mysteries | ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

[ It's not even that much later that stuff changes. Meeting up with Shikura, witnessing the Church equivalent of take your distant relative maybe to your work day... and then Itsuki's decision to join to train and become a Sakura as well - without a Messiah, he claims.

No matter whether that'll end up being true or not, it still means Itsuki is here at the Church now, having exchanges his old hobo-like clothes for the uniform all Sakura cadets wear. His reaction to Kamikita's introduction of him to the other Church members is mostly met with disinterest on Itsuki's part - why should he care whether these people know who he is or not? It's not like he plans on working together with them anyway. Whatever.

It's why he's quick to just olly out of there once it's over, even when some of the others (particularly the one with the brown hair) seem like they want to talk to him. He doesn't care. He just brushes past them, out of the room, instead chasing a rumor he's heard. He's seen the guys already, he knows what to expect here-- but apparently there's girls too? Kamikita did mention they were over at the Church today, so Itsuki just casually saunters through the place, his usual lollipop in his mouth..

.. until he suddenly spots a familiar face. And said lollipop almost falls out of his mouth at the same time, Itsuki only manages to stop it at the last moment.

What is she doing here?!

He doesn't even say anything nor does he walk away - he's just staring, mouth still slightly hanging open. Apparently his brain just needs a moment to reboot. ]

[Kiyomi paused when he caught sight of her and gave him a satisfied grin. She then motioned to Sakari and the others to go one without her, her Messiah simply raising and eyebrow at her before shrugging and continuing on with the other two.]

Surprised to see me? I guess we didn't get as far as to talk about our jobs last time, now did we? [After she had gotten his name last time, she had taken the liberty of looking into him a little bit. She found out that his uncle was a high-ranking Section 5 agent who's status was currently unknown. And with the most recent conflict resulting in one of the most skilled Sakura cadets being revealed as a traitor and subsequently killed; Itsuki's placement came of no surprise to her.]

I've been here for for almost a year now. Really, you're the one who's out of place here. [She sidled right up to him, poking a finger at his chest as she continued to grin up at him. Oh how she enjoyed having the upper hand and knowing everything. But she had no intention of just twirling him around her finger, that was boring. Her interest in him had not dwindled since they last met. And she was eager to see what else lay in store.]

I'm not out of place! I already kicked the ass of some of these guys before, if anything, I'm too good for this place.

[ He puffs his chest out a little like he's offended by the very suggestion, even if that's not the exact angle she was going for. But what can anyone say, Itsuki is just a little bit defensive. (A little bit a lot.)

At least his jaw is back to normal and his lollypop no longer in danger of a very floory fate. Especially since he lets out a breath and seems to calm down at least a little bit right after. ]

.. I guess it makes sense though. [ He thoughtfully reaches for the stick of his lollipop for a moment, but doesn't grab it out of the corner of his mouth. ] All that talk about having to pretend to be other people.. you had a job as a spy kinda type all along, huh?

Although I dunno about the fighting part..

[ Itsuki, are you just actively asking for someone to come and kick your ass or what. ]

I haven't always been a spy. But this job utilizes my skills much better than my previous one. [She spoke rather slowly, as her arms and feet shifted instantly in response to his last comment.

She reached up to grab his shoulder suddenly, pulling him off balance so that she could throw her legs out, sweeping his feet out from under him. She then thrust herself forward, throwing all her weight into him to pin his shoulders to the floor with her arms.]

What was that you said about fighting? [she grinned down at him. There was no question that she had overdid it this time, but there was no way that she could ignore a challenge like that. She licked her lips without thinking, her long hair dripping down around her face in dark tendrils. Her legs straddled on either site of his lower abdomen. ]

Edited 2015-09-21 19:12 (UTC)

[ He's definitely caught off guard. It's not that Itsuki isn't good at fighting as well, he's incredibly nimble when he has to be-- but he was well and truly underestimating her when those words left his mouth. He didn't think she would go this far, at least.

And although there's a dull pain somewhere between his shoulderblades from being slammed onto the ground like that, he's more busy being surprised at all of it for a moment. Itsuki even forgets to suck in breath for a moment as he looks at the way Kiyomi looms over him.

But then the surprise fades away - leaving something else in its wake. Amusement. Excitement, even. There's that adrenaline that starts pumping itself through his veins every single time he gets into trouble. It's more exciting than anything else.

(He deals considerably better with life and death or just general fighting situations than anything relating to interpersonal relationships, apparently.) ]

Oooh, so what're you going to do now? [ The corners of his lips curl up into a grin, despite the situation and the fact that he's trapped under her. If he'd put in effort he might be able to reverse the tables, but he doesn't feel like doing so just yet.

He's way too curious what she's planning. ]

Knock me out and leave me here like that?

[For once she was actually initially surprised by his response. That of course pleased her greatly. He was rising to her challenge, whatever that might be. But he still hadn't guessed her real intention. She actually appreciated that he didn't assume the sexual right away. He saw first her capabilities in combat, and only second that she was a woman. But for once she actually intended the second angle.]

Oh no, that'd be far too easy, and boring. What I'd like to do requires you to be fully conscious.

[She shifted her position over him as she spoke. Moving to straddle his hips fully. She still however kept just a bit of teasing distance between them. She kept herself propped up on one arm, lifting her other hand to gently take ahold of his chin.]

But unfortunately this is not the time and place for that~

[ It takes a small moment to sink in, but the moment it does is pretty obvious to tell - his grin immediately fades away the moment it does, leaving him with an expression of shock, his cheeks growing pink at a more and more rapid pace.

Fighting is fine, fighting is fun, but when it comes to these sort of things, he really is no good. Embarrassment kicks in long before anything else does, especially when she lifts his chin a little like that and is straddling him, and her tone...

Too much. Abort mission, abort mission. With a surprising kind of reflexes and speed, he suddenly manages to get out of her grip and climbs shakily to his feet, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks the best he can. (It's not helping much.) ]

Wh.. what are you..

[ He grumbles something and it's followed by a 'tch', his hands nervously going in and out of the pockets of his uniform. ]

W-we hardly know each other! At least be a little more proper than that! [ Totally not the real protest he has to any of this, but he has to say something other than "this embarrasses me and I don't know how to deal", right? That's embarrassing. Super embarrassing. ]

[She stood up after him, her expression changing as she looked at him. All pretense and performance dropped from her face instantly. Leaving her face blank for a moment before a smile split across her face beyond her control. She began to giggle as a strange feeling of joy and mirth spread through her. She had put a hand over her mouth to try and suppress the laugh that was forming.]

Don’t worry, I’m not making fun of you or anything. I’m just, honestly really surprised.

[It took her a while to identify why is was that she felt so giddy. But the answer slowly formed in her mind. He hadn't full-out rejected her. His only protest was that they were still strangers.
After she calmed down a little she gave him a bright and genuine smile.]

You really are different, that makes me glad. [She took a breath, closing her eyes briefly before taking a small step towards him again.] But I do apologize. If i hurt you or made you uncomfortable.

[ At least there's nothing offensive to him about being called different - it's just a fact and he knows it, it's a fact he's proud of. Being like everyone else would just be boring, he absolutely wants to avoid that.

But her laughing like that.. despite her saying she's not making fun of him, the bridge of his nose is still a little wrinkled when he glances back at her, like a pouty little kid. ]

You knew what you were doing.

[ Totally said in that same grumbly kid tone too. ]

So.. watch out! You never know what someone's gonna do when you act like that. [ Maybe he's trying to make it sound about himself (not very convincingly, may I add), but it's pretty obvious he actually means that bad guys might take advantage of her. (And that some part of him doesn't want that to happen.) Itsuki could know - he's probably seen some shit out on the streets. ]

[Her smile fell just a little bit. It was cute, he was actually trying to look out for her. But, he still didn't fully understand.]

Oh trust me, I know exactly what can happen. [She crossed her arms across her chest, looking down and away from him. ]

That's what I said, you're different. You reacted in just the way I didn't expect. [She bit her lower lip, fighting to remain in control of herself. She had gotten carried away. Because, for the first time, she had actually wanted to do what she did to him. To press herself close and whisper against his lips. For once it wasn't for information, or for any other goal. It was just for her own foolish desires.

Her lower lip began to tremble beyond her control, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She clasped her hands around her arms and let out a steadying breath. Memories she wish that she didn't have started to flicker behind her eyelids. She wanted to open her eyes to escape them but was afraid that then she wouldn't be able to hold back tears. She couldn't afford to show any weakness, not to anyone. Even if she desperately wished that she could.]

[ Suddenly it's almost like something pops.

The way she reacts isn't anything close to something Itsuki could have guessed would happen next. The unpredictability is just part of her, sure, but it still means that he can't keep up as easily. All of a sudden she looks so sad and the implication as to why is dripping from her words. And he's never dealt well with this kind of thing.

But at the same time, he can't walk away either. It's like he's nailed down to the spot, unable to reach out yet unable to push her away either. ]

.. Kusatsu. [ The family name he remembered falls from his lips after a moment or two. Or three. It's like he's trying to draw a line in the sand with using that rather than her first name, trying to weaken his attempt to make her feel better by indicating it's not like he's doing this since he cares or anything. ] I'm not doing anything weird right now, right? So don't look like that.

[ He even sucks at trying to keep the discomfort with it all out of his tone. Itsuki just doesn't know how to deal. ]

[For some reason, him calling her even by her family name is enough to bring her out of her momentary daze. She starts and takes in a small gasp. He wasn't doing a very good job of concealing his concern. Not from her at least.]

No, you're right you're not, I-- [She let out another breath and opened her eyes. She let the sound of his voice ground her in reality and let her arms fall to her sides.] You're not doing anything wrong. You haven't--

[She stopped herself, and took a deep breath. She needed to calm down, regain her composure, regain control. Being vulnerable, being weak, it was something that she refused to let herself be. As long as she was in control no one could ever take advantage of her, even if they thought they were. She looked at him and smiled as reassuringly as she could.]

[ It's still weird. Even though she's smiling like that now, all he can think about is what they talked about when they met outside of this place, when she already showed that weird mismatch of emotions - what if this is like that too? Didn't she go from looking oddly sad to smiling like that too easily?

Something in his stomach feels like it's twisting, and without thinking of the fact that she might have more to do at the moment or anything (as if Itsuki would ever think of that first) he's already lashing out to grab her wrist, tugging her along with a scowl that seems more pouty than genuinely angry. Why is she so-- ... so...

Or, even better, why does he care? ]

Why are you so weird..

[ There's about a thousand things he wants to say instead, but he can't find the strength in himself to let those come out of his mouth - so instead he just mumbles that. ]

His hand is so surprisingly large that he might as well have been holding her hand. The thought of that amused her. He had a strong grip, along with his large hands. But it gave her the impression of a child gripping desperately to his mother rather than a man exerting his dominance.]

If there's something else you want to say, say it.

[She said without thinking. Her heart expected more rejection and she didn't know why. Her observations dictated that there was much more unsaid. He most likely wanted to comfort her, but also get away from such a public place. Her hand twitched against his grip, her desire to actually hold his hand growing. But this was not the time for that. They were still strangers. And she was nothing if she couldn't keep her emotions under control.]

[ For a moment he's still walking (more like stomping, honestly) onward, but then he suddenly stops at those words, turning his head to look behind him towards her.

His expression can probably be best described as conflicted at first, his eyebrows knitting together in thought, but never letting go of her wrist. ]

You.. [ It's hard to even get out anything. There's a billion reasons in his head as to why he shouldn't say a thing, as to why he should never be openly sentimental since it's mushy and gross and not cool and people could take advantage of it or you'll show it to people who'll leave anyway and it'll be wasted but..

Somehow he can't help but think of how sad she looked a few moments ago, and it frustrates him so much that he can't hold it in. ]

If you're hurt, then why aren't you showing it? [ Because he's at least smart enough to have caught on to that much in this case. ] You think I can't handle it? I mean-- I don't care anyway, so why would I care if you're looking sad in front of me or not, geez..

[ .. says the guy who was telling her to not look so sad only a few moments ago..

Look, this is hard for little Itsukis. ]

I could ask you the same thing. Why you go to such lengths to hide how much you care.

[She said lightly, looking at him firmly. Her hand twisting slightly in his grip.]

I was taught that showing my true emotions is nothing but a weakness. That people will only ever use those things to hurt me. I was told to never show my heart to anyone, and to keep my heart closely guarded at all times; to never let anyone in.

[Her eyes fell sadly, memories of her upbringing also coming to cloud her vision.]

But, obviously, that leads to a really lonely life, doesn't it? [she said, looking back up at him.] In other words, it's not that I don't think that you can't handle it. But so far you trying to make me think that you don't care at all so why would I then? Why would I be so selfish as to burden stranger with my pain?

[ She's got him there - he pretends not to care, so going by that, she would have no reason to tell him. Except the problem is that he does care, and that he just can't admit it since it boggles even him why he'd suddenly care about her like that.

So Itsuki can't even immediately find something to retort with. Then, as the moments pass, his cheeks start to grow more and more red as his embarrassment about the situation (and his lack of ability to do anything about it) rises. ]

If-- If you understand what's going on, then don't pretend you don't!

[ In other words, if she already knows he's just pretending not to care, then don't rub it in his face and don't let it be an obstacle here. He just can't say it with as many words, and this time his fingers twitch around her wrist as he practically barks out those words. ]

[She can't help but wince a little bit at his harsh tone. She's exposed here and is having difficulty. But she still has to keep her composure. One of them has to.]

It takes even me a little bit to pick up on some things...

[Her words trail off a little bit as she looks down at their hands. Her eyes resting on his long slender fingers for a few moments. She feels her own cheeks begin to warm.]

Are we just gonna stand here in the hallway like this or did you have somewhere in mind? Lead the way.

[She was giving him control. She hoped he understood how important that was. How difficult it was for her. She could easily escape him if she wanted to, but she didn't. She wanted to stay with him and keep talking to him.]

[ His throat suddenly feels a little dry, and his fingers twitch around her wrist for a moment until the grip gets a little less tight. Not enough so that he lets go, but maybe more since some sort of awareness finally dawned on him that he might end up hurting her if he keeps on going like this. (And an awareness he wants to surpress more that he even cares about that fact to begin with.) ]

.. fine.

[ It sounds a little resigned, like he's not entirely sure what else to do in this situation - he didn't actually expect her to give in in any way, so that means he at least has to put some thought into this rather than randomly dragging her along like he did just now.

He's still new, so he has no idea where they could go without a lot of annoying people around.. but considering that Ariga guy was still with the others, the room he was assigned to should be a safe bet for now.

So Itsuki moves there, dragging her in before closing the door behind them. Moving over to the bed, he sits down on it (while drawing his legs up on the bed as well, not bothering to kick off his shoes, and wrapping his arms around his knees). ]

See, I brought you here.. [ .. even though that.. sounds like it's supposed to explain a lot but it doesn't. It's more a "look I did what you wanted!!" sort of thing. Like a pet asking to be acknowledged for doing something good. ]

[ She allowed herself to be lead through the corridors, turning her hand towards his wrist and brushing her fingers idly along the skin there. She kept her eyes on the back of his head. His neck was also somewhat thick, and his shoulders were broad. The Sakura uniform fit him well. SHe let her eyes drink in more observations, about how he walked, how he held himself. Every motion spoke volumes.

While she had expected this, part of her was still surprised that he had brought her to his room. Well, it wasn't his room only, Ariga however seemed to be absent at the moment. She sat next to him on the bed, very close so that she leaned against him a little. ]

Yes you have brought me here. Now what?

[He had been worried about her, right? But there was no way she could expect him to bring that up again. She had to draw it out of him again slowly.]

Did you have anything else that you wanted to ask me? Since I'm such a mystery?

[ At least he doesn't seem to be working up a fuss over the fact that she's practically leaning against him - maybe since Itsuki is too deep in thought over how he's going to word all this in a way that doesn't make it super obvious that he's concerned about her.

After fidgeting with his hands for a moment, he sucks in a breath and speaks up again. ]

Is it any fun? This place.

[ He's trying to make it sound like he's just asking it for himself - he does want it to be fun, after all, he's always looking for more excitement - but it's not his entire intention here. He's wondering if it's fun for her, if her looking so miserable just now is because of what this place was like. It wasn't like the other Sakura guys had seemed like they were having that much fun before either, after all, even if Itsuki sure had fun watching them. ]

[She looked at him, taking in his expression as he spoke. His face was almost like that of a child's. So round and looking to always be in a pout.]

Yeah. It is fun. I get to use my skills to protect people, instead of someone's personal gain. My messiah is skillful and kind. But she constantly needs medical care so I still often sleep alone.

[She shrugged, her shoulder rubbing up against his.] I'm alright for the most part. [she read into his question perhaps a little too far, and continued.]
As long as you can find a way to get along with your Messiah there won't be much of a problem.

[She and Sakari had arrived at Botan around the same and had never had much trouble. But for itsuki it appeared to be exactly the opposite.]

Messiah?

[ Without turning to look at her, he just lets out a dry sort of laugh, taking his lollypop out of his mouth for a moment. ]

I don't need anything like that. [ It's not like he got the best first impression of the concept to begin with, considering what he got to see of the organisation before he joined.. ] I already told them. I'll become a Sakura, but I'll do it by myself. Who cares if you get along with someone or not?

[ If she gets along with her Messiah, then.. well, fine, at least that isn't the source of her grief then. Which means one less person to beat up if this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach would get to that level. But he himself definitely doesn't want something like that. Trusting someone like that.. isn't that just like asking them to betray you? ]

[She continued to look at him, a frown forming on her lips.]

I had no one that i trusted before i came here. That's no way to live. I was only ever used and discarded, and so I learned to do the same with others.

[ She had to be careful. This territory was venturing dangerously close again. Her lips began to tremble but she pushed it aside. She pushed forward for his sake. For the sake of this boy that she hardly knew, this boy who hid his heart no matter the cost.]

My inability to trust people is what lead me to the trouble that forced me to join Botan.

[She looked down, moving her hand to touch his arm lightly.]

If you can't trust your messiah, then, maybe you can trust me instead.

[ The moment her hand touches his arm, he freezes up for a moment - and then he tugs his arm away and out of his reach the best he can, almost as if her touch burned him rather than being just a normal touch.

Before Itsuki can even think about it, the words already roll off his tongue instinctively. ]

W-what makes you think I'd want to trust you instead?

[ He's not sure why he's so surprised about this situation, moving his body in such a jerky way, his eyes darting around. What is this, anyway? Is he scared? Tempted? Offended? Which is it? ]

Even if that forced you here, I'm already here because I decided to join. [ A difference from most people who ended up here as part of something that wasn't their choice at all. ] What could even happen with me anymore?

ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

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