted him. She stopped, looking him in eyes before letting her eyelids droop closed. She rested her forehead against his briefly trying to catch her breath.]

Okay, you are not wrong after all.

[She begins to prop herself up on her knees, still breathing heavily as she tried to calm the rampant thought in her mind.
He was not wrong. He so very rarely was. It was unfair of her to even suggest something like this, given their situation. But, the thrill and relief, that he did really like her back, (want her, too) it made her heart race even faster.

She rolls off of him, and tries to clamber back on to his bed to sit. But instead she just kinda curls up at the foot of his bed, still wrestling with her thoughts.]

I am sure that...you still have some questions, and...some reasons to distrust me, given the last time we saw each other.

[She grips at the sides of her face as more thoughts race in to her head. She was so desperate to kiss him, almost in order to try and wipe out the memories of her first kiss. But now they simply blurred together in chaos.

She loved Mamoru so much, at yet he wasn't her first. She wanted to protect mamoru so much, and yet she had hurt him. She brings her fingers to her lips, wondering after the heat that lingered there. But...he had kissed her first. {he kissed me first.} She latched on to that thought to keep her anxiety away. The flush on her cheeks didn't fade, and her heart rate didn't seem like it would slow down either.]

As away.

[ It's almost like she seems to retreat with the way she moves up and then to sit there, all curled up - it's a complete contrast from the way she was pressed so tightly against him a moment ago (something he definitely is trying to not think too much about at the moment, since the last thing he needs during a serious talk is for an awkward boner to keep up), almost like she's distancing herself, almost disappearing.

And Mamoru won't have that. Especially since he can get people despite his obliviousness, and it's why he knows that she seems somewhat hurt. Maybe she misinterpreted his need to talk a little more first - especially with the way she's talking about distrusting her, as if he'd ever do that to begin with, so all he has to do is reassure her.

He slowly gets up from the floor and moves over to the bed instead, sitting down right next to her - so close that their sides are pressed against each other, maintaining the contact between them. ]

I don't distrust you. [ Let's get that out of the way first, he figures, and he still smiles a little as he glances to the side, towards her. ] Even though we found you like that, it's not like I distrusted you. Even though I still don't know why it happened, you're not a bad person.

[ Of course she's not. She's always been energetic and cheerful to a point where it's almost like you're being bulldozered by her. But Mamoru likes it, and it's why he's never thought badly of her. ]

I just kept asking you why you did it since.. I wanted to help you. You've always been important to me, so I didn't want it all to have to end up like that when there could've been a way for me to help you if I just knew what happened. [ But even then - the entire time she had stubbornly refused to even talk about it in the slightest. ]

[she can't help but lean up against him when he sits next to her. His warmth a welcome respite from the typhoon inside her.
No matter what she did. No matter how badly she messed up. Mamoru never once got cross or upset with her.
The only exception being in the interrogation room after he and Takano had arrested her. She had never seen him so upset and frustrated.
But now, his voice was calming and reassuring. She didn't even need to look at him for his gentleness to caress her heart.
She needed to put him at ease. Assure him that none of it was his fault. Even if, when he learned the whole truth, he might think that even more. ]

Mamoru, there was nothing that you could have done. My father had connections to the Alliance. They were going to make sure that I didn't get away with it. Especially since I undoubtedly held information that could be vital to them.

[she pressed her chin between her knees]

Mochizuki took an interest in my case. She faked my death and arranged for my "execution" in order to get the Alliance off my tail.

[Mamoru knew all about she and her mother had been in hiding most of her life. She had discovered later on that Kiraki Tsushima wasn't even her real name. That kind of information can set off an existential crisis in anyone.
She kept her lips pressed shut. Not ready to spill everything yet. She was so afraid of how he would react.

[ In a sense he gets it. There really was nothing he could have done if it was set up like that. He knows how people end up here in section 5 - it's not as if it didn't happen to him either, although he was dragged in in a different way. But all of them.. Kaito too, Mamiya and Ariga doubtlessly too. You don't just simply end up here, and Kiraki's case is certainly dramatic enough for it. To have all that arranged just so she could escape the Alliance..

And of course he wouldn't have known what happened to her then. Of course he just thought she was dead, because that's what happened to people who were spirited off to this place. To the outside world, they were gone. Dead. As if they never existed, sometimes.

(Briefly he thinks of Takano, still somewhere out there, who didn't have to endure it just once, but twice. It had already been bad enough after Kiraki was "executed", but now he disappeared on him too -- he tries to swallow down the thought, since he has to focus on her right now, but it still makes his stomach turn with guilt.) ]

Even so...

[ He swallows, shaking his head briefly. ]

I didn't know. [ Of course. ] And..

[ This is the part he's not so sure about - and he only realises that fact when he opens his mouth, so he stays like that for a second before he speaks on. ]

You.. didn't know either. [ That's what he thinks. There's no way Kiraki could have known, right? Back when she killed her father, back in that interrogation room, back when they brought her personally to the place she would die. All that time, she couldn't already have known, right? Even though that was one of the worst and most emotional times of his life-- ] .. Right? Or was that why you didn't want to tell me anything back then?

I...

[she bit her lip,]

I didn't know, not at that time. I didn't know that I wasn't being executed. I thought I was going to die as much as you did. Mochizuki had met with me before, but she made sure to tell me exactly how hopeless my situation was. It wasn't until after they took me in. I...they even took me to the room, strapped me down, and gave me an injection. But, it didn't kill me. When I woke up...I was in the Convent.

[There was still more she needed to tell him. It burned at her tongue, like acid down her trait when she tried to swallow.]

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you anything. I didn't tell you why I did it. Even if you couldn't do anything...you deserved to know the truth.

[It was painful, she didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to think about everything that had driven her to that point.]

They...they tried to plead my case as self-defense, but that wouldn't have worked because that wasn't the case.

[she balled her fists in front of her, her whole body starting to tremble a little.]

I...I attacked him first.

Edited 2015-06-17 20:29 (UTC)

[ He can only imagine how horrible it must have been. Being taken all the way there, even to the point where she really must have thought she was going to die when she was sat into that chair and got injected until everything went black. He abandoned her to that, Mamoru thinks. It's his fault. It immediately goes through his mind.

But he knows that they promised that they wouldn't feel guilty anymore, that they'd try to get better. So instead of lingering on the thought, his hand moves forward until he can rest it on top of one of her fists, softly moving his thumb across the skin - hoping it's at least a slight bit comforting for her in the middle of this difficult story. He couldn't be there for her back then, not all the way, but he's definitely here now. And Mamoru just knows he doesn't want to let go of her like that again.

But what she says then.. it's not enough for him to draw back his hand, but he definitely looks confused. ]

You first..?

[ Even if he hadn't been told the reason, he did think it had to be self-defense. Every single sign pointed towards it not being like that, but what other reason would Kiraki have to do such a thing? Sure, the way she lived in hiding with her mother couldn't have been easy, but.. even so, Kiraki wasn't the person who would kill someone only over that, right? Not when he's always known her as a kind person.

But it sounds like this time she's actually willing to talk - so he doesn't press further than that, doesn't assume anything. He's just listening, waiting for her to speak on. The words are more of a verbal nudge than anything else. ]

[It felt like her chest was caving in itself. It was almost hard to breathe. When his hand met her skin, it was contact that she desperately craved, but also thought she didn't deserve.

She took in a sharp intake of breath. Even though he said so little, the tone of his voice told him everything that he feared.
He didn't think that she was capable of killing.
Before she could speak, the hand he touched sprang open and just as quickly latched on to his hand. Her arm trembelling as she held on. The same desperate, primal grip from before.]

I know...I was supposed to wait. I was just a narc, I wasn't an Ace. I wasn't even authorised for lethal weaponry yet...
But...
He...

[she swallowed.]

I wasn't in any danger, he didn't threaten me.

[she took a deep breath, her voice already thick and shaking.]

Mamoru. He knew about you. He knew that he could use you to hurt me. He didn't just say that he'd kill you...he went on and on, telling me exactly what he would do to make your life a living hell before you died.

[tears began to fall again. It was a wonder she had any left.]

All I had to do was come back to him and join his family but I...my mind went blank. I just remember thinking. "I can't let that happen to Mamoru." And seemingly the next moment...

[Clearly her training had kicked in. She had shot him once in the leg, and then in the back of the head moments after. She could have just shot him in the forehead, but it would have taken longer for her gun to get into position. Usually the tactic she used was for high-stakes interrogation. But not in her case.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to face him or even begin to predict his response. Her heart ached so much that she doubted there was anything that could make it worse.]

Edited 2015-06-18 02:49 (UTC)

[ This wasn't any of the options he could even vaguely have considered.

She did attack him first - she did kill him without personally being threatened. But instead, the reason she did it.. was him. Because he was being threatened, because she loved him and he didn't even know, he didn't even realise all this time. Even so, she still killed for his sake. She got arrested for his sake (by him, nonetheless), she got interrogated for his sake (where he got so emotional and frustrated because he just wanted to know and help her but she didn't tell him exactly because he was the reason, he was the reason and he never even knew), she was taken away for execution for his sake, she thought until the very end that she was being killed.

All for him. All because of him.

The guilt hits him as a wave of nausea, and his eyes lose focus for a moment. It's all because of him that she's suffered, it's all because of him that she ended up here instead of still being able to live at least a semi-normal sort of life. He knows that they said they would stop being sorry, stop feeling guilty, but how can he do that when he knows this? He completely messed up the life of someone so important to him, and he never even knew.

How can he even begin to make up for something like that? There's no way, right?

Mamoru doesn't say anything yet. His hand just wrestles itself from her grip (it's pretty hard, considering just how strong she can be, especially at times like these), and instead he tightly wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, not even leaving an inch of distance between the two of them.

His head drops onto her shoulder, his face burying itself there.

(He didn't get it back then. When he watches Kaito cry over Haruto's death, bending himself over that photo, shedding so many tears and saying over and over that it was his fault, while it wasn't at all, even though Mamoru told him to stop blaming himself - he gets it now. When someone you care about so much gets so hurt and you couldn't stop it, no matter how impossible it would have been for you to do anything to begin with.. of course you blame yourself. Of course you feel like shit.

It's all his fault.)

His throat suddenly feels really tight, and his eyes start to water up, he can feel it. Mamoru doesn't want her to see him cry since he's already made her feel bad enough, he's sure, so he makes sure to try and muffle it away into her uniform. His fingers dig into the fabric on her back.

He doesn't even say anything - what can he say? Nothing can make up for this. Nothing at all. Not to mention his voice would give away the fact that he's crying, so he just sits there instead, tightly clinging onto her. ]

[She didn't know what she expected. She could never have imagined this. Of course though, it was so like him. He wouldn't blame her for any of it. Not for staying silent, not even for pulling to trigger. He had come to rescue her when her father kidnapped her. How was he to know that she would break regulation and the law? He did his job and escorted a criminal to the security facility. What would he have done if he had told her then? Would it have been any better? He was so devastated he couldn't even speak. Her heart dropped to the floor when he violently wrenched his hand away. She didn't even realise how tight she had been holding again.

But instead he held her. He held her so closely, so desperately that it almost moved her to tears again.

She felt him tremble and heard his sobs beginning to form. He was crying, she never wanted to see him like this, but a small part of her was relieved. She knew that he had been holding so much suffering deep in his heart for so long. There was nothing she could say to comfort him at that moment.

She pulled her arms around him. Cradling him. One hand on the back of his head, the other stroking his back.
What was done was done. She couldn't stop him from grieving over the suffering of a loved one. She couldn't stop it. Could she even help him? Was her touch like this even enough to comfort him? When he saw her very existence here as proof of his failings?

He was so weak from sorrow that she was able to sway him to the side. Their legs still hanging over the side of the bed made it difficult and slightly uncomfortable to stay like that. She guided him backwards to lie down on the bed, her staying close by his side.

She didn't let go and let him continue to muffle his tears against her collar. She held him tightly, continuing to rub his back, stroke his hair, doing everything she possibly could to to try and calm him. She leaned back so that he splayed across her chest. She kicked off her boots and grabbed one of his legs with her ankles to pull him fully on the bed with her.

She couldn't stop him for blaming himself. Even if she hadn't killed her father like she did. Wouldn't Mamoru still be dragged in to Sakura the way he was? Then she would live without knowing that he was still alive. She would never want that. She would take this suffering over and over a million times over before she lived in a world without him.
He was alive, he was here, that was all that mattered.

[ He's not used to this. Usually he's always the caretaker, one way or another. Takano had tried to help him out, sure, but with them it was always more of an equal thing where they mutually tried their best for each other. But with Kaito, Haruto, even Ariga back when he was his temporary Messiah.. it always turned with Mamoru looking out for other people rather than anyone looking out in this sense for him. Not that he ever minded, it was just the way things were. It was the way he liked things, being able to take care of others and help them out feels like it's his role in life.

But right now that table is completely turned over. Here he is, lying on the bed and sobbing against her, Kiraki's hand trailing through his hair like a mother comforting its child. (Maybe this situation is not that surprising in that sense - Kiraki has always been a little bit like that, even if it was never really needed with Mamoru. She had always been the type to help out others and comfort them-- and protect them by kicking some ass, on top of it. Even when they were younger.)

It doesn't feel fair that she's trying so hard to comfort him when he's the one that did her wrong, but he's too emotional to really try and properly protest against it. The touch is just a little too nice and his chest a little too tight and..

Mamoru tries to steel himself. He has to be a little stronger than this - he has way too much to make up to her, he has way too many things to set right. He can't just remain here like a child when that's never been his role in life.

Slowly the trembling of his shoulders stops a little bit, his breath hitching a few last times before he tries to suck in a deeper breath once more. He lifts his face a little bit, enough to be able to at least look her in the eyes, no matter how red and puffy his own still might be from the way he was crying just now. ]

I.. from now on, I'll protect you, Kiraki. [ No matter how. It doesn't help that they're stuck with an even more dangerous job than Section 4 had ever been, and there's the rule that you aren't allowed to be friends or lovers with anyone but your Messiah, but-- he can't just let this slide. No matter how secretive he'll have to be about it, he just can't give her up like that, not after hearing this.

It's the only thing he can do to make up for all of it, after all.

He uncurls one hand from the fabric of her coat, moving it up to his face to rub his cheeks dry. ]

I won't let you suffer like that anymore.. I-- I promise.

She looked at him, her lips pressing into a thin line. She didn't break eye contact, and took a hold of the hand he brought to his face. She folded her fingers around his and closed her eyes briefly to collect her thoughts. Her right hand remained in his hair, knotting there as she concentrated. She took the hand that she held and pressed it to her lips. She kissed the back of her fingers, leting them linger against her lips before letting them rest against her collar bone.

Mamoru, you aren't always going to be able to protect me.

[She said this with a confident serenity in her voice. One of certainty and conviction.]

You're only human. You're going to mess up and fail sometimes.

But no matter what, none of that is going to make me stop loving you. You don't have to make anything up to me. All I need is...

[She took tis hand and placed it against her cheek.]

All I need is you alive and here with me. As long as it is in your power. I just want you to be by my side, and I'll be by yours, okay?
[What little control over her voice she had began to break down. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her face against the crown of his head. Willing her self not to cry anymore.]

[ It's hard for him to just accept that. Sure, there's a part of Mamoru that's down to earth enough to realise that she's right, but there's a much larger idealistic part of him that just wants to do absolutely everything he can to protect the people important to him, to make as much people as he can happy, one way or another.

He doesn't want to think about that right now. Not now, not while the revelation of the reason why Kiraki killed her father is still raw enough in itself. He needs a moment to deal with that first, and maybe then he can move on to more.

Moving a little on the bed, Mamoru manages to pull himself fully onto it to a spot where he can lie there more comfortably. Rolling onto his side, he finds a position where he can lie there while holding her, resting his forehead against her own. ]

.. Alright. I'll promise that then. [ Because it's not like he wouldn't have done the same even if he didn't promise - he certainly doesn't want Kiraki to have to be on her own after she liked him for so long and he didn't even realise, after she went through so much just because of him. ] As long as I can, I'll keep living, and I won't let go of you.

[ .. metaphorically, that is.

Although he certainly doesn't have any qualms with how comfortable it is to be lying here together, to feel the way she fits so nicely in his arms. ]

[Her face bloomed into a smile at long last. Her heart beginning to feel with a little more joy than pain. She had always been protective, but she never thought of her on the same level as Mamoru because she was so violent. Her first instinct had always been to beat up anyone who hurt her friend. (especially when she found out that Haruto had been bullied for years. She showed no mercy than) She probably shouldn't have been surprised that her instincts had lead to this. Murdering a man in cold blood. The worst part was is that she knew she would do it again in a second. ]

[She gave a dry laugh]

Well that's lucky, since I plan on doing the same.

[Perhaps she should just let him feel guilty, let him feel the pain. She couldn't just tell him to change how he felt. There was going to be more hardships to come. Sneaking around this organization since there was no way that they could stay apart now.]

It still hurt, but lying like this with him, was more than enough to make her able to bear the pain.

She kept her ankles wrapped around his lower leg, nudging him towards her so he was as close as he possibly could be. She placed a hand on his left hip, flipped his uniform coat out of the way so his leg could straddle her thigh. Not caring how close was too close at this point. Her hand rubbed circle absentmindedly on his upper thigh. She meant to be comforting, but she herself could be strangely oblivious in certain situations as well.]

[ There's some relief that they've at least been able to get over the worst of the issue. Even if there's still edges to it that'll sting both of them, it's at least no longer a secret hanging heavily inbetween both of them. They both know now, so they can both slowly start to work it out together somehow too - one way or another.

.. except there's a whole different problem coming up. Again, actually. Because no matter how innocently Kiraki might mean the gesture, there's no way even someone as oblivious as Mamoru can stop what it does to his body. With their legs entangled like that, the two of them pressed so close together, her hand running over his pants without the uniform in the way.. he can even feel her chest pressing against his own. It's not bad, and it's warm, but it's a little too warm and he doesn't know how to deal with it this quickly.

He doesn't move, but his body does squirm a little under her touch.

(God, she's so pretty too, up close like this - or he thinks so, anyway. Did he just never pay real attention to it before? ]

Kiraki..

[ It's not even a real protest. It's just him mumbling her name, sucking in a breath as he tries to deal with the current situation. He keeps holding onto her with one arm, lightly carressing the skin of her cheek with the other - maybe in an attempt to try and ignore the awkward tightness he can start to feel forming down in his pants. ]

[The way he says her name, a little bit of tension causing his voice to waver just a little. He's so close that every deep timbre of his voice seemed to reverberate through her. And even better, it was her name that fell from his lips.

She looks into his eyes. Warmth and love tinted with just a little uncertainty.

She was aware of their situation, and knew how futile anything of this nature was. But she was feeling just a little selfish. He wasn't pushing her away, he still clung on to her, even though she could feel his situation intensifying against her thigh.
She just wanted a little more. At the very least work on getting their god-forsaken uniforms off. They were tolerable at best but at their worst (at that moment) the stiff fabric just felt like it was suffocating her.]

Mamoru...

[She changed the rhythm of her strokes against his thigh, her hand across his hip before trailing it up his chest to his collar. She tugged at her own zipper as an invitation. Then in one motion she pressed her lips against his and started pulling his zipper down, slowly as not to overwhelm him. She kept her kiss gentle, and her motions subtle. She loved him, she didn't want to scare him. ]

Edited 2015-06-19 08:23 (UTC)

[ The combination of the sudden feeling of her lips on his once more combined with her tugging on the zipper of his uniform immediately makes a surge of.. well, Mamoru doesn't quite know what it is, but it sure makes something surge through him. Her kiss seems to have a distinct sort of flavor to it that he didn't think kisses would have - maybe it's a taste that belongs only to Kiraki, even though he doesn't exactly have comparison material (and is plenty fine with not having any, honestly).

It all feels a little overwhelming, but there's something so soft and gentle and genuine about her movements and the touch of her lips that he can't exactly reject any of it. It feels nice. Kiraki may be a lot like a waterfall that suddenly crashes down on you (she always has been, really, not even just in this aspect), but it's a very nice and warm kind of water, he thinks. It's why his lips easily start to move along to hers, and he lets her hand do what it wants to his uniform, closing his eyes.

His own hand wanders a moment later to find her zipper as well - just letting her do this and doing nothing in return is something Mamoru would never be able to let himself live with. But since he's still trying to focus on the kiss with his eyes closed, his hand definitely ghosts right across her breast over her uniform for a moment, making the blush on his cheeks flare up once more before he finally manages to latch onto the zipper itself.

That totally wasn't awkward, okay. He's a pro at this, clearly. (A lot of genuinity goes into it, though.) ]

[She grinned against his lips as she felt his hand brush across her chest. Although she certainly liked taking the lead, she didn't want him to just lie there like he was tolerating it, she needed that response. Feeling his lips respond to her caused the faint throbbing sensation below her abdomen to increase. She barely knew any more than he did. All she knew was how to keep their teeth from scraping together. (and how to keep someone from cutting their lip on the other's teeth like what had happened last time.)

He was warm and soft, and just so gentle that it put a distinct yearning in her heart. somehow despite all of the hardship he had been forced to endure. No matter what happened to him, he never became calloused, his heart was always open and trusting. Everything about him made her want to protect him, to make sure that nothing in the world could ever corrupt or harm him. He was still beautiful, with hope that things would always work out in the end.

With his zipper finally undone, she let her hands trail lingeringly over the thin fabric of his shirt. While he certainly still had his baby face, years working in Section 4 had left him hardened in other ways. She placed her hands against his collar bones gently caressing and pushing his coat off his shoulders. Not wanting to go too fast so that he could still catch up. She hoped that he could infer that everything she was doing to him, she wished he'd do for her. She adjusted her position, arcing her back and making room for him to respond. Her hands caressed his shoulders and she let out a little moan before breaking briefly for air. Letting her eyes flutter open to see his face.]

[ Mamoru doesn't realise it, but he's just gaping at her for a moment. The moment Kiraki breaks contact just enough for both of them to take a breath, moves away just enough to see his face, Mamoru's mouth is definitely just hanging open for a moment. Her hand moving across his shirt, their legs still completely entangled, that moan against his lips.. how is he supposed to react any other way to that? It's already enough to try wrapping his mind around the fact that he's lying here so close to her on the bed - that he's doing this with Kiraki, a girl he thought was dead only a little while ago. A girl he used to laugh and joke with, who he had dinner together with plenty of times, who was always like a bright light in his life -- had he already been feeling this way for her all this time?

The thought passes through his mind as he finally moves to start unzipping her coat as well, pushing it off her shoulders a little already when it's open a bit before tugging on the zipper more. But the more he opens it, the more he suddenly realises what she's wearing under her coat. He figured it'd just be something fairly normal like he's wearing under it, not something so.. tight.

Not to mention the point he realises it is when his hands are already moving across her waist. Mamoru sure doesn't pull back his hands, but it might be more because he's frozen like a deer in the headlights of a truck than because he's just instantly okay with this situation. And with both of their eyes open, it's very likely she'll notice the way his face turns red once more. ]

Kiraki, you're..

[ .. wearing.. that..?? Under your coat??? ?? HOw does he dEAL???

Apparently today is just awkward boner day for Mamoru. All the way. Nothing could make this worse. (If only he knew.) ]

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yuurikaito - 2015-06-20 19:03 (UTC) - Expand

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