ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

[lollypops]

( actual rendition of what's going on here tbh )

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[kusatsu]

[ A thrill of warmth spread across her entire body and she let out a deep sigh. She returned the kiss, making sure to match his level of passion before he pulled away.

She continued to smile. His kisses were just as sweet to her as his candy was to him. Not just because she could taste a little lingering flavor from his last lollipop, but because he was just so tantalizingly gentle and soft. So delicate and careful. She wanted to do more with him, yes, but with how he kissed her like this she now wanted to just savor it for a bit. Just trade slow kisses like this for hours. ]

Of course I won't tell anyone. This is our secret.

[ She placed her hands over his and closed her eyes. She savored to feeling of him cupping her face so carefully. She curled her body against him, getting as close as she possibly could. She sniffed a little, and she could feel herself calm down. She nudged her forehead up against his and settled in a little bit.]

I'm alright, Itsuki. You haven't hurt me, and I know that you would never hurt me, you can relax.

[ She moved one of her hands to rest briefly on his cheek before trailing down his shoulder to his side. ]

Just relax. I don't like seeing you so on edge, it's alright.

[ She continued to whisper, repeating things almost like a mantra. Maybe his body couldn't fully relax yet with her this close. He was still so knew to all of this, that wouldn't surprise her. But she waited, if he wanted to push her away, he would. She didn't want to let go of him for even a second, so she allowed herself to be a little selfish in that moment.]

[lollypops]

[ He doesn't want to admit out loud that he's on edge - even if it's Kiyomi and he can at least express some things a little bit easier without feeling like he needs to act tough all the time just to get by, it still feels a little embarrassing to just say it out loud like that. So rather than giving her any verbal reassurance that he'll be fine, Itsuki instead drops the tension from his body, his shoulders getting a little less stiff as she moves her hand across them.

It's just that he can't help but worry when it's about her.. He can see her pain so clearly, and it worries him at times that he'll just make it worse, that he'll give her more of it. That he'll just be another bad experience for her when she deserves so, so much better than that.

His hands stay on her cheeks, but his thumbs move to gently rubs her cheeks, trying to wipe away some of the tear trails that still stick there. Kiyomi is way too pretty to let small things like that ruin it. She's the most beautiful when she genuinely smiles, after all..

He clears his throat a little awkwardly, blushing lightly. He doesn't want to admit a lot of things out loud, so all he can do is talk around it, accepting her this close, wrapping his legs around hers as well. ]

Look at it.. I-.. I just came to talk 'bout some stuff, and then all this happened..

[ At least it doesn't sound like he's being self-depreciating, it's more like a "welp, that escalated quickly" sort of thing. ]

[kusatsu]

[ She sighed contentedly, feeling him relax against her. She too was able to relax letting her hand rest on his hip. ]

I'm sorry...I...didn't mean to...

[ She suddenly gave a small yawn and nuzzled her cheek against his hand. Crying like she did had made her sleepy. As much as she wanted to stay awake and talk to him more, she didn't know how long she would be able to resist falling asleep in his arms. ]

Thank you though...thank you for being here.

[ She wanted to thank him for so many things. For being so careful and so kind. For valuing her so much and for caring so much about what she thought and felt. She knew that she was safe to fall asleep in his arms. This was perhaps the greatest show of trust that she could give him, and she hoped that this would quell his fears.

Kiyomi then began to shift, moving so that she could curl up against him. She pressed her ear to his chest and listened to his breathing and heartbeat. Nothing was more soothing or comforting to her than his his embrace.]

Itsuki...

[She murmured, ]

I'm so glad that I met you...

[lollypops]

[ Well, in the end it didn't do too much about his problems. Sure, Kiyomi did say some things he'll have to consider lately, but there's still some kind of frustration about it all that just gathers up somewhere in the back of his brain.

But it's too far away to reach right in this moment. And besides, it's not like he didn't get some other things out of all this. Kiyomi curling up against him like that, a lot more obviously content than a little bit ago. Thanking him for being there (something no one has ever done before) and saying she's glad that she met him (something no one ever has said either).

If he can stay like this a little bit more, then it's fine, right? His problems seem to melt away instantly every moment he spends in her presence anyway - like there isn't enough space in his brain for anything else to occupy it than Kiyomi whenever she's near.

Wrapping his arms around her, he's sure to keep her close, show her that he'll protect her no matter what. Sure, the Convent might be a hell of a lot more safe than most places, but that doesn't matter. He'll still be up all night just to watch her, to make sure she's alright and sleeping at ease.

(Not that he'll actually make it all night, but you know, Itsuki is Itsuki. He'll believe in it all the same.) ]

So just sleep then.. [ He's trying to even keep his voice down here for her sake instead of being his usual loud self. ] I'm not going anywhere.

[kusatsu]

Itsuki...
[ She sighed into his chest, completely and utterly content in that moment. She squeezed him tightly in appreciation before relaxing into a more comfortable position. She couldn't believe how incredibly lucky she was to have met him. It made her realize how much she had been missing out on. It made her see the joys of such emotions that she had one seen as trivial. Things like love, happiness, joy, they were only seen as tool to her, accessories. But now that those feelings bloomed in her chest and she could feel them being reciprocated, she understood. She understood why people could be so easily manipulated sometimes, it felt wonderful to know that someone cared about you.

She kept her lips sealed tight, worried about what she might blurt out in a state like this. She knew that she would be able to sleep no matter what after the last time he slept over. The only thought more appealing than this was if the two of them could some how live a normal life. Date like normal people instead of having to sneak around and keep things a secret. But in the end it didn't matter, as long as she could keep feeling his arms around her, she'd be fine somehow.

And with those thoughts, she felt herself continuing to drift off, her breaths slowing as her consciousness finally slipped away, giving way to sleep.]

[lollypops]

[ Itsuki watches every moment of it, continuing to hold onto her. He doesn't want to risk her being uncomfortable and not falling asleep, that's the reason he tells himself for it - but it's actually just that he wants to stay here like this too. He can't think of any other time he's held onto someone like this, but it's so nice and comforting to know he's not alone. That he doesn't have to face everything by himself, that there's someone who genuinely cares about him and wants to help him out, despite everything he's learned to believe up until this point.

And that's why he has to stick here like this and protect her. Because what is he going to do if anything would happen to her? To Kiyomi, the one person who cares about him? Would he even be able to forgive himself if he did nothing to stop that?

No way. So he'll protect her. No matter what happens, he'll protect her, so all he has to do is stay up tonight and watch her sleep - certainly not a punishment, considering how beautiful she is (he realises that even more now) and how peaceful and genuine she looks while sleeping like that without having to worry about what kind of face she should have to put up.

That's right, all he has to do is stay awake. Even though it's so warm and comfortable in bed, and Kiyomi is so soft, and her breathing makes him calm down so much..

.. It doesn't take more than ten minutes tops before Itsuki has fallen asleep as well, clinging onto her like a baby koala. ]