.. Ah. [ Haku's answer comes slowly, but at least it's an affirmative sound in response to what Eiri is saying. ] That's good.
[ Not that it's still hurting a little, but.. well, that it's getting better. Since it means that Eiri will sooner or later be able to get rid of these bandages, that he'll be alright once more. If there really had been seriously lasting damage that would impede Eiri's abilities to function Haku would only have felt more guilty and worse, after all. But his Messiah has fought the battle against the damage of the bullets well enough that he'll pull through just fine from something most people wouldn't even have survived. Typically Eiri, in his own kind of way.
But Haku's fingers move up, even across the bandaged spots. They feel the spots inbetween, the areas above - Eiri's shirt has probably been hiked up at least halfway now, but as long as Eiri isn't protesting his silent touches, then Haku sure isn't going to quit. It's an odd quiet and thoughtful moment between the two of them, and it almost feels like even the slightest word or utterance from either of them is going to break it. Maybe it's why Haku's fingers linger there a little more, tracing the outlines of scars that are too old to have been caused by Higayama, too embedded in the shorter man already. Similar scars, he can tell - since he's seen enough bullet wounds during his work for the Church - which means that Eiri must've gone through something like this before.
.. has he? Honestly, it's only now that Haku once more realises that he never bothered to ask. He didn't want to get to know anything more about Eiri than was absolutely necessary, and he didn't want to tell anything about himself either that wasn't necessary. Keeping Eiri away from him, keeping himself from Eiri - that was what was important. Knowing more, knowing where he came from.. all of that might've just caused feelings that would only make things harder or draw him nearer to his Messiah, right after he swore to not do that again, to close his heart off to be able to survive. Even when during intentional annoying contact he felt the slight calluses on Eiri's hands when he hadn't been with Sakura for that long yet, the obvious signs that it wasn't that he only then started holding guns a lot, he had ignored it. He coudn't afford to listen where Eiri came from, the things he enjoyed doing outside of what they did now. The family Eiri had, the food he likes, the friends he spoke to and what they talked about, the songs he listened to before he joined Sakura.. Haku doesn't know any of them.
It must've been hard. All this time he could only think about his own way of coping with things, but.. if Eiri really did go through something involving scars like this before joining up with Sakura, then he must've not exactly had a fun time either. And he knows that his Messiah doesn't nearly need someone to be there as much as Haku needs it, that he's the weaker one out of the two of them.. to not be able to share anything with anyone because the one person he could do it with was just distancing himself in every way possible -- it still must've been hard. Even on Eiri. Or at least harder than it could've been on them all this time.
Not anymore, though. Haku doesn't want to keep up that whole thing anymore. Eiri has proved to him that he can survive danger, that they'll stick together rather than letting Haku's jinx linger on, so Haku doesn't want to keep his distance anymore.
He wants to know.
Because neither of them have to hold back anymore when they have the other.
Haku leans down a little, nudging Eiri's head until it's no longer turned away, and he gently leans his forehead against Eiri's forehead, closing his eyes.
His fingers glide over the scars that are worn by the years, touching but not pressing, tracing the outlines as if to gently, carefully - almost lovingly - map every last piece of the other. ]
How about these..? [ It's almost more like a whisper at this point. ]
no subject
[ Not that it's still hurting a little, but.. well, that it's getting better. Since it means that Eiri will sooner or later be able to get rid of these bandages, that he'll be alright once more. If there really had been seriously lasting damage that would impede Eiri's abilities to function Haku would only have felt more guilty and worse, after all. But his Messiah has fought the battle against the damage of the bullets well enough that he'll pull through just fine from something most people wouldn't even have survived. Typically Eiri, in his own kind of way.
But Haku's fingers move up, even across the bandaged spots. They feel the spots inbetween, the areas above - Eiri's shirt has probably been hiked up at least halfway now, but as long as Eiri isn't protesting his silent touches, then Haku sure isn't going to quit. It's an odd quiet and thoughtful moment between the two of them, and it almost feels like even the slightest word or utterance from either of them is going to break it. Maybe it's why Haku's fingers linger there a little more, tracing the outlines of scars that are too old to have been caused by Higayama, too embedded in the shorter man already. Similar scars, he can tell - since he's seen enough bullet wounds during his work for the Church - which means that Eiri must've gone through something like this before.
.. has he? Honestly, it's only now that Haku once more realises that he never bothered to ask. He didn't want to get to know anything more about Eiri than was absolutely necessary, and he didn't want to tell anything about himself either that wasn't necessary. Keeping Eiri away from him, keeping himself from Eiri - that was what was important. Knowing more, knowing where he came from.. all of that might've just caused feelings that would only make things harder or draw him nearer to his Messiah, right after he swore to not do that again, to close his heart off to be able to survive. Even when during intentional annoying contact he felt the slight calluses on Eiri's hands when he hadn't been with Sakura for that long yet, the obvious signs that it wasn't that he only then started holding guns a lot, he had ignored it. He coudn't afford to listen where Eiri came from, the things he enjoyed doing outside of what they did now. The family Eiri had, the food he likes, the friends he spoke to and what they talked about, the songs he listened to before he joined Sakura.. Haku doesn't know any of them.
It must've been hard. All this time he could only think about his own way of coping with things, but.. if Eiri really did go through something involving scars like this before joining up with Sakura, then he must've not exactly had a fun time either. And he knows that his Messiah doesn't nearly need someone to be there as much as Haku needs it, that he's the weaker one out of the two of them.. to not be able to share anything with anyone because the one person he could do it with was just distancing himself in every way possible -- it still must've been hard. Even on Eiri. Or at least harder than it could've been on them all this time.
Not anymore, though. Haku doesn't want to keep up that whole thing anymore. Eiri has proved to him that he can survive danger, that they'll stick together rather than letting Haku's jinx linger on, so Haku doesn't want to keep his distance anymore.
He wants to know.
Because neither of them have to hold back anymore when they have the other.
Haku leans down a little, nudging Eiri's head until it's no longer turned away, and he gently leans his forehead against Eiri's forehead, closing his eyes.
His fingers glide over the scars that are worn by the years, touching but not pressing, tracing the outlines as if to gently, carefully - almost lovingly - map every last piece of the other. ]
How about these..? [ It's almost more like a whisper at this point. ]