[ Sharing a room. The idea had truthfully never really come up in Chizuru's mind. Back home there never was a possibility for it, after all, and with the lack of.. well, anything in Liminal Space and the fact that he didn't even remember who she was in Brooklyn, even in this place it's never really been a possibility either.
It's why it comes as a slight surprise when they decide to have one together now. The tavern is already strange enough - looking like nothing she's used to - but then again, this whole day has been one of getting used to new things. New people, new company, a new place. So why not add this on top of it? After all, it might be a surprising kind of thing and definitely a new kind of thing, but it's not unpleasant at all. In fact, there's something that makes her feel glad about the idea of sharing a room with him together. If not just because right next to him is the place she's always, always felt the safest. There's plenty of stuff to worry about with the new Jaunt and some of the new arrivals, but it feels so much harder to do when she's standing there in the same strange room as him, just the two of them, just one bed..
A weird nervous kind of excitement slowly spreads from her chest. She might not exactly know what to do in these kind of situations, but the feeling still appears fairly instinctively. Chizuru ends up tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, looking up at him with a slight blush on her cheeks. ]
Um.. it's really okay? [ For her to stay with him like this tonight, that is. ]
[Because - well, as seasoned in some things as she's been forced to become, tagging along with the Shinsengumi - there's a difference between being accustomed to death and loss and sorrow, and being used to ideas like...well, like this.
And while it's not like she was born yesterday, he has to imagine that the idea of knowing the guys are headed off to Shimabara for the women is a little different from what they're looking at now, and the last thing he wants is for her to do anything she's not yet comfortable with the idea of.
(Even if there's something in the back of his mind saying that they really ought to leap on the chance while they have it, because there's no telling when one of them will forget who they are for a jaunt, when one of them might stumble into a dungeon portal -)
He steps further into the room, closing the door behind them.]
But I'd feel a lot better knowing you're right here where I can see you.
A-- ah, of course it's okay with me! [ Chizuru might be a little oblivious from time to time, but she isn't completely stupid. Even she can see the gigantic elephant hanging out in the room here. It's probably why there's already a vague rose tint to her cheerks even as she's just saying this, staring at his back as he walks further into the room. ] I.. um, I'm actually glad to be staying with you..
[ After all, she's missed him more terribly than she'd like to admit the last month. Even if she did talk to him during the last Jaunt, it was him yet it wasn't - someone slightly different, someone who didn't even recognize her. So being as close to him as possible now, to share a room with him and even more.. it's a nice idea. She's never really considered as far as doing anything like that with him considering how long it took before they even kissed and right after that she arrived here instead, but it's not something she feels nervous about in any way but an excited one. A little strange and new maybe, but-- not bad. Never bad.
Hijikata has always made her feel safe with him, after all. No matter when. Even in the middle of war, even when Kazama was right in front of them.
Compared to that, this is nothing, so she throws away her hesitation and steps after him. ]
I mean..
[ God, she doesn't want to be too forward with this (is there such a thing as too forward in this kind of situation, though?) so it's a little hard to try and find a proper way to word it, but.. ]
... as long as it's Hijikata-san, then I'm happy. [ And that's not just about the room, although it goes unspoken. ]
[If there's such a thing as too forward, he doubts she'll be the first one to reach it.
But he turns to face her at that, his back to the bed and a gentle smile on his face as he takes another step backwards and reaches out, holding his hand out and waiting for hers.]
Can't say I ever expected anything like this, but...
[But it's not so bad, really. A strange bed in a strange land wouldn't have been his first choice, but no matter what all here isn't familiar - what is familiar is what matters.
As long as Chizuru's with him, it doesn't matter what else this world tries to throw at him.]
[ She steps over to him, gently grabbing the hand that he's holding out, but not stopping walking until she's standing right next to him, looking up to him with a smile of her own.
If anything, Chizuru is so incredibly glad to see him being able to smile that way. This place might not be perfect, sure, but their situation back home is even worse. Not to mention the fact that some of their friends are actually well and alive here again - it's more than she could have asked for, really. She doesn't even mind being stuck doing these Jaunts as much as long as Hijikata is right there with her. ]
But.. it's not too bad, right?
[ Despite the "right", she already knows he'll agree. There's no way he could smile like that if he wasn't at least a little bit happy. ]
[Being in strange world after strange world, without her at his side and with no way of knowing if he'd ever find his way home and see her again - that had been bad. With her here, though, this...it's an inconvenience, a problem that can be endured until it can be surmounted.
It's okay.
His other arm slips around her waist, and he lets himself fall backwards to the bed behind him, pulling her down with him.]
[ Maybe it's just the drop in general or the slight surprise at suddenly feeling it happen, but a small squeak of surprise escapes Chizuru's mouth as they land on the bed. Not that the surprise lasts long though, the moment she realised what happened (and that she's completely in his arms once more) she instead smiles and quietly laughs. It really is a strange feeling in a sense, since she never did expect things to end up this way, but right now she just can't help but feel giddy. The feeling starts in her stomach and then slowly spreads through her body as she looks at the man lying there next to her on the bed.
It should be the least natural place to see the original demon vice-commander of the Shinsengumi lying next to you on a bed in a strange world, but somehow it almost manages to feel natural. Or at least comfortable enough to get close to it.
Her free hand first moves to rest on his shoulder and linger there for a moment or two, but then the fingers move up to gingerly brush across his cheek instead. ]
[Even if he weren't already smiling, he'd certainly have to be after that - that little squeak (because how cute can she get, really), and then the way the surprise is gone as quickly as it appeared - it's just so...so very, endearingly, Chizuru.
There's part of him that would like nothing more than to flip her over and just - go to town, but even if he has a feeling she wouldn't mind a bit, he can't help but hold back, because the way she's touching him now...slowly, carefully, like she's dipping one toe in the bathwater to check the temperature before she slides the rest of the way in...
(Thinking about Chizuru in the bath: unexpectedly nice, but not quite where he was trying to go with that train of thought -)
It's captivating, seeing how she navigate this for the first time, and it's never going to be quite the same as this again, so he holds back, stays put, letting go of her waist only to move his hand up to tangle in her hair and lean in to kiss her. He'd rather be patient, at least for now.]
[ Even though this is still familiar territory, it's not boring or bad in the slightest - quite the opposite. She feels like she could just lie here for hours in a strange bed in a strange land just-- well, just kissing him like this. And kissing him she does, her own lips moving against his own as well, making sure he's not the only participant in this.
And even if he's certainly not an unpleasant sight to look at (she's always thought he's handsome, long hair or short hair, traditional clothes or his western coat and just about everything inbetween) she closes her eyes after she feels Hijikata's lips against her own, wanting to just drown in the sensation for a few moments. The kisses don't have the same amount of relief or surprise as they did the very first time, but the love in them is still the same, and the feeling instantly envelops her once more.
Her hand which only lightly brushed before now slowly (still cautiously, still exploring) settles on his cheek, and even the knowledge that it's his skin under her hand is enough to make her heart skip a beat. Her other hand moves up to rest on his shoulder instead. ]
[Every brush of her hand, every movement she makes that's bolder and goes further, rather than backing away - every bit of it makes his own heart beat faster, because even if it took him the longest time to realize (and even after that, to admit) how much he needs her, how important she is to him -
There's still some part of him that isn't quite done being amazed that she's stayed, through everything, that she still hasn't woken up and realized she could be happier and safer somewhere else. (He'll probably never stop being amazed.)
He wraps his arm around her waist again and rolls onto his back, gently pulling her on top of him.]
[ There's a faint blush on her cheeks that she's pretty sure of won't let off during this whole thing. It's just the natural effect of being here with him so close together, and it certainly doesn't help when they move and she suddenly realises she's on top of him now. (It takes a moment though, she's so caught up in the kiss that she doesn't fully notice it despite the movement until she opens her eyes.) ]
H-- Hijikata-san.. [ She definitely looks and sounds a little shy and flustered, but it's more from the surprise than anything else. Besides, there's something warm about her tone as she looks down at him, staring at his hair, his face, his eyes - still every bit as beautiful and entrancing as the first time she met him, even if the situation is completely different now. ]
[He's pretty sure it's something she'll get over - certainly he can catch that warmth in her tone, even through the surprise there, but he also wants to be sure, at every step, that she's comfortable with this.]
This still okay?
[He reaches up, fingers deftly brushing a few strands of hair away from her face. She's beautiful no matter what, whether her hair is perfectly combed or whether it's coming free of its ponytail and getting everywhere, but she's most beautiful, he thinks, when he can see her face, see what she's thinking (because Chizuru tends to be so very easy to read in that regard).]
[ She can't think of a single reason why this wouldn't still be okay. Not when they're this close together, when they finally have a moment between the two of us that doesn't involve not being able to do much out of being rushed, not knowing when the enemy will strike, feeling like they've just been pushed into a corner. Tonight it's just the two of them, and tomorrow the tournament will still be there, relatively much more innocent than anything they've seen in a long time together.
Or when he brushes her hair back like that, that also makes it very difficult to find this not okay in any way. Sure, she's still blushing and maybe a little shy, but there's some confidence in her nod to him, as small as it is.
She lowers herself a little, practically able to feel both his heartbeat and her own when she's quiet for a moment. ]
Because it's you, it'll always be okay. [ This is what she wants. It's already felt good for a long time just to be by his side, let alone be with him in this kind of situation. ] So.. please, don't ask that anymore.
[ She knows it's him trying to be nice and courteous towards her, but there's something in it that - despite knowing that he won't tell her to abandon him anymore - comes just a little too close to reminding her of I can't make you happy or You're a woman, and you deserve to have your own life or I can't let us tie you down anymore.
Of Hijikata putting himself down when there's nothing more than she'd like to do than stay by his side. When she's always seen such a great person in him who's always, always made her happy-- ]
There's nothing I'd like more than to do this with Hijikata-san, who.. [ just the slightest lowering of her eyes, maybe a tad bashfully ] .. who I love very much.
[Sometimes, it's very hard for Hijikata not to put himself down, to keep thinking that she deserves so much better than everything he's given her, that there's no way he could ever get this all right.
Sometimes, she says things like that and looks at him like that, and even if it's still hard for him not to, it feels a lot easier than it used to.
His fingers trace their way around her head, to fumble with the cord securing her ponytail and let her hair loose to spill over her shoulders. He hasn't seen her with it down, much.
It's beautiful. She's beautiful.]
I'll try to keep my fool mouth shut and stop ruining the moment, then.
[Besides, he might say something stupid about probably loving her he thinks again, and that'd really ruin things -]
Because I love you too much to let myself fuck this up.
[ Even now, there's still something in her whenever he says those words, just the brief sensation of her heart skipping a beat or two at hearing them. It hasn't been that long since she first heard them, after all, and even then he was gone for a month in Brooklyn. It's still a little new to her - even if she had loved him for some time already, she was never sure if she'd hear those words coming from him. Sometimes it almost feels like she's dreaming. (But then at least it's a good dream.)
It's why a happy sigh escapes her mouth just as her hair falls down as well, strands cascading to the sides of her head, framing her face further. She smiles down at him. ]
There's no way you could mess up, so.. don't worry. [ No way that he could mess up that she would view as messing up, anyway.
Besides, either of them are as likely to mess up in this department - for one, Chizuru has no idea how to deal with these clothes. Their usual western ones would have been a little more difficult than the usual, but at least she had gotten used to it by now. But these strange new clothes Dolorosa has given them are a different story entirely. It's almost as if she's contemplating they can even go about this as her gaze wanders down a little from his face. (But then again, let's be real, she might be bold at times, but not bold enough to be the one to start on their clothing.) ]
[He catches that drift of her gaze - because with how closely he's hanging onto every movement and every flicker of expression, it stands out like those neon signs from back in Brooklyn.
He doesn't expect her to be bold enough to keep pushing, but it's not as if he minds. He reaches up to his collar, fumbling with the clasp there one-handed (because of course he can't just take his hands off her entirely, that would just be crazy). He's gotten pretty efficient with the buttons on his western uniform, but this isn't quite made the same way, and what started as a careful, controlled attempt gives way to him just pulling on the damned thing and hoping it'll pop.
[ For a few moments she's content enough to just watch him fiddle with it. She doesn't want to be impatient, after all (and she isn't to begin with, she'd be fine if these moments with Hijikata could be dragged out to an eternity) and the way he holds onto her is rather nice that waiting doesn't bother her in general.
But after those moments it's pretty obvious he's not going to get it open by himself. So she smiles softly. ]
Here, let me help..
[ She leans a little closer towards him - close enough to practically be able to feel his breath tickle against the top of her head - and tries to work on the clasp instead. It's not like she's more familiar with these clothes than him, but it's a little easier when you can actually see what you're doing rather than having to guess, and even though it also takes her a few moments, she manages to pry it open. ] .. There.
You're a lifesaver in more ways than one, Chizuru.
[He reaches back up, but instead of taking his shirt, using the opportunity to pull it farther open, he just rests his hand on hers. If she makes any motion to continue, he'll let her...and if she doesn't, he'll guide her into it, slow and gentle.
There just doesn't seem to be as much meaning in undressing yourself.]
[ At first she seems a little confused as to why he doesn't move on. Her gaze moves to meet his own again, and it's only then that it clicks in her mind, that she starts to realise - he's not undressing himself since he wants her to do it.. right? And it's not that she doesn't want to do it - her heart loudly pounds in her chest at the thought of it - but it's more just that she's a little nervous, if not just from the sudden excitement.
Still, her eagerness for him wins out in the end. And although it happens very slowly and carefully, she does move before he has to guide her hand. Her movements are very much like the usual, even considering the act, just pulling open his shirt delicately to reveal the skin underneath.
Nothing she hasn't seen before, but when that happened it was a much different situation and things between them were nowhere near as close to begin the way they are now, and even though even back then she thought he was handsome and her heart sure skipped a beat, she never had the full time to admire it before fear drove her away. This is different. This time Hijikata wants her to see, and this time she can look. At least she's not terribly discreet about the gawking staring, but it's more just since she's so caught up in this moment with the two of them. Chizuru could swear he's even more handsome than she thought after she caught that glimpse before, and for a moment she practically forgets to breathe by the time she's managed to completely open it. ]
[Her lack of discretion, or even any real attempt at it, only makes it all the better, really. Because that's one of the things he's come to love about her so much - her honesty, her earnestness, the way she wears her heart on her sleeve and can't do much of a job of hiding it all even when she tries.
He waits quietly for a moment as she finishes, letting her look, taking a look of his own - and he's certainly seen her face more times than she's seen his bare chest, but this expression is something different, and he wants to savor it as much as she wants to enjoy her own view.
...still, he's never claimed to be the most patient man, either.
And so after a long moment, he reaches up to start unfastening her own shirt.]
[ She'll gladly let him, really. Even if it's enough to make her heart pound so much she almost feels like it's stuck in her throat, the very thought that he'll see her chest completely bare, the first time anyone has ever seen it -- she wants it to be like this. She wants him to see it, to uncover it, and so she waits with a pounding heart.
Except there's the matter of where she's supposed to leave her hands in the meantime. Helping him the way he helped her open up his shirt doesn't quite feel right, and the first other spot she thinks of to place her hands on is..
Chizuru's definitely blushing since there's still a part of her that isn't sure if it's okay to do this or not, but.. with the way he looked at her just now, surely he can't mind, so she slowly places her hands on the skin of his torso and lets them rest on top of the defined muscles while he works. ]
[There's very little she could do now that isn't okay with him, and even if he can't read her mind, he can guess from the way she's looking, the way she's blushing, that she's still not quite sure about that.
He's got a feeling whatever he says might stand a chance of ruining the moment, so he just gives her a reassuring smile as she rests her hands on his body, as if to say it's fine, it's more than fine, she's exactly where he wants her - because to be fair, almost anywhere would do, as long as it's right here with him.
He doesn't rush, but he doesn't slow himself deliberately, either, and so it doesn't take him long to work her shirt open and reach up to slide it free of her shoulders, his hands lingering there on her exposed skin.]
[ It reminds her of just how much of a sharp contrast this is compared to before, that smile. After all, the last time she saw him even remotely like this, he looked and sounded like he was just about ready to kill her about it - and she had really feared that would have happened. But now she's doing even more, she's going ahead and touching it, and he's smiling over it like it's the most normal thing in the world.
Just that in itself would be enough to bring butterflies to her stomach, but the feeling of his skin under her hands sure does that too. So much that Chizuru can't fully help herself and the hands do somewhat move over his skin a little bit - not too far, more cautiously, as if she's testing the waters despite him being so warm. It's probably her being flusterd more than anything, really.
And it's a distraction from him getting her own shirt out of the way and exposing her. It's a little embarrassing, considering no one has ever seen her like that before, but she knows she wants it to be no one else but him. Still, it means that her chest is exposed to him as well, and the sudden exposure to the cool air combined with being this close to him and touching him means that her nipples have hardened - it's hard to not feel a little shameful about it, even though judging by her expression she's still happy by all means. ]
[The more he sees, the harder it is to ignore that growing impatience he's feeling, even as an equally loud part of him wants to draw things out and enjoy it for as long as he can make it last - because hell knows there hasn't been much worth enjoying in his life for so long, and every second with her is precious.
One hand settles behind her neck, pulling her down again - not so sharply as to be rough, but sharply enough to bring her down, press her against him, because there's too much of her (except not enough of her and never too much of her) and not enough of his hands to touch her with. Her skin against his is warm in a way that goes far beyond the heat of mere physical contact, and his other arm snakes around her waist as he tilts his head up to kiss her again.]
[ There's no problem with drawing it out as far as she's concerned. Everything about this is new, either way, even this kiss is new with the added contact of skin on skin. It's so nice and warm - if not just for body heat, but it goes beyond that, the feeling that she's safer here with him than anywhere else, no matter what he might say about it. The feeling that she loves him so much, and he loves her back too..
One of her hand moves a little further up, settling on the skin just below his shoulder, and the other one moves a little beyond that, into his hair, fingers carefully threading through it. There's not even much hesitance about the gesture anymore, even if her heart does skip a beat or two out of nervousness at the action. But maybe it's finally dawning upon Chizuru that he's okay with her doing whatever she wants to do right now. And as far as she's concerned, what she wants is just to be with him, to keep sharing this warmth of his skin brushing against her own with him. ]
[That lack of hesitance is what tips the scales; his hand at her waist starts to toy with the waistband of her pants a bit. As content as he is with all of this -
There's more of her to be seen, touched, shared, and no matter how satisfying even the smallest taste is, he's not going to be truly satisfied until he's uncovered everything.
Still, he doesn't rush; his fingers dip beneath her waistband and he pauses for a moment, just keeping them there like that, as though to give her a chance to make any objections clear before he does anything more. He doesn't disbelieve her when she's said everything's fine, but he doesn't want the pace to go anywhere she's not happy with, either.]
[ If there are any objections, then they really aren't visible. Chizuru's face does flush a little at the realisation of where his hand is going, but it's a direction and pace that she entirely doesn't mind. It might be the first time she's ever done anything even remotely like this, but there's no way she would mind if it's him - especially since she longs for him too, just as he does for her, and the thought of him moving downwards is already enough to make her legs shake a little.
When he lingers though she gives him quiet encouragement, a sign that it's okay, that she wants this. It's mostly a small nod, but it's also the way her fingers still brush through his hair a little, waiting for him to continue. ]
[His hand lingers there for a few long moments, just sweeping across her skin just below the belt, but eventually his fingers find their way back up just a couple of inches, to start undoing her pants rather than tiptoeing around them. Just a quick pull and -
- it was supposed to be a quick pull.
After a few moments of increasingly awkward fumbling, Hijikata opens his eyes, propping himself up on one elbow to look down to where he's managed to pick the wrong thing to pull, and has only succeeded in getting that cord tied in a worse knot rather than undoing it.]
[ Honestly, for a moment she can't help but wonder what's taking him either. It's not anything she actually voices out loud since she wants to give him all the time in the world to do this just the way he wants to do it (she trusts him enough for that, after all, she'd trust him with anything at all) but after a few moments of fumbling it's definitely becoming noticable.
And even Chizuru doesn't even really notice what happened until he pulls back and she can angle her head just enough to take a quick peek. And that quick peek is all she needs to realise he just managed to tangle it more.
It's.. oddly endearing, though, especially with the expression on his face that goes along with it. She doesn't think he's any less than amazing, he's one of the strongest people she's ever met, powerful and commandering.. but she's seen plenty of oh so very human moments from him that make her love him so much, and this is just another one of them.
A small, slightly amused sound escapes her. ] Here.. [ And with a smile she moves her own hand down to help untangle the knot. But even then she's still involving him in it too, trying to direct his hand to the parts that he needs to pull on while she tries to pry apart the knot with her nails until it finally comes undone. ]
[For a moment it seems almost like her intervention is going to make it more of a mess, and he doesn't seem quite sure of what to do with suddenly having her help with something he was trying his damndest to do alone - but her persistence pays off, and after a few long seconds of continued fumbling, he seems to get the hang of what she's doing well enough to let her take care of the one part while he takes care of the other.
(Which is horribly fitting and reflective of a lot of things about him in a lot of ways that he is never going to admit to, thank you very much.)
The knot finally comes undone, and he leans down to brush his lips against her collarbone with a soft sigh of relief (because he's at least got enough romance in him to realize that a thank the fucking heavens is going to totally ruin the moment even worse, here) as his other hand slides down to start tugging her pants down.]
[ Honestly, he could be making the biggest tangled mess of anything right about now and she'd be okay with it as long as he's doing this. Even though it's only a light touch, having his lips directly against her skin like that is enough to cause a tingling kind of feeling to run through her body - one that she doesn't want to stop, really.
Her hand brushes against his for a last time before she pulls it back up, content enough to at least let him handle the rest of her pants for now. She shifts a little to help them slide off a little better, but the hand moves back to having one half-buried in his black hair, the other sprawled (although still a little cautiously, gently, as if even in this situation she's still trying so hard not to impose because well, it's Chizuru) against the skin of his chest.
[It's a longer moment than he'd hoped to get them off of her completely, but he doesn't let himself rush, no matter how much faster he wants to take it. She's worth waiting for.
(And if he tries to rush it, he's probably only going to make even stupider mistakes re: handling basic clothing removal, okay.)
As soon as he's got her pants off her, he tosses them carelessly to the side and loops his arms around her waist again, stopping, not going further but just taking another moment to savor - everything. The warmth of her hand on his chest, the feeling of her fingers tangled in his hair and her weight (small though it is) on top of him -
He could be happy like this forever, and yet no, it's not enough.]
you weren't kidding about a month, huh.. but ssh, it's okay, no need to apologize!!
[ A deep red runs across Chizuru's face. Not that she isn't comfortable with Hijikata (especially not by now) and it's not that she doesn't want to do this at this point (even if she never really thought about it before since they didn't exactly have time for it up north in the middle of that war), but it's just.. new.
This is the first time she's been this bare in front of anyone, even Hijikata himself. With her being the only woman in the Shinsengumi headquarters and that being a secret, it had been a big deal to make sure no one would see even aside from the embarrassment it'd bring her. But here she is, lying uncovered on top of him, feeling even a little smaller than she already is since she's at her most vulnerable.
Yet it doesn't feel wrong at all. He's the only one she wants to show this to.
Her lips brush against his own again, and after a brief kiss she whispers against his mouth. ]
It's okay.. [ To go further if he wants, she means, because it's terribly hard to read the line between him just enjoying the quiet rest of the moment and him holding back for her sake - since he certainly doesn't have to do the latter, she wouldn't want him to. ]
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no subject
It's why it comes as a slight surprise when they decide to have one together now. The tavern is already strange enough - looking like nothing she's used to - but then again, this whole day has been one of getting used to new things. New people, new company, a new place. So why not add this on top of it? After all, it might be a surprising kind of thing and definitely a new kind of thing, but it's not unpleasant at all. In fact, there's something that makes her feel glad about the idea of sharing a room with him together. If not just because right next to him is the place she's always, always felt the safest. There's plenty of stuff to worry about with the new Jaunt and some of the new arrivals, but it feels so much harder to do when she's standing there in the same strange room as him, just the two of them, just one bed..
A weird nervous kind of excitement slowly spreads from her chest. She might not exactly know what to do in these kind of situations, but the feeling still appears fairly instinctively. Chizuru ends up tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, looking up at him with a slight blush on her cheeks. ]
Um.. it's really okay? [ For her to stay with him like this tonight, that is. ]
no subject
[Because - well, as seasoned in some things as she's been forced to become, tagging along with the Shinsengumi - there's a difference between being accustomed to death and loss and sorrow, and being used to ideas like...well, like this.
And while it's not like she was born yesterday, he has to imagine that the idea of knowing the guys are headed off to Shimabara for the women is a little different from what they're looking at now, and the last thing he wants is for her to do anything she's not yet comfortable with the idea of.
(Even if there's something in the back of his mind saying that they really ought to leap on the chance while they have it, because there's no telling when one of them will forget who they are for a jaunt, when one of them might stumble into a dungeon portal -)
He steps further into the room, closing the door behind them.]
But I'd feel a lot better knowing you're right here where I can see you.
no subject
[ After all, she's missed him more terribly than she'd like to admit the last month. Even if she did talk to him during the last Jaunt, it was him yet it wasn't - someone slightly different, someone who didn't even recognize her. So being as close to him as possible now, to share a room with him and even more.. it's a nice idea. She's never really considered as far as doing anything like that with him considering how long it took before they even kissed and right after that she arrived here instead, but it's not something she feels nervous about in any way but an excited one. A little strange and new maybe, but-- not bad. Never bad.
Hijikata has always made her feel safe with him, after all. No matter when. Even in the middle of war, even when Kazama was right in front of them.
Compared to that, this is nothing, so she throws away her hesitation and steps after him. ]
I mean..
[ God, she doesn't want to be too forward with this (is there such a thing as too forward in this kind of situation, though?) so it's a little hard to try and find a proper way to word it, but.. ]
... as long as it's Hijikata-san, then I'm happy. [ And that's not just about the room, although it goes unspoken. ]
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But he turns to face her at that, his back to the bed and a gentle smile on his face as he takes another step backwards and reaches out, holding his hand out and waiting for hers.]
Can't say I ever expected anything like this, but...
[But it's not so bad, really. A strange bed in a strange land wouldn't have been his first choice, but no matter what all here isn't familiar - what is familiar is what matters.
As long as Chizuru's with him, it doesn't matter what else this world tries to throw at him.]
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If anything, Chizuru is so incredibly glad to see him being able to smile that way. This place might not be perfect, sure, but their situation back home is even worse. Not to mention the fact that some of their friends are actually well and alive here again - it's more than she could have asked for, really. She doesn't even mind being stuck doing these Jaunts as much as long as Hijikata is right there with her. ]
But.. it's not too bad, right?
[ Despite the "right", she already knows he'll agree. There's no way he could smile like that if he wasn't at least a little bit happy. ]
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[Being in strange world after strange world, without her at his side and with no way of knowing if he'd ever find his way home and see her again - that had been bad. With her here, though, this...it's an inconvenience, a problem that can be endured until it can be surmounted.
It's okay.
His other arm slips around her waist, and he lets himself fall backwards to the bed behind him, pulling her down with him.]
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It should be the least natural place to see the original demon vice-commander of the Shinsengumi lying next to you on a bed in a strange world, but somehow it almost manages to feel natural. Or at least comfortable enough to get close to it.
Her free hand first moves to rest on his shoulder and linger there for a moment or two, but then the fingers move up to gingerly brush across his cheek instead. ]
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There's part of him that would like nothing more than to flip her over and just - go to town, but even if he has a feeling she wouldn't mind a bit, he can't help but hold back, because the way she's touching him now...slowly, carefully, like she's dipping one toe in the bathwater to check the temperature before she slides the rest of the way in...
(Thinking about Chizuru in the bath: unexpectedly nice, but not quite where he was trying to go with that train of thought -)
It's captivating, seeing how she navigate this for the first time, and it's never going to be quite the same as this again, so he holds back, stays put, letting go of her waist only to move his hand up to tangle in her hair and lean in to kiss her. He'd rather be patient, at least for now.]
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And even if he's certainly not an unpleasant sight to look at (she's always thought he's handsome, long hair or short hair, traditional clothes or his western coat and just about everything inbetween) she closes her eyes after she feels Hijikata's lips against her own, wanting to just drown in the sensation for a few moments. The kisses don't have the same amount of relief or surprise as they did the very first time, but the love in them is still the same, and the feeling instantly envelops her once more.
Her hand which only lightly brushed before now slowly (still cautiously, still exploring) settles on his cheek, and even the knowledge that it's his skin under her hand is enough to make her heart skip a beat. Her other hand moves up to rest on his shoulder instead. ]
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There's still some part of him that isn't quite done being amazed that she's stayed, through everything, that she still hasn't woken up and realized she could be happier and safer somewhere else. (He'll probably never stop being amazed.)
He wraps his arm around her waist again and rolls onto his back, gently pulling her on top of him.]
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H-- Hijikata-san.. [ She definitely looks and sounds a little shy and flustered, but it's more from the surprise than anything else. Besides, there's something warm about her tone as she looks down at him, staring at his hair, his face, his eyes - still every bit as beautiful and entrancing as the first time she met him, even if the situation is completely different now. ]
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This still okay?
[He reaches up, fingers deftly brushing a few strands of hair away from her face. She's beautiful no matter what, whether her hair is perfectly combed or whether it's coming free of its ponytail and getting everywhere, but she's most beautiful, he thinks, when he can see her face, see what she's thinking (because Chizuru tends to be so very easy to read in that regard).]
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Or when he brushes her hair back like that, that also makes it very difficult to find this not okay in any way. Sure, she's still blushing and maybe a little shy, but there's some confidence in her nod to him, as small as it is.
She lowers herself a little, practically able to feel both his heartbeat and her own when she's quiet for a moment. ]
Because it's you, it'll always be okay. [ This is what she wants. It's already felt good for a long time just to be by his side, let alone be with him in this kind of situation. ] So.. please, don't ask that anymore.
[ She knows it's him trying to be nice and courteous towards her, but there's something in it that - despite knowing that he won't tell her to abandon him anymore - comes just a little too close to reminding her of I can't make you happy or You're a woman, and you deserve to have your own life or I can't let us tie you down anymore.
Of Hijikata putting himself down when there's nothing more than she'd like to do than stay by his side. When she's always seen such a great person in him who's always, always made her happy-- ]
There's nothing I'd like more than to do this with Hijikata-san, who.. [ just the slightest lowering of her eyes, maybe a tad bashfully ] .. who I love very much.
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Sometimes, she says things like that and looks at him like that, and even if it's still hard for him not to, it feels a lot easier than it used to.
His fingers trace their way around her head, to fumble with the cord securing her ponytail and let her hair loose to spill over her shoulders. He hasn't seen her with it down, much.
It's beautiful. She's beautiful.]
I'll try to keep my fool mouth shut and stop ruining the moment, then.
[Besides, he might say something stupid about probably loving her he thinks again, and that'd really ruin things -]
Because I love you too much to let myself fuck this up.
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It's why a happy sigh escapes her mouth just as her hair falls down as well, strands cascading to the sides of her head, framing her face further. She smiles down at him. ]
There's no way you could mess up, so.. don't worry. [ No way that he could mess up that she would view as messing up, anyway.
Besides, either of them are as likely to mess up in this department - for one, Chizuru has no idea how to deal with these clothes. Their usual western ones would have been a little more difficult than the usual, but at least she had gotten used to it by now. But these strange new clothes Dolorosa has given them are a different story entirely. It's almost as if she's contemplating they can even go about this as her gaze wanders down a little from his face. (But then again, let's be real, she might be bold at times, but not bold enough to be the one to start on their clothing.) ]
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He doesn't expect her to be bold enough to keep pushing, but it's not as if he minds. He reaches up to his collar, fumbling with the clasp there one-handed (because of course he can't just take his hands off her entirely, that would just be crazy). He's gotten pretty efficient with the buttons on his western uniform, but this isn't quite made the same way, and what started as a careful, controlled attempt gives way to him just pulling on the damned thing and hoping it'll pop.
He still won't let go of her.]
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But after those moments it's pretty obvious he's not going to get it open by himself. So she smiles softly. ]
Here, let me help..
[ She leans a little closer towards him - close enough to practically be able to feel his breath tickle against the top of her head - and tries to work on the clasp instead. It's not like she's more familiar with these clothes than him, but it's a little easier when you can actually see what you're doing rather than having to guess, and even though it also takes her a few moments, she manages to pry it open. ] .. There.
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[He reaches back up, but instead of taking his shirt, using the opportunity to pull it farther open, he just rests his hand on hers. If she makes any motion to continue, he'll let her...and if she doesn't, he'll guide her into it, slow and gentle.
There just doesn't seem to be as much meaning in undressing yourself.]
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Still, her eagerness for him wins out in the end. And although it happens very slowly and carefully, she does move before he has to guide her hand. Her movements are very much like the usual, even considering the act, just pulling open his shirt delicately to reveal the skin underneath.
Nothing she hasn't seen before, but when that happened it was a much different situation and things between them were nowhere near as close to begin the way they are now, and even though even back then she thought he was handsome and her heart sure skipped a beat, she never had the full time to admire it before fear drove her away. This is different. This time Hijikata wants her to see, and this time she can look. At least she's not terribly discreet about the
gawkingstaring, but it's more just since she's so caught up in this moment with the two of them. Chizuru could swear he's even more handsome than she thought after she caught that glimpse before, and for a moment she practically forgets to breathe by the time she's managed to completely open it. ]no subject
He waits quietly for a moment as she finishes, letting her look, taking a look of his own - and he's certainly seen her face more times than she's seen his bare chest, but this expression is something different, and he wants to savor it as much as she wants to enjoy her own view.
...still, he's never claimed to be the most patient man, either.
And so after a long moment, he reaches up to start unfastening her own shirt.]
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Except there's the matter of where she's supposed to leave her hands in the meantime. Helping him the way he helped her open up his shirt doesn't quite feel right, and the first other spot she thinks of to place her hands on is..
Chizuru's definitely blushing since there's still a part of her that isn't sure if it's okay to do this or not, but.. with the way he looked at her just now, surely he can't mind, so she slowly places her hands on the skin of his torso and lets them rest on top of the defined muscles while he works. ]
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He's got a feeling whatever he says might stand a chance of ruining the moment, so he just gives her a reassuring smile as she rests her hands on his body, as if to say it's fine, it's more than fine, she's exactly where he wants her - because to be fair, almost anywhere would do, as long as it's right here with him.
He doesn't rush, but he doesn't slow himself deliberately, either, and so it doesn't take him long to work her shirt open and reach up to slide it free of her shoulders, his hands lingering there on her exposed skin.]
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Just that in itself would be enough to bring butterflies to her stomach, but the feeling of his skin under her hands sure does that too. So much that Chizuru can't fully help herself and the hands do somewhat move over his skin a little bit - not too far, more cautiously, as if she's testing the waters despite him being so warm. It's probably her being flusterd more than anything, really.
And it's a distraction from him getting her own shirt out of the way and exposing her. It's a little embarrassing, considering no one has ever seen her like that before, but she knows she wants it to be no one else but him. Still, it means that her chest is exposed to him as well, and the sudden exposure to the cool air combined with being this close to him and touching him means that her nipples have hardened - it's hard to not feel a little shameful about it, even though judging by her expression she's still happy by all means. ]
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One hand settles behind her neck, pulling her down again - not so sharply as to be rough, but sharply enough to bring her down, press her against him, because there's too much of her (except not enough of her and never too much of her) and not enough of his hands to touch her with. Her skin against his is warm in a way that goes far beyond the heat of mere physical contact, and his other arm snakes around her waist as he tilts his head up to kiss her again.]
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One of her hand moves a little further up, settling on the skin just below his shoulder, and the other one moves a little beyond that, into his hair, fingers carefully threading through it. There's not even much hesitance about the gesture anymore, even if her heart does skip a beat or two out of nervousness at the action. But maybe it's finally dawning upon Chizuru that he's okay with her doing whatever she wants to do right now. And as far as she's concerned, what she wants is just to be with him, to keep sharing this warmth of his skin brushing against her own with him. ]
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There's more of her to be seen, touched, shared, and no matter how satisfying even the smallest taste is, he's not going to be truly satisfied until he's uncovered everything.
Still, he doesn't rush; his fingers dip beneath her waistband and he pauses for a moment, just keeping them there like that, as though to give her a chance to make any objections clear before he does anything more. He doesn't disbelieve her when she's said everything's fine, but he doesn't want the pace to go anywhere she's not happy with, either.]
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When he lingers though she gives him quiet encouragement, a sign that it's okay, that she wants this. It's mostly a small nod, but it's also the way her fingers still brush through his hair a little, waiting for him to continue. ]
sorry he's gonna be a dumbfuck
- it was supposed to be a quick pull.
After a few moments of increasingly awkward fumbling, Hijikata opens his eyes, propping himself up on one elbow to look down to where he's managed to pick the wrong thing to pull, and has only succeeded in getting that cord tied in a worse knot rather than undoing it.]
...damn.
it's okay it makes him so loveable
And even Chizuru doesn't even really notice what happened until he pulls back and she can angle her head just enough to take a quick peek. And that quick peek is all she needs to realise he just managed to tangle it more.
It's.. oddly endearing, though, especially with the expression on his face that goes along with it. She doesn't think he's any less than amazing, he's one of the strongest people she's ever met, powerful and commandering.. but she's seen plenty of oh so very human moments from him that make her love him so much, and this is just another one of them.
A small, slightly amused sound escapes her. ] Here.. [ And with a smile she moves her own hand down to help untangle the knot. But even then she's still involving him in it too, trying to direct his hand to the parts that he needs to pull on while she tries to pry apart the knot with her nails until it finally comes undone. ]
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(Which is horribly fitting and reflective of a lot of things about him in a lot of ways that he is never going to admit to, thank you very much.)
The knot finally comes undone, and he leans down to brush his lips against her collarbone with a soft sigh of relief (because he's at least got enough romance in him to realize that a thank the fucking heavens is going to totally ruin the moment even worse, here) as his other hand slides down to start tugging her pants down.]
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Her hand brushes against his for a last time before she pulls it back up, content enough to at least let him handle the rest of her pants for now. She shifts a little to help them slide off a little better, but the hand moves back to having one half-buried in his black hair, the other sprawled (although still a little cautiously, gently, as if even in this situation she's still trying so hard not to impose because well, it's Chizuru) against the skin of his chest.
Try to not mess it up this time, alright.]i'm so fail oh my god i'm sorry
(And if he tries to rush it, he's probably only going to make even stupider mistakes re: handling basic clothing removal, okay.)
As soon as he's got her pants off her, he tosses them carelessly to the side and loops his arms around her waist again, stopping, not going further but just taking another moment to savor - everything. The warmth of her hand on his chest, the feeling of her fingers tangled in his hair and her weight (small though it is) on top of him -
He could be happy like this forever, and yet no, it's not enough.]
you weren't kidding about a month, huh.. but ssh, it's okay, no need to apologize!!
This is the first time she's been this bare in front of anyone, even Hijikata himself. With her being the only woman in the Shinsengumi headquarters and that being a secret, it had been a big deal to make sure no one would see even aside from the embarrassment it'd bring her. But here she is, lying uncovered on top of him, feeling even a little smaller than she already is since she's at her most vulnerable.
Yet it doesn't feel wrong at all. He's the only one she wants to show this to.
Her lips brush against his own again, and after a brief kiss she whispers against his mouth. ]
It's okay.. [ To go further if he wants, she means, because it's terribly hard to read the line between him just enjoying the quiet rest of the moment and him holding back for her sake - since he certainly doesn't have to do the latter, she wouldn't want him to. ]