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ic; trying so hard to speak and fighting with my weak hand
( me forever being sad about lack of bloody toki no kizuna cgs... )
( me forever being sad about lack of bloody toki no kizuna cgs... )
( me forever being sad about lack of bloody toki no kizuna cgs... )
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The involvement of other demons makes it a little harder already. But the combination of having to both fight people of his own kind (which is already hard enough in itself) along with having to fight humans is proving more difficult than he could think.
Not that it's enough to defeat him. Probably. He thinks. His head feels strangely light, and he can't recall any time it's been as hard to think as it is right now. But it's not too strange, considering the circumstances. He managed to win the battle, but the combination of having to fight off both humans and demons tainted by the sentan at the same time has proven to be hard for a single demon, even when said demon is someone as skilled and tactical as Kazutake is.
Blood sticks to his clothes, to his hair, to his skin. Between tiny spots of it and the huge wound in his chest that still has blood flowing out of it even now, it's hard to think of him as someone who is usually never involved with the color red. Right now he's covered in it - everything runs red, even the forest floor beneath his feet as he tries to make his way back to the base to take care of his wounds. Usually they would heal up right away, but even the demon kind of healing can't easily catch up with wounds this big. Especially since Kazutake is not too sure if that last blow did not manage to strike all the way to his heart after all. It feels deceivingly deep, the wound on his chest, and it's only the fact that he hasn't keeled over already that reassures him he has a chance to live.
It's why he's still trying to drag his sorry ass back. It might be not too honorable, returning like this despite winning the battle, this wounded, this weak - but he has a duty to his clan, and to his friends on top of it. He can't just lie there and die, he has to treat his wounds.
People are waiting for him, and he--
-- he can't anymore.
His legs give out underneath him, and the only thing he can do is to drag himself over to a nearby tree and prop himself up against it so he's not just plainly lying on the ground.
He knows he should try to get help or do something, but.. god, he feels tired. Usually he's in perfect control of his body, considering it's his weapon, but right now it just feels heavy and all he can do is focus on his heartbeat as a tiny bit of blood drips off the tip of his hair out of the corner of his eye.
Kazutake doesn't even really register the familiar cry of a certain bird nearby anymore, honestly. ]
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it's kazutake of course he is fine, she says over and over to herself, even as each time it becomes more distressed and uncertain in her head.
Perhaps the humans cannot afford the time to send a search out for one individual, but Yukina will move mountains if necessary to find those important to her, regardless of circumstance.
It's the bird's cry signaling he's found something that draws her finally in a particular direction but this is a vast place with so much ground to be covered even with Ginrou's eyes. However, intent on rendezvousing with the bird visually becomes lost to her when she notices the body propped against the tree up ahead. Of course, Ginrou is unmatched in his senses, but that relief of his success is far too short for her before it turns to dread.
Because she knows it's him, and she means to merely call out to confirm it, but her scream is instead full of terrified upset, one of an individual in shock at the situation before them. ]
Kazutake!
[ Why it hits her now, she doesn't know, but suddenly the sight has her sense of smell overwhelmed with blood, and approaching thir becomes obvious there is blood everywhere. Rather than freeze or otherwise hesitate, she makes her way to his side, dropping down in front of him without care of the bloody mess on the ground she kneels against. ]
Kazutake! [ she refrains from shaking him with being unable to know the extent of his injuries upon just arriving, yet she can't help but at least reach to cup either side of his face as she leans in to try to andd see if he's awake or if— ]
Kazutake...
[ her voice has hushed barely above a whisper now but there's a fear there that he won't respond. To say she is upset at the scene before her is an understatement. ]
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So the sound snaps him back to consciousness a little bit. His body still hurts and aches, but he opts to ignore it and focus on the voice instead. It sounds so desperate, so worried.. did he worry her that much? Granted, he's well aware he must look terrible, but the desire to make sure she doesn't worry feels stronger than anything as his eyes slowly flutter open. ]
.. Yukina. [ The name is breathed out as a sigh more than actually said, honestly - the latter would take too much energy out of him that he just doesn't have to spare right now. But even though his vision is still a little blurry, he's sure that it's really her in front of him - her voice calling him, her worried expression, her hands (strangely warm, or is it him that's cold?) on his cheeks.. ]
I am alright.
[ The words come out slowly, and even though his voice is low as always, it doesn't really rumble. If anything, it's definitely weak compared to the usual and a little raspy, but forcing the words themselves out is already difficult enough. Forcing a stronger tone would really be overdoing it in this condition, especially since he can just feel how close the wound is to his heart whenever he shifts even just the slightest bit.
He's obviously not alright, but.. well, he's alive, that's what he's trying to say here. Especially considering she sounds just about as shocked and wrecked as if she had seen a corpse, so he wants to at least take that possibility out of her mind. He's here, he's alive, he's just.. tired. It just hurts. But those are things Kazutake can all bear, just as he has always done. ]
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The overwhelming feeling of helplessness that makes her break down and cry every time she holds Yasehime's limp hand as she sleeps and continues not to wake is starting to creep up on her, but she can't just panic. He's out here all alone. Why is he out here alone?
She shakes her head at his attempt to convince her, and she opens her mouth to reply ("You are not", "Don't speak", "Please don't leave me—") but like her heart her throat tightens until she can just barely swallow. A small sound escapes her despite one hand moving from his cheek to try and cover her mouth and she can't just cry, she's not here to just cry. She has to do something to save him, to keep him safe until he heals just like any of the others would—
( Chitose's face flickers in her mind, and no no she can't stand to see him in any more mental anguish over his friends, that's too much to take on ( she can't let kazutake down but she can't let the others, either, she tells herself, even though the only real thing in her head that is being said over and over is the selfish thoughts of how she is supposed to accept it if he actually dies ).
Moving her other hand from his cheek, she makes every effort to keep her fingers from trembling as they brush across his skin to move some of his blood-soaked hair out of his face and at least keep it out of his eyes. What does she do, where does she start?
For all her being brought up as a clan head, her sheltered existence has made her unprepared for these concepts being reality. She's been alone for so long, the idea of losing comrades never really held much weight in her mind other than general worry because how could ones like Kazutake really be killed? And now that she's facing the experience, it's so surreal it makes her feel sick but the smell and how damp his skin is (not just from the blood, but god there is so much blood—) tells her none of this is anything but real. ]
Don't fall asleep... [ She pleads so quietly, finally bringing her hand back to his cheek and away from her mouth as she leans to rest her forehead against his, closing her eyes as she tries to gain some semblance of composure. There has to be something she can do but she can't do anything letting herself be helpless here. Just so long as he doesn't fall asleep, she can hope. ]
Please just stay with me so I can make sure you're not alone. [ she knows he's tired and it's selfish, but she can't not be selfish and she has to push him for this, if nothing else. ]
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(Of course he can't even really afford to focus on her rather than on himself in this sort of situation, but Kazutake would not be Kazutake if he did not attempt to do so all the same.)
At least the touch helps a little. Her own forehead is so warm (or is it that he has grown cold?) against his own, and there's a sound that almost sounds like a content sigh, even if it is still very tired as well. ]
I am... [ Another deep breath. ] .. not leaving you alone..
[ He can't. He can't leave Yukina behind, he can't leave his friends behind, he can't leave his clan behind.. there was too many people counting on his presence for him to die here. Maybe Kazutake's tendency to be obsessed with the wellbeings of other people and other things actually works in his favor for once here, since it pushes his mind to not just give up, to struggle against the wounds for a little while more so they can eventually heal themselves rather than lying down and letting sleep claim him instead.
A slight cough escapes him (he feels pathetic that he can't even cover that much up with his hand, he can hardly even raise his arms, and it's the strangest sensation with how full of strength they usually are), some blood dripping down from his lips. He's alright.. it repeats like a strange mantra in his head. ]
It will heal.. It-- it might just take a while. [ The wounds are too severe to close immediately the way cuts and the like might. He knows it, even if he knows that it doesn't look any less worrisome even so, considering just how much blood there is, just how tired it makes him feel.
But the thing that's keeping him conscious here the most is her presence.. with her voice sounding this way, with her eyes so full of worry, how could he possibly just give up when there's such a physical reminder of what he needs to fight for right in front of him?
It's why, for nearly the first time in his life, he hesitates. Because, also for the first time in his life, he wants to ask for something rather than ask what others want, rather than giving-- ]
Yukina.
[ It even reflects a little in his voice. It wavers, sounding a little less like he's trying to be strong, a little bit more of his emotions showing through. ]
.. Please.. stay as well.
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His skin is too cool to the touch to be of any comfort to her, but she can only wonder how cold he must feel on top of everything else and it only increases her determination to stay close. Lifting her forehead from his so she can see, Yukina uses her fingers to gently wipe the blood from his lips. ] I'll stay as long as it takes.
[ at least she hoped Yasehime in her slumber was not in pain. Kazutake, though... she can't begin to imagine what he's feeling, what could have possibly happened to leave him like this. Demons? Humans? Both?
He's always been so strong and capable of withstanding so much, that the thought of what must have happened makes her heart hurt even worse. It's too sad, too cruel for her to think on because it's bad enough they kill one another, but this seems past that. He's hard to kill, of course, but this is almost tortuous. While she's grateful he isn't dead, he doesn't deserve to suffer in this kind of way...!
When one hand finally wanders, her gathering the courage to seek out the worst of his injury, a soft 'oh' escapes Yukina at how her palm goes to sliding across firm chiseled muscle to sink into blood still pooling about torn and shredded muscle and broken skin. The feeling of her hand against such an intensely vulnerable spot and the obvious effects of his healing having tried to seal up the wound and constantly failed causes her expression to slip, going from fearful and desperate to the strain of settling upset as it sinks in how close he was (...is? But no he won't leave her, he said he wouldn't, she has to believe him) to dying. ]
Don't speak further, use that strength to recover. I'll keep you safe. [ somehow. She will do whatever it takes to ensure he doesn't slip away. ]
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And especially now when he hears those last words. "I'll keep you safe." Those are the exact wrong words to say to someone like Kazutake in this situation. Because he knows he's weak right now, that he needs the protection, but that's exactly what he hates the most. Because he remembers gazing upon Yukina as she trained, with his heart feeling lighter over knowing that - if it really comes to it - she can defend herself, but also feeling a certain heavy weight to the thought that maybe one day she would get stronger than him.. and then he wouldn't be able to protect her anymore.
He wasn't able to stand the thought back then, and he can't stand the thought now either, being unable to protect her, having to be the one to be protected instead.. he's not capable of dealing with it at all, and his look turns a lot more troubled as he closes his eyes for a moment.
It takes great effort, but he manages to raise one of his arms enough to reach the back of her head, bloody fingers lightly treading through her hair, before he pulls her closer - towards the cleaner and better off part of his chest at least, the part where he isn't sure he can almost feel his heart beating exposed to the air.
He knows it's useless. He knows he can't protect her if it's already taking everything out of him to just lift an arm, let alone do something else, but it almost feels like he could as long as he just holds her there--
Kazutake sucks in a deep breath. ]
Do not engage them in battle if more of them appear. If they do, forget about my request. [ Because if he could barely even beat a group of them, then Yukina, who is less skilled, won't even stand a chance. And Kazutake honestly can't think of anything worse than someone important to him being killed right in front of him while there's not a single thing he can do.
Even being left like this and doomed to die would be better. ]
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Right now, Yukina wants nothing more than to stay at his side, regardless of outcome. But, her instinctive nature to say no, she won't leave him to die (he would never do the same to any of them if roles were switched, so how could he ever expect them to not do the same for him—?!). But, even in their relatively short time together, he's taught her a lot. It's also plenty enough to know what he must be thinking, that he doesn't want to see someone important to him potentially die, least of all because he's unable to protect them.
For the first time, her logical side clashes heavily with her emotional feelings, but she can't seem to hold control over them no matter how hard she tries. It frustrates her as much as it scares her, because the longer she considers his words having to be a reality the harder her heart pounds imaging it. ]
Kazu... [ she attempts to address him, but his name dies in her throat and she ultimately closes her eyes to bury her face fully against his chest, her own body going lax in momentary defeat as she starts to sob softly. ] I don't want to leave without you.
[ in fact, while she is somehow semi-aware this is less reality and simply her fear of losing him taking over, it doesn't make it any less sincere in terms of wanting to stay with him. Her voice trembles as she fumbles over the words, not able to think them through enough to be conflicted enough to not say them. She doesn't want to be disrespectful of a simple request from him (and a fair and logically made one at that), but what will the others—what will Chitose—do if... ]
...I ... don't know how I'm supposed to keep going if Kazutake isn't there with me. You're not meant to die alone, you should be alive and with us, whether more of them appear or not...
[ and yet, she feels she hasn't quite reached the ability to simply say no to his request right then and there, when he asks for so little. Especially in that situation, where it would be considered a dying request. But, again, thinking about him dying—
(he won't die, it's kazutake he won't die he wo)
Yukina's fingers curl into the leather of his top tighter as she gives the tiniest shake of her head. ]
I'm sorry, I don't want to refuse your wishes... [ she cries against him, unable to apologize without it breaking down into sobs, and while she doesn't say it, that conflicted and silent but is impossible to miss.
The slightest bit of hysteria is in her tone when she continues, everything seeming to compound on each other and digging at her even in this situation. It's a very sickening feeling to suddenly be this way in front of him now when he needs it the least. She feels a sense of shame over it but her heart feels broken, a pain similar to the one when she first found Yasehime and her assailant, but somehow just that much worse.
What she really feels for a split second next is how she wishes they were closer where she could just tell him no and be willing to fight with him over it. This limbo isn't something she's been brought up to correctly handle. ]
I'm so selfish, I...
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But that also means he doesn't want to see her cry. Although Kazutake can be stubborn as hell, he's not cruel.. he's not like Kazuya who can just leave her behind even if she cries. Although Kazutake is strong, he's not heartless. There are times where he would wish he was, but he isn't, he can't will himself to be that way. Even now, when he thinks it would be easier to be that way, he can't make himself to think that way.
He can't tell her to leave when she's sobbing against him.
Kazutake wills himself to slowly move his warm again, just enough to rub his hand up and down her back - like a parent trying to comfort a child, really, but it's the only thing he can do right now to stop her crying. Any further movement feels like it might just make him topple over, and right now he needs to seem strong. He needs to stay strong. If not just since doing otherwise would only make her freak out more.
And he releases a deep breath. ]
.. I understand. [ He does, really. He knows he'd be saying the same thing in her position, he'd absolutely refuse to leave her alone in a dangerous situation in any way, even if that would mean that he might bite the dust as well in the end. ] I will not force you to leave if you wish to stay.
[ It just means that he'll have to protect her if something happens. Even though he's nearly dead, even though his body is so heavy and tired, he'll just have to force himself up, drag his body until it's standing, fight with whatever he's got left in him. It's unrealistic and he knows it, but it's not like he can tell himself anything else in this kind of situation.
His voice drops even more to a whisper, practically breathing the words into her ear. ]
It will be alright. I shall make it so.
[ Even though he's bloody and miserable and only barely alive, of course he's still going to say it. If she won't leave, then he'll just have to make things alright for the both of us - someone as responsible to the very bone as Kazutake can't do anything else out of sheer instinct.
Even if all he can do right now is try to comfort her by holding her and talking to her, then that's what he'll do. Yukina is one of his important comrades, and even more than that, she's a woman on top of it - so it's his duty to make sure she feels well, that she doesn't have to suffer hardship like she is doing now.
It's all he can do. ]
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How long this lasts for, she does not know know, but she does not once separate from him, trying to quiet herself while in his arms and merely listen to make sure his breathing never ceases and his heartbeat does not fade into nothing. The thought to apply pressure to the wound crosses her mind but she knows, too, it's too large and too deep for it to do anything but agitate his pain. The less he moves, the better and the quicker his body can find the energy to proper mend the sinew and softer muscle along with the open flesh. Yukina merely tries to offer a comforting presence, to not make him distressed any further by her being present. When she does finally move, it's only to undo her scarf and use it carefully wipe the blood from further dripping into his eyes but her intention to use it as a makeshift bandage to the lesser head injury is stopped by an unwelcome sound in the distance.
Not verbally acknowledging it, she tries to ignore it, until Ginrou's screech breaks the atmosphere in warning. All she can wonder is why, have they not done enough to him, that they would insist on tracking him all the way here to finish him off.
She won't let them, though, she won't let them take him away from her. Yukina swallows, steeling herself as she carefully reaches to his hair in order to seek out the head injury and apply the proper pressure there, at least. ]
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But Kazutake is trying to think of what's better, and the better alternative is that he rests up first to be able to protect her during their trip back - it won't do if they're attacked mid-journay and he is still a bleeding mess, after all. What will he do for her then?
So instead the demon chooses to remain in the spot, his arm refusing to let go of her. She's so nice and warm when all of his own warmth threatens to leave him, and her heartbeat against his own is a steady reminder of what he has to keep fighting for. If it wasn't for the fact that he knows he still has to be on guard just in case, it could have been a relaxing experience. Almost like he's lying under a tree together with one of his companions..
But that screech he'd recognize anywhere breaks the silence completely. Maybe he could have - in a lesser aware state - have written away the sound in the distance as something else, Ginrou would not warn them this way unless a real threat was approaching and Kazutake is well aware of it as well by now.
It was predictable, anyway. Once their troops didn't return, they must have known that those troops didn't win. Of course they would send more to take care of him and properly finish him off.
Except this time he's wounded from the beginning. Except this time, Yukina is here, and he can't let anything happen to her. He quickly moves his head lightly to check up on his own state. Some wounds have started mending, and the near-hole over his heart has at least started to close, but he's still a mess. Moving still makes everything feel sore and heavy, like he's trying to move underwater - it's no state to protect her.
But he knows he has to. ]
Yukina.
[ His voice is a little raspy as he speaks and can feel her fingers moving across his head. He knows she heard it too, yet she's still thinking of him first, even now..
Kazutake's body trembles lightly, like he's preparing it to move once more, even though it's hard. ]
We.. need to get moving. [ They can't at least sit here and wait for the demons turned mad hunting them - not this useless, not like prey. ]
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So when she is told they need to go, Yukina does her best to finish her current task. It's not perfect but hopefully the pressure is enough to at least delay it as she opts not to try and make it any more obvious to the enemy his condition that why they can already see. ]
Okay. [ her agreement is sincere and simple and she merely moves to get to her feet after reaching for one of his hands with both her own to hold tightly, not letting go even as she is finally on her feet. Swallowing, she does her absolute best to give a small smile to him, ready to do whatever is physically needed to get this man to his feet.
For now, though... ]
Let's go, Kazutake.
[ she extends her faith in him rather than fight a pointless battle on his condition. So long as she can stay by his side, she can still have a chance to keep him safe. That's all she can ask for from someone like him.
And Yukina has always been rather easy to please with her lack of being socially spoiled. ]
Chitose and the others are expecting you.
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Chitose and the others are waiting for him. Yukina is waiting for him, is wanting to take him along and not leave him behind more than anything. Kazutake is not very good in thinking in terms of his own worth, preferring to focus on duty and his role in that, but.. he understands it even so when she puts it that way. They are all his friends, he does know that, and he does realise that if he would die here, then it would be a huge blow for all of them. It's not just his clan relying on him to come back so they won't lose their leader, but they are relying on him as well. ]
Yes. [ ... ] They are expecting you too.
[ It's not said with his usual strength, but the message underlying it is still clear. Yukina might not have known them for as long as they have all known each other, but she is one of them, and that means she can't die here either. No matter what happens, no matter how desperate it'll seem that he has to be protected, she has to make sure nothing happens to her either.
But it's all he can say. Since Kazutake knows they don't have time to waste, and since even getting to his feet feels like the hardest thing right now. His muscles are all sore, and every still open wound aches with the slightest movement, let alone something as complex as standing up.
Using Yukina's hand as a support, the demon manages to draw himself up. It's painfully slow, and although he's trying to hold it back, the pain in his expression is clear. It's not an easy process, but Kazutake is strong and the situation is desperate. There's no choice.
Although once he does stand, it's hard for him to even keep standing. Especially by himself. Draping an arm over her shoulders and leaning on that a little is helping at least a little bit, however. ]
.. Let's hurry and.. go.
[ He coughs - and even though he's trying to discreetly do it off to the side, blood trinkles down his lips, falls on the ground.
He's in no condition to move, but he can't bear the thought of doing anything else right now, even if it means pushing his body to its limits. What's important right now is just making sure those hunting him down won't catch up with them. ]
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Yukina won't let go of him, though, and she'll do everything she can to take him every step necessary to return to his friends. That's why all her concentration is on moving him.
(She convinces herself Kazutake isn't going to die here, that they'll get back successfully, but she isn't surprised when the whistle of an arrow penetrates her hearing, either. And her speed advantage is gone when trying to assist another relying so heavily on her support.)
It's strange to feel relief, of all things when the silver-tipped arrow nicks her shoulder before ultimately whizzing by to imbed itself in a tree's trunk not far ahead of them. Yukina shifts, however, turning to glance back towards the shadows and forest behind them in search of the one responsible. As long as she keeps Kazutake's condition from worsening...
...Yasehime would not forgive her for failing to return should she wake up. Add a clan head like Kazutake lost also... Yukina isn't sure if death is enough to escape that type of failure after failing her like she has once already. ]
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And it's not as if he has a different choice but to rely on her right now, but.. it stings. Even if he wasn't the one hurt by the arrow, it still stings. This goes against every single belief he has. Even if he's not bleeding out anymore, he's still pretty wounded everywhere, and that means he can't fight for her. He can't protect her.
Even though she's a woman, even though she's a valued friend..
.. he can't. He can't just keep on walking and watch her getting hurt, especially not when he hears that sound of an arrow for the second time. And he knows she could get out of the way - if there's anything Yukina definitely has going for her, battle skills wise, it's speed - but he knows that she doesn't for him.
It's a split second decision. He hears the sound of the arrow, and it means that no matter how much his muscles ache, the clan head reaches out with one arm to pull Yukina closer to him before wrapping both of his arms around her once she's close enough. Sure, he's still leaning on her a little since he still hasn't recovered that much strength in his body, but he's completely pressing her against him.
In any situation it might have seemed like a romantic gesture. In this one, however? It just means that he's managed to succesfully hide her fully with his own body, which means that the second arrow doesn't graze her but instead hits him straight in the shoulder, the tip burying itself in there.
He knows it's not a fatal place - no one knows their own body as much as an Amagiri - since he made sure it wouldn't be any place too bad, but even so, he tries to bite down most of the pain it still brings to him - even if Yukina might feel him shudder from the impact, a gasp for breath escaping his lips. ]
... Forgive me.
[ That he isn't letting her bear the pain as well for a very, very faint hope of escaping. He knows it's logically the best thing to do here, but.. well, it's Kazutake. In the end, going that much against his own principles is impossible for him, it feels too much like he's being a terrible man.
What's important right now, more than anything, is making sure that he protects her. Even if it's like this. ]
Random icon button you have for once done perfectly
What can she say? Her hands reach to try and better steady him from her new position, but doing so only seems to sink the reality in that things are unfolding this way. And... there's nothing she can do about it because pleas and logic from a friend can't really ever replace a lifetime of custom and teachings grained in instinct. She understands this; as being raised to be a clan head herself and ascending to such a position at such a young age, she understands.
It's not something she wants to understand, but she can't be selfish here. This isn't about her, Yukina knows, and she also has no away over Kazutake not any of the others. But, even though her heart is screaming for her to do something and make him stop, her head is forcing her guilt and empathy to side with it in not trying to fight him. Kazutake isn't her enemy, she can't be in conflict with him at a time like this. ]
I do...
[ her fingers tighten on the front of his clothing as the sound of another arrow soaring through the air takes it's aim at kazutake's shoulder. They're after him, after all, if he wants to make himself the target, they surely won't disagree. ]
...But, I still want to help you. Please. Don't take this on all your own.
[ she won't argue but she will beg and try to do anything she can to get something out of him that will let her be of use. Her own voice is do quiet, though, sounding lost and unable to properly interpret and portray her emotions. If Chitose were here...
There's a small hitch of her breath; did she mess up not finding Chitose first? Even if she might have found Kazutake later, could Chitose have made the difference?
She's starting to believe he could. Not that she has ever doubted Chitose's strength, but perhaps Kazutake would trust Chitose to fight, even if not her.
(All those years of training, all those years of denying herself and distancing herself from everything that associated her as a woman—she wonders what it's all been for if this man hiding her still sees her as one and it comes to this?
Yukina scolds herself mentally for not thinking this through. It's her mistake, her error—if it costs Kazutake his life, she'll— ]
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However, even he knows he won't last long like this. He's already so hurt, and there's only so much even a demon can take. And what will he do once he can't even stand anymore, especially when he knows that Yukina is stubborn enough to not run and stay with him, even if it means that she might lose her own life in the process?
There's the sound of a third arrow flying through the air, and this time he does move. It's very heavy moment, and it means he leans on her a lot, but with some effort he manages to lower himself along with her into the nearby bushes. It's a little undignified, but at least this means they can't keep shooting anymore when their target isn't visible. They'll at least have to come out and properly face them, and maybe then there's something they'll be able to do. They're not long distance fighters, after all - maybe Shin, if he were here, but he's not. They have to make do with what they have (even when Kazutake is pretty sure he won't be able to fight, he's hardly even able to move).
But having relocated there buys them a little more time until the enemy will come over. A little more time to try and reassure her, at least, since all he can see inbetween the twigs and leaves and green is her face looking at him so worried.
He can't leave it like that.
Moving his hand up to her cheek, Kazutake gently brushes his thumb against the corners of her eyes, like he's trying to wipe away tears before they even form with the way her breath hitches. ]
I have told you it before, have I not..?
[ His voice comes a little more slowly, and he tries his best to not move much so the arrows in his back won't dig in further. ]
No matter what you say, you will forever be a woman to me.. what can I do but long to protect you?
[ But he'll at least give her that much - Yukina is strong, and stubborn, and not really all that much like most women. But there's something about it that's oddly endearing to him, that makes his chest feel just a little bit more tight. It's something that makes something in his brain tell him that he needs to protect Yukina even more specifically than most women, that he can't bear it even just to see her sad.
Kazutake leans forward a little, his forehead gently falling against her own, resting there. ]
So.. do not cry. Everyone would wish to see you smile..
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But now, it's different from that far-off potential and the reality that they have gone through day in and day out because something is burning her heart and eating away at it as she stares up at him, wine-red eyes blurred with tears in denial of what he is insinuating.
He can't help himself.
He's going to die because of her.
And there's nothing she can do to stop it.
She can hear movement around them but feeling her tears not sting her cheek as his thumb wipes them away instead only makes her more frantic because no this isn't ...!
She doesn't want to be protected, she wants to stay with him and be of use and protect him now because he needs it more and she wants to be able to give him back everything he's ever offered her. Why can't he let her?
Why can't she accept it and let it go? Or why can't she adapt to it? Why is it so important to her that...
It's not that yukina doesn't try for him, though. It's not as if she doesn't try to stop her tears at his request, even if she is certain she can't fulfill the rest. She can't smile seeing him in pain, she can't put on an act when she hasn't even been good at expressing herself at the most basic level, either.
The temptation to close her eyes when Kazutake's forehead is against her own, is hard to resist, especially with the heat most likely from the fever his body's attempt to stave off any infections at his most vulnerable spots. But she does not, simply looking at him through a distortion of tears as she brings her hands from clutching his clothing to caress his face. But she moves her thumbs to gently brush against his eyelids and gently coax him to close his eyes, because she doesn't want to make it more painful for him to see her cry when she is unable to draw a smile for him.
For more than anyone, she'd like to smile for him, but for whatever reason, whatever conflicted and strange mishmash of feelings weighing on her heart, when she can't smile she shifts just enough to be able to press her mouth against his lips in a kiss.
And she can taste blood as a reminder that no attempt of hers to ease his pain in any fashion is going to work. It makes her feel utterly disheartened and a little more desperate... desperate for what, she doesn't know but she doesn't know what else to do, what else can she do.
She'll do anything to be able to keep him and not give him to those edging closer.
Yukina once heard Yase-hime attempt to describe a kiss to her. And she recalls their princess smiling and speaking of things Yukina only found forever puzzling. Most of it even now makes no sense to her still, but she recalls the other saying it was as if time stood still.
Whether or not she feels time standing still by kissing Kazutake, she doesn't know, but if such a thing could happen, she'd be more than happy to kiss him forever. ]
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But this - this is also something Kazutake didn't see coming. He was the one that initiated the contact between them, pressing his skin to hers, feeling how cold her own forehead felt compared to his own. But it's Yukina who suddenly captures his lips with her own, and it leaves him staring in surprise for a moment.
He knows she isn't the type to do this. She's been denying her womanhood all this time - and he gets why, despite his insistence on the fact that she still is a woman - and she's generally been trying to figure out how to interact with all of them, having grown up by herself rather than the way they have as a group. She's always been direct, the type to speak her mind, but also the type to hold back when it came to displays of affections in the physical kind of way, let alone kisses.
And yet.. Kazutake can't deny that he's thought of it more than once. That Yukina would be an excellent bride to someone one day. Sure, she might not be traditionally feminine, but she is beautiful in her own way, and more importantly, she's mentally very strong, determined and hard-working. All things that mean a lot to him, and things he's come to respect about her even when Chitose and Kazuya were still childishly making fun of her for her lack of skill with a sword compared to their own.
Not that he had thought of claiming her as his own. Not ever. He was a clan head in debt, leader of a clan without a place to stay.. he couldn't think of finding a woman as his bride under those circumstances. He wouldn't want to force that upon any woman.
But despite that, despite the fact that this is the last time to be kissing or even thinking about it..
Kazutake leans into the kiss, kissing her in return, his eyes falling closed for a moment like she wished they had a moment ago, before he'd be able to witness her crying.
There's nothing he wants more than to wrap her up and protect her, to let nothing touch her, to keep her safe. He knows he can't in this condition, but there's got to be at least something he can do. For Yukina, who is obviously worried to death about him, but who is still brave and strong enough to not run away, not even when he tells her to. He can't just sit here and let her be taken by the enemy instead, who knows what they'd do to her since she's a woman. The worry makes him sigh a little into her mouth as his lips shift against her own.
He does realise they can't stay like this though.
Pulling his mouth away from hers just a little - so close that he's almost still speaking against her, with the added benefit of being able to speak softly in case the enemy is already getting that close - he speaks up again. ]
.. I will try to survive.
[ He doesn't say I will survive. He doesn't want to make a promise that hollow, but-- ]
If you summoned forth the courage to express yourself in such a way, then.. [ He lets out a small breath that almost sounds like a laugh, as weak as it is. ] .. well, it would be a shame upon my status as a clan head to do less than that.
[ His vision still blurry, he leans forward to press a kiss to her forehead instead.
Even if he'll have to fight in this terrible condition, he'll try his best. He'd fight off a hunderd of the enemies in this condition if it meant keeping her safe, but.. he knows she won't just take that. She won't let him fight by himself. That's what Yukina is like. ]
Therefore.. stay by my side. Do not lose. [ Because if it looks like she's about to be killed instead, then.. well, he can't make promises about not doing something stupid in that case. Those are exactly the moments he does stupid stuff to pull her out of the way. ]
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Doing everything she could to push her entire self away from what her physical body defined her as, the idea of womanhood was as foreign a concept for her to grasp as if she'd never even witnessed it a day in her life.
(But, it's untrue. She witnesses it all the time, just instead as an outsider. Women in their delicate forms, to give everything that the men cannot.
And Yukina was sure she could give none of such things. It was one side or the other and more important than anything else was the survival of her clan and to uphold their honor and duty. That's all she was trained for.
That's all she knew. )
It's still all she knows. Because when he actually returns the kiss, Yukina feels herself fall into such uncertainty about what the proper course of action to such occurring is. She had done it without considering past her own actions and perhaps Kazutake thought she would be a fine bride to someone one day, But Yukina has never even been able to see any relationship past Yasehime. She couldn't fathom anyone looking at her in such a way—even Kazutake, no, especially Kazutake! Even though he insisted she was a woman whereas it was rather easy to forget amidst the childish teasing of Chitose and Kazuya, it did more than paint a picture for her. Kazutake's preoccupation with his clan's welfare, not just in the direct bloodline of the next head, made it difficult for her to imagine him marrying soon. But, when he did, she imagined it would have to be a perfect traditional woman—simply because everything Kazutake did was as close to the view of a perfect traditional man.
His desire to protect, his need to take the burden and provide the solution no matter the odds; and his inability to share the sense of defeat.
In her attempts to interact with the others, she'd been so caught up in simply trying to not act so obviously as an outsider even when they all did their best to include her that anything beyond making their efforts not be in vain due to her lack of social grace was forfeit. And now isn't the time, she knows. It's not long enough her to have to consider a next step, and feeling him respond in the way he does admittedly give her some small measure of ability to re suppress her fears.
His words—that slight but honest sound of a laugh—even moreso.
But, still, even his resolve, she is well aware his condition is not one he should be moving in, nevermind, fighting. She doesn't want him to fight at all, but he can't let her fight without him. There to be another way, something—
It's all so fast, and she's sure they haven't lost that much time to give the enemy such time to close in but her heart ices over when Kazutake is suddenly grabbed and pulled from her. Maybe she should be relieved he's merely grabbed rather than shot or stabbed, but her instinct is to not let them take him from her.
To act successfully is difficult, though, when she's grabbed to prevent her from managing to reach the other despite her physical protest. Her expression shifts as her attention changes from Kazutake to this enemy—not humans; rogue demons. She will still never understand the allure and even moreso their willingness to kill their own kind. That was a human trait, a human affair that should have stayed such and although she is and has tried to understand these things for the sake of the others with them all taking various sides, she—
They won't even think of piercing my heart.
In Kazutake's condition, like this they wouldn't... not to a clan head. Not even with only a shred of their demon heritage left in them would they stoop so low...
There is a small amount of doubt, though, to have her speaking before she can even fully comprehend what she's saying or doing. And the one holding her better not even stray a second if they planned on keeping her restrained for long. ]
Don't touch him!
[ Isn't it enough? ]
{ I couldn't really decide where to go from here after some hours of debate, so if you have an idea to further this or change the situation, I'll happily pick up from the direction you take it in, however big or small it is, sorry ;;-;; }
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But what's worse about all this is that even through the haze that being moved that quickly is turning his eyesight into, he can see they're grabbing Yukina as well. They're holding her back, even as she's struggling against it, even as she's trying to reach him. Even though she's a woman, even though she should be left out of all of this in the first place if these things even have a single shred of pride left inside of them.
He can't allow them to do this to her, let alone harm there. Yukina was right - he can't die here. He owes too much to his clan, he owes too much to his friends.
He owes too much to her, too, now.
But Kazutake knows he can't do a thing. If he can't even move, then how is he supposed to do anything about their enemies? How is he supposed to save her? But if the goal here is for both of them to survive, then.. even if it's against everything he believes in..
Yukina has the same potential as all of them, he's sure. Even though he knows she's never accessed it before (if not from talks with her, then with the elders), she can access her full potential too with a little shove, she should also be able to use her full powers and form as a demon. All she needs is that shove, and maybe all he can do right now is provide just that.
And transferring life energy is so easy when he already feels so close to the line that seperates life from death. He'll have to be careful to not give her all of his spirit or it'll all be for naught anyway, but control has always been one of the things Kazutake excels at.
His eyes fall shut as he tries to ignore the jeers of the rogue demons around them. Instead he focuses on his breathing, on the life he can still feel swirling around inside of it, and he tries to transfer some of it to Yukina the best she can, so she may be able to switch forms and change the odds.
And along with the warm energy, it's almost as if a message comes too - even if Kazutake doesn't say it out loud.
Yukina, fight.
She is a woman, and he'll forever insist on that, but.. she is also the strongest woman he has ever known. And if he had to put his faith into any woman like that.. it would be her. ]