[ Haku can't think of a single moment his heart hasn't been beating at the same speed as a train ever since Eiri was taken away. The moment itself was when it started - because he could see it, he saw how they managed to overpower Eiri and knock him out and take him away, but even as his Messiah there wasn't a single thing he could do all the way from the spot he was monitoring the mission from. Not that the other four hadn't tried, but.. it was probably something that was just too far above their level, enough to make anyone with common sense freeze on the spot. If those guys could even beat Eiri, who had managed to remain invincible in any mission he had gone on with the four they were training, then what could they do? Haku figured that maybe they could have done something with the two of them, with how well they understand each other's fighting patterns, but by the time he arrived at the scene, out of breath like he'd just ran for his life, it was already too late. Eiri was gone, and all Haku was left with were their four kouhai - wide-eyed, disbelieving, apologetic. And as much as something inside of Haku felt like it was on the verge of breaking like it had before, he knew he had to usher them back to the Church first before the situation would only further get out of hand.
But the moment he got back, there was nothing else on his mind anymore but that one thing - where they had taken Eiri, and more importantly, how they were going to go and take him back. Even if he had to go by himself, that'd be fine, but he just had to find his Messiah. But with a lack of any clues as to where he had gone, Haku's days had fallen into nothing but nervous waiting, in useless searching on the computer just in an attempt to find anything at all. Candy and even juice boxes went untouched in the middle of the piles of wrappers, and nights were spent either lying on the bed turning but not sleeping or attempting some more fruitless investigation work on the computer.
So the very instant there was any information at all, Haku jumped on it. At least they were smart enough to not let Haku - who was already emotional enough - go by himself, but it was still a rushed operation. More rushed than they were used to, anyway, but Haku didn't care. Eiri was there, captured by the Northern Union, and god knows what they'd do to him. He knows that Eiri is strong, Eiri is one of the strongest people he's ever known. Hell, Eiri is stronger than him and he knows it. But that doesn't mean that the idea of Eiri being a captive there by himself and subjected to who the hell knows what doesn't upset him all the same.
Point is - the operation might not have gone as well as it usually did, but they made it through somehow. They managed to find their way into where Eiri was kept, find him, and take some of the Northern Union out along the way. But because of what they did - whatever it is they did, Haku doesn't know, and speculating about it in his mind only makes him feel more anxious and his heart race with worry even more - Eiri wasn't conscious. So all they could do as they made their way out of there again was drag him with them back to the Church's headquarters.
The first thought was to bring Eiri to the infirmary just to make sure that if there was something wrong with his body, it'd be checked up on as soon as possible - even if it was still unknown what exactly was wrong, Haku doubted they were physically kind on him in any way back there, and considering the amount of scars Eiri already has those might only have played up more. But as they explained (although Haku only listened with half an ear, watching Eiri's closed eyes the entire time, the slight rising and falling of his chest indicating that he was still there, that he wasn't gone) that this sort of thing could take more of a toll on the mind than on the body if they tortured him, the conclusion was that he should return to a familiar kind of surroundings first - their room - otherwise he might panic too much when he would wake up. If anything turned out to be really wrong with him, they could always check up on him later.
So with that Haku did take the shorter guy back to their room, although leaving him there on a bed and just watching didn't feel right. Haku made sure to prop himself up on Eiri's bed, back against the wall, and laying his Messiah down in such a way that Eiri's head was on Haku's lap.
But even so - the feeling hasn't sunk. Until Eiri opens up his eyes, until Haku can be certain that he's alright, or that he will be alright with some help.. until then, he can't find relief. Until then, he's still stuck staring down at Eiri's face while his chest feels so tight that he still hasn't grabbed one of his juice boxes even now.
(He'd take Eiri yelling at him a thousand times over this.) ]
[Pain is nothing new to Eiri at this point in his life. His body is a map of scars, some old, some more recent, telling the story of his harsh circumstances as his flesh was torn open time and time again. And yet no matter how hard others had tried to destroy his physical body, this small and human vessel, his spirit had never been broken, even if it had been bared through the holes of his wounds. But this time...
This time...
He was able to take the beatings and the mocking. Eiri is so stubborn that such treatment doesn't break him down, but rather makes him more resistant to others' demands. And the Northern Union did demand, but he had just smiled with busted lips and laughed in their faces.
But that had been easy. And even when they grew tired of his fiery attitude, they focused on his right hand - his slightly more dominant gun hand - and bent a finger, one at a time, back and back and back until each cracked. But even amid his screams and and involuntary tears, Eiri didn't fall apart.
Except the longer he was kept there, in a dark and wet holding cell, cut off from the sunlight and fresh air and, most importantly, Haku, and the more his body started to exhaust itself, Eiri grew so tired of trying to hold out.
That last day, before they even started interrogations, Eiri quietly, hoarsely - his voice had basically given out - said they might as well take the closest thing to his confessions and stuck out his tongue for their taking.
(And if they did take it, then he wouldn't be able to speak and would thus give him one more level of defense when it came to keeping silent.)
But before they could do anything, alarms started to go off and the sound of gunfire echoed in a nearby hallway. They left Eiri there to join the fight and as he fell to the floor, he though for sure he heard a familiar voice yelling orders.
Haku...you came for me...
And Eiri's eyes fell closed.
He doesn't know how long the darkness lasts after that. It could have been hours, it could have been days. Eiri isn't even really sure he's conscious as such thoughts wander through his head. Time doesn't make sense. Darkness doesn't make sense. He can't even feel his own body.
But unless he was beaten so badly that his hearing got ruined, he can tell that it's suddenly quiet. And slowly a warmth seeps into his bones and the sensation of being enveloped by a softness starts to spread.
He doesn't dare open his eyes, however, for fear of this being a fever dream or some mental guard against his situation. If he can cling to the fantasy of being somewhere safe, then he'll hold onto it for as long as possible. It's so exhausting being defiant. He's so tired of fighting. Just let him rest.
Though he doesn't really realize he's doing it, Eiri starts to curl up against Haku, his ruined hand a jagged mess held close to his chest.]
[ As hyper-aware of Eiri as he is right now, it doesn't take more than the first slight shifting for Haku to realise that Eiri is slowly starting to come to a little bit more. It causes him to release a breath he didn't even realise he had been holding in for a while now. If Eiri is still moving, then that's just another sign he's still alive, that he won't just lie there unconsciously forever. Especially not since it reminds him so much of the way he was so scared for a moment Eiri would die after he got shot, when he held him in his arms back then. Especially not since it reminds him so much of the way all his other Messiah were lying there motionlessly after they died.
But as oblivious as Haku might be to some things, he knows what the curling also means. Maybe since he's done it far too many times in his life now - mostly when he was a little kid and actually had someone to curl up to in the middle of the chaos that was called his life, but he's caught himself subconsciously doing it after sneaking into Eiri's bed after a particularly bad nightmare, even if he's just be flippant about it and shrug it off when Eiri asked about it.
He can't even imagine what Eiri must be feeling right now, what he must have gone through and is still going through in his mind right now. All Haku knows is that it's got to be terrible, since he's never seen Eiri looking so.. tiny. Eiri has always been small, sure, but he had that way of puffing out his chest and flailing and drawing himself up a little with all his energy that made him so Eiri. That made him seem less like the midget he was. It's not now, until he can see this fragility, that Haku realises Eiri truly is looking his height.
Carefully, so to not shake him out of it too quickly, he moves to gather his Messiah up in his arms, pulling him a little bit closer while at the same time moving his head down until his forehead is close to touching the other's. They had said Eiri would need something familiar and comforting, so enveloping him with his presence is the best he can do in that case, right..? ]
.. Eiri.
[ His voice is soft, almost more like a whisper. Haku still remembers the way Eiri called for him, how he pulled him back from the thick despair like tar in his mind during the confrontation with Higayama - desperate, loud, very much like Eiri in every way.
But Haku's own desperation is a lot softer than that in this situation. More like a lost child. He can't lose Eiri. He can't stand seeing Eiri this vulnerable, this hurt. He just wants him to be alright, he wants to be the one to make it alright again, but he doesn't know how-- ]
[There's still warmth surrounding Eiri and it's getting more noticeable the more he slips back into the waking world, but he's also being moved.
And that can't be good.
What if they're taking him somewhere else. What if they're going to break more of his bones. What if they're actually going to tear out his tongue. What if what if what if - ]
...N...No...
[His voice just a whisper, his strength gone, and he doesn't even realize he's showing his vulnerability until the word is already out. He should keep up his front, but he just can't. Eiri's good hand moves to press weakly against the person doing the moving, as if that's going to deter him from his action.
But Eiri has to try.
Except his pathetic attempt stills when the voice and the words reach him. It's familiar again, and so close, but he still doesn't open his eyes.
[ Eiri doesn't even believe it's him, doesn't even believe that he was saved from that place. Is that really how far they broke him? Did they give him false hopes about being saved before? Haku has no clue whatsoever, but all he knows is that he just wants to reassure Eiri as soon as possible that this is all real, that that long nightmare is finally over. (That, and a part of him honestly wants to go back just to shove another bullet into those men for even daring to do this to Eiri, to reduce him to such a state when the usual Eiri he knows is so, so strong.) ]
It's me..
[ He just repeats it again, a little more insistent (desperate, honestly) this time. There's naturally no one he believes in this world more than his Messiah, so he knows that Eiri can pull through this, but.. there's still that fear in the back of his mind that being left behind so many times instilled in him instinctively - what if he doesn't? What if they really broke him so much that he'll never be himself again? That's a more frightening thought than anything else to Haku. ]
Really-- it's me..! [ Something cracks a little in his voice because of that, and he tries to support the other in such a way that he can latch onto that good hand with one of his own, squeezing it a little, as if enough physical reminders should be enough to make him aware that this situation is real, that he's really back here at the headquarters with him rather than still there with those terrorists. ]
It sounds like Haku. It smells like him, too, now that he focuses a little more. Eiri stills for a moment, then relaxes ever so slightly. If it's really Haku, then he's safe and he has nothing to fear. Not as long as they're together.
But Haku speaks again and his voice cracks in desperation and he clings to Eiri and Eiri knows his inability to answer positively and right away must be killing his Messiah inside. That's not right. That's not fair. There's no reason for Haku to go through even more unnecessary pain, and not if Eiri can help it.
Even if he wants to give into that embrace and rely on Haku for once in his life.
But he squeezes the hand that holds his own and slowly turns his head. The more he focuses - as well as his tired mind can, anyway - the more he's convinced this is actually Haku. So he blinks open his eyes, though he has to immediately squint since it's too bright too quickly, but in that split second he recognizes the wide, scared eyes.
And he knows.]
...Haku.
[Pulling their joined hands (because he's sure Haku won't let him go), Eiri brings them to Haku's head, where the tips of his fingers brush against the other man's hair.]
[ Thank god. Eiri opens his eyes, and rather than getting scared and maybe not recognizing him from the sheer trauma, he seems to realise it's him. That's good-- that's a start. It means that from here on, he can actually make a conscious effort to mend his Messiah a little more. He can let Eiri know that at the very least, he's not alone anymore. He's not back there, trapped by himself.
It puts Haku a little more at ease, and the worry that does linger he quickly tries to swallow down. He can't be the weak one right now. Eiri needs him more than ever, and even if it's still hard for him to act a little bit more mature outside of mission stuff, he's trying his best right now. He wants to be able to be Eiri's rock too for once. ]
Ah...
[ He makes that sound of confirmation, lightly nodding his head. And it's true, he's definitely not letting go of his hand. Not now, not anytime soon, if he can help it. He's going to keep Eiri here until the other feels better and like he's capable of actually tackling things again, no matter who might come in to try and drag Eiri away to question him about what happened. Instead, he'll freely let Eiri guide the hands wherever, just trying his best to support the other's weak body. ]
And you're here too-- you're back home. [ The closest they have to a home, anyway. As far as Haku is considered, "home" is wherever Eiri is by now, so in that case Eiri certainly did just come back home by being dragged back to the headquarters like this.
It's hard with the worry and anger and pain over everything that's happened still in his heart, but at least the relief in itself is enough to make the ends of his lips curl up lightly into just a slightly tense smile. ]
It's over.
[ All the pain and suffering Eiri must have gone through - it's over. They just need to find a way to cope with it before they can move past it, is all. ]
[He's back with Haku, back at Sakura. He's back where he should be. And the relief of that realization washes over him enough for his own swollen lips to turn up as much as possible in a smile.]
We gotta stop meeting like this.
[A shaky laugh escapes, but just as quickly, it turns into dry, heaving sobs.
Eiri doesn't even know why. He could have gone through so much worse. He's already been through hell, so what's a few more bruises and broken bones added to a history of pain?
No matter what he tells himself, though, he can't stop his body reacting in such a way, so he just turns his head into Haku's chest and pulls their joined hands down to clutch at his own chest. He brings his legs in closer, trying to get as close to Haku as possible.]
[ For a small, tiny moment, it seems like it might not be all that bad.
But then he watches that smile crash down - he watches Eiri crash down in his arms. Come to think of it, he's never seen Eiri cry before. Eiri has seen him on the verge of tears, especially back during that reveal that Higayama had been his older brother all along, but Eiri never cried. Eiri looked sad sometimes, and seemed lost in thought a whole lot more often than that, but he never cried.
And right now it's like he's making up for all those times he didn't do it. He's crying harder than Haku has ever seen anyone cry, and it really tugs on his heart. Because Eiri is his Messiah, the most important person to him both by decree and by choice. And yet he's crying this bad, he's letting out all the hurt that he couldn't show in front of the captors, when he had to at least try and be strong.
It'll pass. Haku is not very good at understanding a lot of things that he hasn't encountered before, but Eiri is a different case - he's the only person he can understand fairly unconditionally. It's why Haku knows that Eiri will pull through, that he'll be alright after he lets out all the hurt like this, after he knows he's safe for sure, when he can heal both emotionally and physically from all he's gone through.
Until then, all he can do is be there for him.
Haku moves to pull the smaller guy in a little bit more, helping along Eiri's own effort on that. He moves to rest his chin on top of Eiri's head, tugging his arm just a little bit tighter around him, like he's wordlessly saying he won't let go of him, no matter what. So he can completely surround Eiri with himself (the upside of having these long limbs everywhere) and let him know that he's safe. Sure, there might not be any direct threats in the Church's headquarters, but even so, the sentiment is the same. He's just showing he won't let anyone take Eiri away from him right now, that he'll protect him with all he's got while he's not strong enough to do it himself.
He won't let him go through all that again, even if he can't imagine what specifically. He doesn't have to know. Just the thought of Eiri hurting means enough to him without knowing the specifics - it's enough to make him feel that resolute.
For a few moments he just sits there like that, letting Eiri throw out every single tear and emotion he has to. And he'll stay here for however long his Messiah needs it, not even teasing and prodding him like usually.
Although after those few moments pass, something does slip out-- ]
.. I'm sorry.
[ That he couldn't prevent this from happening, that he couldn't come to rescue Eiri earlier. That he couldn't do a single thing but abandon him to those brutes for all of those days. ]
[Eiri just can't stop, not when he's already started like this, not when Haku has enveloped him in safety. It's so frustrating, though, when he's supposed to be the comforter. First with Moe, then with Haku. He can't break like this. That's not his role in life, and not in this relationship.
But he can't stop. And it hurts, physically, to cry, when his body is bruised and broken, but the sobs keep wracking him and he just can't stop.
He can't deny it feels good to be comforted, either. If this is half of what he's been able to offer people, then he'll be happy. But after everything he went through with the Northern Union, he's more focused on his own comfort. He's safe. It's okay. It's warm here and Haku isn't teasing him.
(Haku knows when to be serious, even if it doesn't always seem like it. Eiri knows he can always trust him because of this.)
Except as his breaths start to even out and he lies more still in Haku's arms, Eiri hears that confession. And though he wants to bask in this warmth a little longer, he can't. He has to be the caretaker again, even just a little bit. Tugging his hand out of Haku's grasp, he presses it against Haku's chest, then moves it up to his shoulder, where he grips it, albeit weakly.]
Haku...
[That hand moves again, reaching the ends of Haku's hair so Eiri can play with it distractedly.]
[ The moment he feels that hand move, he knows exactly what Eiri is doing. And while he doesn't dislike it, and while he usually really would have wanted this, right now it doesn't feel as good. Eiri's comfort is always nice, it's what finally made him feel right in this life again, like he had a place to turn to again (because he never really did grow out of that childish codependency).
But right now Eiri shouldn't have to play the caretaker. He always does, but right now he should be the one receiving the care. This isn't about him, this is about Eiri - about Eiri, who was crying only a few moments ago, who still feels so fragile in his arms, his body bent and bruised. He's always the one receiving comfort, it should be the other's turn (now of all times) to get some instead.
Even if the way Eiri's fingers thread through the ends of his hair is really distracting, really nice, if not just since Haku associates it with being comforted by now. He's noticed that his Messiah always does that when he feels like he needs to comfort someone in private - he always did it on the nights Haku had nightmares so bad he couldn't sleep, too. It suits Eiri, and it's tempting to just give into it and let himself be comforted.
But he doesn't want it to be that way just now. So Haku clings onto Eiri just a little bit tighter again, as if he's trying to say he won't let him pull away, he won't let Eiri put himself into a position again where he's just giving and not receiving when he's this weak and hurt. ]
You should've been saved earlier.
[ It's not about him. Sure, he feels guilty, but it's not a pity party or anything, it's nothing Eiri should have to comfort him for.
He moves his head from the top of Eiri's head to instead bury his face into the crook of the other's neck. ]
They shouldn't have been allowed to take you like that, so.. that's why I'm sorry.
[It's just a dumb saying, and yet...just saying it out loud - however weakly he does it - brings an old, old memory rushing to the front of his mind. Of how, when he was just a boy, he literally spilled some milk because he wanted to help his mother with the cooking. He was a Big Boy, of course, so he could do anything she needed!
...Except deal with a gallon of milk. It was deceptively heavy. And a good portion was suddenly all over the kitchen floor. And he surveyed the damage he hand done. And he looked up at his mother with wide, frightened eyes, because he had done such a Bad Thing. Tears stung at his eyes.
But she had just taken in the scene and smiled - she had the brightest smile, one that could put even the sun to shame, Eiri was sure of it - and said there was no use crying over spilled milk. Leaning down, she gently tapped Eiri's little nose and proceeded to pick up the half-empty jug so nothing else would happen to the good contents.
When this sort of thing happens, she had told him, all you can do is accept the damage done and then clean up the mess. And they had done just that, getting down on their hands and knees with paper towels to soak up the milk, and then damp washcloths to wipe away the stickiness.
...It's so strange that he thinks of that time now. While his family is always somewhere in the back of his mind, he tries not to think of them too much so he doesn't get sucked into the past. No use crying over spilled milk.
No use crying over the dead.
But he's part of this new mess, isn't he? And didn't he learn anything from his mother? His sweet, wonderful, cheerful mother.
This time, though, it's not just a simple matter of cleaning the floor.
Eiri can't quite give up his comforting gig just yet, though, and he reaches for Haku's head to hold him steady. If this is comforting, then he can stay there as long as he needs to.]
...I know you are. I'm...I'm not angry with you, either.
[If their roles had been reversed, however, he wouldn't actu all that different from Haku right now. They've become too important to each other to just be able to shrug this sort of thing off.]
It's fine. 'Cause we're here now.
...But...if you want...you can make it up to me.
[He tangles his fingers more deeply in Haku's hair.]
[ It's no good, huh? No matter what he does, or no matter he tries to take the load off Eiri's shoulders for once, the other will still be like this. Eiri will still try his best to comfort him in turn too, just like he is now, supporting him and lightly playing with his hair. Even though Haku wasn't the one who went through torture here.
But it's what he likes about Eiri. And it's why he pulls himself away slowly (almost as if he doesn't really want to) from the other's hold. Not too far away to let go of Eiri himself, but enough that he can actually look at the other, taking in the sight as he slowly nods.
This is Eiri - his Messiah. His wonderful, strong Messiah that doesn't give in even when he's beaten up this badly, who thinks of others first even when he's hurt. Is it any wonder that he was the one who was able to reach out to him, who was able to pull through even when Higayama shot him? Eiri is his Messiah, practically meant to be, the only one who can reach him in such a way since he's just that amazing to Haku. ]
Yeah. [ So there's no way he can't help but want to help Eiri in absolutely any way possible, to help him the way Eiri always helps him just with his simple presence, just with who he is. ] Leave it to me.
[ His hands shift away from holding Eiri - but Haku leans backwards a little so Eiri can still just rest against him rather than having to hold himself upright. But he needs both his hands for something else right now. He needs them to gently cup Eiri's face, the touch of his fingers lightly running along the sides of his face, his jawline, his neck, tracing every single bruise gently. Every spot where the enemy must have touched him, where they hit him. Every single spot that they harshly tried to claim as their own, he'll reclaim for Eiri right here with gentility and care until it's a healed body that Eiri can feel comfortable with again.
As his hands rest still for a moment, Haku's gaze drops to Eiri's split lips. Lips busted from being hit and punched in the face as he wouldn't give in, as he surely displayed that super annoying smug attitude he always has. (That's his Eiri alright.)
Haku's head leans down until he's able to reach those lips, taking soft nibs at them, lightly taking them between his own lips and sucking on them. It's so slow and gentle that it's hard to compare to anything else that he just does for a joke - this is him being fully serious, showing his care to Eiri in the best way he can. He's never been too good with words when it really counted, anyway. Not about these things.
When he lets go of the lips for a moment, but still lingers close, he mumbles -- ]
That's what I'm your Messiah for.
[ Saving each other, healing each other - something only a Messiah can do. ]
[This...is not what Eiri had in mind when he asked Haku to take care of him. He didn't expect any coddling and kind words, of course, because he knows Haku speaks more through actions than words anyway. But what happened to getting a wet cloth and washing away the horrible memories? That's what people generally do, right?
But Haku isn't most people, which Eiri knows all too well, and...
Well, honestly, he can't say he hates this. It's not the standard procedure, definitely not, but it's... personal. And comforting in a way. Because this is his Messiah, and the only person he'd ever trust getting this close, the only person he can truly trust with everything he has, everything he is.
Haku saved him. Haku will always save him. He believes this. He knows this.
When Haku sucks, even gently, on his busted lower lip, he can't hold back a slight whimper or the fresh tears that fall. Eiri doesn't know if those tears are because of the pain or something else entirely. He doesn't particularly care because it's Haku.
It's like he's scrubbing away old, dead skin. It hurts a little and the new skin underneath is sensitive to the touch, but with time it will toughen up and be just fine. It will heal. But it still hurts and the only thing that is soft and warm is Haku, in his own strange way.
Eiri tries to burrow even closer to his Messiah's warmth and his hand pulls free of Haku's hair, fingertips brushing ligthly over Haku's cheek, before resting on one of Haku's hands. He just needs to be close right now. He needs that stability, that surety that everything truly will be okay. Because even though he really does believe it, that added physicality makes it all the more true.]
[ Don't worry, he'll eventually makes sure to help clean Eiri, not to mention send him over to the infirmary so they can have a proper look at him.. but if that was the way Haku did things instinctively, he already would have left the other at the infirmary to begin with instead of carrying him back to their room first instead.
But he didn't think that is what Eiri needed most of all. Maybe it's him projecting, since he tried to think of what would happen if their places had been switched, if he had been the one isolated and tortured.. all he could think of is that what he would have wanted the most after returning to consciousness is Eiri's presence. He knows his Messiah is stronger than that, that he's not nearly as codependent by nature as Haku himself is, but.. no matter how strong Eiri is, even he's got to just need this for a few moments now. Just each other's company, just gentle touches that convey meaning without words. Just showing him that he's really here, that Eiri is really not stuck in that nightmare anymore.
And it's only confirmed by the way Eiri places his hand on Haku's own in the middle of it. It proves that he really does need this, and Haku can taste the saltiness of Eiri's tears in the middle of it all to know he's crying again.
Haku moves the hand that isn't taken by Eiri's to sneak around his waist once more, pulling him just that little bit closer. It's a little possessive, maybe, but it's meant in a reassuring way. He won't let go of Eiri now -- he'll never let go of him, even if that's more metaphorically. He won't allow anyone to hurt the person most important to him ever again, he won't let anyone break Eiri like this.
His mouth trails don't Eiri's neck, feeling the soft spots that must doubtlessly be the bruises of where they grabbed the shorter guy and held him. Those guys from the Nortern Union really don't play around - they've always known that, but all of this just proves it even more with how broken Eiri's body is.
(That they can fix for sure though with time - it's more the mental part he's concerned with right now.)
His head pulls back a little as he notices the hand Eiri has been holding close to himself all this time, with fingers bent just the wrong way, looking more like a rag doll than anything else.
It's Eiri's dominant sniper hand. Haku knows. He doesn't even have to think about it. He's seen his Messiah hold that gun so many times, during practice, during missions-- he knows Eiri's pride as a sniper, so he's paid plenty of attention to it. That hand is something they'll have to fix for sure then either, since Haku wouldn't be able to stand seeing one of the things most important to Eiri being taken away from him. ]
.. can you move it? [ It's important to see how much damage was done to it, after all. If he can't, then the doctor will sure have his work cut out for him.
(There's probably something a little scary for Eiri about that question considering the circumstances. Haku knows it, he knows, so his hold on the other tightens a little.) ]
[Haku's lips are soft against his neck, so unlike the fingers of his captors, which pressed harshly with the intent to harm. Anything to break Eiri, anything to get him to talk. Pain is usually a good catalyst. The average person usually has enough self-preservation to do what they can to avoid it.
But Eiri knows pain. How could he not when he's bled on Death's doorstep on too many occasions? Bled and pressed up against the door, but never granted entrance for whatever reason. He knows pain, but it still isn't something he much likes.
Their fingers and their hands had pressed against his esophagus, cutting off his air supply for short bursts, enough to cause discomfort and set his heart racing, his body nearly panicking. His body didn't want to die, regardless of how incapable it seemed to be of dying, anyway. But even though Haku follows a similar trail with his lips, Eiri only feels goodness. Haku harbors no ill-content toward him, just a desire to help. Eiri can feel it in the gentle way those lips brush over his skin, especially the bruised areas.
He can feel the concern when Haku's hold tightens. He can hear the worry in his words. Eiri's fingers...
His heart begins to race. He already knows his hand is in terrible shape. He knew it the moment those bastards had taken his hand in theirs, even before they cracked his fingers.
One.
By.
One.
Even as Eiri shakes his head in answer to the question, he can still hear the echoes of breaking bones bounce around in his head. His hand. Ruined so quickly. He wants to ignore it, focus on the way Haku wraps his arm so protectively around him. Eiri tightens his hold on Haku's hand. At least he can still do that much.]
[ It's very telling that Eiri doesn't answer out loud. Eiri is always talking, he's always so loud and so present because of it. His Messiah has always been so full of sound and life - the only other time he can think he saw Eiri close to this is after he got shot by Higayama, lying there in coma in the infirmary bed, so silent with his eyes closed and hooked up to various machines letting out soft beeps.
Eiri seemed smaller than usually back then, and right now it's the same as Haku stares down at the Messiah lying in his arms. Eiri is hurt and broken, but not irreversably so. He'll heal. He'll become more like himself again. If there's anything Haku believes in, it's Eiri's undeniable mental strength. ]
They'll fix it. [ The words are soft, but hopefully at least a little bit reassuring. Because he knows it's true. Haku has been here for too long, and on afternoons that were just too long and lonely when he was younger, he sometimes hung around the infirmary, seeing people being brought into the room in various stages of disarray. If someone couldn't be fixed anymore, they wouldn't bother to bring them back, Haku learned later on.
After lingering close to the other, his breath softly on Eiri's skin, he lets out a small chuckle bordering on self-depreciation. ]
.. sorry. I'm pretty selfish, keeping you here like this. [ But on the other hand, since Eiri's mental state is like this, it was probably much better for him to wake up in Haku's arms than in a clinical place like that.
Not that it means he can't do something more than just sitting here with the other in his lap. Giving Eiri's good hand a reassuring squeeze, Haku starts to shift a little, trying to move out from under the other without shifting all his broken bones and touching his bruises once more. He's gotten surprisingly used to it, considering how often they end up like this. (Right now, he doesn't want to think too much about how it could all be because of him that Eiri has to endure so much bad luck and pain.)
With another reassuring squeeze and locking eyes with Eiri for a moment, as if to tell him that he's not going anywhere despite leaving the other lying there for a moment, Haku gets off the bed and wanders through the room for a few moments, like he's looking for something.
It takes a few moments, but then Haku returns to the bed once more, pouring some water onto a washcloth. A moment later he's already hovering over the other on hands and knees (making very sure to not touch Eiri's sides, as sore as they might be) and gently pressing it against the other's busted lips, cleaning up the dried up blood that had gathered up over time.
Even like this, even under him like this.. Eiri still looks smaller than usually, huh. But his Messiah doesn't need more sadness now. Haku knows it. If he's too sad, then Eiri will just try to take care of him again, and right now it's more important if he focuses on himself instead. It's always a little harder when it involves Eiri - he just doesn't deal well with those things -, but he manages to pull that mask he's worn so often on again. It's alright. It's alright, it's alright..
Just clear your head. Just return to the usual casual jokes. ]
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But the moment he got back, there was nothing else on his mind anymore but that one thing - where they had taken Eiri, and more importantly, how they were going to go and take him back. Even if he had to go by himself, that'd be fine, but he just had to find his Messiah. But with a lack of any clues as to where he had gone, Haku's days had fallen into nothing but nervous waiting, in useless searching on the computer just in an attempt to find anything at all. Candy and even juice boxes went untouched in the middle of the piles of wrappers, and nights were spent either lying on the bed turning but not sleeping or attempting some more fruitless investigation work on the computer.
So the very instant there was any information at all, Haku jumped on it. At least they were smart enough to not let Haku - who was already emotional enough - go by himself, but it was still a rushed operation. More rushed than they were used to, anyway, but Haku didn't care. Eiri was there, captured by the Northern Union, and god knows what they'd do to him. He knows that Eiri is strong, Eiri is one of the strongest people he's ever known. Hell, Eiri is stronger than him and he knows it. But that doesn't mean that the idea of Eiri being a captive there by himself and subjected to who the hell knows what doesn't upset him all the same.
Point is - the operation might not have gone as well as it usually did, but they made it through somehow. They managed to find their way into where Eiri was kept, find him, and take some of the Northern Union out along the way. But because of what they did - whatever it is they did, Haku doesn't know, and speculating about it in his mind only makes him feel more anxious and his heart race with worry even more - Eiri wasn't conscious. So all they could do as they made their way out of there again was drag him with them back to the Church's headquarters.
The first thought was to bring Eiri to the infirmary just to make sure that if there was something wrong with his body, it'd be checked up on as soon as possible - even if it was still unknown what exactly was wrong, Haku doubted they were physically kind on him in any way back there, and considering the amount of scars Eiri already has those might only have played up more. But as they explained (although Haku only listened with half an ear, watching Eiri's closed eyes the entire time, the slight rising and falling of his chest indicating that he was still there, that he wasn't gone) that this sort of thing could take more of a toll on the mind than on the body if they tortured him, the conclusion was that he should return to a familiar kind of surroundings first - their room - otherwise he might panic too much when he would wake up. If anything turned out to be really wrong with him, they could always check up on him later.
So with that Haku did take the shorter guy back to their room, although leaving him there on a bed and just watching didn't feel right. Haku made sure to prop himself up on Eiri's bed, back against the wall, and laying his Messiah down in such a way that Eiri's head was on Haku's lap.
But even so - the feeling hasn't sunk. Until Eiri opens up his eyes, until Haku can be certain that he's alright, or that he will be alright with some help.. until then, he can't find relief. Until then, he's still stuck staring down at Eiri's face while his chest feels so tight that he still hasn't grabbed one of his juice boxes even now.
(He'd take Eiri yelling at him a thousand times over this.) ]
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This time...
He was able to take the beatings and the mocking. Eiri is so stubborn that such treatment doesn't break him down, but rather makes him more resistant to others' demands. And the Northern Union did demand, but he had just smiled with busted lips and laughed in their faces.
But that had been easy. And even when they grew tired of his fiery attitude, they focused on his right hand - his slightly more dominant gun hand - and bent a finger, one at a time, back and back and back until each cracked. But even amid his screams and and involuntary tears, Eiri didn't fall apart.
Except the longer he was kept there, in a dark and wet holding cell, cut off from the sunlight and fresh air and, most importantly, Haku, and the more his body started to exhaust itself, Eiri grew so tired of trying to hold out.
That last day, before they even started interrogations, Eiri quietly, hoarsely - his voice had basically given out - said they might as well take the closest thing to his confessions and stuck out his tongue for their taking.
(And if they did take it, then he wouldn't be able to speak and would thus give him one more level of defense when it came to keeping silent.)
But before they could do anything, alarms started to go off and the sound of gunfire echoed in a nearby hallway. They left Eiri there to join the fight and as he fell to the floor, he though for sure he heard a familiar voice yelling orders.
Haku...you came for me...
And Eiri's eyes fell closed.
He doesn't know how long the darkness lasts after that. It could have been hours, it could have been days. Eiri isn't even really sure he's conscious as such thoughts wander through his head. Time doesn't make sense. Darkness doesn't make sense. He can't even feel his own body.
But unless he was beaten so badly that his hearing got ruined, he can tell that it's suddenly quiet. And slowly a warmth seeps into his bones and the sensation of being enveloped by a softness starts to spread.
He doesn't dare open his eyes, however, for fear of this being a fever dream or some mental guard against his situation. If he can cling to the fantasy of being somewhere safe, then he'll hold onto it for as long as possible. It's so exhausting being defiant. He's so tired of fighting. Just let him rest.
Though he doesn't really realize he's doing it, Eiri starts to curl up against Haku, his ruined hand a jagged mess held close to his chest.]
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But as oblivious as Haku might be to some things, he knows what the curling also means. Maybe since he's done it far too many times in his life now - mostly when he was a little kid and actually had someone to curl up to in the middle of the chaos that was called his life, but he's caught himself subconsciously doing it after sneaking into Eiri's bed after a particularly bad nightmare, even if he's just be flippant about it and shrug it off when Eiri asked about it.
He can't even imagine what Eiri must be feeling right now, what he must have gone through and is still going through in his mind right now. All Haku knows is that it's got to be terrible, since he's never seen Eiri looking so.. tiny. Eiri has always been small, sure, but he had that way of puffing out his chest and flailing and drawing himself up a little with all his energy that made him so Eiri. That made him seem less like the midget he was. It's not now, until he can see this fragility, that Haku realises Eiri truly is looking his height.
Carefully, so to not shake him out of it too quickly, he moves to gather his Messiah up in his arms, pulling him a little bit closer while at the same time moving his head down until his forehead is close to touching the other's. They had said Eiri would need something familiar and comforting, so enveloping him with his presence is the best he can do in that case, right..? ]
.. Eiri.
[ His voice is soft, almost more like a whisper. Haku still remembers the way Eiri called for him, how he pulled him back from the thick despair like tar in his mind during the confrontation with Higayama - desperate, loud, very much like Eiri in every way.
But Haku's own desperation is a lot softer than that in this situation. More like a lost child. He can't lose Eiri. He can't stand seeing Eiri this vulnerable, this hurt. He just wants him to be alright, he wants to be the one to make it alright again, but he doesn't know how-- ]
Eiri.. it's me. It's alright..
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And that can't be good.
What if they're taking him somewhere else. What if they're going to break more of his bones. What if they're actually going to tear out his tongue. What if what if what if - ]
...N...No...
[His voice just a whisper, his strength gone, and he doesn't even realize he's showing his vulnerability until the word is already out. He should keep up his front, but he just can't. Eiri's good hand moves to press weakly against the person doing the moving, as if that's going to deter him from his action.
But Eiri has to try.
Except his pathetic attempt stills when the voice and the words reach him. It's familiar again, and so close, but he still doesn't open his eyes.
Could it really be...?]
Don't...don't toy with me...
one day i'll make better icons..... one day
It's me..
[ He just repeats it again, a little more insistent (desperate, honestly) this time. There's naturally no one he believes in this world more than his Messiah, so he knows that Eiri can pull through this, but.. there's still that fear in the back of his mind that being left behind so many times instilled in him instinctively - what if he doesn't? What if they really broke him so much that he'll never be himself again? That's a more frightening thought than anything else to Haku. ]
Really-- it's me..! [ Something cracks a little in his voice because of that, and he tries to support the other in such a way that he can latch onto that good hand with one of his own, squeezing it a little, as if enough physical reminders should be enough to make him aware that this situation is real, that he's really back here at the headquarters with him rather than still there with those terrorists. ]
Just open your eyes..!
shhhh it's okay
It sounds like Haku. It smells like him, too, now that he focuses a little more. Eiri stills for a moment, then relaxes ever so slightly. If it's really Haku, then he's safe and he has nothing to fear. Not as long as they're together.
But Haku speaks again and his voice cracks in desperation and he clings to Eiri and Eiri knows his inability to answer positively and right away must be killing his Messiah inside. That's not right. That's not fair. There's no reason for Haku to go through even more unnecessary pain, and not if Eiri can help it.
Even if he wants to give into that embrace and rely on Haku for once in his life.
But he squeezes the hand that holds his own and slowly turns his head. The more he focuses - as well as his tired mind can, anyway - the more he's convinced this is actually Haku. So he blinks open his eyes, though he has to immediately squint since it's too bright too quickly, but in that split second he recognizes the wide, scared eyes.
And he knows.]
...Haku.
[Pulling their joined hands (because he's sure Haku won't let him go), Eiri brings them to Haku's head, where the tips of his fingers brush against the other man's hair.]
You...you're really here...
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It puts Haku a little more at ease, and the worry that does linger he quickly tries to swallow down. He can't be the weak one right now. Eiri needs him more than ever, and even if it's still hard for him to act a little bit more mature outside of mission stuff, he's trying his best right now. He wants to be able to be Eiri's rock too for once. ]
Ah...
[ He makes that sound of confirmation, lightly nodding his head. And it's true, he's definitely not letting go of his hand. Not now, not anytime soon, if he can help it. He's going to keep Eiri here until the other feels better and like he's capable of actually tackling things again, no matter who might come in to try and drag Eiri away to question him about what happened. Instead, he'll freely let Eiri guide the hands wherever, just trying his best to support the other's weak body. ]
And you're here too-- you're back home. [ The closest they have to a home, anyway. As far as Haku is considered, "home" is wherever Eiri is by now, so in that case Eiri certainly did just come back home by being dragged back to the headquarters like this.
It's hard with the worry and anger and pain over everything that's happened still in his heart, but at least the relief in itself is enough to make the ends of his lips curl up lightly into just a slightly tense smile. ]
It's over.
[ All the pain and suffering Eiri must have gone through - it's over. They just need to find a way to cope with it before they can move past it, is all. ]
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[He's back with Haku, back at Sakura. He's back where he should be. And the relief of that realization washes over him enough for his own swollen lips to turn up as much as possible in a smile.]
We gotta stop meeting like this.
[A shaky laugh escapes, but just as quickly, it turns into dry, heaving sobs.
Eiri doesn't even know why. He could have gone through so much worse. He's already been through hell, so what's a few more bruises and broken bones added to a history of pain?
No matter what he tells himself, though, he can't stop his body reacting in such a way, so he just turns his head into Haku's chest and pulls their joined hands down to clutch at his own chest. He brings his legs in closer, trying to get as close to Haku as possible.]
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But then he watches that smile crash down - he watches Eiri crash down in his arms. Come to think of it, he's never seen Eiri cry before. Eiri has seen him on the verge of tears, especially back during that reveal that Higayama had been his older brother all along, but Eiri never cried. Eiri looked sad sometimes, and seemed lost in thought a whole lot more often than that, but he never cried.
And right now it's like he's making up for all those times he didn't do it. He's crying harder than Haku has ever seen anyone cry, and it really tugs on his heart. Because Eiri is his Messiah, the most important person to him both by decree and by choice. And yet he's crying this bad, he's letting out all the hurt that he couldn't show in front of the captors, when he had to at least try and be strong.
It'll pass. Haku is not very good at understanding a lot of things that he hasn't encountered before, but Eiri is a different case - he's the only person he can understand fairly unconditionally. It's why Haku knows that Eiri will pull through, that he'll be alright after he lets out all the hurt like this, after he knows he's safe for sure, when he can heal both emotionally and physically from all he's gone through.
Until then, all he can do is be there for him.
Haku moves to pull the smaller guy in a little bit more, helping along Eiri's own effort on that. He moves to rest his chin on top of Eiri's head, tugging his arm just a little bit tighter around him, like he's wordlessly saying he won't let go of him, no matter what. So he can completely surround Eiri with himself (the upside of having these long limbs everywhere) and let him know that he's safe. Sure, there might not be any direct threats in the Church's headquarters, but even so, the sentiment is the same. He's just showing he won't let anyone take Eiri away from him right now, that he'll protect him with all he's got while he's not strong enough to do it himself.
He won't let him go through all that again, even if he can't imagine what specifically. He doesn't have to know. Just the thought of Eiri hurting means enough to him without knowing the specifics - it's enough to make him feel that resolute.
For a few moments he just sits there like that, letting Eiri throw out every single tear and emotion he has to. And he'll stay here for however long his Messiah needs it, not even teasing and prodding him like usually.
Although after those few moments pass, something does slip out-- ]
.. I'm sorry.
[ That he couldn't prevent this from happening, that he couldn't come to rescue Eiri earlier. That he couldn't do a single thing but abandon him to those brutes for all of those days. ]
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But he can't stop. And it hurts, physically, to cry, when his body is bruised and broken, but the sobs keep wracking him and he just can't stop.
He can't deny it feels good to be comforted, either. If this is half of what he's been able to offer people, then he'll be happy. But after everything he went through with the Northern Union, he's more focused on his own comfort. He's safe. It's okay. It's warm here and Haku isn't teasing him.
(Haku knows when to be serious, even if it doesn't always seem like it. Eiri knows he can always trust him because of this.)
Except as his breaths start to even out and he lies more still in Haku's arms, Eiri hears that confession. And though he wants to bask in this warmth a little longer, he can't. He has to be the caretaker again, even just a little bit. Tugging his hand out of Haku's grasp, he presses it against Haku's chest, then moves it up to his shoulder, where he grips it, albeit weakly.]
Haku...
[That hand moves again, reaching the ends of Haku's hair so Eiri can play with it distractedly.]
Don't. You came for me. You saved me.
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But right now Eiri shouldn't have to play the caretaker. He always does, but right now he should be the one receiving the care. This isn't about him, this is about Eiri - about Eiri, who was crying only a few moments ago, who still feels so fragile in his arms, his body bent and bruised. He's always the one receiving comfort, it should be the other's turn (now of all times) to get some instead.
Even if the way Eiri's fingers thread through the ends of his hair is really distracting, really nice, if not just since Haku associates it with being comforted by now. He's noticed that his Messiah always does that when he feels like he needs to comfort someone in private - he always did it on the nights Haku had nightmares so bad he couldn't sleep, too. It suits Eiri, and it's tempting to just give into it and let himself be comforted.
But he doesn't want it to be that way just now. So Haku clings onto Eiri just a little bit tighter again, as if he's trying to say he won't let him pull away, he won't let Eiri put himself into a position again where he's just giving and not receiving when he's this weak and hurt. ]
You should've been saved earlier.
[ It's not about him. Sure, he feels guilty, but it's not a pity party or anything, it's nothing Eiri should have to comfort him for.
He moves his head from the top of Eiri's head to instead bury his face into the crook of the other's neck. ]
They shouldn't have been allowed to take you like that, so.. that's why I'm sorry.
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But none of that matters now, does it?]
No...no use crying over spilled milk.
[It's just a dumb saying, and yet...just saying it out loud - however weakly he does it - brings an old, old memory rushing to the front of his mind. Of how, when he was just a boy, he literally spilled some milk because he wanted to help his mother with the cooking. He was a Big Boy, of course, so he could do anything she needed!
...Except deal with a gallon of milk. It was deceptively heavy. And a good portion was suddenly all over the kitchen floor. And he surveyed the damage he hand done. And he looked up at his mother with wide, frightened eyes, because he had done such a Bad Thing. Tears stung at his eyes.
But she had just taken in the scene and smiled - she had the brightest smile, one that could put even the sun to shame, Eiri was sure of it - and said there was no use crying over spilled milk. Leaning down, she gently tapped Eiri's little nose and proceeded to pick up the half-empty jug so nothing else would happen to the good contents.
When this sort of thing happens, she had told him, all you can do is accept the damage done and then clean up the mess. And they had done just that, getting down on their hands and knees with paper towels to soak up the milk, and then damp washcloths to wipe away the stickiness.
...It's so strange that he thinks of that time now. While his family is always somewhere in the back of his mind, he tries not to think of them too much so he doesn't get sucked into the past. No use crying over spilled milk.
No use crying over the dead.
But he's part of this new mess, isn't he? And didn't he learn anything from his mother? His sweet, wonderful, cheerful mother.
This time, though, it's not just a simple matter of cleaning the floor.
Eiri can't quite give up his comforting gig just yet, though, and he reaches for Haku's head to hold him steady. If this is comforting, then he can stay there as long as he needs to.]
...I know you are. I'm...I'm not angry with you, either.
[If their roles had been reversed, however, he wouldn't actu all that different from Haku right now. They've become too important to each other to just be able to shrug this sort of thing off.]
It's fine. 'Cause we're here now.
...But...if you want...you can make it up to me.
[He tangles his fingers more deeply in Haku's hair.]
Help clean me up after all this, okay?
[...Because he's the spilled milk.]
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But it's what he likes about Eiri. And it's why he pulls himself away slowly (almost as if he doesn't really want to) from the other's hold. Not too far away to let go of Eiri himself, but enough that he can actually look at the other, taking in the sight as he slowly nods.
This is Eiri - his Messiah. His wonderful, strong Messiah that doesn't give in even when he's beaten up this badly, who thinks of others first even when he's hurt. Is it any wonder that he was the one who was able to reach out to him, who was able to pull through even when Higayama shot him? Eiri is his Messiah, practically meant to be, the only one who can reach him in such a way since he's just that amazing to Haku. ]
Yeah. [ So there's no way he can't help but want to help Eiri in absolutely any way possible, to help him the way Eiri always helps him just with his simple presence, just with who he is. ] Leave it to me.
[ His hands shift away from holding Eiri - but Haku leans backwards a little so Eiri can still just rest against him rather than having to hold himself upright. But he needs both his hands for something else right now. He needs them to gently cup Eiri's face, the touch of his fingers lightly running along the sides of his face, his jawline, his neck, tracing every single bruise gently. Every spot where the enemy must have touched him, where they hit him. Every single spot that they harshly tried to claim as their own, he'll reclaim for Eiri right here with gentility and care until it's a healed body that Eiri can feel comfortable with again.
As his hands rest still for a moment, Haku's gaze drops to Eiri's split lips. Lips busted from being hit and punched in the face as he wouldn't give in, as he surely displayed that super annoying smug attitude he always has. (That's his Eiri alright.)
Haku's head leans down until he's able to reach those lips, taking soft nibs at them, lightly taking them between his own lips and sucking on them. It's so slow and gentle that it's hard to compare to anything else that he just does for a joke - this is him being fully serious, showing his care to Eiri in the best way he can. He's never been too good with words when it really counted, anyway. Not about these things.
When he lets go of the lips for a moment, but still lingers close, he mumbles -- ]
That's what I'm your Messiah for.
[ Saving each other, healing each other - something only a Messiah can do. ]
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But Haku isn't most people, which Eiri knows all too well, and...
Well, honestly, he can't say he hates this. It's not the standard procedure, definitely not, but it's... personal. And comforting in a way. Because this is his Messiah, and the only person he'd ever trust getting this close, the only person he can truly trust with everything he has, everything he is.
Haku saved him. Haku will always save him. He believes this. He knows this.
When Haku sucks, even gently, on his busted lower lip, he can't hold back a slight whimper or the fresh tears that fall. Eiri doesn't know if those tears are because of the pain or something else entirely. He doesn't particularly care because it's Haku.
It's like he's scrubbing away old, dead skin. It hurts a little and the new skin underneath is sensitive to the touch, but with time it will toughen up and be just fine. It will heal. But it still hurts and the only thing that is soft and warm is Haku, in his own strange way.
Eiri tries to burrow even closer to his Messiah's warmth and his hand pulls free of Haku's hair, fingertips brushing ligthly over Haku's cheek, before resting on one of Haku's hands. He just needs to be close right now. He needs that stability, that surety that everything truly will be okay. Because even though he really does believe it, that added physicality makes it all the more true.]
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But he didn't think that is what Eiri needed most of all. Maybe it's him projecting, since he tried to think of what would happen if their places had been switched, if he had been the one isolated and tortured.. all he could think of is that what he would have wanted the most after returning to consciousness is Eiri's presence. He knows his Messiah is stronger than that, that he's not nearly as codependent by nature as Haku himself is, but.. no matter how strong Eiri is, even he's got to just need this for a few moments now. Just each other's company, just gentle touches that convey meaning without words. Just showing him that he's really here, that Eiri is really not stuck in that nightmare anymore.
And it's only confirmed by the way Eiri places his hand on Haku's own in the middle of it. It proves that he really does need this, and Haku can taste the saltiness of Eiri's tears in the middle of it all to know he's crying again.
Haku moves the hand that isn't taken by Eiri's to sneak around his waist once more, pulling him just that little bit closer. It's a little possessive, maybe, but it's meant in a reassuring way. He won't let go of Eiri now -- he'll never let go of him, even if that's more metaphorically. He won't allow anyone to hurt the person most important to him ever again, he won't let anyone break Eiri like this.
His mouth trails don't Eiri's neck, feeling the soft spots that must doubtlessly be the bruises of where they grabbed the shorter guy and held him. Those guys from the Nortern Union really don't play around - they've always known that, but all of this just proves it even more with how broken Eiri's body is.
(That they can fix for sure though with time - it's more the mental part he's concerned with right now.)
His head pulls back a little as he notices the hand Eiri has been holding close to himself all this time, with fingers bent just the wrong way, looking more like a rag doll than anything else.
It's Eiri's dominant sniper hand. Haku knows. He doesn't even have to think about it. He's seen his Messiah hold that gun so many times, during practice, during missions-- he knows Eiri's pride as a sniper, so he's paid plenty of attention to it. That hand is something they'll have to fix for sure then either, since Haku wouldn't be able to stand seeing one of the things most important to Eiri being taken away from him. ]
.. can you move it? [ It's important to see how much damage was done to it, after all. If he can't, then the doctor will sure have his work cut out for him.
(There's probably something a little scary for Eiri about that question considering the circumstances. Haku knows it, he knows, so his hold on the other tightens a little.) ]
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But Eiri knows pain. How could he not when he's bled on Death's doorstep on too many occasions? Bled and pressed up against the door, but never granted entrance for whatever reason. He knows pain, but it still isn't something he much likes.
Their fingers and their hands had pressed against his esophagus, cutting off his air supply for short bursts, enough to cause discomfort and set his heart racing, his body nearly panicking. His body didn't want to die, regardless of how incapable it seemed to be of dying, anyway. But even though Haku follows a similar trail with his lips, Eiri only feels goodness. Haku harbors no ill-content toward him, just a desire to help. Eiri can feel it in the gentle way those lips brush over his skin, especially the bruised areas.
He can feel the concern when Haku's hold tightens. He can hear the worry in his words. Eiri's fingers...
His heart begins to race. He already knows his hand is in terrible shape. He knew it the moment those bastards had taken his hand in theirs, even before they cracked his fingers.
One.
By.
One.
Even as Eiri shakes his head in answer to the question, he can still hear the echoes of breaking bones bounce around in his head. His hand. Ruined so quickly. He wants to ignore it, focus on the way Haku wraps his arm so protectively around him. Eiri tightens his hold on Haku's hand. At least he can still do that much.]
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Eiri seemed smaller than usually back then, and right now it's the same as Haku stares down at the Messiah lying in his arms. Eiri is hurt and broken, but not irreversably so. He'll heal. He'll become more like himself again. If there's anything Haku believes in, it's Eiri's undeniable mental strength. ]
They'll fix it. [ The words are soft, but hopefully at least a little bit reassuring. Because he knows it's true. Haku has been here for too long, and on afternoons that were just too long and lonely when he was younger, he sometimes hung around the infirmary, seeing people being brought into the room in various stages of disarray. If someone couldn't be fixed anymore, they wouldn't bother to bring them back, Haku learned later on.
After lingering close to the other, his breath softly on Eiri's skin, he lets out a small chuckle bordering on self-depreciation. ]
.. sorry. I'm pretty selfish, keeping you here like this. [ But on the other hand, since Eiri's mental state is like this, it was probably much better for him to wake up in Haku's arms than in a clinical place like that.
Not that it means he can't do something more than just sitting here with the other in his lap. Giving Eiri's good hand a reassuring squeeze, Haku starts to shift a little, trying to move out from under the other without shifting all his broken bones and touching his bruises once more. He's gotten surprisingly used to it, considering how often they end up like this. (Right now, he doesn't want to think too much about how it could all be because of him that Eiri has to endure so much bad luck and pain.)
With another reassuring squeeze and locking eyes with Eiri for a moment, as if to tell him that he's not going anywhere despite leaving the other lying there for a moment, Haku gets off the bed and wanders through the room for a few moments, like he's looking for something.
It takes a few moments, but then Haku returns to the bed once more, pouring some water onto a washcloth. A moment later he's already hovering over the other on hands and knees (making very sure to not touch Eiri's sides, as sore as they might be) and gently pressing it against the other's busted lips, cleaning up the dried up blood that had gathered up over time.
Even like this, even under him like this.. Eiri still looks smaller than usually, huh. But his Messiah doesn't need more sadness now. Haku knows it. If he's too sad, then Eiri will just try to take care of him again, and right now it's more important if he focuses on himself instead. It's always a little harder when it involves Eiri - he just doesn't deal well with those things -, but he manages to pull that mask he's worn so often on again. It's alright. It's alright, it's alright..
Just clear your head. Just return to the usual casual jokes. ]
Oh, or was my lap more comfortable?