mysteries | ic; peel the scars off my back, i don't need them anymore

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ic; peel the scars off my back, i don't need them anymore

( leaves ryo and kento here since i can tbh )

[ Despite the incident being over fairly quickly, the aftermath took quite a while. After all, it's already enough of a miracle to survive taking that many bullets - although the operation was succesful, Eiri didn't wake up just like that right after it. It took a while, actually. Days of Haku spending every free moment he had in the infirmary to the point where the nurse was driven just about nuts by the fact he was always there. Whenever he didn't have class or training (it's not like he could have missions without his Messiah there, after all) he was there. Well, and he wasn't there while he slept. Sometimes, anyway, since there were the times when he just plainly fell asleep in the seat near Eiri's bed, or flopping over onto the bed with his cheek covered by wrinkly marks from the sheets in the morning. Sometimes Shuusuke was there too, and later on Souma, when the other guy recovered from his own injuries from the time he was kidnapped as well.

But mostly it was just Haku. Waiting for the person most important to him.

Just Haku and Eiri's body, still alive, but so unlike Eiri. Not loud and flailing and moving and just full of energy, but quiet and lying there motionless and while Haku can't help but think a little fondly of the irony that Eiri of all people is being quiet for once, it's getting a little old after a few days. Please wake up. (Especially when the whispers start in the hallways, when they say that maybe Eiri didn't make it after all, when they say that of course it's the jinx.)

But the worst doesn't happen. Eiri wakes up, and after a few days he's just fine, as if he wasn't shot with multiple bullets. Surviving the impossible like some weird sort of cockroach.

And Haku? Well, he feels lighter than he ever has. Sure, he now knows what his older brother is up to and that it's nothing good, and he did get away, but.. he doesn't feel as worried about everything anymore. He doesn't feel weighed down by that word anymore - jinx. Because Eiri is the one who broke through that. Because Haku chose to believe in him, even against all odds.

And now? Things are more or less back to normal. Eiri complained about the exponentionally expanded pile of empty candy boxes in their room when he returned to it after being let out of the infirmary, and they bicker - but it's less of something Haku feels like he has to do now, to keep Eiri safe and not too close to him, and more something that's just grown natural between the two of them.

It's why Haku smiles as he carries the last of Eiri's stuff that had been in the infirmary while he recovered once he woke up back into their room - and genuinely so, genuinely happy, not just something he's exaggerating or putting up anymore. ]

You really are something. [ He looks at the other sitting on the bed, dumping the stuff right on there next to him as he says it. ] If I didn't know any better, I'd say nothing happened to you to begin with.

[ Hey, most people don't survive taking four or five bullets in rapid succession, okay. ]

Edited 2015-02-08 11:24 (UTC)

[Getting shot sucks. Unfortunately, it's something that Eiri has gotten remarkably good at. Two separate occasions, totaling up to nine bullet wounds on his small body. Frankly, he shouldn't even be alive. He shouldn't have survived that first time, but here he is, still kicking and waiting for whatever life throws at him next.

He sincerely hopes getting shot again is not in the plans.

Because even though he's out of the infirmary now, he's still in a little bit of pain. They couldn't keep him bedridden for long anyway, owing to Eiri's personality in general and also because the amount of traffic they receive on a weekly basis is kind of astounding. The moment he could function well enough on his own was the moment he got shunted back to his and Haku's room. He's glad for it, though. The infirmary is too quiet and sterile, too ominous. At least back in their room, the clutter taking up all of Haku's side (and what seems like half of Eiri's now), everything is familiar and...warm. This is a room that's lived in. Yeah, others have been in here before Eiri, but it's his now and he intends to keep it that way.

Yes. His side of the room with his bed and his stuff and Haku's trash.

...No. He takes one of the empty candy boxes that has somehow migrated to his bed and tosses it onto Haku's, right as the other man walks back in with some of Eiri's belongings. He doesn't miss that smile gracing his lips.]

I have to get back to that point anyway. Who else is gonna babysit you?

[He turns to the pile of stuff that Haku has unceremoniously dumped beside him. Some clothes, some books, nothing that Eiri even remembers using while he was recovering. He frowns and looks up - and up - at Haku.]

And if I didn't know any better, it'd seem like you were trying to get rid of me.

[He crosses his arms over his chest - loosely, due to the whole sore thing - and haughtily looks away.]

Punk.

[ .. yeah.

Good old Eiri again. Acting like the smartass he thinks he is - but even a word like that would just be used fondly by Haku. Eiri's pretty obnoxious in his own ways, but Haku doesn't really mind. At this point he's gotten used to the way Eiri is, and the room has felt much too quiet the past while as he was still being treated in the infirmary.

This is the way it's supposed to be. His Messiah is supposed to be there, being loud and being full of himself, pretending that this babysitting is only going one way.

(Okay, so maybe it mostly goes one way, but Haku knows how to be responsible and the adult in some situations. Sometimes. Really!) ]

I had to leave all of it somewhere. And it's not like anyone protested.

[ The real reason probably has to do with the fact that he has to surround himself with even more of the familiar junk to keep himself feeling even slightly comforted - but who has to talk about that, right? It doesn't matter now. Eiri did wake up, just like Haku kept believing in, and now he's back. And having Eiri there is a lot more valuable than a heap of empty boxes, even if it just means the other is going to whine about the amount of it to no ends again. Just like usual.

He leans down a little -- okay, a lot to be on an even level with the sitting Eiri, faces-wise. ]

Nice to see you again too, Eiri. [ He makes it sound like it's just another moment of teasing tone-wise, but there's something about the smile on his face that makes it seem surprisingly genuine. Not like words can really express just how damn relieved he feels that everything turned out the way it did instead of having another Messiah added to the body count.

But maybe he should've realised that Eiri was different from the start. ]

Naisu da.

I would've protested.

[If he had been, you know, conscious.

But really, Haku, going through all his stuff and carting it around from room to room. That's just rude.

As is making an obvious show of having to bend down. It's not Eiri's fault he's not abnormally tall! Okay, so Eiri's used to it by now, too, but he still can't resist the urge to reach out and lightly shove against Haku's chest. But he also laughs a little bit.]

You think everything's nice, you weirdo.

[Eiri can't really disagree, though. It's nice to be back here and back with his Messiah (though he won't say that out loud again any time soon) because this is just how things are supposed to be. It's his life now and he's going to try his hardest to protect it.

To protect Haku.

Higayama got away, but surely he knows that Haku isn't such an easy target. Which puts Eiri in more danger, but hasn't he proven he can take it? He doesn't want to (see: getting shot above), but he can't stand to see Haku in that state he had been in before. The way he had just shut down and stopped caring completely. Haku had become a shell and nothing else.

Never again. Not when the Haku he's seeing now is the Haku he knows is the real one, with a smile he doesn't have to hold back. This is his Messiah.

...Eiri will keep him.]

[ Being called a weirdo hardly fazed him by now, and the light shove only manages to move him slightly. He's used to the latter from Eiri - the former too, really, but after having beaten the one word that defined him for so many years now, he can't feel bad at being called anything else anymore.

He really is in a strangely good mood, huh..? But then again, maybe Eiri is too, if he's not taking the first opportunity out of the infirmary to start yelling at him again. He's been acting a little haughtily annoyed about the mess, sure, but no Eiri explosions in true fashion just yet.

Haku knows they will come again eventually. Somehow they always manage to fall back into place sooner or later, the two of them. It's how they're still here now, even if by all definitions of logical cause and effect Eiri should have died back there. (He's glad that didn't happen, though.)

Because his chest feels oddly warm, and he feels so happy.. not that he was particularly sad all the time these past years, but.. it just felt like there was always something tugging him down. Some sort of fear, maybe of loss, maybe of abandonement. Whenever he almost felt the way he does now, it were exactly those fears that dragged him right back. But it was Eiri who helped overcome them. He was the one who reached out to Haku when he was stuck in the deepest depths of his own despair and pulled him back with his own hands.

.. maybe he understands it now. Why that rule about Sakura members not being allowed to have friends of lovers is there. It's since he can't imagine feeling closer or more connected to anyone than the guy in front of him right now.

Friends probably isn't the right word, neither is lovers.. Eiri is just that. His Messiah.

And even though he knows he's risking another yelling fit while doing this, Haku honestly can't hold himself back when he's in this sort of rare warm mood. It's not really whimsical, nor really teasing - okay, maybe a bit of both, but not as much as it would usually be.

Because along with both of those, there's a great sense of warmth mixed in as well as he leans a little bit further towards Eiri, briefly pressing his lips on top of the other's before pulling back a bit again. ]

.. Maybe you're right. That was pretty nice too. [ Oh, come on, you gave him the full opportunity for that one. ]

[...Okay.

Okay!

That whole internal monologue about how Eiri will keep Haku? Yeah, that was real sweet, wasn't it? But you know what else is sweet?

NOT GETTING KISSED BY HAKU.

So naturally that's what Haku does, even if it was a tiny, inconsequential peck, but this is Eiri, we're talking about, and anything even remotely ridiculous is suddenly turned up to eleven. But since Haku is pretty much always an eleven, this is basically ramped up to a twelve on the ridiculous scale and Eiri has not been out of the infirmary long enough to deal with this shit right away. Then again, he's not sure he'd be ready regardless of how much time out of the infirmary he'd have, but that's beside the point.

Instead Eiri just stares back at Haku for a very quiet few seconds, eyes wide and mouth hanging partially open, before it all catches up and - ]

HAKU!

[Don't mind that voice crack, it's normal. ~~You can take the boy out of puberty but you can't take puberty out of the boy...~~

And it sinks in further, that Haku just kissed him, so Eiri does the next most reasonable and mature thing and flops over on his bed, grabs his pillow, and presses it over his face.

Cue muffled screaming.]

[ He probably should have seen this coming.

It's not like he isn't still used to Eiri, after all. This is what Eiri is like. Eiri is loud and he flips out at the smallest things in the biggest ways - and Haku knows it very well. Of course he does, how else would he get so good at pushing all of his Messiah's buttons whenever he feels like it?

But even so, maybe he didn't expect a reaction this over the top to him kissing the other. Maybe since there was actually something genuine in there on his part rather than just being a teasing ass. Not that it hurts too much, since.. well, Eiri is Eiri, but still, come on. The one time he's even a little remotely serious and this happens.

And then he wonders why Haku is never more serious, huh.

With a sigh he drops himself to his knees, squatting on the ground there, since that brings him on an about even level with lying-on-the-bed-and-screaming-into-his-pillow-Eiri. Thanks, tall torso. ]

That bad?

[ WHAT PART ABOUT THAT REACTION DOESN'T SCREAM "REALLY BAD" TO YOU, HAKU... ]

[At least the muffled screams don't last long, because even though he's patched up enough to function on his own, he's still sore and over-exerting his lungs is...not the best of ideas.

So instead Eiri just lies there with the pillow on his face and he waits for Haku to say something stupid - "Naisu da" comes to mind first - and walk away all satisfied with his trolling. Except none of that happens. Eiri just hears a sigh and then a question. A simple question.

It's weird.

Still, Eiri doesn't move at first, not quite sure what to make of the situation, but then he figures that he should do something so as not to leave Haku hanging, so he lifts the pillow off his face enough so he can look over at the other man. He studies him for a moment, then hugs the pillow to his chest and rolls over onto his side, still watching Haku.]

...Unexpected.

[ There we go. It's a little easier to communicate when Eiri isn't smothering his screams into a pillow - not that it would have stopped Haku, but still. Eye contact makes it a lot easier, and there's something both oddly endearing and yet hilarious about the way Eiri stares at him with such suspicion in his eyes. Not like he doesn't realise where it's coming from, Haku knows very well what he's like to the other guy. ]

"Unexpected"? [ He tilts his head a little as he repeats the word, amusement creeping into his voice as Haku doesn't move from his crouched position. ]

The best sniper among all the members of Sakura, completely focused during every mission, that Eiri Kaidou.. lets himself be caught off guard by a simple kiss?

[ Okay, he knows that it's not during a mission right now and that Eiri's personality - much like his own - does a 180 right off into focusland once they start on that. And he also knows that there's nothing so "simple" about a kiss to Eiri like there is to him. But when does Haku ever cut the other guy some slack, really.

And he doesn't go easy either. Which is why after a moment of letting those words linger - but hopefully before Eiri starts going off at him, but even if he does, he just ignores it - Haku suddenly quickly jumps up and moves onto the bed as well, practically into a position that makes him hover over the smaller guy on hands and knees.

If it wasn't for the odd casualness about his movements and his expression - much like always -, that grin on his face would almost be a little like a cat spotting a canary. ]

Then how about this? Unexpected as well?

[...No. Oh no, he can hear that amusement make its way back to the surface and Eiri is suddenly very alert to whatever Haku will do next. Because it's Haku and he just doesn't know what that next thing will be. So he rolls onto his back, still clutching the pillow tightly to his chest, and juts out his chin as he answers.]

Being in mission mode and getting attacked in other, more intimate ways outside of missions are two entirely different things. You can't just compare them and - o-oi, Haku!

[Don't interrupt him when he's talking??? And especially don't just invite yourself onto his bed, that's rude!

But more importantly, how did he not see this coming?]

Haku!

[Eiri immediately shoves against Haku's chest, trying to recover some of his personal space, but Haku is so much bigger than him and with gravity on his side and Eiri's own strength at less than normal, this is going to be a losing battle.

...He still tries, though. Goodness, does he try.]

Wipe that smile off your face or I swear I'll do it myself!

[ Yeah, saying stuff like that is exactly enough to make his smile grow a little wider, exactly. Despite the fact that the other was only just kicked out of the infirmary, he's still so.. Eiri-y again, right off the bat. It had been so weird to see him lying in that bed and looking even smaller than he usually already did. So quiet, so unmoving, it wasn't like Eiri at all. Maybe that had been the worst part about it, considering that Haku didn't doubt for a moment that he would wake up again - they had a promise, after all.

This is a lot more like Eiri, the way he shoves against his chest to no avail and whines out his name like that, and it's only amusing Haku more and more. ]

Why? Is there something wrong about this?

[ Considering Eiri is not really specifically protesting against their positions. Not just yet, anyway. Just about his smile, but that's a lot harder to help when his Messiah is just the cutest thing around. A ball of a rage in a way too small container.

Haku leans a little bit closer as he speaks up again. (That grin? Definitely still right there.) Apparently he doesn't seem to give a shit if anyone might walk in and see them in a pretty compromising position. Probably has to do with how shameless he is. ]

Somehow I can't help but feel it's pretty comfortable.

[Is there something wrong about this? Eiri is sure there are at least ninety-nine problems, but where would he even start?]

Well, invasion of personal space, for one.

[Yes, start off with something simple, that's good.

And try not to punch Haku right in the face because is he grinning even more now? That fucker. Huffing quite petulantly, Eiri presses his hand over Haku's mouth. This way he can't see that smile (though he knows it's still there, he can feel it against his palm) and he won't be tempted to violence.

At least not as much.]

Just shut up, will you? And if you decide to lay on me I swear I will knee you so hard in the balls you won't be able to walk straight for at least three days.

[ Wow, Eiri, if you're going to name problems, at least name good ones! Since Haku - growing up the way he did, and being a huge tease on top of it - has exactly zero problems with his own personal space being invaded. And when it's Eiri, when it's his Messiah.. well, then it only comes even more naturally, even if this form of it is a little more extreme than most things he's done before in the past.

But there's at least a part of him that does seem to have some tact. Some of it. Enough to not dive in and start kissing Eiri too much without his permission, whether it's explicitly or just by him trying to give it in a tsun way. If it's anything the other is truly uncomfortable with, then he wouldn't do it. Haku might be rude in his teasing at times, but it's not like he's truly a bad person.. he cares too much about Eiri to even consider hurting the other like that, whether intentionally or not.

So he doesn't try to push past the hand, he just remains there in the same position, even with the hand covering his mouth. Not that he's afraid of the threat. It's just Eiri's usual wild and loud rage, he's used to it. It's cute. (Even if any person in their right mind, aka someone who isn't Haku, might think differently about it when they hear stuff like that.)

After a few moments though.. well, can you blame him for not fully resisting the temptation when it's right there?

So when he notices Eiri's not pulling that hand off his mouth out of sheer stubbornness, he just decides to give it a good lick instead.

Look, you just don't put your hands near Haku's mouth. It's common knowledge that it's a danger zone. ]

[Excuse you, Haku, it's a completely legitimate problem for most people-

WOAH.

WOAH.

WOAH HEY NOW.]

AH!

[Eiri immediately pulls his hand away. Because Haku just licked him. Haku just licked him and that is so gross!!]

Ew, ew, ew, ugh, ew - !

[Don't mind him now, he's just forcibly wiping his hand on your shirt, Haku.

And, really, he should have seen that coming. He should have seen a lot of things coming in this entire situation, which is turning into quite a personal space blunder.

He shouldn't be surprised. In general, he's not, but he can still be difficult about it.]

That is so unnecessary! And gross! You can't just go around licking people, Haku! Ugh!

[Once his hand is dry enough, Eiri lets it fall back to his pillow-armored chest. And then sighs long and dramatically.]

[ If there's anything at all that Haku can count on in every single situation, it's apparently Eiri's ability to tsun at anything at all. And not just regular tsun, no, violent, over the top tsun over things that Haku wouldn't nearly be as devastated about if the positions were reversed over here. ]

You put your hand over my mouth. Isn't that what you wanted?

[ Okay, no, this is actually him being a shit. He might not be that great with personal space and all, but it's not like he's completely clueless to social norms either or anything. He knows it's not what Eiri was aiming for at all, he just wanted him to shut up, but you know.. it's harder to shut up Haku than just doing something like that, you know.

But he'll calmly accept the shirt-wiping and all. As usually. Chill as shit. At least it's a good sign that despite what they went through together, he's bounced back from that horrible moment of realisation that had made him so numb for a little bit until his Messiah pulled him back.

So he just lets out a small sigh too, but it's not like Eiri's - it's casual, careless, almost a little like he's putting on theatrics to counter Eiri's own more natural variation of it. ]

Or are you saying you dislike me that much?

Hah?!

[Haku, you cannot be serious with that question.]

What part of me trying to shut you up says I want you to get your slobbery germs all over my hand? If I really wanted that, I'd just hold out my hand and say, 'Hey, Haku, how 'bout you lick my entire hand like an overly-excited dog?' Because that makes sense.

[Granted, there are certainly worse fates in the world than getting licked by one's Messiah - getting shot up multiple times comes to mind - but it's just...the principle of the thing. Haku constantly surprises Eiri and Eiri doesn't like it.

Because he should see these things coming. But every time Haku pulls the wool over his eyes. It's just flat-out embarrassing.

...He should also know better than to fall for Haku's baiting like this. He can tell Haku isn't actually truly upset - he's seen Haku shut down before, he knows this is nothing - but there's a part of him that can't stand to see him even pretend at being hurt. Because Eiri can very easily hurt with his words and his actions, if someone doesn't know that he's...well, he tries to be a good person. Even if he doesn't come off that way.

This is so stupid and he knows better, but...]

...I never said that, you idiot.

[He raises a hand to quickly ruffle Haku's hair. There. That's it. No more moments of weakness.]

[ Well, that's not quite the reaction he expected to his question. Of course he knows that Eiri doesn't truly dislike him, despite him asking it just now. There's no way they could've gotten this far if that were the case, after all - then Eiri wouldn't have tried so hard for him, especially at the moment he needed it the most.

But Eiri actually admitting out loud - more or less - and moving to ruffle his hair like that..

It's warm and nice to receive the affection, but it's also just oddly adorable to see Eiri trying to scrawl out of his tsunshell a little bit to do this. He knows it's not easy for the other - mostly since Haku himself never makes it easy on him. ]

I don't dislike you either.

[ Even though it's obviously more than that, judging by the smile that lingers on Haku's lips and a small meaningful tilt of his head to the side. He's mostly echoing the way Eiri replied to the question, like he's echoing back to him "you mean as much to me as I mean to you", just to make it more embarrassing by implying that he knows. And that it's okay, since Eiri means the world to him when it comes down to it.

It's why it's really hard to stop himself. Haku moves down to press his lips against the other's again, although this time - if he won't immediately get shoved away again, anyway - he lingers a little bit more instead of making it a quick peck.

In return, he's at least not being too embarrassing about it, or doing it too strongly right away. If anything, there's something surprisingly gentle about the way he does it, like he's (for once in his life) going out of his way to make sure he doesn't scare off Eiri immediately. Like he's actually trying to convey something here with the way his lips softly move against Eiri's own.

(That there's so much he's grateful for, and so much he has to apologize for, too. That he's happy that Eiri is his Messiah, that he doesn't even know how to thank him for not giving up on him, for pulling him back at his worst moment, that he apologizes for the fact that Eiri had to take five bullets or so just because of his association with him.)

But actual five year old Haku Mitsuni is just as bad sometimes at actually saying the things that matter as much as Eiri is, so this way it is. ]

[It's the smile that warns Eiri.

Though he wants to huff and puff about how Haku isn't taking him seriously yet again - and he's already frowning, halfway there to the huffing - that smile stops him. And that, combined with Haku's answer, silences Eiri and makes him think.

No, this time Haku is being serious, just in his own way. And it is Haku's own way because he doesn't do things like anyone else. Whatever happened to him before Sakura had to have shaped him so much more differently from Eiri or "normal" people, but if this is the only way he knows to communicate, then Eiri, as his Messiah, has the responsibility to listen.

And he wants to know Haku better. He wants to know how the other man thinks and operates.

Which is why, even when Haku kisses him again, Eiri only makes a slight noise of protest - because this is still new and a surprise, after all - as opposed to his usual flailing. Everything about this time is different, he knows, so he'll behave for once.

His eyes slip closed and his hands slowly find a loose purchase on Haku's shoulders.

The fact that Haku is taking his time is nice, too, even if Eiri is trying to figure out what exactly it means, but since they've overcome one hurdle already, this shouldn't be a problem, right?

I don't dislike you either

...No, Eiri doesn't doubt Haku's feelings anymore, if he ever really did. And though he can't put the meaning behind Haku's actions into words, even in his mind, he thinks he gets the gist of it.

His own lips begin to move against Haku's mouth as his hands tighten their grip just a little bit.

I know.]

[ It's not really what Haku expected. He expected more flailing and struggling against him, Eiri shoving him off - if not just plainly off the bed, if he has the strength for it already. He expected protests and yelling and the usual Eiri behaviour, not..

.. well, this. This kind of acceptance that he doesn't easily get from Eiri since it's just not what Eiri is like and it's just what Haku makes hard to get through his own dumb actions. But yet it's still happening. Eiri doesn't try to push him away, instead he's actually moving his lips against Haku's in return. He's accepting Haku and Haku's sentiment, and Eiri's own is easy to feel in return in the kiss.

That he knows, that he understands, that he feels the same in his own way.

The surprise of it leaves Haku breathless for a moment, even if he doesn't pull away from Eiri's mouth. He doesn't want to break the contact, not right now. Haku just lingers there, feeling the sensation of Eiri's lips and moving along with it, although he's not quite pushing it harder and forward as much as he usually does with his actions.

It's since.. this is different. Maybe if they'd repeat it later he will get more used to it and act more like usually, but this is the first time he's felt this comfortable and accepted in.. well, has he ever felt like this ever since he lost his brother that one day? He can't say he actually liked the many years at Sakura all that much, and by the end he was more of a robot or a ghost than human, hardly even living, pushing everything away while enduring the curse of being the jinx. He kept his distance, and other people kept their distance in turn.

But it's not what Eiri is doing right now. He's kissing him back, he's putting his hands on his shoulders, holding onto him. Eiri pulled through for him in surviving getting shot, and now he's only just out of the infirmary he's pulling through for Haku again already. It's nice and comfortable, and for once all the heavier thoughts about his brother or his previous Messiah all disappear from his thoughts. He doesn't want to think about them - all he wants to think about in this moment is Eiri.

It's exactly what makes him more gentle and careful in his movements. Being shameless in the past, although it comes naturally to him, had been easy. He never had anything to lose, since he was going to lose everything anyway. It didn't matter.

Right now? Right now, he has everything to lose. Haku is usually just fine with dealing with Eiri's tsunball behaviour, but right now he's feeling a little too vulnerable by the sudden but long due relief and comfort coming over him to be shoved away like that again.

So he moves his hand up to Eiri's hand, and then slowly into Eiri's hair as they still kiss.. but it's oddly careful by Haku standards. Like he's exploring, trying to see what he can and can't do for once rather than just going for it and not caring if Eiri reacts badly to it.

It's almost a little embarrassing, honestly.. but Eiri has already seen him at his worst, anyway. ]

[The change in Haku's temperament is almost painfully evident and Eiri remains relatively still during this process. It isn't because he's completely comfortable with everything, because this situation is so, so new - Eiri has been kissed before - but it's also different from what he's experienced. This isn't quite an embrace of passion or lust, but rather communication and understanding, however unorthodox. And it's because they have grown to understand each other better and actually know more about each other that Eiri can read into the gentleness that Haku displays.

Haku usually doesn't make an effort to be careful around Eiri because they both know that Eiri can take it, regardless of how he acts. Haku is embarrassing, after all, but he's Haku. That's just how he is, that's how he'll probably always be and Eiri has accepted it.

Eiri has accepted him.

So the tentative movements and the lack of teasing let Eiri know that this is serious - it's been serious - and he can't just shove Haku off like he does every other time. Haku's been through too much and this new beginning is a second chance.

For the both of them, really.

But even though he wants to keep Haku comfortable, the fact still remains that he got shot and his body is still recovering and his lungs just don't have the same air capacity right now that they used to. He turns his head just enough to the side so he can take a new breath, and then release it for another, catching his breath.

God, he's barely even done anything and he's already realizing he's horribly out of shape. Fuck Higayama and his trigger-happy finger!

Still, to keep Haku from spooking, Eiri gives his shoulders a quick squeeze, letting him know he's still there and he's not going anywhere and he's not trying to get rid of him. He's just...a little bit weak.

But don't say it, don't even say it out loud, that's just as embarrassing as Haku himself.]

You're not gonna hurt me, you know.

[Because if Eiri can pull through this, he can pull through anything else, right?

Or does he say that because he trusts Haku and knows that their bond as Messiah is stronger than a lot of things?]

[ Eiri seems to understand him so well innately, really. Because there really is the danger of Haku being spooked off a little. Sure, he's usually always really casual and it seems like nothing can faze him, and it's true in a lot of ways. But this is a different side to Haku that he's never really showed to anyone before.. the side of him that's more child-like, that is more vulnerable. He's a little more unsure like this, and for a moment he does wonder if he maybe did something wrong.

But then he notices Eiri taking a breath, and the hold on his shoulders tightens momentarily, and Haku gets it. He only just got out of the infirmary, and he only got out of that coma the bullets that put him into for a little while a small bit ago.. he must still be getting used to actually being out and about like this rather than just lying in that infirmary bed and doing nothing in particular.

Haku doesn't audibly mention it. Not this time. He knows that Eiri doesn't really like being called weak, or small, or child-like, even if he tries to push the shorter man with those kind of teasing words all the time outside of this situation. He'll cut Eiri some slack, if not just since Eiri isn't making fun of the fact that he's the one being so careful for once. That he's not taking all the opportunities he could take here to tease Eiri.

Instead he just stares at the other, smiling back softly at that statement.

Of course. It's Eiri. He doesn't hurt that easily -- and he bounces back from absolutely everything. No matter how weak the fact that he's short might make him seem, Haku knows better. Eiri is strong.

And Eiri is his Messiah. He'll keep him, too.

Although there's something slightly sad in the smile as well, maybe bittersweet, and the reason is obvious when he speaks up again. ]

Does it still hurt?

[ Not anything Haku does, but.. well, obviously he means the places where he was shot by the bullets. Technically those are his fault too, anyway. He wasn't the one who pulled the trigger, but Higayama still shot thinking it was all for Haku's sake.

As if Eiri wasn't the best thing that could've happened to him.. it's almost a little ironic, honestly.

Haku's free hand moves a little lower, crawling until it's at the bottom of Eiri's shirt and then slowly moves into it. Slowly mostly so Eiri won't freak out right away since it's not like he's doing anything weird here, he's just moving the hand up Eiri's back a little, seeking out the scars the wounds have left behind, feeling them. They're just as much Eiri's as they are his, after all.

(And.. well, okay, maybe it does feel a little nice to run his hands over Eiri's skin, but that's mostly just a side advantage of it, okay. There's not much time to think about it with the awkward guilt that lingers at the touch, anyway.) ]

[Well, at least Haku hasn't taken anything the wrong way. He's not spooked off. That's good, though there's something in his smile that worries Eiri.

So he doesn't answer right away, not even when Haku's hand starts to wander - though Eiri tenses up automatically because what is he doing now? - but the longer he lets the question sink in and Haku's goal becomes more evident, Eiri considers bluffing.

Haku is hurting. Not physically and maybe not as bad as he could be, but he's not in tip-top shape. Has he ever been? As long as Eiri's known him, he's always been fine, but there's always been something just a little bit off, too. He's been too carefree and aloof, even when Eiri has had his emotional explosions. But he recognizes it now as a need for Haku to distance himself so he wouldn't get hurt.

Not more, not since he's lost too many Messiah before.

Eiri could lie and say he's fine - and he will be, it will just take time for the physical wounds to heal - but then he would be distancing himself from Haku in the end. And after they've finally learned to trust one another and overcome the gap between them, it would be a slap in the face.

Haku's putting himself on the line; the least Eiri can do is be honest.]

...A little.

[Not because of what Haku's doing, of course, though his breathing hitches just slightly as Haku passes over a bandage where one of his wounds isn't healing as fast as the others. It doesn't hurt that bad, but it's more that he doesn't want Haku to have to see - feel - how torn up his body is. But he's already gone this far, so he can't shove him away now. Eiri just purses his lips and turns his head away, heat starting to redden his cheeks.]

Not as much as it did.

[And if Haku still wants to explore, his fingers will pass over other scars, older scars, skin slightly raised and smoothed out by years of healing.]

.. Ah. [ Haku's answer comes slowly, but at least it's an affirmative sound in response to what Eiri is saying. ] That's good.

[ Not that it's still hurting a little, but.. well, that it's getting better. Since it means that Eiri will sooner or later be able to get rid of these bandages, that he'll be alright once more. If there really had been seriously lasting damage that would impede Eiri's abilities to function Haku would only have felt more guilty and worse, after all. But his Messiah has fought the battle against the damage of the bullets well enough that he'll pull through just fine from something most people wouldn't even have survived. Typically Eiri, in his own kind of way.

But Haku's fingers move up, even across the bandaged spots. They feel the spots inbetween, the areas above - Eiri's shirt has probably been hiked up at least halfway now, but as long as Eiri isn't protesting his silent touches, then Haku sure isn't going to quit. It's an odd quiet and thoughtful moment between the two of them, and it almost feels like even the slightest word or utterance from either of them is going to break it. Maybe it's why Haku's fingers linger there a little more, tracing the outlines of scars that are too old to have been caused by Higayama, too embedded in the shorter man already. Similar scars, he can tell - since he's seen enough bullet wounds during his work for the Church - which means that Eiri must've gone through something like this before.

.. has he? Honestly, it's only now that Haku once more realises that he never bothered to ask. He didn't want to get to know anything more about Eiri than was absolutely necessary, and he didn't want to tell anything about himself either that wasn't necessary. Keeping Eiri away from him, keeping himself from Eiri - that was what was important. Knowing more, knowing where he came from.. all of that might've just caused feelings that would only make things harder or draw him nearer to his Messiah, right after he swore to not do that again, to close his heart off to be able to survive. Even when during intentional annoying contact he felt the slight calluses on Eiri's hands when he hadn't been with Sakura for that long yet, the obvious signs that it wasn't that he only then started holding guns a lot, he had ignored it. He coudn't afford to listen where Eiri came from, the things he enjoyed doing outside of what they did now. The family Eiri had, the food he likes, the friends he spoke to and what they talked about, the songs he listened to before he joined Sakura.. Haku doesn't know any of them.

It must've been hard. All this time he could only think about his own way of coping with things, but.. if Eiri really did go through something involving scars like this before joining up with Sakura, then he must've not exactly had a fun time either. And he knows that his Messiah doesn't nearly need someone to be there as much as Haku needs it, that he's the weaker one out of the two of them.. to not be able to share anything with anyone because the one person he could do it with was just distancing himself in every way possible -- it still must've been hard. Even on Eiri. Or at least harder than it could've been on them all this time.

Not anymore, though. Haku doesn't want to keep up that whole thing anymore. Eiri has proved to him that he can survive danger, that they'll stick together rather than letting Haku's jinx linger on, so Haku doesn't want to keep his distance anymore.

He wants to know.

Because neither of them have to hold back anymore when they have the other.

Haku leans down a little, nudging Eiri's head until it's no longer turned away, and he gently leans his forehead against Eiri's forehead, closing his eyes.

His fingers glide over the scars that are worn by the years, touching but not pressing, tracing the outlines as if to gently, carefully - almost lovingly - map every last piece of the other. ]

How about these..? [ It's almost more like a whisper at this point. ]

[The silence is powerful. Not oppressive, but carrying enough with it that many other people could very easily cave under the pressure. But at the same time it's so fragile, because this silence is the first time Eiri and Haku have finally started to talk. Not with words, but with their presence, with the way they don't shove each other away.

Eiri is almost afraid to even breathe because even though their beginning has been rocky, it's still their beginning and their relationship and the idea of losing it is just...wrong. After what he's just been through to keep Haku, after these tiny, but significant confessions, he can't bear starting over with someone new.

...God, how has Haku even done it?

Eiri is no stranger to loss, not after his family's deaths, not after the gang was wiped out. And while losing his family hit a lot harder, after realizing he no longer had a gang to return to, it hurt to feel alone. What would he do? Where would he go? What was the point?

And he didn't even like the gang all that much. They didn't particularly like him beyond his shooting skills, either, but it was still a family in its own way.

Haku lost multiple Messiah, a person they're supposed to grow close to in order to forge a strong bond just by knowing everything about them, knowing what they'll do in any given instance because they know each other so well. With closeness comes attachment and every time a new string has to be cut, it feels like a knife in the gut, to varying degrees of pain.

Or a bullet in the back. However you want to see it.

Eiri doesn't refuse Haku's nudging, doesn't shrink back as their foreheads touch, doesn't squirm away from his touch. They're talking and though it could hurt later on if they find themselves in a situation where one of them could face death again, it's important to learn. And, who knows, maybe this way they can grow so strong that they won't be put in such a danger again.

That's the point, isn't it?

One of Eiri's hands moves to the back of Haku's neck, his fingers slowly threading through the ends of Haku's hair. He would play with Moe's hair if she were scared or upset sometimes -

...Ah.]

Those don't.

[He keeps his voice quiet, as well, still uncertain if this moment could be broken by the wrong noise.]

Not all scars are physical, though. It just depends.

[ Haku stills under the other's touch. Because he doesn't want to lose the forehead contact they've got going on right now, sure, but also because of the gentle movement of Eiri's fingers in his hair. It's a gesture that Haku doesn't know much, but.. it's nice. It really feels nice - even aside from the general contact with Eiri that he enjoys, there's something oddly comforting about it. It reminds him a little of the part of the memories of his older brother that haven't gotten corrupted with the knowledge of what he turned into after all these years, the part that consists of smiles and gentle touches and comfort. The part of the memories that were the only thing that were able to keep him going after the first few Messiah he lost.

Except now it's something real and not just a memory, it's someone here right with him who cares about him enough to figure out what to say or do to calm Haku down and make him feel better. Someone who's with him, who's looking out for him.. his Messiah. He doesn't want to lose the contact or this moment just as much as Eiri doesn't, so that's why he doesn't move, like he's silently begging the other to not let it stop this quickly.

Not even at those words and the realisation of what they mean. Eiri's been hurting too all this time, and Haku is his Messiah. Haku wants to make him feel a little better too now he's resolved himself to the belief that he and Eiri will manage to make it together. ]

How.. [ His voice trails off for a moment, and there's something surprisingly unsure in his tone compared to the usual casual way he talks. Maybe since this is just one of those ways that his lack of experience with the world really shows, and he needs a moment to think and figure this out. Even something that might make a whole lot of sense to a normal person takes a little longer with Haku, after all. ]

I'll try to make them hurt less.

[ The non-physical ones he means, of course. He's not a doctor, he can't do anything about the physical ones he can feel on Eiri's skin, but the rest.. he wants to be able to help Eiri with them, it's just that he doesn't know how. He's never really been taught how to deal with any of these things, so there's an implication in the words that goes unspoken - so tell me how I can help.

After all-- ]

.. mine hurt less, too.

[ You'd be hard-pressed to find any decent scar on Haku's body though. There's small things - bruises from more recent missions, maybe, or a spot that's still sensitive and easily sore from where his uncle kicked him just a few times too many back when he was a kid. But it's not like Eiri's back. Haku's scars just are all purely psychological, and if the loss of every single Messiah he's had would have to be expressed in physical scars, his back would be worse off than Eiri's.

But Eiri is the one who helped with his scars, who made it all feel so much lighter and easier to bear. So it's only normal to want to help in return in some way now he's finally stopped being stubborn about pushing his Messiah away. ]

[Even though his eyes are also closed, he doesn't need to look at Haku to know the other man's words are genuine. And so raw in their honesty. Even if he almost stumbles over what to say, but Eiri understands. And his lips curl up just a tiny bit.

Haku is...

Well, he's certainly something. Annoying. Infuriating. Aloof. A complete and unrepentant slob.

...Held together by invisible threads.

Eiri doesn't know nearly enough about his Messiah, but what he does know is that his life has been one sad disaster after another, a series of events that would break even lesser men. But Haku is still around and remarkably stable, despite having lost various partners, despite having learned that his precious brother was the reason behind those lost partners, that Eiri himself had nearly been added to the body count. Somehow, Haku is okay.

But at the same time, in such a moment like this, he feels like a child, so vulnerable and in so much need of reassurance.

Protection.

Haku is oddly endearing, or at least that's what Eiri tells himself as his arms slip loosely around Haku's shoulders and he moves himself enough so he can hug Haku. He's endearing and has a certain childish charm that causes people to want to take care of him.

Yeah. That's the reason.

(That's not the only reason and Eiri knows it. He knows it.)

After a few moments of silence, Eiri finally speaks again.]

Just stay here, yeah? You're my Messiah. And...

[His hold tightens slightly.]

And I'm yours.

[ Just staying here.

If it's that easy.. well, of course he can do it. In fact, it's something he would want to do even if it wouldn't help Eiri specifically to begin with. After what they've gone through now he certainly doesn't want to be seperated from Eiri. He didn't want to be seperated from him to begin with, he didn't want to lose another Messiah, it's just that he still tried to prepare himself from it, tried to distance himself from Eiri as much as he could.

It never worked though. No matter what he did, Haku always found himself drawn more and more towards the loud and easily angered guy who called himself his Messiah. At first it had just been amusement at seeing his reactions, but slowly over time it grew into something a little more. A fondness for how open Eiri was about everything, how genuine and true to himself he was -

Everything that Haku isn't.

And now all he's telling him to do is just stay there. To continue being Messiah. As if it isn't a natural thing already, as if Haku isn't already attached and a little (okay, no, very much so) codependent.. ]

I'm not going anywhere.

[ How could he, when he's so nicely enveloped by Eiri's warmth like this? Eiri's body pressed against his own, the arms around his shoulders.. he doesn't want to ever lose that. He doesn't want to lose Eiri. But instead of dealing with that by acting distant and annoying, he's going to tackle it head on by protecting Eiri, by relying on his Messiah. By believing in him.

Sure, getting attached to your Messiah - even if it's practically necessary - is always a risk. Haku knows. He's been on the losing side of that risk far too many times. But somehow it doesn't feel too bad to risk it this time when this is what he's getting.

Letting himself (carefully, so Eiri's sore body won't have to make too many quick sudden movements) drop on the bed next to the other guy instead of hovering above him, Haku's fingers cautiously move to find scarless spots on Eiri's back, lightly digging his fingers in there, clinging to the other in return.

It's more than Haku would have let himself do at any other time before, but now he just snuggles straight into the embrace. He can't help it. Not when it feels so nice and warm and protective and basically everything he's lacked yet needed ever since he was that lost child alone on the street found by Sakura. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ic; peel the scars off my back, i don't need them anymore

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