[Trying isn't necessarily the same thing as doing, though, and that is something Chizuru is almost painfully aware of, even as she giggles and smiles and does her very best to act as though everything is going to be just fine, even with the knowledge that Sannan knows hanging over their heads, even with the lack of absolute certainty that her father's medicine will be less stopgap and more permanent treatment for Shinpachi's condition.
Nothing is normal, but if she can pretend like it is, and he can pretend like it is, maybe soon enough they'll come to believe it.]
And I know that it will all be okay as long as you're here. [This time, her smile actually does reach her eyes.] I feel very safe with you.
[Even in situations when she probably shouldn't - when there are bullets whizzing through the air and men's dying screams ringing out, when Shinpachi's hair is snow-white and he's facing down a pureblooded demon, when Shinpachi's eyes are blood-red and he's giving in to the one craving he never wanted to have. All of those situations were the type that she should never have been at ease in.
And yet... thinking back on them, Chizuru is certain that it's Shinpachi's presence that kept her from going to pieces in each and every one.]
Um... could we stay here for a little while longer, before going back? I'd like some time to... [Let him rest, basically, but she can't say that, can she?] ...think, before we return. And, um... the kitchen could probably stand to be used. It's been a while.
I never did make you that snack at the inn... I could do it now!
[That would mean she'd have to run out to the market very quickly, but he could always rest while she did that!]
[ If there's anything he's glad for at this point, then it's that. Just those words from her, that she feels safe with him.. isn't that what he's been striving for as a warrior all along? He's not like Sano who just wants to protect women and kids above everything, this whole thing is a lot about strength too to Shinpachi - but the strength to protect what's important to him is a definite part of that. The strength to fight for what's right. And what's right is that a girl like Chizuru, no matter whether she's a demon or with them, has the right to live a happy life.
No matter what. ]
Great. [ So that's his answer, and he actually does seem pretty satisfied with it. Despite still feeling more tired than he normally would have been in this situation and with plenty of worries on his mind about Sannan and being a rasetsu and their current position after having lost so badly at Toba Fushimi, he smiles. Not too widely, but still very much genuine.
Even when she suggests them staying here a little longer. Despite appearances, Shinpachi isn't stupid. He's very well perceptive enough to be able to tell what she's doing here, that she wants them to stay here a little more since he's able to rest more in this house than in the Shinsengumi headquarters, where people constantly need him if not just want to talk to him. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, but it's more of a strain on him than he'd like to admit - even to himself - with his current condition.
Besides, he can't deny her a small happiness for just this little effort. It can't hurt, anyway, staying here just a bit longer. ]
Hey, I'm sure not gonna complain 'bout being able to hog Chizuru-chan's delicious cooking all to myself. [ And he is a little hungry.
(Although at least not in the other sense of the word anymore. For now.) ]
It should be fine as long as we're back before the sun sets. Otherwise I can already hear Hijikata-san's nagging 'bout how it's unacceptable for me to just bring a girl out drinkin' with me.. geez, it's not like I'm not capable of going somewhere else for once! [ But it's a very light-hearted kind of whining. If anything, getting that reaction from Hijikata would make him a little happy - since it means that Sannan hasn't blabbed about what he's learned. ]
[She looks thoughtful. Sure, Hijikata might nag about Shinpachi bringing a girl out to go drink, but if they don't drink and they have some other explanation, wouldn't it be okay? Maybe Shinpachi is a bad influence on her (or maybe he's a good one; it's important to do some things that make you happy, even in the middle of really tough times, and if anyone's taught her that it's him) but she can think of a few things that Hijikata might accept... maybe.]
Well, we're in a doctor's house right now. I can get some of my father's supplies, and we can just tell Hijikata-san that we were out to fetch them. So don't worry about the time... I think it's alright to take all the time you need.
[She really just wants to be sure he's alright. So! She'll start getting some things together so she can go to the market and get the things to make a snack.] What would you like to eat?
I know the merchants around here, so I can probably get you anything you want!
[ It's just like her, trying to think of his every need. He's not quite used to it considering he's been going around by himself for a while before settling at Shieikan and then with the Shinsengumi - he's probably only really used to it from her to begin with, really. But even then, he's not used to her completely focusing on him for once, and it actually makes Shinpachi feel a little bit embarrassed. Especially since he wants to continue living like usually. He might be a rasetsu and it might mean that he technically can't, but he's never been the kind of guy to let technicalities stop him.
And it's not like Chizuru is treating him like he's a rasetsu, but somehow he still can't help but feel her special care here is because of that, or because he became one because he had to fight Kazama, or-- well, the end result is the same, anyway. He ducks his head a little bit, laughing, but it's very light and not like his usual deep rolling laugh. ]
I don't need any special time. This is for Chizuru-chan's sake too, so she doesn't have to be cooped up with a bunch of guys all the time. [ Might as well put it that way to make himself feel better. ]
.. Anything's fine though. I'm sure it'll be tasty. [ Since her cooking always is. He widens his smile cheekily - even though he has to put some force into it with how exhausted his body still feels, but it's not like it's impossible, at least. ] Let's get something the two of us Edo people would only recognize so I can brag to Sano later, 'kay?
[She can't help but giggle at that - cooped up with a bunch of guys... it's been a very long time since she really felt trapped with the Shinsengumi. And while there is a small part of her that misses being able to dress and act as a girl (infiltrating the Sumiya and taking part in that festival seem like they were experiences from so far ago), she wouldn't trade the time she's spent with these men (especially Shinpachi) for anything.
Truth be told, if Chizuru had the opportunity to leave all of this behind and stay here in her childhood home, with her father returned to her and the ochimizu nothing more than a distant memory, she really isn't sure she would take it. She might be "cooped up" with a bunch of men, but they are men she cares for, admires, and respects.]
We'll both benefit, then. [She can recognize that Shinpachi's pride won't just let him accept that this is only for him.] A chance for both of us to rest... I'd like that a lot.
[Of course the resting will come after she shops and cooks, but it's a task she looks forward to, because she likes to be able to see people enjoying her food. Something the two of them will recognize... that's a challenge, one she easily accepts, and she nods.] Ah, I think I have something in mind..! I'll be back very soon.
[And indeed, it doesn't take her long at all to return, though she is sure to hold her purchases carefully so that Shinpachi can't see exactly what she's bringing into the kitchen. It takes even less time for her to get started cooking once she gets back, and soon enough the sounds and smells of a meal being prepared will permeate the air. Once she's finished, she emerges from the kitchen with a set of trays - one for him, one for her - and a wide smile on her face.]
Here you are!
[The tray she sets in front of him is full of Edo delicacies - everything cooked and seasoned in the Edo style. She bustles away, but only so she can return with a pot of tea and two cups, and then she pours a cup for him.]
[ In a way he's getting rest already, really. Although it probably can't be qualified as true rest - being up during the day drains a rasetsu's energy no matter what, after all - but at least it means he's not using up a whole lot more energy if he's just sitting here, watching her go at it in the kitchen, smelling the food she's made--
It's only then that it hits him just how.. strange all of this is. It's been rare for him to ever catch a moment alone with Chizuru before everything at Toba Fushimi went down. Either because he was too busy hanging with the other two third of the idiot trio, or she was doing chores, or-- well, there were just always so many men around the headquarters that it was rare for it to be the two of them like this. It's been like this a little more often since he turned into a rasetsu, since she would constantly check up on him in small ways even during the boat ride, but.. here he's sitting in her house as she's cooking him food. He's already tasted her food before, sure, but it was food she helped make for the entire Shinsengumi.
Never has it been just her making food for him.
And it makes this situation feel.. different. Special? Weird? He's not sure what label to put on it. It just makes him feel strange, like there's something bubbling in his stomach. Like this it's almost as if they aren't with the Shinsengumi, as if she isn't a demon and he isn't a rasetsu - it's almost a scene you'd expect a married couple to be in or something like that, with the wife cooking for her husband as they sit together in their home.
And even though they're not like that at all, the thought itself still definitely manages to fluster Shinpachi, making his cheeks a little red. Especially when Chizuru walks in with the food and all he can do is stare at her - as if this is the first time he's ever even thought of the possibility that she could be more than just someone generally important, like a little sister, or a friend, or anything like that.
It seems dumb to only realise it now, but since she was just with the guys so much, he started to view her like he views everyone else. Like an important friend - one that needs to be protected a little more than his usual friends, sure, but never as a woman like he looked at the women they saw when they went out drinking.
The realisation renders him silent for a moment or two, his face still red, but then he shakes his head, trying to snap himself out of it. ]
Uh-- y.. yeah, thanks. It looks amazing..
[ It's so weird. Even if Chizuru's a woman, she's still Chizuru-chan, right? Even if they're eating here together like this, it doesn't change anything. He already gave up one of his most important principles so she'd be safe, she already made him drink her blood for his own safety. If she was still Chizuru-chan after that, she's still just Chizuru-chan now.
.. Yeah.
He tries to shove the thought to the back of his mind for now, and that renders him able to smile again, picking up his cup and taking a sip from it. ]
In fact, it probably tastes even better! [ Picking up the chopsticks, he lightly pokes her with them. ] Let's dig in, I could eat a horse right about now..!
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no subject
[Trying isn't necessarily the same thing as doing, though, and that is something Chizuru is almost painfully aware of, even as she giggles and smiles and does her very best to act as though everything is going to be just fine, even with the knowledge that Sannan knows hanging over their heads, even with the lack of absolute certainty that her father's medicine will be less stopgap and more permanent treatment for Shinpachi's condition.
Nothing is normal, but if she can pretend like it is, and he can pretend like it is, maybe soon enough they'll come to believe it.]
And I know that it will all be okay as long as you're here. [This time, her smile actually does reach her eyes.] I feel very safe with you.
[Even in situations when she probably shouldn't - when there are bullets whizzing through the air and men's dying screams ringing out, when Shinpachi's hair is snow-white and he's facing down a pureblooded demon, when Shinpachi's eyes are blood-red and he's giving in to the one craving he never wanted to have. All of those situations were the type that she should never have been at ease in.
And yet... thinking back on them, Chizuru is certain that it's Shinpachi's presence that kept her from going to pieces in each and every one.]
Um... could we stay here for a little while longer, before going back? I'd like some time to... [Let him rest, basically, but she can't say that, can she?] ...think, before we return. And, um... the kitchen could probably stand to be used. It's been a while.
I never did make you that snack at the inn... I could do it now!
[That would mean she'd have to run out to the market very quickly, but he could always rest while she did that!]
no subject
No matter what. ]
Great. [ So that's his answer, and he actually does seem pretty satisfied with it. Despite still feeling more tired than he normally would have been in this situation and with plenty of worries on his mind about Sannan and being a rasetsu and their current position after having lost so badly at Toba Fushimi, he smiles. Not too widely, but still very much genuine.
Even when she suggests them staying here a little longer. Despite appearances, Shinpachi isn't stupid. He's very well perceptive enough to be able to tell what she's doing here, that she wants them to stay here a little more since he's able to rest more in this house than in the Shinsengumi headquarters, where people constantly need him if not just want to talk to him. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, but it's more of a strain on him than he'd like to admit - even to himself - with his current condition.
Besides, he can't deny her a small happiness for just this little effort. It can't hurt, anyway, staying here just a bit longer. ]
Hey, I'm sure not gonna complain 'bout being able to hog Chizuru-chan's delicious cooking all to myself. [ And he is a little hungry.
(Although at least not in the other sense of the word anymore. For now.) ]
It should be fine as long as we're back before the sun sets. Otherwise I can already hear Hijikata-san's nagging 'bout how it's unacceptable for me to just bring a girl out drinkin' with me.. geez, it's not like I'm not capable of going somewhere else for once! [ But it's a very light-hearted kind of whining. If anything, getting that reaction from Hijikata would make him a little happy - since it means that Sannan hasn't blabbed about what he's learned. ]
no subject
[She looks thoughtful. Sure, Hijikata might nag about Shinpachi bringing a girl out to go drink, but if they don't drink and they have some other explanation, wouldn't it be okay? Maybe Shinpachi is a bad influence on her (or maybe he's a good one; it's important to do some things that make you happy, even in the middle of really tough times, and if anyone's taught her that it's him) but she can think of a few things that Hijikata might accept... maybe.]
Well, we're in a doctor's house right now. I can get some of my father's supplies, and we can just tell Hijikata-san that we were out to fetch them. So don't worry about the time... I think it's alright to take all the time you need.
[She really just wants to be sure he's alright. So! She'll start getting some things together so she can go to the market and get the things to make a snack.] What would you like to eat?
I know the merchants around here, so I can probably get you anything you want!
no subject
And it's not like Chizuru is treating him like he's a rasetsu, but somehow he still can't help but feel her special care here is because of that, or because he became one because he had to fight Kazama, or-- well, the end result is the same, anyway. He ducks his head a little bit, laughing, but it's very light and not like his usual deep rolling laugh. ]
I don't need any special time. This is for Chizuru-chan's sake too, so she doesn't have to be cooped up with a bunch of guys all the time. [ Might as well put it that way to make himself feel better. ]
.. Anything's fine though. I'm sure it'll be tasty. [ Since her cooking always is. He widens his smile cheekily - even though he has to put some force into it with how exhausted his body still feels, but it's not like it's impossible, at least. ] Let's get something the two of us Edo people would only recognize so I can brag to Sano later, 'kay?
no subject
Truth be told, if Chizuru had the opportunity to leave all of this behind and stay here in her childhood home, with her father returned to her and the ochimizu nothing more than a distant memory, she really isn't sure she would take it. She might be "cooped up" with a bunch of men, but they are men she cares for, admires, and respects.]
We'll both benefit, then. [She can recognize that Shinpachi's pride won't just let him accept that this is only for him.] A chance for both of us to rest... I'd like that a lot.
[Of course the resting will come after she shops and cooks, but it's a task she looks forward to, because she likes to be able to see people enjoying her food. Something the two of them will recognize... that's a challenge, one she easily accepts, and she nods.] Ah, I think I have something in mind..! I'll be back very soon.
[And indeed, it doesn't take her long at all to return, though she is sure to hold her purchases carefully so that Shinpachi can't see exactly what she's bringing into the kitchen. It takes even less time for her to get started cooking once she gets back, and soon enough the sounds and smells of a meal being prepared will permeate the air. Once she's finished, she emerges from the kitchen with a set of trays - one for him, one for her - and a wide smile on her face.]
Here you are!
[The tray she sets in front of him is full of Edo delicacies - everything cooked and seasoned in the Edo style. She bustles away, but only so she can return with a pot of tea and two cups, and then she pours a cup for him.]
Um... I hope you enjoy it...
no subject
It's only then that it hits him just how.. strange all of this is. It's been rare for him to ever catch a moment alone with Chizuru before everything at Toba Fushimi went down. Either because he was too busy hanging with the other two third of the idiot trio, or she was doing chores, or-- well, there were just always so many men around the headquarters that it was rare for it to be the two of them like this. It's been like this a little more often since he turned into a rasetsu, since she would constantly check up on him in small ways even during the boat ride, but.. here he's sitting in her house as she's cooking him food. He's already tasted her food before, sure, but it was food she helped make for the entire Shinsengumi.
Never has it been just her making food for him.
And it makes this situation feel.. different. Special? Weird? He's not sure what label to put on it. It just makes him feel strange, like there's something bubbling in his stomach. Like this it's almost as if they aren't with the Shinsengumi, as if she isn't a demon and he isn't a rasetsu - it's almost a scene you'd expect a married couple to be in or something like that, with the wife cooking for her husband as they sit together in their home.
And even though they're not like that at all, the thought itself still definitely manages to fluster Shinpachi, making his cheeks a little red. Especially when Chizuru walks in with the food and all he can do is stare at her - as if this is the first time he's ever even thought of the possibility that she could be more than just someone generally important, like a little sister, or a friend, or anything like that.
It seems dumb to only realise it now, but since she was just with the guys so much, he started to view her like he views everyone else. Like an important friend - one that needs to be protected a little more than his usual friends, sure, but never as a woman like he looked at the women they saw when they went out drinking.
The realisation renders him silent for a moment or two, his face still red, but then he shakes his head, trying to snap himself out of it. ]
Uh-- y.. yeah, thanks. It looks amazing..
[ It's so weird. Even if Chizuru's a woman, she's still Chizuru-chan, right? Even if they're eating here together like this, it doesn't change anything. He already gave up one of his most important principles so she'd be safe, she already made him drink her blood for his own safety. If she was still Chizuru-chan after that, she's still just Chizuru-chan now.
.. Yeah.
He tries to shove the thought to the back of his mind for now, and that renders him able to smile again, picking up his cup and taking a sip from it. ]
In fact, it probably tastes even better! [ Picking up the chopsticks, he lightly pokes her with them. ] Let's dig in, I could eat a horse right about now..!