ic; peel the scars off my back, i don't need them anymore

[jinxings]

( leaves ryo and kento here since i can tbh )

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[fauxtality]

[The silence is powerful. Not oppressive, but carrying enough with it that many other people could very easily cave under the pressure. But at the same time it's so fragile, because this silence is the first time Eiri and Haku have finally started to talk. Not with words, but with their presence, with the way they don't shove each other away.

Eiri is almost afraid to even breathe because even though their beginning has been rocky, it's still their beginning and their relationship and the idea of losing it is just...wrong. After what he's just been through to keep Haku, after these tiny, but significant confessions, he can't bear starting over with someone new.

...God, how has Haku even done it?

Eiri is no stranger to loss, not after his family's deaths, not after the gang was wiped out. And while losing his family hit a lot harder, after realizing he no longer had a gang to return to, it hurt to feel alone. What would he do? Where would he go? What was the point?

And he didn't even like the gang all that much. They didn't particularly like him beyond his shooting skills, either, but it was still a family in its own way.

Haku lost multiple Messiah, a person they're supposed to grow close to in order to forge a strong bond just by knowing everything about them, knowing what they'll do in any given instance because they know each other so well. With closeness comes attachment and every time a new string has to be cut, it feels like a knife in the gut, to varying degrees of pain.

Or a bullet in the back. However you want to see it.

Eiri doesn't refuse Haku's nudging, doesn't shrink back as their foreheads touch, doesn't squirm away from his touch. They're talking and though it could hurt later on if they find themselves in a situation where one of them could face death again, it's important to learn. And, who knows, maybe this way they can grow so strong that they won't be put in such a danger again.

That's the point, isn't it?

One of Eiri's hands moves to the back of Haku's neck, his fingers slowly threading through the ends of Haku's hair. He would play with Moe's hair if she were scared or upset sometimes -

...Ah.]

Those don't.

[He keeps his voice quiet, as well, still uncertain if this moment could be broken by the wrong noise.]

Not all scars are physical, though. It just depends.

[jinxings]

[ Haku stills under the other's touch. Because he doesn't want to lose the forehead contact they've got going on right now, sure, but also because of the gentle movement of Eiri's fingers in his hair. It's a gesture that Haku doesn't know much, but.. it's nice. It really feels nice - even aside from the general contact with Eiri that he enjoys, there's something oddly comforting about it. It reminds him a little of the part of the memories of his older brother that haven't gotten corrupted with the knowledge of what he turned into after all these years, the part that consists of smiles and gentle touches and comfort. The part of the memories that were the only thing that were able to keep him going after the first few Messiah he lost.

Except now it's something real and not just a memory, it's someone here right with him who cares about him enough to figure out what to say or do to calm Haku down and make him feel better. Someone who's with him, who's looking out for him.. his Messiah. He doesn't want to lose the contact or this moment just as much as Eiri doesn't, so that's why he doesn't move, like he's silently begging the other to not let it stop this quickly.

Not even at those words and the realisation of what they mean. Eiri's been hurting too all this time, and Haku is his Messiah. Haku wants to make him feel a little better too now he's resolved himself to the belief that he and Eiri will manage to make it together. ]

How.. [ His voice trails off for a moment, and there's something surprisingly unsure in his tone compared to the usual casual way he talks. Maybe since this is just one of those ways that his lack of experience with the world really shows, and he needs a moment to think and figure this out. Even something that might make a whole lot of sense to a normal person takes a little longer with Haku, after all. ]

I'll try to make them hurt less.

[ The non-physical ones he means, of course. He's not a doctor, he can't do anything about the physical ones he can feel on Eiri's skin, but the rest.. he wants to be able to help Eiri with them, it's just that he doesn't know how. He's never really been taught how to deal with any of these things, so there's an implication in the words that goes unspoken - so tell me how I can help.

After all-- ]

.. mine hurt less, too.

[ You'd be hard-pressed to find any decent scar on Haku's body though. There's small things - bruises from more recent missions, maybe, or a spot that's still sensitive and easily sore from where his uncle kicked him just a few times too many back when he was a kid. But it's not like Eiri's back. Haku's scars just are all purely psychological, and if the loss of every single Messiah he's had would have to be expressed in physical scars, his back would be worse off than Eiri's.

But Eiri is the one who helped with his scars, who made it all feel so much lighter and easier to bear. So it's only normal to want to help in return in some way now he's finally stopped being stubborn about pushing his Messiah away. ]

[fauxtality]

[Even though his eyes are also closed, he doesn't need to look at Haku to know the other man's words are genuine. And so raw in their honesty. Even if he almost stumbles over what to say, but Eiri understands. And his lips curl up just a tiny bit.

Haku is...

Well, he's certainly something. Annoying. Infuriating. Aloof. A complete and unrepentant slob.

...Held together by invisible threads.

Eiri doesn't know nearly enough about his Messiah, but what he does know is that his life has been one sad disaster after another, a series of events that would break even lesser men. But Haku is still around and remarkably stable, despite having lost various partners, despite having learned that his precious brother was the reason behind those lost partners, that Eiri himself had nearly been added to the body count. Somehow, Haku is okay.

But at the same time, in such a moment like this, he feels like a child, so vulnerable and in so much need of reassurance.

Protection.

Haku is oddly endearing, or at least that's what Eiri tells himself as his arms slip loosely around Haku's shoulders and he moves himself enough so he can hug Haku. He's endearing and has a certain childish charm that causes people to want to take care of him.

Yeah. That's the reason.

(That's not the only reason and Eiri knows it. He knows it.)

After a few moments of silence, Eiri finally speaks again.]

Just stay here, yeah? You're my Messiah. And...

[His hold tightens slightly.]

And I'm yours.

[jinxings]

[ Just staying here.

If it's that easy.. well, of course he can do it. In fact, it's something he would want to do even if it wouldn't help Eiri specifically to begin with. After what they've gone through now he certainly doesn't want to be seperated from Eiri. He didn't want to be seperated from him to begin with, he didn't want to lose another Messiah, it's just that he still tried to prepare himself from it, tried to distance himself from Eiri as much as he could.

It never worked though. No matter what he did, Haku always found himself drawn more and more towards the loud and easily angered guy who called himself his Messiah. At first it had just been amusement at seeing his reactions, but slowly over time it grew into something a little more. A fondness for how open Eiri was about everything, how genuine and true to himself he was -

Everything that Haku isn't.

And now all he's telling him to do is just stay there. To continue being Messiah. As if it isn't a natural thing already, as if Haku isn't already attached and a little (okay, no, very much so) codependent.. ]

I'm not going anywhere.

[ How could he, when he's so nicely enveloped by Eiri's warmth like this? Eiri's body pressed against his own, the arms around his shoulders.. he doesn't want to ever lose that. He doesn't want to lose Eiri. But instead of dealing with that by acting distant and annoying, he's going to tackle it head on by protecting Eiri, by relying on his Messiah. By believing in him.

Sure, getting attached to your Messiah - even if it's practically necessary - is always a risk. Haku knows. He's been on the losing side of that risk far too many times. But somehow it doesn't feel too bad to risk it this time when this is what he's getting.

Letting himself (carefully, so Eiri's sore body won't have to make too many quick sudden movements) drop on the bed next to the other guy instead of hovering above him, Haku's fingers cautiously move to find scarless spots on Eiri's back, lightly digging his fingers in there, clinging to the other in return.

It's more than Haku would have let himself do at any other time before, but now he just snuggles straight into the embrace. He can't help it. Not when it feels so nice and warm and protective and basically everything he's lacked yet needed ever since he was that lost child alone on the street found by Sakura. ]