It feels like he's imagining all of this. Or at least half of this. Maybe the thought of asking Yunyeol to have sex with him makes his heart pound so hard that it just knocked his frail body straight up unconscious, and he's dreaming all of this. Or maybe it's at least giving him hallucinations, making the tone of Yunyeol's voice sound so sweet, and makes a very tiny smile seem to be on Yunyeol's face, something he hasn't even seen that often...
That can't be real, right? Would Yunyeol really be that happy to have sex with the person who owned him? No matter how soft his kisses and touches were before, no matter how he held him while they were lying down in bed when Jeongmin asked for it.. it can't be real. It must all be him imagining things, imagining Yunyeol having feelings for him the same way he has feelings for the other.
But even if he would imagine all this, maybe it isn't too bad for the moment. If he can only let himself go for a moment and let himself feel good and happy tonight.. then he can worry about how delusional he might be or not tomorrow. For now he just wants to bask in the way Yunyeol taking his hands into his own without Jeongmin explictly having to ask for it makes his chest feel so warm..
He loves him so much. Somewhere between all the soft care Yunyeol gave him, Jeongmin really did fall in love with the other.. so much that even small things like this can make him feel much more excited than he should be. Maybe it's since he's so sheltered due to his illness, or maybe his illness has just done something weird to his brain, but he can't help it.
Jeongmin shakes his head a little. Not to tell Yunyeol off about anything, quite the opposite-- ]
Don't worry about it. [ Because he knows Yunyeol has Jeongmin's best interests always at the front of his mind. It's natural with the way Yunyeol has been raised, after all.. learning how to absolutely obey someone else, how to take care of them. How to put that other person's needs in front of his own. ] I trust you.
[ Yunyeol has never done anything he didn't want, after all. If anything, there were moments where he wished Yunyeol would do a little more.. go a little further. Kiss him a little more than just doing what Jeongmin asks for, take a little initiative.
But he too knows that also isn't part of the way Yunyeol was raised.
He lets out a soft breath, his gaze dropping to their joined hands for a moment before moving back up to Yunyeol's face. At least he's still trying to not seem overly into this.. not as much as he feels on the inside, after all. He'd look like a moron if he displayed the way his heart is racing right now to the other, especially since Yunyeol must just see this like a business sort of thing, just part of their bond as owner and owned. ]
[Trust is something he'd never really considered before he'd met Jeongmin...not in the sense that he didn't know what it was, but he didn't think it would ever come into play in his life. He never thought he would need a sense of trust for someone who has complete control over him...and he never thought that person would feel it towards him either. But it's there...and somehow, it's mutual on both ends. And that alone feels miraculous to Yunyeol...For right now too, it gives a greater sense of confidence in what he's about to do.
It means that all of the smiles and all of the the tenderness to Yunyeol right now- it's all completely genuine. None of it is forced at all...but he has no idea that Jeongmin would ever doubt that. But that doesn't mean he stops now either...his smile actually widens a little when he hears the other boy's words of trust.
If anything...it might've been harder for him to not smile in a moment like this.
Yunyeol gives a small nod of acknowledgement to Jeongmin's last few words, and as he does, he raises one of his hands up- resting it softly against the other boy's cheek, then moving in to press an even softer kiss against his lips. The kiss itself doesn't feel too different from normal...but despite the fact that Jeongmin had asked for sex, he hadn't asked for a kiss. So this is the first one Yunyeol's given without explicit permission...and that in itself already feels a little different. But whether it's different or familiar, he'll never take a kiss with Jeongmin for granted.
While Yunyeol tilts his head- pressing more and more kisses onto Jeongmin's lips- his other hand shifts to start pushing the other boy down onto the bed. He's still taking it slow and soft for right now...wanting to help ease Jeongmin into everything. It's partially because of his sickness, partially because this is his first time...but also because he really wants Jeongmin to enjoy every moment of it. Even the smaller things now, while they're still getting started.
He knows that Jeongmin's body is in a state of pain so often...so Yunyeol wants to do all he can to give him the exact opposite of that.
And while he kisses him sweetly for a few more moments, he does want to give the other boy something beyond that too. Something new, that he hasn't experienced quiet yet...So he moves down- towards Jeongmin's neck soon after, and lays a trail of soft kisses all along it.
There's some obvious skill in everything he's doing...skills that he's learned throughout the course of his life. Even in little actions like these- he puts everything he has, and everything he's learned into them. Jeongmin doesn't deserve anything less than his absolute best, and so that's what Yunyeol will give him. Even as his hand moves to help Jeongmin position himself better onto the bed, he seems to do it without much difficulty.
He doesn't move to go too much further than this just yet- waiting to gauge Jeongmin's reaction, and making sure he's doing well enough for the other.]
[ If this were any other situation he'd be having sex and it went like this, Jeongmin is sure he would hate it. He doesn't like being treated like this.. so gently, constantly guided, as if he's something fragile that has to be protected at all costs. He doesn't want to be babied just because he's ill, no matter how shitty or potentially deadly his illness might be. He wants to show the world that there's plenty of things he can still do, no matter how sick he is. He wants to prove he's still strong too, and not some cripple.
But when it's Yunyeol doing it, all of those protests somehow seem to vanish. Maybe it's the knowledge that no matter what the other is doing, he still belongs to Jeongmin.. he's still only acting upon commands given by Jeongmin, so he's still the one in charge.
Deep in his heart he knows it's different though. The reason why he doesn't feel angry at being laid down so softly on the bed is because it's Yunyeol. Because Yunyeol being near him is enough to make a warmth form in the pit of his chest, because Yunyeol makes him feel so oddly loved and wanted with the way he touches him and looks at him, caring for him so softly. Yunyeol isn't doing this because he pities him, but because he cares for him. (He still thinks it's not real though - but even as his own delusion, that works well enough for him in this moment.)
He moves along the best he can with the way Yunyeol's hands guide him onto the bed and to lie a little more comfortably.. his own hands slowly move up to cling to the other too - not too strong of a grasp, but it's still there all the same. Along with the soft sound that escapes his mouth when Yunyeol kisses his neck like that, no matter how softly it is. It just feels.. nice. He's so used to his body hurting and feeling like it's working against him, so the feeling of these kind of sensations on his skin instead feels like heaven opening just for him.
It's appreciated that Yunyeol is so practiced with this anyway. Jeongmin is so much of a virgin that he'd feel super unconfident about doing it if he himself had to take the lead, especially this first time, so for once it feels a little nice to be led and guided. He trusts Yunyeol.. and it's why the other's name softly moves across his lips. ]
[Yunyeol adores Jeongmin too much to ever do something like this out of pity. While it's true that he might not have any real say in this happening to begin with, there isn't even a single part of him that feels reluctant to do this. He can't deny that he is taking Jeongmin's illness into some consideration...but it's not that he thinks that the other boy really is weak, or fragile.
Yunyeol himself is just so naturally sweet and gentle anyway, that it's no different from how he'd be acting even if Jeongmin wasn't sick at all. Easing his way into things for both of them...figuring out what works, and what doesn't. Just...being careful, and loving.
At least, if there's anything Yunyeol does have some confidence in, it's that he'll be able to pleasure Jeongmin...and start finding the best ways to do so.
It's a little extra reassuring to feel Jeongmin's arms wrap around him like that...but nothing can compare to hearing the soft sound from the other boy's mouth...and then his own name in the same voice. A strange, almost sad aching sensation shoots through his chest and his stomach as soon as he hears it...and it makes Yunyeol start to press his kisses a little harder against Jeongmin's neck. Still not enough to be aggressive...just as if his actions are starting to grow in confidence too.
After a few more kisses, he moves one hand down tentatively- pressing it against the edge of Jeongmin's shirt, and gently sliding it up against his stomach. His skin feels so soft...and the warmth against his hand makes Yunyeol's heart swell with affection. He's just...so lucky to be able to be doing this. He can't get that out of his head. Even to be able to touch Jeongmin like this...his heart skips a few more beats just thinking about it.]
[ It's not like Yunyeol hasn't touched him before. Even just beyond places where his skin is usually visible. There have been plenty of times where Jeongmin's illness just wrecked him so much for a day that even changing his clothes by himself felt impossible and Yunyeol helped him - or times where Yunyeol had to help bathe him, even. But this still feels different from any of that. Not that Jeongmin's heart didn't oddly beat even during those times, since that close physical contact with Yunyeol is what he slowly grew to desire, but this is still.. different.
Maybe it's the situation, the two of them being so intimate right now on purpose. It feels a little less like he's making Yunyeol babysit him and more like they could almost be equals if he didn't know better. Like they could just be two normal people in love. And there's nothing he wants more than that, especially with someone as soft and sweet as Yunyeol, someone who makes it so easy to believe that he might just naturally care about Jeongmin. (Even though wandering too far in that direction with his thoughts still feels terrifying.)
And exactly because all of this feels so different, it feels nice when he feels Yunyeol's hand start to move up his clothes while the other is still kissing him. This is exactly what he wants - feeling like he's being enveloped by Yunyeol. Drowning in the other's warmth, and forgetting what he usually feels like most of the time. The feeling makes him wiggle a little under the other, but it's not because he wants the other to stop. It's because it feels so nice that he just can't help himself, even in little ways like this.
His grip on the other tightens just a little bit, and as he realises Yunyeol might interpret the signals he's giving in a wrong way, he makes sure to at least address it out loud. ]
Touch me more.. please..
[ It definitely feels a little embarrassing to be this needy even though they've only just started, but it's not like Jeongmin hadn't imagined this sort of scenario plenty of times in his mind already. It makes him crave more of this quickly - wanting Yunyeol's hands to roam all over him, to make every spot of his body feel better than it ever has before. There's no way he can mutter those words while actually looking at the other though, so in that sense he's definitely glad Yunyeol is too preoccupied with planting kisses against his neck so there's no way to have eye contact. ]
[As much as Yunyeol can be overly careful with just about everything he does, he's still plenty aware of how people react to being touched like this. So at the very least, he's less likely to stop and check if Jeongmin's alright unless something really seems off. And nothing's raising any alarm in him right now, so he seems calm with carrying on.
At least, aside from when Jeongmin talks again. As soon as those words are out, it feels like something's squeezing tightly around his heart. It's hard to imagine how he's going to make it through this in one piece if the person he belongs to keeps asking him "please" like that. It just makes Yunyeol want to give everything to him- more and more desperately.
And so...Yunyel lets a warm puff of breath against Jeongmin's neck before he starts to pull back. It's only for a moment- long enough to grab onto the bottom of the other's shirt and gently tug it the rest of the way off, then let it fall to the side of the bed. And as he was asked, Yunyeol moves back down- letting his hands travel all along Jeongmin's chest, his sides, his stomach...All the while he leans over to press kisses against him again- this time moving down to his collarbone, then over towards his shoulder.
This is different for Yunyeol too. Not even just different from the way he's touched Jeongmin before...there's an obvious difference this time. Even though, when he'd been helping his owner with being bathed or getting dressed, he always held him with a similar tenderness, it's just not the same as how intimate this is right now. That alone is special...But what's really different, is just...how all of this is starting out at all. Maybe they haven't gotten very far yet, but it's already such a major change from the experiences he's had with sex in his life up until now.
The life they'd prepared him for wasn't supposed to be anything like this. The sex he'd had before was always much harder- whether it was giving or receiving. Mostly because they needed to prepare him for a lifestyle like that- prepare him for the worst, mainly. Nothing like this...nothing so soft, and sweet and loving. Nothing where anything even made him feel...even remotely needed.]
[ Jeongmin finds himself holding his breath as Yunyeol takes off his shirt. It's not as if the other has never seen him naked before - he knows Yunyeol has seen that up close enough times, all those times when he was too weak to even dress himself or take a proper bath. But despite the fact that there's really nothing new here about his body, he still can't help but feel a little nervous.
After all, his body is... well, it's not that great, is it? His skin is so pale from how much time he has to spend inside due to his illness that it makes him feel like a ghost sometimes when he looks into the mirror. He's pretty skinny and frail-looking, and being left without his clothes always makes him feel incredibly vulnerable. It's not that he doesn't trust Yunyeol - otherwise they wouldn't be in this position to begin with, he knows Yunyeol is incredibly loyal and gentle - but still letting Yunyeol see this, see his pale skin marred by scars from surgeries they tried on him for his illness in the past... He feels a little bad letting the other see just how terrible he looks, no matter whether it's during a moment Yunyeol is helping him or a moment when they're doing... well, this.
His heart starts pounding more rapidly in his chest with the fear that the other might find him repulsive. It's not like Yunyeol could ever say it even if he thought it, right? He couldn't just say that to the person that owns him. So those thoughts could be there, and Jeongmin would never even know about it..
But the touch on his skin is thankfully very distracting. Yunyeol's hands feel so good and warm on his bare skin, and the kisses are so sweet and gentle that he doesn't ever want this to stop. His body usually makes him feel so terrible, and this is one of the first times that it has ever made him feel anything close to good.
His breaths are long, but start to turn more shakey the more the other kisses and touches him. ]
Yunyeol...
[ Tell me you love me. Tell me I'm not just some pathetic guy you have to take care of. Tell me---
All things that go around in his head, but that he could never say since it'd be an absolute order if he did voice them out loud, and forced answers would be even worse than Yunyeol voicing the sentiments Jeongmin sometimes fears the other holds. ]
[If only there was some way Yunyeol could know what was going through Jeongmin's head...if only there was a way he could know about those fears and then try to alleviate them. But then again...if Jeongmin were to voice any of those fears, and Yunyeol answered...would Jeongmin know it was an honest answer? And not just him saying what he's supposed to say...? It would be better if Yunyeol could realize the other's feelings on his own...but he's still not socially skilled enough to know that there's anything like that going through his head right now. And even then, Yunyeol's often too reserved to say much unless he knows for sure he's allowed to speak.
But the heart of the matter here is simply that Jeongmin doesn't have to be afraid at all of Yunyeol's thoughts. He doesn't particularly have any strong sense of what's attractive to him or what's not to begin with...because he's never been allowed to have anything that he wants anyway. What he sees here is the body that belongs to the one person who's his entire world...the body that he does want to comfort...to hold, to protect, to make feel good. It's simply part of Jeongmin himself, and there isn't any part of him that Yunyeol doesn't care about fully.
Even if it doesn't occur to him that he could, or should say any of that...this is still the one opportunity where Yunyeol has a little more freedom in his actions. And so, even without necessarily realizing it, Yunyeol's still giving an answer, in a way.
The scars on Jeongmin's body don't go unnoticed, but Yunyeol doesn't shy away from them at all. He's not sure if his owner would want him to fixate on them at all or not, but it somehow feels wrong to just act like they're not there...He brushes his fingers over one of them in a way that's undeniably affectionate...and traces kisses along the scar afterwards.
Maybe it's pointless to think like this, since the scars themselves are obviously long healed by now, but...Yunyeol finds himself wishing he could've been there when Jeongmin had gotten them. It feels strange to go down along this train of thought too...but he really does wish he'd been here a lot sooner. By Jeongmin's side even when they were younger...always being there to help him through his pain. It feels like this is exactly where he's meant to be.]
I'm here, Jeongmin...
[He says it in a soft, sweet voice in a pause between kisses. It still feels strange to him to say Jeongmin's name...no matter the fact that the other had already given him permission to do so a while ago. Maybe it just seems a little bold, especially in a situation like this. But...Yunyeol knows he'd feel worse if he didn't say it in this case.]
[ The terrible feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach starts to eb away slightly when he feels Yunyeol's lips and fingers moving across his scars. It's not as if he's got direct confirmation that the other doesn't mind the scars, considering Yunyeol probably couldn't say anything about it anyway with the way he is.. but it really does feel like there's something loving in the touches, something softly affectionate. Jeongmin knows that they really did train Yunyeol well - to a ridiculous point where he really feels sorry for Yunyeol at times and wishes the other could at least speak up about what he feels a little more - but there's no way you can train someone to even ask their touch, right? Would affection be that easy to fake?
Maybe it's since he wants it to be true so badly, but he can't help but slip into the mindset that the other doesn't mind this. That Yunyeol isn't doing this against his own will because Jeongmin owns him and wants him to, but that he doesn't mind doing this with Jeongmin. That he wants Jeongmin to feel good.. that he wants him to be happy. He can't help but think of the times when the pain was almost too bad to bear and there was definitely worry in the other's eyes, in a way that felt too genuine to be faked.
Almost without thinking his hands move up to the other's head, his fingers digging into the other's hair - but there's nothing harsh about it. It isn't even due to lack of strength on Jeongmin's part, it's just that he really would never want to hurt the other. It's just a gentle touch, just his fingers brushing through the other's hair to have even more contact between them, to show Yunyeol that he does really like this. He likes not even just the physical part of this, but also the mental and emotional side.. the signs that Yunyeol really does care, especially when he's saying so sweetly that he's here with him.
It's almost overwhelming. His throat feels a little tight, and for a moment Jeongmin almost feels like he's going to cry like some sort of moron at all of Yunyeol's sweetness that's surrounding him, but he manages to at least hold that much back. Not that it does anything about the expression on his face seeming genuinely happy - and even a little hopeful. It's like he's at the edge of the cliff that is telling Yunyeol he loves him, but he doesn't dare to jump in just yet. But it's so close at Yunyeol's kisses, so close.. ]
You're so good at this.
[ His voice is soft too, but it's almost a little more mumbled, like he feels a bit embarrassed just saying it. Mostly since he left it at a surface level compliment, but there's more meaning behind it. It doesn't have anything to do with how well Yunyeol is trained or anything, it's nothing about the physical skills - it's about what he does to Jeongmin's heart without even realising it. ]
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no subject
It feels like he's imagining all of this. Or at least half of this. Maybe the thought of asking Yunyeol to have sex with him makes his heart pound so hard that it just knocked his frail body straight up unconscious, and he's dreaming all of this. Or maybe it's at least giving him hallucinations, making the tone of Yunyeol's voice sound so sweet, and makes a very tiny smile seem to be on Yunyeol's face, something he hasn't even seen that often...
That can't be real, right? Would Yunyeol really be that happy to have sex with the person who owned him? No matter how soft his kisses and touches were before, no matter how he held him while they were lying down in bed when Jeongmin asked for it.. it can't be real. It must all be him imagining things, imagining Yunyeol having feelings for him the same way he has feelings for the other.
But even if he would imagine all this, maybe it isn't too bad for the moment. If he can only let himself go for a moment and let himself feel good and happy tonight.. then he can worry about how delusional he might be or not tomorrow. For now he just wants to bask in the way Yunyeol taking his hands into his own without Jeongmin explictly having to ask for it makes his chest feel so warm..
He loves him so much. Somewhere between all the soft care Yunyeol gave him, Jeongmin really did fall in love with the other.. so much that even small things like this can make him feel much more excited than he should be. Maybe it's since he's so sheltered due to his illness, or maybe his illness has just done something weird to his brain, but he can't help it.
Jeongmin shakes his head a little. Not to tell Yunyeol off about anything, quite the opposite-- ]
Don't worry about it. [ Because he knows Yunyeol has Jeongmin's best interests always at the front of his mind. It's natural with the way Yunyeol has been raised, after all.. learning how to absolutely obey someone else, how to take care of them. How to put that other person's needs in front of his own. ] I trust you.
[ Yunyeol has never done anything he didn't want, after all. If anything, there were moments where he wished Yunyeol would do a little more.. go a little further. Kiss him a little more than just doing what Jeongmin asks for, take a little initiative.
But he too knows that also isn't part of the way Yunyeol was raised.
He lets out a soft breath, his gaze dropping to their joined hands for a moment before moving back up to Yunyeol's face. At least he's still trying to not seem overly into this.. not as much as he feels on the inside, after all. He'd look like a moron if he displayed the way his heart is racing right now to the other, especially since Yunyeol must just see this like a business sort of thing, just part of their bond as owner and owned. ]
So.. go ahead. I'm ready.
no subject
It means that all of the smiles and all of the the tenderness to Yunyeol right now- it's all completely genuine. None of it is forced at all...but he has no idea that Jeongmin would ever doubt that. But that doesn't mean he stops now either...his smile actually widens a little when he hears the other boy's words of trust.
If anything...it might've been harder for him to not smile in a moment like this.
Yunyeol gives a small nod of acknowledgement to Jeongmin's last few words, and as he does, he raises one of his hands up- resting it softly against the other boy's cheek, then moving in to press an even softer kiss against his lips. The kiss itself doesn't feel too different from normal...but despite the fact that Jeongmin had asked for sex, he hadn't asked for a kiss. So this is the first one Yunyeol's given without explicit permission...and that in itself already feels a little different. But whether it's different or familiar, he'll never take a kiss with Jeongmin for granted.
While Yunyeol tilts his head- pressing more and more kisses onto Jeongmin's lips- his other hand shifts to start pushing the other boy down onto the bed. He's still taking it slow and soft for right now...wanting to help ease Jeongmin into everything. It's partially because of his sickness, partially because this is his first time...but also because he really wants Jeongmin to enjoy every moment of it. Even the smaller things now, while they're still getting started.
He knows that Jeongmin's body is in a state of pain so often...so Yunyeol wants to do all he can to give him the exact opposite of that.
And while he kisses him sweetly for a few more moments, he does want to give the other boy something beyond that too. Something new, that he hasn't experienced quiet yet...So he moves down- towards Jeongmin's neck soon after, and lays a trail of soft kisses all along it.
There's some obvious skill in everything he's doing...skills that he's learned throughout the course of his life. Even in little actions like these- he puts everything he has, and everything he's learned into them. Jeongmin doesn't deserve anything less than his absolute best, and so that's what Yunyeol will give him. Even as his hand moves to help Jeongmin position himself better onto the bed, he seems to do it without much difficulty.
He doesn't move to go too much further than this just yet- waiting to gauge Jeongmin's reaction, and making sure he's doing well enough for the other.]
no subject
But when it's Yunyeol doing it, all of those protests somehow seem to vanish. Maybe it's the knowledge that no matter what the other is doing, he still belongs to Jeongmin.. he's still only acting upon commands given by Jeongmin, so he's still the one in charge.
Deep in his heart he knows it's different though. The reason why he doesn't feel angry at being laid down so softly on the bed is because it's Yunyeol. Because Yunyeol being near him is enough to make a warmth form in the pit of his chest, because Yunyeol makes him feel so oddly loved and wanted with the way he touches him and looks at him, caring for him so softly. Yunyeol isn't doing this because he pities him, but because he cares for him. (He still thinks it's not real though - but even as his own delusion, that works well enough for him in this moment.)
He moves along the best he can with the way Yunyeol's hands guide him onto the bed and to lie a little more comfortably.. his own hands slowly move up to cling to the other too - not too strong of a grasp, but it's still there all the same. Along with the soft sound that escapes his mouth when Yunyeol kisses his neck like that, no matter how softly it is. It just feels.. nice. He's so used to his body hurting and feeling like it's working against him, so the feeling of these kind of sensations on his skin instead feels like heaven opening just for him.
It's appreciated that Yunyeol is so practiced with this anyway. Jeongmin is so much of a virgin that he'd feel super unconfident about doing it if he himself had to take the lead, especially this first time, so for once it feels a little nice to be led and guided. He trusts Yunyeol.. and it's why the other's name softly moves across his lips. ]
no subject
Yunyeol himself is just so naturally sweet and gentle anyway, that it's no different from how he'd be acting even if Jeongmin wasn't sick at all. Easing his way into things for both of them...figuring out what works, and what doesn't. Just...being careful, and loving.
At least, if there's anything Yunyeol does have some confidence in, it's that he'll be able to pleasure Jeongmin...and start finding the best ways to do so.
It's a little extra reassuring to feel Jeongmin's arms wrap around him like that...but nothing can compare to hearing the soft sound from the other boy's mouth...and then his own name in the same voice. A strange, almost sad aching sensation shoots through his chest and his stomach as soon as he hears it...and it makes Yunyeol start to press his kisses a little harder against Jeongmin's neck. Still not enough to be aggressive...just as if his actions are starting to grow in confidence too.
After a few more kisses, he moves one hand down tentatively- pressing it against the edge of Jeongmin's shirt, and gently sliding it up against his stomach. His skin feels so soft...and the warmth against his hand makes Yunyeol's heart swell with affection. He's just...so lucky to be able to be doing this. He can't get that out of his head. Even to be able to touch Jeongmin like this...his heart skips a few more beats just thinking about it.]
no subject
Maybe it's the situation, the two of them being so intimate right now on purpose. It feels a little less like he's making Yunyeol babysit him and more like they could almost be equals if he didn't know better. Like they could just be two normal people in love. And there's nothing he wants more than that, especially with someone as soft and sweet as Yunyeol, someone who makes it so easy to believe that he might just naturally care about Jeongmin. (Even though wandering too far in that direction with his thoughts still feels terrifying.)
And exactly because all of this feels so different, it feels nice when he feels Yunyeol's hand start to move up his clothes while the other is still kissing him. This is exactly what he wants - feeling like he's being enveloped by Yunyeol. Drowning in the other's warmth, and forgetting what he usually feels like most of the time. The feeling makes him wiggle a little under the other, but it's not because he wants the other to stop. It's because it feels so nice that he just can't help himself, even in little ways like this.
His grip on the other tightens just a little bit, and as he realises Yunyeol might interpret the signals he's giving in a wrong way, he makes sure to at least address it out loud. ]
Touch me more.. please..
[ It definitely feels a little embarrassing to be this needy even though they've only just started, but it's not like Jeongmin hadn't imagined this sort of scenario plenty of times in his mind already. It makes him crave more of this quickly - wanting Yunyeol's hands to roam all over him, to make every spot of his body feel better than it ever has before. There's no way he can mutter those words while actually looking at the other though, so in that sense he's definitely glad Yunyeol is too preoccupied with planting kisses against his neck so there's no way to have eye contact. ]
no subject
At least, aside from when Jeongmin talks again. As soon as those words are out, it feels like something's squeezing tightly around his heart. It's hard to imagine how he's going to make it through this in one piece if the person he belongs to keeps asking him "please" like that. It just makes Yunyeol want to give everything to him- more and more desperately.
And so...Yunyel lets a warm puff of breath against Jeongmin's neck before he starts to pull back. It's only for a moment- long enough to grab onto the bottom of the other's shirt and gently tug it the rest of the way off, then let it fall to the side of the bed. And as he was asked, Yunyeol moves back down- letting his hands travel all along Jeongmin's chest, his sides, his stomach...All the while he leans over to press kisses against him again- this time moving down to his collarbone, then over towards his shoulder.
This is different for Yunyeol too. Not even just different from the way he's touched Jeongmin before...there's an obvious difference this time. Even though, when he'd been helping his owner with being bathed or getting dressed, he always held him with a similar tenderness, it's just not the same as how intimate this is right now. That alone is special...But what's really different, is just...how all of this is starting out at all. Maybe they haven't gotten very far yet, but it's already such a major change from the experiences he's had with sex in his life up until now.
The life they'd prepared him for wasn't supposed to be anything like this. The sex he'd had before was always much harder- whether it was giving or receiving. Mostly because they needed to prepare him for a lifestyle like that- prepare him for the worst, mainly. Nothing like this...nothing so soft, and sweet and loving. Nothing where anything even made him feel...even remotely needed.]
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After all, his body is... well, it's not that great, is it? His skin is so pale from how much time he has to spend inside due to his illness that it makes him feel like a ghost sometimes when he looks into the mirror. He's pretty skinny and frail-looking, and being left without his clothes always makes him feel incredibly vulnerable. It's not that he doesn't trust Yunyeol - otherwise they wouldn't be in this position to begin with, he knows Yunyeol is incredibly loyal and gentle - but still letting Yunyeol see this, see his pale skin marred by scars from surgeries they tried on him for his illness in the past... He feels a little bad letting the other see just how terrible he looks, no matter whether it's during a moment Yunyeol is helping him or a moment when they're doing... well, this.
His heart starts pounding more rapidly in his chest with the fear that the other might find him repulsive. It's not like Yunyeol could ever say it even if he thought it, right? He couldn't just say that to the person that owns him. So those thoughts could be there, and Jeongmin would never even know about it..
But the touch on his skin is thankfully very distracting. Yunyeol's hands feel so good and warm on his bare skin, and the kisses are so sweet and gentle that he doesn't ever want this to stop. His body usually makes him feel so terrible, and this is one of the first times that it has ever made him feel anything close to good.
His breaths are long, but start to turn more shakey the more the other kisses and touches him. ]
Yunyeol...
[ Tell me you love me. Tell me I'm not just some pathetic guy you have to take care of. Tell me---
All things that go around in his head, but that he could never say since it'd be an absolute order if he did voice them out loud, and forced answers would be even worse than Yunyeol voicing the sentiments Jeongmin sometimes fears the other holds. ]
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But the heart of the matter here is simply that Jeongmin doesn't have to be afraid at all of Yunyeol's thoughts. He doesn't particularly have any strong sense of what's attractive to him or what's not to begin with...because he's never been allowed to have anything that he wants anyway. What he sees here is the body that belongs to the one person who's his entire world...the body that he does want to comfort...to hold, to protect, to make feel good. It's simply part of Jeongmin himself, and there isn't any part of him that Yunyeol doesn't care about fully.
Even if it doesn't occur to him that he could, or should say any of that...this is still the one opportunity where Yunyeol has a little more freedom in his actions. And so, even without necessarily realizing it, Yunyeol's still giving an answer, in a way.
The scars on Jeongmin's body don't go unnoticed, but Yunyeol doesn't shy away from them at all. He's not sure if his owner would want him to fixate on them at all or not, but it somehow feels wrong to just act like they're not there...He brushes his fingers over one of them in a way that's undeniably affectionate...and traces kisses along the scar afterwards.
Maybe it's pointless to think like this, since the scars themselves are obviously long healed by now, but...Yunyeol finds himself wishing he could've been there when Jeongmin had gotten them. It feels strange to go down along this train of thought too...but he really does wish he'd been here a lot sooner. By Jeongmin's side even when they were younger...always being there to help him through his pain. It feels like this is exactly where he's meant to be.]
I'm here, Jeongmin...
[He says it in a soft, sweet voice in a pause between kisses. It still feels strange to him to say Jeongmin's name...no matter the fact that the other had already given him permission to do so a while ago. Maybe it just seems a little bold, especially in a situation like this. But...Yunyeol knows he'd feel worse if he didn't say it in this case.]
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Maybe it's since he wants it to be true so badly, but he can't help but slip into the mindset that the other doesn't mind this. That Yunyeol isn't doing this against his own will because Jeongmin owns him and wants him to, but that he doesn't mind doing this with Jeongmin. That he wants Jeongmin to feel good.. that he wants him to be happy. He can't help but think of the times when the pain was almost too bad to bear and there was definitely worry in the other's eyes, in a way that felt too genuine to be faked.
Almost without thinking his hands move up to the other's head, his fingers digging into the other's hair - but there's nothing harsh about it. It isn't even due to lack of strength on Jeongmin's part, it's just that he really would never want to hurt the other. It's just a gentle touch, just his fingers brushing through the other's hair to have even more contact between them, to show Yunyeol that he does really like this. He likes not even just the physical part of this, but also the mental and emotional side.. the signs that Yunyeol really does care, especially when he's saying so sweetly that he's here with him.
It's almost overwhelming. His throat feels a little tight, and for a moment Jeongmin almost feels like he's going to cry like some sort of moron at all of Yunyeol's sweetness that's surrounding him, but he manages to at least hold that much back. Not that it does anything about the expression on his face seeming genuinely happy - and even a little hopeful. It's like he's at the edge of the cliff that is telling Yunyeol he loves him, but he doesn't dare to jump in just yet. But it's so close at Yunyeol's kisses, so close.. ]
You're so good at this.
[ His voice is soft too, but it's almost a little more mumbled, like he feels a bit embarrassed just saying it. Mostly since he left it at a surface level compliment, but there's more meaning behind it. It doesn't have anything to do with how well Yunyeol is trained or anything, it's nothing about the physical skills - it's about what he does to Jeongmin's heart without even realising it. ]