[ In the end Shinpachi has decided to just keep sitting and wait for her the whole time. As tempting as it is to go look and see what exactly she's up to, sitting here is just more beneficial to both of them. It means he can regain some energy and at the same time make sure that she's safe back there without someone suddenly entering the house.
Not that it doesn't mean he feels a lot better when she walks back in. Being left by himself just makes him think about everything even more - it's not been too long since he threw away his humanity, after all, and even if it would have been a long time then he probably still wouldn't have gotten over it. He did the one thing he swore he'd never do. He can't even say he had no choie since he had plenty of choices, but in the end, he chose her. Over his humanity, over his ideals, over everything important to him.
Why? Because of their promise, sure, but would he have done the same thing if he made a promise with just any random person? Isn't it also just that Chizuru is-- she's important, and to him, she's like..
.. well, he can't put a word to it to himself either, really.
He doesn't have time to think about it any deeper than that anyway, since the girl returns just as he's thinking about her, all smiles. And when she shows the packets, he takes one of them, lifting it with a hand and staring at it like he's scrutinizing it.
Her words, though-- ] It really surpresses it?
[ Sure, they might become less effective over time, but.. whatever, he'll take anything that'll stop him from drinking blood or turning into more of a monster, turning him into everything he never wanted to be. So his smile is entirely genuine as he puts the packet back and looks at her. ]
That's great, Chizuru-chan. I'm indebted to you. [ Because he doesn't see her as indebted to him for what happened, anyway - he doesn't blame anyone but himself.
He's not as optimistic as to fully believe in her words though. It's possible, sure. The ochimizu was also developed to a point where it didn't just make a person lose their mind entirely, he and the other current rasetsu are proof of that, but.. on the other hand, how long did it even take Koudou and Nimii and Sannan to get it to that point? Years and years on end - surely no amount of that medicine is going to make him last all that time.
Not wanting to shoot down her optimism though, his smile doesn't lower - especially since he doesn't figure a thing about her thoughts, instead thinking she must already be pretty satisfied by having done this much. ]
You can keep them with ya for me. After all, I promised I'd take care of you, right? That means you gotta stick by my side anyway. [ It's half meant as a joke (he wouldn't force her to stick with him no matter what, after all) but on the other hand, he doesn't seem to feel even a tiny bit of shame about saying something as embarassing as that, and slowly he gets up and pats the dust off his pants and haori. ]
budget cut tag because i lost this tag like three times augh i'm sorry
[Chizuru nods eagerly. If the medicine really does what it's meant to do, it could very well solve a lot of their problems-- Shinpachi's problem, but she thinks of it as hers, too, because she's already decided she's going to be there for him every step of the way. She can't think of it as just his problem... really, she couldn't think of it as just his problem in the first place.]
That's what my father's notes said.
[There wasn't a rasetsu that was conveniently around for her to test the medicine on, unfortunately. Well, there was Shinpachi, but he wasn't consumed by bloodlust.]
No, no...! You're not indebted to me at all...
[She shakes her head, a little flustered.] That is... you've done so much for me. If I can do anything for you, I want to.
[Then she smiles.] ...I'll be by your side for as long as you want me there, Nagakura-san. So, don't worry. Whether it's with this medicine or something else... we'll figure this out.
sshh it's okay also that font color is teal so you don't have to look it up..
[ It's hard to not get dragged along in her optimism. Even though he doesn't think things will be that easily, it's hard to not have a glimmer of hope when she says they'll figure it out, because he knows what Chizuru is like. She'll sink her teeth into the problem and not let go until she's solved it, so even if it might not be easy or even impossible, he knows she'll give her all. Which means he's just got to do the same.
But just as he opens his mouth to reply to what she's saying, there's a voice seperate from the two of them suddenly speaking up. ]
Ah, Nagakura-kun, Yukimura-kun.. what is this medicine you are speaking of?
[ Shinpachi can feel his blood freeze in his veins for a moment when he hears that voice, recognizing it before the man even fully steps into the house as well. Sannan-- how much of their conversation did he hear? Does he know about him being a rasetsu now? His mind is panicked, but he tries to surpress it. Maybe he should just act natural, then it'll seem like nothing is up if Sannan didn't hear their full conversation..
So he lets out a laugh - only bordering on slightly awkward - and trusts Chizuru to be able to go along with it. ]
Sannan-san, hey..! I was just helpin' Chizuru-chan here with something, I figured I could step out for a moment anyway.. that inn is seriously cramped, huh? [ TOTALLY SUBTLE.. well, you're trying, Shinpachi. Although he figures it can't hurt to tell Sannan about the medicine at least as long as it's outside of the context of "hey I'm a bloodsucker too now".. ] We were just looking into her dad's research.
[That trust isn't really misplaced - Chizuru will, of course, do her best to go along with Shinpachi's cover story. Still, she's very obviously flustered, and that's something a man like Sannan will be able to pick up on easily. She remembers being before him once before, trying to get something past him and Hijikata, only that time it had been Heisuke at her side and maybe this will work out better, because Shinpachi is a little better at hiding how he feels than Heisuke had been.
Maybe Shinpachi will be able to make up for Chizuru's failings, here.]
Y-yes, um... I, I thought that since we were in Edo, and since I'd lived here before, I might be able to find something to... to help, um... [She's just going to have to give up a few of the medicine packets, isn't she?] Heisuke-kun... and you, too. [She manages a shaky smile and holds up one of the packets.]
According to my father's notes, it might help to suppress the bloodlust, so you and Heisuke-kun don't need to worry...! Nagakura-san was free so he came with me, since I'm still not supposed to go places alone... [She thinks that makes sense - Shinpachi is Heisuke's friend, he values him being human, of course he would be interested in seeing something that might help the third member of the idiot trio.
Sannan is quiet for a few long moments, and Chizuru can't help but fidget under his gaze. It's more than a little unsettling. Finally, he smiles, but it's hard for her to tell if it's altogether sincere or not.]
You're always so eager to help, aren't you, Yukimura-kun..?
[...She's also not sure if that's a good thing, the way he says it. But he makes no effort to take any of the packets, though he does glance at them briefly, and she slowly draws her hand back as she nods.]
U-um... yes, that's right. I'd like to be able to do something, if I can... [Then something occurs to her, and her brows furrow.] ...Sannan-san? What did you come here for?
[ It's obvious Chizuru isn't doing too great here, but Shinpachi figures it might just end up okay - surely even Sannan has enough self-knowledge that he's gotten increasingly more uncomfortable to be around the past while. Not that there always wasn't something about him that just made you want to make sure to not do anything stupid around him lest he never let you live it down, it's really taken a turn for the worse. And Sannan is so involved in what Shinpachi has been-- no, despite the circumstances, still is against, that he can't help but be an uncomfortable symbol of everything that Shinpachi feels is going wrong right now.
But that's not important right now. He knows that Sannan is never going to admit whether he heard about Shinpachi's condition or not - not until the worst moment possible, anyway. And it's not like he could ask, and even if he could, he wouldn't get a straight answer, he knows it.
So all he can do on that front is just hope for the best and help Chizuru cover up as well as possible. But before he can speak up, the other man answers the girl's question first. ]
Actually, I wanted to speak to you. [ There's something about what he's saying that draws Shinpachi's attention, his head snapping in Sannan's direction. Talk to Chizuru.. why her? ] Some of the soldiers mentioned they saw Nagakura-kun here walk off with you, but they only gave me a direction to work off, so it took me a while.
[ Somehow there's something in his tone that's almost like he's blaming them for no being easy to stalk or something..
Though there's something about this that vaguely already doesn't feel like it sits right with Shinpachi, and he frowns. ]
Oi, Sannan-san, are you sure you should be out like this? [ Might as well play the rasetsu card straight to him if he's going to be all vague. Maybe he's a little on edge or something because he's been out in the sun, but some part of him tells him to keep Sannan away from Chizuru, if not just because of how unstable he is. ] It's pretty hot out there today.
How thoughtful of you to worry about me..
[ Sannan seems.. pretty unfazed though, on the other hand. There's definitely something there in his smile that says he doesn't mean all his words straightforward when he replies. It's enough to make Shinpachi look almost pouty as he kicks the dust near his feet. ]
That is exactly the reason I was seeking Yukimura-kun out though. [ And with that, he glances to Chizuru once more, that same small smile on his face. ] With her cooperation, it should no longer have to be a problem for me to be out like this.
[Chizuru's blood runs cold, because she has the distinct feeling she knows what he's getting at. There are many times when things go over her head, but this isn't the first time Sannan has approached her for help with quelling the rasetsu madness.
That time, Hijikata had interfered -
Ah, but Yukimura-kun isn't technically part of the Shinsengumi.
She's been here long enough, she might as well be.
- but Hijikata isn't here now and Shinpachi is a rasetsu, but a rasetsu who hasn't come to terms with drinking blood, a rasetsu who is trying to retain his humanity and while Sannan has been one for longer, that means he knows how to cope with the pain more easily. It means he's had chances to learn to make use of his otherworldly strength, and that means if push comes to shove Shinpachi is going to have to match him but that would give him away entirely, if Sannan doesn't already know.]
My... cooperation, Sannan-san?
[She isn't at all good at hiding her unease, and subconsciously she shifts herself to be a little closer to Shinpachi, though she doesn't do anything rash like reach for his arm for comfort. Being beside him is comfort enough, for the moment.]
If it's about my father's notes, I'd be glad to share them... and the medicine, as well.
[Her hopes that Sannan will leave it at that are dashed almost immediately. He smiles and shakes his head, just once, but a single time is all Chizuru needs for her heart to fill with dread.]
No, what I require from you is assistance of a different kind.
[She bites her lip. He either doesn't notice her discomfort, or notices it and decides that forging on ahead with what he has to say is more important.]
You have had time to think about the question I posed to you when we last spoke of the rasetsu, have you not?
[She drops her gaze to the side, deliberately looking anywhere but at Shinpachi. This truly isn't a discussion she wants to have in front of him (though she's glad he's here, at the same time) and it makes her feel almost guilty, because she had refused to let Sannan use her blood for the sake of so many rasetsu but she had given it up so easily for Shinpachi just earlier that day, but it feels different and she's not sure why. That isn't something she knows how to articulate, though.]
...I have.
[Sannan studies her a moment or two.]
And...? If I am to begin making use of your blood, Yukimura-kun, there is no better time to do so than now. [She doesn't look entirely convinced, and so perhaps that is the reason why he changes tactics.] For the good of the Shinsengumi... think how many lives could be saved. With the might of the rasetsu, we could end this war quickly. And with your blood, they would not go mad.
[Her stomach churns and she looks down, conflict and tension visible all over her face and in the way she hunches her shoulders and wraps her arms around herself. To say no feels selfish, but... but...]
[ He can hardly believe what he's seeing. Since Hijikata handled this situation the last time, he didn't exactly know that Sannan has been harassing Chizuru like this before - although his words make it clear. And while there is logic in what he's saying, there's no way Shinpachi can find this the right thing to do. He doesn't want to rely on the rasetsu to win anyway, it'd be better if they didn't need the Corps at all, let alone trying to make them stronger and using poor Chizuru for it.
He knows the war is pretty hopeless at this point, that there's a big chance they won't make it with just their usual strength alone, but.. dammit, that doesn't matter, if this is the only way they can win then he doesn't even want to win.
He grits his teeth the more uncomfortable Chizuru is looking, and the moment she wraps her arms around herself he realises this is going way too far if it's making her that uncomfortable. He knows Chizuru, Shinpachi knows that she'd do anything for others - she's proven that back at Toba-Fushimi, if nothing else - and that she must be blaming herself for not wanting to agree with something like this.
Which means he'll just make the choice for her - once again. Maybe he's a selfish guy for making the choice in her place, but he doesn't care, he just wants to see her happy again instead of like this. ]
Sannan-san, that's going too far! [ The other man might be his superior, but it's not like that has ever stopped Shinpachi before from letting people ranked above him know just what exactly is on his mind. ]
You see she doesn't want to do it, right? You can't just force her to do something like that by badgering her about it.
[ Sannan doesn't seem very fazed though by Shinpachi's outburst - or even if he is, it doesn't show in his expression, he just still has that same smile, like he's one step ahead of the other. ] I feel like you might be forgetting about something though. Back at the magistrate's office, Hijikata-kun sure did not hesitate in ordering her to be your shield.. who is to say he won't do the same thing again in the future if we end up in another difficult situation? It is exactly at those times that the strengthened Corps could take care of the enemy.
[ For a moment Shinpachi looks genuinely taken aback at the words, as if he didn't think of that. Hijikata probably did have a lot more trouble with his order back there than Sannan makes it out to be, but Shinpachi also knows Hijikata is practical. And that Chizuru would just - out of the good of her heart - offer to do the same thing all over again.
And he thinks of back then, how the bullets kept hitting her, the blood on her clothes, the way she slumped against him and almost cried--
No. No, no, no-- his stomach turns, and he realises that above all, he never wants to see that sight again. Not when she's protecting him, not when she's protecting anyone else.. but then again, he can't exactly let Sannan do god knows whatever with her as well, right? He'll just suck her dry if no one keeps an eye on him, he's been getting carried enough with the whole rasetsu business enough lately. ]
You're kiddin' me..
[ Shinpachi steps forward as if he's trying to stand protectively inbetween Chizuru and Sannan - not blocking the view of her entirely, but moving just a slight step ahead so he's at least shielding her with his shoulder. Maybe he doesn't even consciousloy realise he's doing it, really, he seems too caught up in his emotions - his expression practically snarling by now. ]
You're trying to tell me that she's gonna be hurt either way?! Isn't the Shinsengumi there to protect innocent people instead of just using them for their own fucked up reasons? We're not much better than those Choshu dogs if we're gonna start with that..! [ Maybe his reaction is a little over the top. A voice in the back of his mind tells him that, some part of him knows it, but.. dammit, he just can't get the sight of how hurt she was back then out of his mind, surely if anyone else had seen that, they would have understood. ]
[The man who said Gender is irrelevant, killing in general is wrong... What happened to him, Chizuru wonders? Has the ochimizu warped him so terribly, or was that kindness always a front?
...if that kindness was true, and his insistence now is born from madness, what does that mean for Shinpachi? Sannan has lasted longer than any other rasetsu. Years from now, will Shinpachi be like this - cruel, twisted into an unrecognizable shell of the man he once was? She doesn't think he could ever change that much, but then, she never thought that Sannan would be like this, either, no matter how bitter and caustic he had grown after receiving his wound.
If that kindness was false, and this is truly the man Sannan always was, how badly did she misjudge the others? Is it possible that she's even misjudged the man at her side?
No - no, it isn't. The thought slips away from her as easily as it comes to mind and when he steps forward to put himself between her and his superior, it's then that she reaches for his arm, not to cling but to rest her hand very lightly against it.]
Nagakura-san... it's alright.
[It's not alright. It's not alright at all. The words ring hollow, and she knows it - Sannan knows it - she's sure Shinpachi knows it, too. But Chizuru wants to pretend, if only so Sannan will leave and Shinpachi will calm down, if only so they can regain some semblance of peace before they have to go back and Shinpachi has to put on his usual brave face in front of the rest of the Shinsengumi.]
I'll... think about it, Sannan-san. But, for now, I'd like to pursue this part of my father's research. [She means the medicine, and Sannan presses his lips into a thin line.]
You would suppress the strength we have such a dire need of?
[She swallows hard, her fingers tightening in the fabric of Shinpachi's haori.]
I would... respect the wishes of the men who don't want to go mad. [She averts her eyes, then, clearly still a little uncomfortable.] ...if that's all you had to say, you ought to be getting back. You need your rest before the next time you have rounds. Nagakura-san and I will stay here for a little while longer.
[ He's nearly bristling with anger. What Sannan is suggesting, the problem he's shoving in their faces - it's everything Shinpachi hates, and there's no way he can just easily calm down from it by himself.
But then he feels her touch lightly against his arm, through the fabric covering it. And it's that touch that pulls him back to reality, or at least, the reality that she's not hurt yet, that's she's still behind him alive and well and that shouting at Sannan really isn't going to solve anything - it'll probably just make stuff more difficult for her.
But there's still no way he can allow this to happen, right? Even if she's technically turning Sannan down, she's not downright rejecting the offer entirely, and that just will give the man more chances to harass her about it in the future. He wants to shout about how unfair it is and scream and threaten and everything else he usually does when he's having a temper tantrum, but this time he's not the only one at stake. He's not even the main one at stake here. And he promised he'd protect her, he'd take care of her.. so he steps down for now, instead letting her reply be the final one.
Even though it already seems to displease Sannan to hear that in general, even if his expression doesn't darken by a whole lot. But it's audible in his voice as he turns to leave the house. ]
If that's your answer, Yukimura-kun. [ But there's more than a slight hint in his tone that does show this isn't the last he'll have to say about it, one way or another. And just before he fully leaves, just before his form disappears into the crowds on the streets again, there's some last words-- ] Although you might want to reconsider your answer.. surely you would like to help Nagakura-kun as well.
[ Shinpachi feels like he's shot through the stomach. He's pretty sure this is what it feels like, anyway, because he's fully well aware what the other man implied by that. He knows. He lets out a grunt that sounds more like a curse he's trying to keep down lest they attract attention to the house, and one of his feet kicks the ground hard. God, he should've been more careful that no one was trailing them, because the last person who he'd wanted to find out about all this is Sannan of all people.
But before he can do really more than kick the floor - and that's already sending a brief jolt of pain through him before it's gone again anyway - he's very well aware of that grip on his haori. His new one, not the one shattered to pieces by Kazama, although he remembers feeling the same hold on that before it was destroyed. Right, Chizuru is here, she's the one who needs his help, he can go ahead and flip his shit later when she's not there to have to see it.
Forcing annoyance down is harder than you'd think though, and he still frowns a little as he looks at her. ]
.. You really shouldn't let him harass you like that, y'know. [ Especially not since every day it seems more painfully obvious that Sannan is slowly starting to go off the deep end. ] Good job on telling him off though. You're alright, ain't ya?
[ Not a word about Sannan implying he knows about Shinpachi's secret too now. Maybe he just doesn't want to discuss it. ]
It-- [She's about to say It is, but Sannan keeps speaking before she can get the second word out, and she falls silent with an expression that looks like she's been slapped when his words register on her.
Surely you would like to help Nagakura-kun as well.
It's definitely her fault Shinpachi is a rasetsu, and it's definitely her fault that Sannan knows about it now. Shinpachi had managed to keep it a secret the entire time they were on the ship - no one knew about it when they were getting their rooms at the inn - they've only discussed it here, and Sannan had followed them, and if she hadn't insisted on going right away, he wouldn't have followed and then he wouldn't have known and...
He's gone, and she is only broken out of her thoughts when she hears Shinpachi's grunt and the sound of his foot kicking out onto the ground. She bites her lip when he looks at her, because while she knows logically that the frown isn't directed at her, it still feels like it is.
(If their situations were reversed, she isn't sure she could keep from frowning...)
She takes a breath and nods carefully.]
I'm okay. Sannan-san is... He's just very persistent. That's all. [She can handle his... requests. A more pressing matter is what he knows about Shinpachi, but the man seems so dead-set on keeping quiet about it that she isn't sure she should even bring that up.
She'll try to reassure him, instead.]
Sannan-san won't do anything. [He won't spill his secrets - that's what she means. Though it could be taken to mean she won't let him have her blood...] That's my promise to you, Nagakura-san. I won't let him.
[She tries for a smile and holds up her hand, then extends her pinkie.]
[ Maybe it's that Shinpachi doesn't want to talk about Sannan having found out, but he doesn't take it to mean that way - when she says Sannan won't do anything, he figures she's talking about herself, that she won't let him take her blood. Not that he was planning on letting anything like that happen anyway, but he's realistic enough to realise that the other guy is probably going to find some time to harass Chizuru when he's not around since Hijikata or someone else sent him out for an errant. So hearing her promise to make sure of it herself too is slightly a relief, although it changes nothing about his own problem. But then again, he's already decided that her problems are his problems as well. If not just because the thought of her being used as a shield or some sort of test subject by anyone in the Shinsengumi at all makes his blood boil.
His chest feels tight, and smiling doesn't come as easily as he'd like it to (to reassure her, if nothing else), so he still looks a little lifeless in a sense as he hooks his own pinkie around hers. ]
Well, I guess you do always live up to your promises. [ She tried to help their last promise stay true as well, after all. ]
It's not just something you have to reassure me about though. I'm gonna be there help ya, you know that. Even if Sannan-san puts it like that, no one's gonna force you to do anything as long as I'm around.
[ Or so help him god he'll throw the biggest shitfit. ]
But.. yeah. [ His own pinkie's hold tightens a little on her own. ] .. It's a promise.
[Trying isn't necessarily the same thing as doing, though, and that is something Chizuru is almost painfully aware of, even as she giggles and smiles and does her very best to act as though everything is going to be just fine, even with the knowledge that Sannan knows hanging over their heads, even with the lack of absolute certainty that her father's medicine will be less stopgap and more permanent treatment for Shinpachi's condition.
Nothing is normal, but if she can pretend like it is, and he can pretend like it is, maybe soon enough they'll come to believe it.]
And I know that it will all be okay as long as you're here. [This time, her smile actually does reach her eyes.] I feel very safe with you.
[Even in situations when she probably shouldn't - when there are bullets whizzing through the air and men's dying screams ringing out, when Shinpachi's hair is snow-white and he's facing down a pureblooded demon, when Shinpachi's eyes are blood-red and he's giving in to the one craving he never wanted to have. All of those situations were the type that she should never have been at ease in.
And yet... thinking back on them, Chizuru is certain that it's Shinpachi's presence that kept her from going to pieces in each and every one.]
Um... could we stay here for a little while longer, before going back? I'd like some time to... [Let him rest, basically, but she can't say that, can she?] ...think, before we return. And, um... the kitchen could probably stand to be used. It's been a while.
I never did make you that snack at the inn... I could do it now!
[That would mean she'd have to run out to the market very quickly, but he could always rest while she did that!]
[ If there's anything he's glad for at this point, then it's that. Just those words from her, that she feels safe with him.. isn't that what he's been striving for as a warrior all along? He's not like Sano who just wants to protect women and kids above everything, this whole thing is a lot about strength too to Shinpachi - but the strength to protect what's important to him is a definite part of that. The strength to fight for what's right. And what's right is that a girl like Chizuru, no matter whether she's a demon or with them, has the right to live a happy life.
No matter what. ]
Great. [ So that's his answer, and he actually does seem pretty satisfied with it. Despite still feeling more tired than he normally would have been in this situation and with plenty of worries on his mind about Sannan and being a rasetsu and their current position after having lost so badly at Toba Fushimi, he smiles. Not too widely, but still very much genuine.
Even when she suggests them staying here a little longer. Despite appearances, Shinpachi isn't stupid. He's very well perceptive enough to be able to tell what she's doing here, that she wants them to stay here a little more since he's able to rest more in this house than in the Shinsengumi headquarters, where people constantly need him if not just want to talk to him. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, but it's more of a strain on him than he'd like to admit - even to himself - with his current condition.
Besides, he can't deny her a small happiness for just this little effort. It can't hurt, anyway, staying here just a bit longer. ]
Hey, I'm sure not gonna complain 'bout being able to hog Chizuru-chan's delicious cooking all to myself. [ And he is a little hungry.
(Although at least not in the other sense of the word anymore. For now.) ]
It should be fine as long as we're back before the sun sets. Otherwise I can already hear Hijikata-san's nagging 'bout how it's unacceptable for me to just bring a girl out drinkin' with me.. geez, it's not like I'm not capable of going somewhere else for once! [ But it's a very light-hearted kind of whining. If anything, getting that reaction from Hijikata would make him a little happy - since it means that Sannan hasn't blabbed about what he's learned. ]
[She looks thoughtful. Sure, Hijikata might nag about Shinpachi bringing a girl out to go drink, but if they don't drink and they have some other explanation, wouldn't it be okay? Maybe Shinpachi is a bad influence on her (or maybe he's a good one; it's important to do some things that make you happy, even in the middle of really tough times, and if anyone's taught her that it's him) but she can think of a few things that Hijikata might accept... maybe.]
Well, we're in a doctor's house right now. I can get some of my father's supplies, and we can just tell Hijikata-san that we were out to fetch them. So don't worry about the time... I think it's alright to take all the time you need.
[She really just wants to be sure he's alright. So! She'll start getting some things together so she can go to the market and get the things to make a snack.] What would you like to eat?
I know the merchants around here, so I can probably get you anything you want!
[ It's just like her, trying to think of his every need. He's not quite used to it considering he's been going around by himself for a while before settling at Shieikan and then with the Shinsengumi - he's probably only really used to it from her to begin with, really. But even then, he's not used to her completely focusing on him for once, and it actually makes Shinpachi feel a little bit embarrassed. Especially since he wants to continue living like usually. He might be a rasetsu and it might mean that he technically can't, but he's never been the kind of guy to let technicalities stop him.
And it's not like Chizuru is treating him like he's a rasetsu, but somehow he still can't help but feel her special care here is because of that, or because he became one because he had to fight Kazama, or-- well, the end result is the same, anyway. He ducks his head a little bit, laughing, but it's very light and not like his usual deep rolling laugh. ]
I don't need any special time. This is for Chizuru-chan's sake too, so she doesn't have to be cooped up with a bunch of guys all the time. [ Might as well put it that way to make himself feel better. ]
.. Anything's fine though. I'm sure it'll be tasty. [ Since her cooking always is. He widens his smile cheekily - even though he has to put some force into it with how exhausted his body still feels, but it's not like it's impossible, at least. ] Let's get something the two of us Edo people would only recognize so I can brag to Sano later, 'kay?
[She can't help but giggle at that - cooped up with a bunch of guys... it's been a very long time since she really felt trapped with the Shinsengumi. And while there is a small part of her that misses being able to dress and act as a girl (infiltrating the Sumiya and taking part in that festival seem like they were experiences from so far ago), she wouldn't trade the time she's spent with these men (especially Shinpachi) for anything.
Truth be told, if Chizuru had the opportunity to leave all of this behind and stay here in her childhood home, with her father returned to her and the ochimizu nothing more than a distant memory, she really isn't sure she would take it. She might be "cooped up" with a bunch of men, but they are men she cares for, admires, and respects.]
We'll both benefit, then. [She can recognize that Shinpachi's pride won't just let him accept that this is only for him.] A chance for both of us to rest... I'd like that a lot.
[Of course the resting will come after she shops and cooks, but it's a task she looks forward to, because she likes to be able to see people enjoying her food. Something the two of them will recognize... that's a challenge, one she easily accepts, and she nods.] Ah, I think I have something in mind..! I'll be back very soon.
[And indeed, it doesn't take her long at all to return, though she is sure to hold her purchases carefully so that Shinpachi can't see exactly what she's bringing into the kitchen. It takes even less time for her to get started cooking once she gets back, and soon enough the sounds and smells of a meal being prepared will permeate the air. Once she's finished, she emerges from the kitchen with a set of trays - one for him, one for her - and a wide smile on her face.]
Here you are!
[The tray she sets in front of him is full of Edo delicacies - everything cooked and seasoned in the Edo style. She bustles away, but only so she can return with a pot of tea and two cups, and then she pours a cup for him.]
[ In a way he's getting rest already, really. Although it probably can't be qualified as true rest - being up during the day drains a rasetsu's energy no matter what, after all - but at least it means he's not using up a whole lot more energy if he's just sitting here, watching her go at it in the kitchen, smelling the food she's made--
It's only then that it hits him just how.. strange all of this is. It's been rare for him to ever catch a moment alone with Chizuru before everything at Toba Fushimi went down. Either because he was too busy hanging with the other two third of the idiot trio, or she was doing chores, or-- well, there were just always so many men around the headquarters that it was rare for it to be the two of them like this. It's been like this a little more often since he turned into a rasetsu, since she would constantly check up on him in small ways even during the boat ride, but.. here he's sitting in her house as she's cooking him food. He's already tasted her food before, sure, but it was food she helped make for the entire Shinsengumi.
Never has it been just her making food for him.
And it makes this situation feel.. different. Special? Weird? He's not sure what label to put on it. It just makes him feel strange, like there's something bubbling in his stomach. Like this it's almost as if they aren't with the Shinsengumi, as if she isn't a demon and he isn't a rasetsu - it's almost a scene you'd expect a married couple to be in or something like that, with the wife cooking for her husband as they sit together in their home.
And even though they're not like that at all, the thought itself still definitely manages to fluster Shinpachi, making his cheeks a little red. Especially when Chizuru walks in with the food and all he can do is stare at her - as if this is the first time he's ever even thought of the possibility that she could be more than just someone generally important, like a little sister, or a friend, or anything like that.
It seems dumb to only realise it now, but since she was just with the guys so much, he started to view her like he views everyone else. Like an important friend - one that needs to be protected a little more than his usual friends, sure, but never as a woman like he looked at the women they saw when they went out drinking.
The realisation renders him silent for a moment or two, his face still red, but then he shakes his head, trying to snap himself out of it. ]
Uh-- y.. yeah, thanks. It looks amazing..
[ It's so weird. Even if Chizuru's a woman, she's still Chizuru-chan, right? Even if they're eating here together like this, it doesn't change anything. He already gave up one of his most important principles so she'd be safe, she already made him drink her blood for his own safety. If she was still Chizuru-chan after that, she's still just Chizuru-chan now.
.. Yeah.
He tries to shove the thought to the back of his mind for now, and that renders him able to smile again, picking up his cup and taking a sip from it. ]
In fact, it probably tastes even better! [ Picking up the chopsticks, he lightly pokes her with them. ] Let's dig in, I could eat a horse right about now..!
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Not that it doesn't mean he feels a lot better when she walks back in. Being left by himself just makes him think about everything even more - it's not been too long since he threw away his humanity, after all, and even if it would have been a long time then he probably still wouldn't have gotten over it. He did the one thing he swore he'd never do. He can't even say he had no choie since he had plenty of choices, but in the end, he chose her. Over his humanity, over his ideals, over everything important to him.
Why? Because of their promise, sure, but would he have done the same thing if he made a promise with just any random person? Isn't it also just that Chizuru is-- she's important, and to him, she's like..
.. well, he can't put a word to it to himself either, really.
He doesn't have time to think about it any deeper than that anyway, since the girl returns just as he's thinking about her, all smiles. And when she shows the packets, he takes one of them, lifting it with a hand and staring at it like he's scrutinizing it.
Her words, though-- ] It really surpresses it?
[ Sure, they might become less effective over time, but.. whatever, he'll take anything that'll stop him from drinking blood or turning into more of a monster, turning him into everything he never wanted to be. So his smile is entirely genuine as he puts the packet back and looks at her. ]
That's great, Chizuru-chan. I'm indebted to you. [ Because he doesn't see her as indebted to him for what happened, anyway - he doesn't blame anyone but himself.
He's not as optimistic as to fully believe in her words though. It's possible, sure. The ochimizu was also developed to a point where it didn't just make a person lose their mind entirely, he and the other current rasetsu are proof of that, but.. on the other hand, how long did it even take Koudou and Nimii and Sannan to get it to that point? Years and years on end - surely no amount of that medicine is going to make him last all that time.
Not wanting to shoot down her optimism though, his smile doesn't lower - especially since he doesn't figure a thing about her thoughts, instead thinking she must already be pretty satisfied by having done this much. ]
You can keep them with ya for me. After all, I promised I'd take care of you, right? That means you gotta stick by my side anyway. [ It's half meant as a joke (he wouldn't force her to stick with him no matter what, after all) but on the other hand, he doesn't seem to feel even a tiny bit of shame about saying something as embarassing as that, and slowly he gets up and pats the dust off his pants and haori. ]
budget cut tag because i lost this tag like three times augh i'm sorry
That's what my father's notes said.
[There wasn't a rasetsu that was conveniently around for her to test the medicine on, unfortunately. Well, there was Shinpachi, but he wasn't consumed by bloodlust.]
No, no...! You're not indebted to me at all...
[She shakes her head, a little flustered.] That is... you've done so much for me. If I can do anything for you, I want to.
[Then she smiles.] ...I'll be by your side for as long as you want me there, Nagakura-san. So, don't worry. Whether it's with this medicine or something else... we'll figure this out.
sshh it's okay also that font color is teal so you don't have to look it up..
But just as he opens his mouth to reply to what she's saying, there's a voice seperate from the two of them suddenly speaking up. ]
Ah, Nagakura-kun, Yukimura-kun.. what is this medicine you are speaking of?
[ Shinpachi can feel his blood freeze in his veins for a moment when he hears that voice, recognizing it before the man even fully steps into the house as well. Sannan-- how much of their conversation did he hear? Does he know about him being a rasetsu now? His mind is panicked, but he tries to surpress it. Maybe he should just act natural, then it'll seem like nothing is up if Sannan didn't hear their full conversation..
So he lets out a laugh - only bordering on slightly awkward - and trusts Chizuru to be able to go along with it. ]
Sannan-san, hey..! I was just helpin' Chizuru-chan here with something, I figured I could step out for a moment anyway.. that inn is seriously cramped, huh? [ TOTALLY SUBTLE.. well, you're trying, Shinpachi. Although he figures it can't hurt to tell Sannan about the medicine at least as long as it's outside of the context of "hey I'm a bloodsucker too now".. ] We were just looking into her dad's research.
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[That trust isn't really misplaced - Chizuru will, of course, do her best to go along with Shinpachi's cover story. Still, she's very obviously flustered, and that's something a man like Sannan will be able to pick up on easily. She remembers being before him once before, trying to get something past him and Hijikata, only that time it had been Heisuke at her side and maybe this will work out better, because Shinpachi is a little better at hiding how he feels than Heisuke had been.
Maybe Shinpachi will be able to make up for Chizuru's failings, here.]
Y-yes, um... I, I thought that since we were in Edo, and since I'd lived here before, I might be able to find something to... to help, um... [She's just going to have to give up a few of the medicine packets, isn't she?] Heisuke-kun... and you, too. [She manages a shaky smile and holds up one of the packets.]
According to my father's notes, it might help to suppress the bloodlust, so you and Heisuke-kun don't need to worry...! Nagakura-san was free so he came with me, since I'm still not supposed to go places alone... [She thinks that makes sense - Shinpachi is Heisuke's friend, he values him being human, of course he would be interested in seeing something that might help the third member of the idiot trio.
Sannan is quiet for a few long moments, and Chizuru can't help but fidget under his gaze. It's more than a little unsettling. Finally, he smiles, but it's hard for her to tell if it's altogether sincere or not.]
You're always so eager to help, aren't you, Yukimura-kun..?
[...She's also not sure if that's a good thing, the way he says it. But he makes no effort to take any of the packets, though he does glance at them briefly, and she slowly draws her hand back as she nods.]
U-um... yes, that's right. I'd like to be able to do something, if I can... [Then something occurs to her, and her brows furrow.] ...Sannan-san? What did you come here for?
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But that's not important right now. He knows that Sannan is never going to admit whether he heard about Shinpachi's condition or not - not until the worst moment possible, anyway. And it's not like he could ask, and even if he could, he wouldn't get a straight answer, he knows it.
So all he can do on that front is just hope for the best and help Chizuru cover up as well as possible. But before he can speak up, the other man answers the girl's question first. ]
Actually, I wanted to speak to you. [ There's something about what he's saying that draws Shinpachi's attention, his head snapping in Sannan's direction. Talk to Chizuru.. why her? ] Some of the soldiers mentioned they saw Nagakura-kun here walk off with you, but they only gave me a direction to work off, so it took me a while.
[ Somehow there's something in his tone that's almost like he's blaming them for no being easy to stalk or something..
Though there's something about this that vaguely already doesn't feel like it sits right with Shinpachi, and he frowns. ]
Oi, Sannan-san, are you sure you should be out like this? [ Might as well play the rasetsu card straight to him if he's going to be all vague. Maybe he's a little on edge or something because he's been out in the sun, but some part of him tells him to keep Sannan away from Chizuru, if not just because of how unstable he is. ] It's pretty hot out there today.
How thoughtful of you to worry about me..
[ Sannan seems.. pretty unfazed though, on the other hand. There's definitely something there in his smile that says he doesn't mean all his words straightforward when he replies. It's enough to make Shinpachi look almost pouty as he kicks the dust near his feet. ]
That is exactly the reason I was seeking Yukimura-kun out though. [ And with that, he glances to Chizuru once more, that same small smile on his face. ] With her cooperation, it should no longer have to be a problem for me to be out like this.
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That time, Hijikata had interfered -
Ah, but Yukimura-kun isn't technically part of the Shinsengumi.
She's been here long enough, she might as well be.
- but Hijikata isn't here now and Shinpachi is a rasetsu, but a rasetsu who hasn't come to terms with drinking blood, a rasetsu who is trying to retain his humanity and while Sannan has been one for longer, that means he knows how to cope with the pain more easily. It means he's had chances to learn to make use of his otherworldly strength, and that means if push comes to shove Shinpachi is going to have to match him but that would give him away entirely, if Sannan doesn't already know.]
My... cooperation, Sannan-san?
[She isn't at all good at hiding her unease, and subconsciously she shifts herself to be a little closer to Shinpachi, though she doesn't do anything rash like reach for his arm for comfort. Being beside him is comfort enough, for the moment.]
If it's about my father's notes, I'd be glad to share them... and the medicine, as well.
[Her hopes that Sannan will leave it at that are dashed almost immediately. He smiles and shakes his head, just once, but a single time is all Chizuru needs for her heart to fill with dread.]
No, what I require from you is assistance of a different kind.
[She bites her lip. He either doesn't notice her discomfort, or notices it and decides that forging on ahead with what he has to say is more important.]
You have had time to think about the question I posed to you when we last spoke of the rasetsu, have you not?
[She drops her gaze to the side, deliberately looking anywhere but at Shinpachi. This truly isn't a discussion she wants to have in front of him (though she's glad he's here, at the same time) and it makes her feel almost guilty, because she had refused to let Sannan use her blood for the sake of so many rasetsu but she had given it up so easily for Shinpachi just earlier that day, but it feels different and she's not sure why. That isn't something she knows how to articulate, though.]
...I have.
[Sannan studies her a moment or two.]
And...? If I am to begin making use of your blood, Yukimura-kun, there is no better time to do so than now. [She doesn't look entirely convinced, and so perhaps that is the reason why he changes tactics.] For the good of the Shinsengumi... think how many lives could be saved. With the might of the rasetsu, we could end this war quickly. And with your blood, they would not go mad.
[Her stomach churns and she looks down, conflict and tension visible all over her face and in the way she hunches her shoulders and wraps her arms around herself. To say no feels selfish, but... but...]
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He knows the war is pretty hopeless at this point, that there's a big chance they won't make it with just their usual strength alone, but.. dammit, that doesn't matter, if this is the only way they can win then he doesn't even want to win.
He grits his teeth the more uncomfortable Chizuru is looking, and the moment she wraps her arms around herself he realises this is going way too far if it's making her that uncomfortable. He knows Chizuru, Shinpachi knows that she'd do anything for others - she's proven that back at Toba-Fushimi, if nothing else - and that she must be blaming herself for not wanting to agree with something like this.
Which means he'll just make the choice for her - once again. Maybe he's a selfish guy for making the choice in her place, but he doesn't care, he just wants to see her happy again instead of like this. ]
Sannan-san, that's going too far! [ The other man might be his superior, but it's not like that has ever stopped Shinpachi before from letting people ranked above him know just what exactly is on his mind. ]
You see she doesn't want to do it, right? You can't just force her to do something like that by badgering her about it.
[ Sannan doesn't seem very fazed though by Shinpachi's outburst - or even if he is, it doesn't show in his expression, he just still has that same smile, like he's one step ahead of the other. ] I feel like you might be forgetting about something though. Back at the magistrate's office, Hijikata-kun sure did not hesitate in ordering her to be your shield.. who is to say he won't do the same thing again in the future if we end up in another difficult situation? It is exactly at those times that the strengthened Corps could take care of the enemy.
[ For a moment Shinpachi looks genuinely taken aback at the words, as if he didn't think of that. Hijikata probably did have a lot more trouble with his order back there than Sannan makes it out to be, but Shinpachi also knows Hijikata is practical. And that Chizuru would just - out of the good of her heart - offer to do the same thing all over again.
And he thinks of back then, how the bullets kept hitting her, the blood on her clothes, the way she slumped against him and almost cried--
No. No, no, no-- his stomach turns, and he realises that above all, he never wants to see that sight again. Not when she's protecting him, not when she's protecting anyone else.. but then again, he can't exactly let Sannan do god knows whatever with her as well, right? He'll just suck her dry if no one keeps an eye on him, he's been getting carried enough with the whole rasetsu business enough lately. ]
You're kiddin' me..
[ Shinpachi steps forward as if he's trying to stand protectively inbetween Chizuru and Sannan - not blocking the view of her entirely, but moving just a slight step ahead so he's at least shielding her with his shoulder. Maybe he doesn't even consciousloy realise he's doing it, really, he seems too caught up in his emotions - his expression practically snarling by now. ]
You're trying to tell me that she's gonna be hurt either way?! Isn't the Shinsengumi there to protect innocent people instead of just using them for their own fucked up reasons? We're not much better than those Choshu dogs if we're gonna start with that..! [ Maybe his reaction is a little over the top. A voice in the back of his mind tells him that, some part of him knows it, but.. dammit, he just can't get the sight of how hurt she was back then out of his mind, surely if anyone else had seen that, they would have understood. ]
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...if that kindness was true, and his insistence now is born from madness, what does that mean for Shinpachi? Sannan has lasted longer than any other rasetsu. Years from now, will Shinpachi be like this - cruel, twisted into an unrecognizable shell of the man he once was? She doesn't think he could ever change that much, but then, she never thought that Sannan would be like this, either, no matter how bitter and caustic he had grown after receiving his wound.
If that kindness was false, and this is truly the man Sannan always was, how badly did she misjudge the others? Is it possible that she's even misjudged the man at her side?
No - no, it isn't. The thought slips away from her as easily as it comes to mind and when he steps forward to put himself between her and his superior, it's then that she reaches for his arm, not to cling but to rest her hand very lightly against it.]
Nagakura-san... it's alright.
[It's not alright. It's not alright at all. The words ring hollow, and she knows it - Sannan knows it - she's sure Shinpachi knows it, too. But Chizuru wants to pretend, if only so Sannan will leave and Shinpachi will calm down, if only so they can regain some semblance of peace before they have to go back and Shinpachi has to put on his usual brave face in front of the rest of the Shinsengumi.]
I'll... think about it, Sannan-san. But, for now, I'd like to pursue this part of my father's research. [She means the medicine, and Sannan presses his lips into a thin line.]
You would suppress the strength we have such a dire need of?
[She swallows hard, her fingers tightening in the fabric of Shinpachi's haori.]
I would... respect the wishes of the men who don't want to go mad. [She averts her eyes, then, clearly still a little uncomfortable.] ...if that's all you had to say, you ought to be getting back. You need your rest before the next time you have rounds. Nagakura-san and I will stay here for a little while longer.
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But then he feels her touch lightly against his arm, through the fabric covering it. And it's that touch that pulls him back to reality, or at least, the reality that she's not hurt yet, that's she's still behind him alive and well and that shouting at Sannan really isn't going to solve anything - it'll probably just make stuff more difficult for her.
But there's still no way he can allow this to happen, right? Even if she's technically turning Sannan down, she's not downright rejecting the offer entirely, and that just will give the man more chances to harass her about it in the future. He wants to shout about how unfair it is and scream and threaten and everything else he usually does when he's having a temper tantrum, but this time he's not the only one at stake. He's not even the main one at stake here. And he promised he'd protect her, he'd take care of her.. so he steps down for now, instead letting her reply be the final one.
Even though it already seems to displease Sannan to hear that in general, even if his expression doesn't darken by a whole lot. But it's audible in his voice as he turns to leave the house. ]
If that's your answer, Yukimura-kun. [ But there's more than a slight hint in his tone that does show this isn't the last he'll have to say about it, one way or another. And just before he fully leaves, just before his form disappears into the crowds on the streets again, there's some last words-- ] Although you might want to reconsider your answer.. surely you would like to help Nagakura-kun as well.
[ Shinpachi feels like he's shot through the stomach. He's pretty sure this is what it feels like, anyway, because he's fully well aware what the other man implied by that. He knows. He lets out a grunt that sounds more like a curse he's trying to keep down lest they attract attention to the house, and one of his feet kicks the ground hard. God, he should've been more careful that no one was trailing them, because the last person who he'd wanted to find out about all this is Sannan of all people.
But before he can do really more than kick the floor - and that's already sending a brief jolt of pain through him before it's gone again anyway - he's very well aware of that grip on his haori. His new one, not the one shattered to pieces by Kazama, although he remembers feeling the same hold on that before it was destroyed. Right, Chizuru is here, she's the one who needs his help, he can go ahead and flip his shit later when she's not there to have to see it.
Forcing annoyance down is harder than you'd think though, and he still frowns a little as he looks at her. ]
.. You really shouldn't let him harass you like that, y'know. [ Especially not since every day it seems more painfully obvious that Sannan is slowly starting to go off the deep end. ] Good job on telling him off though. You're alright, ain't ya?
[ Not a word about Sannan implying he knows about Shinpachi's secret too now. Maybe he just doesn't want to discuss it. ]
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Surely you would like to help Nagakura-kun as well.
It's definitely her fault Shinpachi is a rasetsu, and it's definitely her fault that Sannan knows about it now. Shinpachi had managed to keep it a secret the entire time they were on the ship - no one knew about it when they were getting their rooms at the inn - they've only discussed it here, and Sannan had followed them, and if she hadn't insisted on going right away, he wouldn't have followed and then he wouldn't have known and...
He's gone, and she is only broken out of her thoughts when she hears Shinpachi's grunt and the sound of his foot kicking out onto the ground. She bites her lip when he looks at her, because while she knows logically that the frown isn't directed at her, it still feels like it is.
(If their situations were reversed, she isn't sure she could keep from frowning...)
She takes a breath and nods carefully.]
I'm okay. Sannan-san is... He's just very persistent. That's all. [She can handle his... requests. A more pressing matter is what he knows about Shinpachi, but the man seems so dead-set on keeping quiet about it that she isn't sure she should even bring that up.
She'll try to reassure him, instead.]
Sannan-san won't do anything. [He won't spill his secrets - that's what she means. Though it could be taken to mean she won't let him have her blood...] That's my promise to you, Nagakura-san. I won't let him.
[She tries for a smile and holds up her hand, then extends her pinkie.]
I promise...
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His chest feels tight, and smiling doesn't come as easily as he'd like it to (to reassure her, if nothing else), so he still looks a little lifeless in a sense as he hooks his own pinkie around hers. ]
Well, I guess you do always live up to your promises. [ She tried to help their last promise stay true as well, after all. ]
It's not just something you have to reassure me about though. I'm gonna be there help ya, you know that. Even if Sannan-san puts it like that, no one's gonna force you to do anything as long as I'm around.
[ Or so help him god he'll throw the biggest shitfit. ]
But.. yeah. [ His own pinkie's hold tightens a little on her own. ] .. It's a promise.
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[Trying isn't necessarily the same thing as doing, though, and that is something Chizuru is almost painfully aware of, even as she giggles and smiles and does her very best to act as though everything is going to be just fine, even with the knowledge that Sannan knows hanging over their heads, even with the lack of absolute certainty that her father's medicine will be less stopgap and more permanent treatment for Shinpachi's condition.
Nothing is normal, but if she can pretend like it is, and he can pretend like it is, maybe soon enough they'll come to believe it.]
And I know that it will all be okay as long as you're here. [This time, her smile actually does reach her eyes.] I feel very safe with you.
[Even in situations when she probably shouldn't - when there are bullets whizzing through the air and men's dying screams ringing out, when Shinpachi's hair is snow-white and he's facing down a pureblooded demon, when Shinpachi's eyes are blood-red and he's giving in to the one craving he never wanted to have. All of those situations were the type that she should never have been at ease in.
And yet... thinking back on them, Chizuru is certain that it's Shinpachi's presence that kept her from going to pieces in each and every one.]
Um... could we stay here for a little while longer, before going back? I'd like some time to... [Let him rest, basically, but she can't say that, can she?] ...think, before we return. And, um... the kitchen could probably stand to be used. It's been a while.
I never did make you that snack at the inn... I could do it now!
[That would mean she'd have to run out to the market very quickly, but he could always rest while she did that!]
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No matter what. ]
Great. [ So that's his answer, and he actually does seem pretty satisfied with it. Despite still feeling more tired than he normally would have been in this situation and with plenty of worries on his mind about Sannan and being a rasetsu and their current position after having lost so badly at Toba Fushimi, he smiles. Not too widely, but still very much genuine.
Even when she suggests them staying here a little longer. Despite appearances, Shinpachi isn't stupid. He's very well perceptive enough to be able to tell what she's doing here, that she wants them to stay here a little more since he's able to rest more in this house than in the Shinsengumi headquarters, where people constantly need him if not just want to talk to him. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, but it's more of a strain on him than he'd like to admit - even to himself - with his current condition.
Besides, he can't deny her a small happiness for just this little effort. It can't hurt, anyway, staying here just a bit longer. ]
Hey, I'm sure not gonna complain 'bout being able to hog Chizuru-chan's delicious cooking all to myself. [ And he is a little hungry.
(Although at least not in the other sense of the word anymore. For now.) ]
It should be fine as long as we're back before the sun sets. Otherwise I can already hear Hijikata-san's nagging 'bout how it's unacceptable for me to just bring a girl out drinkin' with me.. geez, it's not like I'm not capable of going somewhere else for once! [ But it's a very light-hearted kind of whining. If anything, getting that reaction from Hijikata would make him a little happy - since it means that Sannan hasn't blabbed about what he's learned. ]
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[She looks thoughtful. Sure, Hijikata might nag about Shinpachi bringing a girl out to go drink, but if they don't drink and they have some other explanation, wouldn't it be okay? Maybe Shinpachi is a bad influence on her (or maybe he's a good one; it's important to do some things that make you happy, even in the middle of really tough times, and if anyone's taught her that it's him) but she can think of a few things that Hijikata might accept... maybe.]
Well, we're in a doctor's house right now. I can get some of my father's supplies, and we can just tell Hijikata-san that we were out to fetch them. So don't worry about the time... I think it's alright to take all the time you need.
[She really just wants to be sure he's alright. So! She'll start getting some things together so she can go to the market and get the things to make a snack.] What would you like to eat?
I know the merchants around here, so I can probably get you anything you want!
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And it's not like Chizuru is treating him like he's a rasetsu, but somehow he still can't help but feel her special care here is because of that, or because he became one because he had to fight Kazama, or-- well, the end result is the same, anyway. He ducks his head a little bit, laughing, but it's very light and not like his usual deep rolling laugh. ]
I don't need any special time. This is for Chizuru-chan's sake too, so she doesn't have to be cooped up with a bunch of guys all the time. [ Might as well put it that way to make himself feel better. ]
.. Anything's fine though. I'm sure it'll be tasty. [ Since her cooking always is. He widens his smile cheekily - even though he has to put some force into it with how exhausted his body still feels, but it's not like it's impossible, at least. ] Let's get something the two of us Edo people would only recognize so I can brag to Sano later, 'kay?
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Truth be told, if Chizuru had the opportunity to leave all of this behind and stay here in her childhood home, with her father returned to her and the ochimizu nothing more than a distant memory, she really isn't sure she would take it. She might be "cooped up" with a bunch of men, but they are men she cares for, admires, and respects.]
We'll both benefit, then. [She can recognize that Shinpachi's pride won't just let him accept that this is only for him.] A chance for both of us to rest... I'd like that a lot.
[Of course the resting will come after she shops and cooks, but it's a task she looks forward to, because she likes to be able to see people enjoying her food. Something the two of them will recognize... that's a challenge, one she easily accepts, and she nods.] Ah, I think I have something in mind..! I'll be back very soon.
[And indeed, it doesn't take her long at all to return, though she is sure to hold her purchases carefully so that Shinpachi can't see exactly what she's bringing into the kitchen. It takes even less time for her to get started cooking once she gets back, and soon enough the sounds and smells of a meal being prepared will permeate the air. Once she's finished, she emerges from the kitchen with a set of trays - one for him, one for her - and a wide smile on her face.]
Here you are!
[The tray she sets in front of him is full of Edo delicacies - everything cooked and seasoned in the Edo style. She bustles away, but only so she can return with a pot of tea and two cups, and then she pours a cup for him.]
Um... I hope you enjoy it...
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It's only then that it hits him just how.. strange all of this is. It's been rare for him to ever catch a moment alone with Chizuru before everything at Toba Fushimi went down. Either because he was too busy hanging with the other two third of the idiot trio, or she was doing chores, or-- well, there were just always so many men around the headquarters that it was rare for it to be the two of them like this. It's been like this a little more often since he turned into a rasetsu, since she would constantly check up on him in small ways even during the boat ride, but.. here he's sitting in her house as she's cooking him food. He's already tasted her food before, sure, but it was food she helped make for the entire Shinsengumi.
Never has it been just her making food for him.
And it makes this situation feel.. different. Special? Weird? He's not sure what label to put on it. It just makes him feel strange, like there's something bubbling in his stomach. Like this it's almost as if they aren't with the Shinsengumi, as if she isn't a demon and he isn't a rasetsu - it's almost a scene you'd expect a married couple to be in or something like that, with the wife cooking for her husband as they sit together in their home.
And even though they're not like that at all, the thought itself still definitely manages to fluster Shinpachi, making his cheeks a little red. Especially when Chizuru walks in with the food and all he can do is stare at her - as if this is the first time he's ever even thought of the possibility that she could be more than just someone generally important, like a little sister, or a friend, or anything like that.
It seems dumb to only realise it now, but since she was just with the guys so much, he started to view her like he views everyone else. Like an important friend - one that needs to be protected a little more than his usual friends, sure, but never as a woman like he looked at the women they saw when they went out drinking.
The realisation renders him silent for a moment or two, his face still red, but then he shakes his head, trying to snap himself out of it. ]
Uh-- y.. yeah, thanks. It looks amazing..
[ It's so weird. Even if Chizuru's a woman, she's still Chizuru-chan, right? Even if they're eating here together like this, it doesn't change anything. He already gave up one of his most important principles so she'd be safe, she already made him drink her blood for his own safety. If she was still Chizuru-chan after that, she's still just Chizuru-chan now.
.. Yeah.
He tries to shove the thought to the back of his mind for now, and that renders him able to smile again, picking up his cup and taking a sip from it. ]
In fact, it probably tastes even better! [ Picking up the chopsticks, he lightly pokes her with them. ] Let's dig in, I could eat a horse right about now..!