[ feeling herself being pulled against him and cradled, her eyes widen a little as he speaks and she doesn't even realize her fingers seeking to clutch at the fabric of his uniform. It's a long moment before she realizes she's clinging to him in order to try to both stay close against him but to also steady herself as it sinks in what he is saying. She lets out a small breath, finally, but it cracks and, as she tries to recover it, only makes things unravel more.
Right now, Yukina wants nothing more than to stay at his side, regardless of outcome. But, her instinctive nature to say no, she won't leave him to die (he would never do the same to any of them if roles were switched, so how could he ever expect them to not do the same for him—?!). But, even in their relatively short time together, he's taught her a lot. It's also plenty enough to know what he must be thinking, that he doesn't want to see someone important to him potentially die, least of all because he's unable to protect them.
For the first time, her logical side clashes heavily with her emotional feelings, but she can't seem to hold control over them no matter how hard she tries. It frustrates her as much as it scares her, because the longer she considers his words having to be a reality the harder her heart pounds imaging it. ]
Kazu... [ she attempts to address him, but his name dies in her throat and she ultimately closes her eyes to bury her face fully against his chest, her own body going lax in momentary defeat as she starts to sob softly. ] I don't want to leave without you.
[ in fact, while she is somehow semi-aware this is less reality and simply her fear of losing him taking over, it doesn't make it any less sincere in terms of wanting to stay with him. Her voice trembles as she fumbles over the words, not able to think them through enough to be conflicted enough to not say them. She doesn't want to be disrespectful of a simple request from him (and a fair and logically made one at that), but what will the others—what will Chitose—do if... ]
...I ... don't know how I'm supposed to keep going if Kazutake isn't there with me. You're not meant to die alone, you should be alive and with us, whether more of them appear or not...
[ and yet, she feels she hasn't quite reached the ability to simply say no to his request right then and there, when he asks for so little. Especially in that situation, where it would be considered a dying request. But, again, thinking about him dying—
(he won't die, it's kazutake he won't die he wo)
Yukina's fingers curl into the leather of his top tighter as she gives the tiniest shake of her head. ]
I'm sorry, I don't want to refuse your wishes... [ she cries against him, unable to apologize without it breaking down into sobs, and while she doesn't say it, that conflicted and silent but is impossible to miss.
The slightest bit of hysteria is in her tone when she continues, everything seeming to compound on each other and digging at her even in this situation. It's a very sickening feeling to suddenly be this way in front of him now when he needs it the least. She feels a sense of shame over it but her heart feels broken, a pain similar to the one when she first found Yasehime and her assailant, but somehow just that much worse.
What she really feels for a split second next is how she wishes they were closer where she could just tell him no and be willing to fight with him over it. This limbo isn't something she's been brought up to correctly handle. ]
no subject
Right now, Yukina wants nothing more than to stay at his side, regardless of outcome. But, her instinctive nature to say no, she won't leave him to die (he would never do the same to any of them if roles were switched, so how could he ever expect them to not do the same for him—?!). But, even in their relatively short time together, he's taught her a lot. It's also plenty enough to know what he must be thinking, that he doesn't want to see someone important to him potentially die, least of all because he's unable to protect them.
For the first time, her logical side clashes heavily with her emotional feelings, but she can't seem to hold control over them no matter how hard she tries. It frustrates her as much as it scares her, because the longer she considers his words having to be a reality the harder her heart pounds imaging it. ]
Kazu... [ she attempts to address him, but his name dies in her throat and she ultimately closes her eyes to bury her face fully against his chest, her own body going lax in momentary defeat as she starts to sob softly. ] I don't want to leave without you.
[ in fact, while she is somehow semi-aware this is less reality and simply her fear of losing him taking over, it doesn't make it any less sincere in terms of wanting to stay with him. Her voice trembles as she fumbles over the words, not able to think them through enough to be conflicted enough to not say them. She doesn't want to be disrespectful of a simple request from him (and a fair and logically made one at that), but what will the others—what will Chitose—do if... ]
...I ... don't know how I'm supposed to keep going if Kazutake isn't there with me. You're not meant to die alone, you should be alive and with us, whether more of them appear or not...
[ and yet, she feels she hasn't quite reached the ability to simply say no to his request right then and there, when he asks for so little. Especially in that situation, where it would be considered a dying request. But, again, thinking about him dying—
(he won't die, it's kazutake he won't die he wo)
Yukina's fingers curl into the leather of his top tighter as she gives the tiniest shake of her head. ]
I'm sorry, I don't want to refuse your wishes... [ she cries against him, unable to apologize without it breaking down into sobs, and while she doesn't say it, that conflicted and silent but is impossible to miss.
The slightest bit of hysteria is in her tone when she continues, everything seeming to compound on each other and digging at her even in this situation. It's a very sickening feeling to suddenly be this way in front of him now when he needs it the least. She feels a sense of shame over it but her heart feels broken, a pain similar to the one when she first found Yasehime and her assailant, but somehow just that much worse.
What she really feels for a split second next is how she wishes they were closer where she could just tell him no and be willing to fight with him over it. This limbo isn't something she's been brought up to correctly handle. ]
I'm so selfish, I...