[ It's a relief, having Chizuru out of the way. Even if he trusts his aim enough, there's still the possibility Kazama might dodge in the wrong direction or do something really dirty and put her in the way by purpose, and at least those small chances are gone as well now she's on the floor, even though he's sure she must have been hurt again because of it. He'll look at her later and help her for sure, but he doesn't exactly have time for that now when parrying Kazama's strikes is taking absolutely all of his focus.
(If this was any other situation, one where he didn't have to turn into a rasetsu, then he might have actually enjoyed this battle, one where he's just fighting someone one on one and not being sure at all if he'll even win.)
The odds are still on Kazama's side since he does manage to strike Shinpachi more often than the man manages to strike Kazama - the difference between a demon and someone who's only halfway there - but it doesn't mean as much when every single time Kazama's sword digs into his flesh there's only that momentary pain he's used to anyway after so many battles before the wound closes itself like it never even existed. If there's anything annoying about it then it's the fact that the scent of blood is filling his mind, but he tries to shove it to the background and focus on fighting, winning - he's not so sure how he's going to win from Kazama's superior strength yet, but he'll find a way. He'll drive him off somehow and take Chizuru back safely, it's all he can think about.
Shinpachi only manages to block the demon's attack half, and the edge of the blade still cuts a fine line across his chest, the wound knitting itself together easily. ]
Like hell I went this far just to lose from you..! [ He pulls his katana back only to have it meet Kazama's when he swings it forwards again, the sound of steel on steel resounding between the trees. Shinpachi realises too that they might as well be here all day at this rate, or until Shinpachi's body gives up on healing, but it's not like he sees a clear opening or opportunity to end this quickly either. Chizuru must not be able to get up either with the way she's just there on the floor.. damn, even the hardest thing he's ever done wasn't the easy way out, huh? ]
[Kazama is in no rush to finish this quickly. On the contrary, he seems almost eager to draw this out, for Shinpachi to exhaust every single option, so that he'll realize that the strength of a false demon is nowhere near enough to overcome a true one. The longer this takes, the more he'll be able to hammer it home that Shinpachi can't win, and that - rather than merely killing him or leaving him to die, as he had attempted in his rage over being struck by a mere human - is something he doesn't mind spending his time on.
The humans fighting the battle proper can take care of their own affairs. This is a human war, not a demon war, and he considers his debt to the Satsuma long since repaid. His interest lies more in stamping out the rasetsu he so despises, crushing the hopes of the Shinsengumi he has become so interested in, and absconding with a female demon worthy to bear his children.
He draws his sword back once more and - ]
That's enough. [This time, neither his sword nor Shinpachi's connects with steel or draws blood. Amagiri is suddenly there between them in the blink of an eye, having caught each of their blades in a different hand. His expression is somewhat disapproving - both of the appearance of yet another rasetsu and of Kazama's dallying to toy with him.] It is time to go.
[Kazama sneers and his eyes narrow into slits.] Amagiri...
[Amagiri holds Kazama's gaze for a few long moments and something passes between them silently before Kazama finally relents and nods once, sharply. The red-haired demon releases his sword so that it can be sheathed but keeps a hold on Shinpachi's lest the newly-turned rasetsu decide to try and attack again. Kazama glances briefly at Chizuru.]
Do not think this is over. I will come for you, Chizuru Yukimura.
[She shudders, Kazama turns to go, seeming to vanish in the blink of an eye. Amagiri releases Shinpachi's sword, bows once to the both of them, and does the same.
It's so lucky that Chizuru can scarcely believe it. They've really just... left? After everything? It means they'll be able to make it back to headquarters, but... it also seems too good to be true. She stares at the spot where the demons were just moments before and manages to make it to her feet to cross over to Shinpachi.
She stumbles, on her way, but reaches out to grab his arm to keep from falling on her face. Why aren't her wounds healing quickly enough...? Perhaps it's because she's been injured too much in too short a time. Perhaps she just needs rest. And she'll be able to have that, when they make it back, she's sure of it. A more pressing concern is Shinpachi, whose wounds are healing but who has paid a terrible, terrible price.]
Nagakura-san... [Her voice breaks. He should never have gone this far to protect her, never... she's not worth it. She isn't worth the ochimizu.] Y-you... Are you...?
Shinpachi just stares at the appearance of the other demon inbetween the two of them, preparing himself for whatever odds he'll have to beat now.. but then Amagiri is telling Kazama to stop it and go, and when Kazama actually somehow wordlessly agrees Shinpachi honestly just feels surprised that it's over so easily.
(Not that he can call it easily, not like this, but-- at least it means he protected Chizuru from that sort of fate. He managed to protect at least one person today, unlike the way he couldn't save any of his men.)
He's very much just staring at the same spot as Chizuru is, like Kazama might return and say he's just kidding any moment now. But a few moments pass and they don't come back, and then Shinpachi suddenly feels something tugging at his arm, realising it's Chizuru who actually made her way over to him, and for a moment or two he doesn't exactly react. What is he supposed to say to that kind of question, after all, "are you.." -- alright? Because he's not, really, he's had to do the one thing he hated the most. He doesn't regret doing it since not having done it would mean Chizuru would be gone and he would be practically dead, but.. it's not like he's exactly happy about it either.
The man knows he's something he utterly detests now. But there's no choice but to live with it. The last remains of the second division, more dead than alive--
He finally turns his head to look down at her, his eyes still red like blood. ]
.. Yeah. I'm alright. [ He's not wounded, after all, so he can easily say that much. Shinpachi may feel like shit, but it's not like he's in any terrible physical condition, and he'll say anything just to not see her making that face. (The complete lack of the usual energy in his tone still gives him away completely though.)
He turns fully now, moving to support her so she won't fall down with his arms, as his hair slowly turns back to the usual brown from the roots to the tips. ]
[The lack of energy in his tone of voice makes her heart clench uncomfortably. That he can't even muster up his usual bravado... well, she can't blame him. In such a short amount of time, he's lost so much. His men... the pain of losing them must have been excruciating. And he'd been forced to take her along with him. He'd had to watch her take blows that were meant for him, and undoubtedly that stung at his pride as a warrior and a man. And now he'd had to make compromises, to drink something that he was so vehemently opposed to...
It isn't fair. It isn't fair. It's all so unfair that Chizuru wants to scream from the sheer frustration of it all, because Shinpachi deserves so much better than this. He worked so hard to keep his spirits up to boost everyone else's morale, and this is what he got for it.
And he's even taking the time to worry about her and ask her about her wounds, as if his own situation wasn't so much worse...! Even having been dealt such a horrible hand, Shinpachi is still Shinpachi.
It's not fair to him.]
...I'll recover.
[She is a demon. She's tried to keep the accelerated healing hidden, but it's something she's lived with her whole life, and she knows that the next morning or maybe the morning after that, depending on how much time she has to rest (if the wounds keep getting aggravated before they've had the chance to fully heal, this could go on for ages), it will be as if never happened.
For her body, at least. She'll never forget the sight of Shinpachi fumbling for the vial of ochimizu, never forget the sight of him standing before Kazama with snow-white hair and blood-red eyes. She'll never forget what he sacrificed to save her... and she can't see how she'll ever be able to repay him for it, either. That's something that will stay with her forever, even after these wounds heal and any bruises or scars fade away.]
But you... [Her voice trails off. Undoubtedly he knows - knows that when you become rasetsu, there's no going back, knows that while her wounds will heal he has been forever changed by all of this. It seems cruel to remind him of it. She looks down, her hold on his arms tightening a little.] ...what are we going to do now...?
[We, because there's no way she's leaving his side, not after what he's done for her. He only took the ochimizu because he had to do it for her sake. She can't - can't - abandon him now, not for anything.
(She never intended to in the first place, which is why she was so glad for that promise.)]
[ Somehow it just makes it all hurt more, seeing her looking at him like that, like she's seriously about to cry or something. He's never really minded the thought of what would ever happen to him - he minds the rasetsu thing so much because of his ideals and principles moreso than minding his own physical condition because of it - since he was prepared to get hurt or die from the very beginning as a warrior. But what he never calculated in there is what other people would feel at seeing him being hurt. If he got hurt or beaten in battle, then the same would probably happen to Heisuke and Sano and everyone else and as much as he hates the idea of them getting hurt or dying (hypocritically), that'd mean none of them would have to see it happen to him and live with that thought. He was always just going to be a warrior for himself, just him and his sword and his ideals, that's why he left his domain to begin with, but.. now there are people who care. Now Chizuru's right there, and his friends too, and.. that just makes it all a lot harder.
He pulls her just a little bit closer, like something might appear and take her away again all the same. ]
We'll go back to the headquarters now. You'll be safe there. [ He just has to do what he was planning on doing all along, just like he never drank the ochimizu. ]
.. Let's keep this a secret between the both of us though. Hijikata-san and the others don't have to know. [ Because that'd mean he would have to join the Corps, and that's the very last thing he'd want on top of all of this. Especially since it'd be so very convenient to shove him in there with all of his own men gone by now. But he doesn't want to be among other rasetsu, he doesn't want to think of himself that way-- he'd rather endure the discomfort of being up during the day. It'll make things harder, but he's sure he can hide it if he tries. In an ideal world Chizuru wouldn't have to know about it either, to save her the pain, but there's not much he can do about that now.
He stares at her for another two, three moments, taking in her expression, and then he decides it can't go on like this. If he doesn't do anything, she'll just stay sad, she might blame herself, so.. come on, Shinpachi, you've stood for worse challenges. Surely you can muster up a smile in front of someone who needs it, no matter how hard it feels right now.
He laughs, a grin breaking out on his face. At first it's a little shaky, but then it becomes less so. ]
Oi, oi, c'mon, Chizuru-chan! Don't make a face like you just had to attend a funeral! [ Even if that might as well be what all of that just now was, along with having to see his dead men.. ] That bastard's gone, so it's all gonna be alright now, see? And after acting all tough 'bout it in front of that demon, I guess I can't take back those words about taking care of you.
So.. don't worry! I'm gonna make it all okay!
[ For her, anyway.
It's already too late for him now and he knows it. ]
[Is such a thing possible? Shinpachi's duties bring him in close proximity to blood very often. True, Sannan and Heisuke have retained their sanity - well, mostly... the jury's still out on Sannan... - but even they must struggle with it, and they aren't made use of in conflicts that might turn bloody as Shinpachi will be working as a normal captain.
Not to mention, the pain and the exhaustion...
She feels like she has a choice here. Insist on letting the others know, so they can help him, or... trust him. When it comes down to it, it really isn't a decision at all. There is only one course of action she can take.]
...right. A secret, just between you and me.
[She actually manages a smile, though it's slightly saddened. She does trust him. If he thinks it's possible to keep it a secret, that means it most likely is - Shinpachi has faced down incredibly odds and come out on top so many times. And, who knew...? Sannan and Heisuke were kept inside during the day; they rested... but sometimes, Chizuru has found that working through illness and not languishing helps speed a recovery.
If Shinpachi keeps pressing on during the daytime... is it possible that the pain might be lessened...? That he might be able to control it better, if he masters it instead of letting it master him?
...if anyone can do such a thing... it's him. She is a little uneasy about what the future might hold, so her smile is uncertain and she still looks like she might cry - until he laughs, and she looks up at his face in shock.
He's smiling...
The fact that he's trying so hard to cheer her up when this is all so much worse for him is so much like him. It would be a lie to say she doesn't feel guilty at all over the way things have turned out, but his smile warms her heart in ways that she can't even begin to explain, and in spite of everything the knot of tension in her gut starts to ease by just a little bit.
I'm gonna make it all okay!
At those words, her smile becomes more genuine. When he says it like that... she can really, truly think that it might, somehow, all work out for the best.]
Nagakura-san... I believe in you. When I'm at your side, I can really believe this will be alright. [She smiles a little more brightly.] ...we'll figure this out together.
[For now, though... they have to make it back to the headquarters. Chizuru will do her best to keep up, even with her wounds, but she doesn't doubt for a moment that they'll make it there just fine.]
[ Ah.. at least she's smiling. Even if today might have been absolutely horrible in every single possible way, even if he will never be the same again -- she's smiling, and it fixes at least one small thing. It means he managed to do one thing right instead of having today be a complete and utter failure.
It's not enough to completely lift his spirits up again, but it's a small relief in the middle of everything, that he'll take whatever life raft is thrown at him right now, even if it's just something as small as Chizuru's smile. ]
'course we will. [ It's not as optimistic as he really feels about all of this, but he doesn't want to drag her spirits down just when he's managed to get them up. He can think about all the horrible consequences of his actions today later when he's alone instead of in front of her. Right now he has to prioritize what he was trying to do to begin with - get her and himself back to the headquarters alive.
But she still looks like she's hurt, like her wounds aren't healing as easily as usually (or as easily as his', he thinks) and so he feels like he shouldn't let her walk. It'd just slow them down, anyway. And he doubts there are still enemy soldiers around if no one got attracted to the loud sounds of his battle with Kazama just now, so he can take a small risk.
Bending down a little, he puts his arms underneath her knees and under her back, and the next moment he's carefully lifting her up from the ground to carry her in his arms, trying to stay clear of the spots that he knows are hurting. ]
And since you said 'together', let's start with this! [ It's not like she's too heavy for him to carry, after all, especially since she's fairly tiny and he's fairly strong. Especially now. ] We're going back.
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no subject
(If this was any other situation, one where he didn't have to turn into a rasetsu, then he might have actually enjoyed this battle, one where he's just fighting someone one on one and not being sure at all if he'll even win.)
The odds are still on Kazama's side since he does manage to strike Shinpachi more often than the man manages to strike Kazama - the difference between a demon and someone who's only halfway there - but it doesn't mean as much when every single time Kazama's sword digs into his flesh there's only that momentary pain he's used to anyway after so many battles before the wound closes itself like it never even existed. If there's anything annoying about it then it's the fact that the scent of blood is filling his mind, but he tries to shove it to the background and focus on fighting, winning - he's not so sure how he's going to win from Kazama's superior strength yet, but he'll find a way. He'll drive him off somehow and take Chizuru back safely, it's all he can think about.
Shinpachi only manages to block the demon's attack half, and the edge of the blade still cuts a fine line across his chest, the wound knitting itself together easily. ]
Like hell I went this far just to lose from you..! [ He pulls his katana back only to have it meet Kazama's when he swings it forwards again, the sound of steel on steel resounding between the trees. Shinpachi realises too that they might as well be here all day at this rate, or until Shinpachi's body gives up on healing, but it's not like he sees a clear opening or opportunity to end this quickly either. Chizuru must not be able to get up either with the way she's just there on the floor.. damn, even the hardest thing he's ever done wasn't the easy way out, huh? ]
no subject
The humans fighting the battle proper can take care of their own affairs. This is a human war, not a demon war, and he considers his debt to the Satsuma long since repaid. His interest lies more in stamping out the rasetsu he so despises, crushing the hopes of the Shinsengumi he has become so interested in, and absconding with a female demon worthy to bear his children.
He draws his sword back once more and - ]
That's enough. [This time, neither his sword nor Shinpachi's connects with steel or draws blood. Amagiri is suddenly there between them in the blink of an eye, having caught each of their blades in a different hand. His expression is somewhat disapproving - both of the appearance of yet another rasetsu and of Kazama's dallying to toy with him.] It is time to go.
[Kazama sneers and his eyes narrow into slits.] Amagiri...
[Amagiri holds Kazama's gaze for a few long moments and something passes between them silently before Kazama finally relents and nods once, sharply. The red-haired demon releases his sword so that it can be sheathed but keeps a hold on Shinpachi's lest the newly-turned rasetsu decide to try and attack again. Kazama glances briefly at Chizuru.]
Do not think this is over. I will come for you, Chizuru Yukimura.
[She shudders, Kazama turns to go, seeming to vanish in the blink of an eye. Amagiri releases Shinpachi's sword, bows once to the both of them, and does the same.
It's so lucky that Chizuru can scarcely believe it. They've really just... left? After everything? It means they'll be able to make it back to headquarters, but... it also seems too good to be true. She stares at the spot where the demons were just moments before and manages to make it to her feet to cross over to Shinpachi.
She stumbles, on her way, but reaches out to grab his arm to keep from falling on her face. Why aren't her wounds healing quickly enough...? Perhaps it's because she's been injured too much in too short a time. Perhaps she just needs rest. And she'll be able to have that, when they make it back, she's sure of it. A more pressing concern is Shinpachi, whose wounds are healing but who has paid a terrible, terrible price.]
Nagakura-san... [Her voice breaks. He should never have gone this far to protect her, never... she's not worth it. She isn't worth the ochimizu.] Y-you... Are you...?
no subject
Shinpachi just stares at the appearance of the other demon inbetween the two of them, preparing himself for whatever odds he'll have to beat now.. but then Amagiri is telling Kazama to stop it and go, and when Kazama actually somehow wordlessly agrees Shinpachi honestly just feels surprised that it's over so easily.
(Not that he can call it easily, not like this, but-- at least it means he protected Chizuru from that sort of fate. He managed to protect at least one person today, unlike the way he couldn't save any of his men.)
He's very much just staring at the same spot as Chizuru is, like Kazama might return and say he's just kidding any moment now. But a few moments pass and they don't come back, and then Shinpachi suddenly feels something tugging at his arm, realising it's Chizuru who actually made her way over to him, and for a moment or two he doesn't exactly react. What is he supposed to say to that kind of question, after all, "are you.." -- alright? Because he's not, really, he's had to do the one thing he hated the most. He doesn't regret doing it since not having done it would mean Chizuru would be gone and he would be practically dead, but.. it's not like he's exactly happy about it either.
The man knows he's something he utterly detests now. But there's no choice but to live with it. The last remains of the second division, more dead than alive--
He finally turns his head to look down at her, his eyes still red like blood. ]
.. Yeah. I'm alright. [ He's not wounded, after all, so he can easily say that much. Shinpachi may feel like shit, but it's not like he's in any terrible physical condition, and he'll say anything just to not see her making that face. (The complete lack of the usual energy in his tone still gives him away completely though.)
He turns fully now, moving to support her so she won't fall down with his arms, as his hair slowly turns back to the usual brown from the roots to the tips. ]
What 'bout you? You're hurt, aren't you?
no subject
It isn't fair. It isn't fair. It's all so unfair that Chizuru wants to scream from the sheer frustration of it all, because Shinpachi deserves so much better than this. He worked so hard to keep his spirits up to boost everyone else's morale, and this is what he got for it.
And he's even taking the time to worry about her and ask her about her wounds, as if his own situation wasn't so much worse...! Even having been dealt such a horrible hand, Shinpachi is still Shinpachi.
It's not fair to him.]
...I'll recover.
[She is a demon. She's tried to keep the accelerated healing hidden, but it's something she's lived with her whole life, and she knows that the next morning or maybe the morning after that, depending on how much time she has to rest (if the wounds keep getting aggravated before they've had the chance to fully heal, this could go on for ages), it will be as if never happened.
For her body, at least. She'll never forget the sight of Shinpachi fumbling for the vial of ochimizu, never forget the sight of him standing before Kazama with snow-white hair and blood-red eyes. She'll never forget what he sacrificed to save her... and she can't see how she'll ever be able to repay him for it, either. That's something that will stay with her forever, even after these wounds heal and any bruises or scars fade away.]
But you... [Her voice trails off. Undoubtedly he knows - knows that when you become rasetsu, there's no going back, knows that while her wounds will heal he has been forever changed by all of this. It seems cruel to remind him of it. She looks down, her hold on his arms tightening a little.] ...what are we going to do now...?
[We, because there's no way she's leaving his side, not after what he's done for her. He only took the ochimizu because he had to do it for her sake. She can't - can't - abandon him now, not for anything.
(She never intended to in the first place, which is why she was so glad for that promise.)]
no subject
He pulls her just a little bit closer, like something might appear and take her away again all the same. ]
We'll go back to the headquarters now. You'll be safe there. [ He just has to do what he was planning on doing all along, just like he never drank the ochimizu. ]
.. Let's keep this a secret between the both of us though. Hijikata-san and the others don't have to know. [ Because that'd mean he would have to join the Corps, and that's the very last thing he'd want on top of all of this. Especially since it'd be so very convenient to shove him in there with all of his own men gone by now. But he doesn't want to be among other rasetsu, he doesn't want to think of himself that way-- he'd rather endure the discomfort of being up during the day. It'll make things harder, but he's sure he can hide it if he tries. In an ideal world Chizuru wouldn't have to know about it either, to save her the pain, but there's not much he can do about that now.
He stares at her for another two, three moments, taking in her expression, and then he decides it can't go on like this. If he doesn't do anything, she'll just stay sad, she might blame herself, so.. come on, Shinpachi, you've stood for worse challenges. Surely you can muster up a smile in front of someone who needs it, no matter how hard it feels right now.
He laughs, a grin breaking out on his face. At first it's a little shaky, but then it becomes less so. ]
Oi, oi, c'mon, Chizuru-chan! Don't make a face like you just had to attend a funeral! [ Even if that might as well be what all of that just now was, along with having to see his dead men.. ] That bastard's gone, so it's all gonna be alright now, see? And after acting all tough 'bout it in front of that demon, I guess I can't take back those words about taking care of you.
So.. don't worry! I'm gonna make it all okay!
[ For her, anyway.
It's already too late for him now and he knows it. ]
no subject
[Is such a thing possible? Shinpachi's duties bring him in close proximity to blood very often. True, Sannan and Heisuke have retained their sanity - well, mostly... the jury's still out on Sannan... - but even they must struggle with it, and they aren't made use of in conflicts that might turn bloody as Shinpachi will be working as a normal captain.
Not to mention, the pain and the exhaustion...
She feels like she has a choice here. Insist on letting the others know, so they can help him, or... trust him. When it comes down to it, it really isn't a decision at all. There is only one course of action she can take.]
...right. A secret, just between you and me.
[She actually manages a smile, though it's slightly saddened. She does trust him. If he thinks it's possible to keep it a secret, that means it most likely is - Shinpachi has faced down incredibly odds and come out on top so many times. And, who knew...? Sannan and Heisuke were kept inside during the day; they rested... but sometimes, Chizuru has found that working through illness and not languishing helps speed a recovery.
If Shinpachi keeps pressing on during the daytime... is it possible that the pain might be lessened...? That he might be able to control it better, if he masters it instead of letting it master him?
...if anyone can do such a thing... it's him. She is a little uneasy about what the future might hold, so her smile is uncertain and she still looks like she might cry - until he laughs, and she looks up at his face in shock.
He's smiling...
The fact that he's trying so hard to cheer her up when this is all so much worse for him is so much like him. It would be a lie to say she doesn't feel guilty at all over the way things have turned out, but his smile warms her heart in ways that she can't even begin to explain, and in spite of everything the knot of tension in her gut starts to ease by just a little bit.
I'm gonna make it all okay!
At those words, her smile becomes more genuine. When he says it like that... she can really, truly think that it might, somehow, all work out for the best.]
Nagakura-san... I believe in you. When I'm at your side, I can really believe this will be alright. [She smiles a little more brightly.] ...we'll figure this out together.
[For now, though... they have to make it back to the headquarters. Chizuru will do her best to keep up, even with her wounds, but she doesn't doubt for a moment that they'll make it there just fine.]
no subject
It's not enough to completely lift his spirits up again, but it's a small relief in the middle of everything, that he'll take whatever life raft is thrown at him right now, even if it's just something as small as Chizuru's smile. ]
'course we will. [ It's not as optimistic as he really feels about all of this, but he doesn't want to drag her spirits down just when he's managed to get them up. He can think about all the horrible consequences of his actions today later when he's alone instead of in front of her. Right now he has to prioritize what he was trying to do to begin with - get her and himself back to the headquarters alive.
But she still looks like she's hurt, like her wounds aren't healing as easily as usually (or as easily as his', he thinks) and so he feels like he shouldn't let her walk. It'd just slow them down, anyway. And he doubts there are still enemy soldiers around if no one got attracted to the loud sounds of his battle with Kazama just now, so he can take a small risk.
Bending down a little, he puts his arms underneath her knees and under her back, and the next moment he's carefully lifting her up from the ground to carry her in his arms, trying to stay clear of the spots that he knows are hurting. ]
And since you said 'together', let's start with this! [ It's not like she's too heavy for him to carry, after all, especially since she's fairly tiny and he's fairly strong. Especially now. ] We're going back.
[ And with that, he starts walking. ]