a man for flowers ✿ ( INIGO ) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flatteries) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
mysteries2020-07-19 10:59 pm
flatteries) wrote in mysteries2020-07-19 10:59 pm
i haven't posted in my musebox for so long the layout just broke
[ Why were these boys out in a snowstorm? Was it a mission? Something else? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a snowslide, no escape from this random cabin because they're literally snowed in.
And it's dark. And cold. Clearly these are the ideal circumstances for three boys to be stuck together in a cabin, right? There are some blankets and there is a hearth though, although there's no fire started in there yet. And you'd think that starting a fire would be the logical thing to do here, considering the three of them might just freeze to death if they don't.
But is that the first thing Inigo suggests? Of course not. Instead he just flops down onto the floor like he's an oversized pouty toddler. ]
Why is it so cooold? [ I don't know, Inigo. Maybe it's all that snow outside.
Please keep him from freezing... ]
And it's dark. And cold. Clearly these are the ideal circumstances for three boys to be stuck together in a cabin, right? There are some blankets and there is a hearth though, although there's no fire started in there yet. And you'd think that starting a fire would be the logical thing to do here, considering the three of them might just freeze to death if they don't.
But is that the first thing Inigo suggests? Of course not. Instead he just flops down onto the floor like he's an oversized pouty toddler. ]
Why is it so cooold? [ I don't know, Inigo. Maybe it's all that snow outside.
Please keep him from freezing... ]
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That we got to be happy, for ourselves, and it wasn't just misery or fighting.
It hits just a little too close to home. Too close to the years and years he spent doing nothing but fighting while feeling himself sinking deeper and deeper into misery as he realised that that would be all he'd be doing until the moment he'd draw his last breath. Coupled with the heavy weight in his gut over Tidus's fate, it makes the tears finally actually appear in his eyes and fall, trailing across his cheeks even as he makes sure to cry silently.
Maybe he can just hope that their only light being the fire makes the tears less obvious. ]
E-- Exactly.
[ He speaks slowly, trying to keep his tone even. ]
I mean.. I'll be fine. I will figure something out. But.. Tidus, you shouldn't just go back and accept your fate. It isn't right. Even if you had no choice before.. we're travelling across dimensions now. We're meeting people with powers we never could have imagined. [ There has to be a choice. There has to be, because Inigo just can't accept the idea of Tidus being stuck somewhere without the people he cares for back home. The idea of Tidus being miserable or alone-- ]
One way or another, we need to find a place where you can be happy. Like Taiki said. That's what you deserve.
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[ It's a murmur, a word hardly spoken, a word and more he isn't sure how to say. He doesn't want to--to repeat that he can't, why he can't, a heaviness he knows he can't go back on. Not now--not ever. It's too difficult to know he'd be making everyone sad, the people he cares about most. How they'd be thinking about it, worrying over it, and he would see it reflected in them every time they were together.
At least, that's always been his worry. Back when it was about Yuna and leaving her, every time he thought about bringing it up. And now on the train, when he ever thought about Taiki and Inigo. And it would come one day, but...
His forehead staying rested against Taiki's back, Tidus turns his head, hearing the strain that Inigo speaks with. A part of him knowing he shouldn't look, but he can't help himself, regrets it too when he does; either for the sight, or being the reason for it. He doesn't interrupt him--he can't, not when he knows that Inigo is trying--, but once he's done, Tidus takes a hold of Inigo's hand, slipping first his arm to twine with his, locking them together and resting him in his lap. His gaze lowering into the inky spaces of the room again, twisting after to face the space of their lap. ]
I want you and Saku to have a good life too, you know, Taiki. [ Don't think he missed that lack of inclusion. But at the same time- ] I know it'll be hard; running a kingdom can't be easy. But--at least while you're here too, the both of you...you can have something here, that you couldn't back there. Or can't.
[ And with his one arm holding Inigo's, he brings his other to curl around Taiki's waist, to rest in his lap if he allows it. Unsure if it'll be welcomed, but for once, he doesn't feel weird about it. It feels okay. This feels okay... ]
Will you let me be selfish, and...let me say I was happy? Happy that I got to know you both. And a lot of people on the train. I never knew how big the world... --how big everything is. I never really knew until now. I really got to see a lot...
[ He should say something better, less worrying, less drifting into melancholy. But--he can't help it. The pain in Inigo's own words, his inability to hope. Why did he deserve a better life when the rest of Zanarkand wouldn't...?
It'd be easier not to think about, and just to be happy. His arm around Taiki tightening, his hand in Inigo's doing the same. This is nice. There was still more for him to experience in life than he got to before he went. He never knew... ]
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But he speaks quickly, letting both of them hug him as tight as they wanted, his own hands moving soothingly, trying to give them both comfort at the same time.]
Because I'm glad I got to know you as well and I don't want... I don't want you to be unhappy.
It goes against everything he is to allow suffering to happen. And letting these two go back to places... go back to nothing, go back to a future they had no part in... That would be suffering indeed.]
this is a very helpful productive tag i know
So he just lets Tidus move his hand and arm around as he wants. By the time their hands are locked together, Tidus should be able to feel the way Inigo's hand shakes violently, yet still manages to hold onto Tidus's hand so tightly. As if Tidus is leaving at this very moment and the contact between their hands is the only thing keeping him here.
He hears Taiki's offer, and he opens his mouth to reply to it, only to feel his throat feeling so thick due to the tears that he can't even produce a sound. Feeling pathetic, he drops his head forward to rest on Taiki's shoulder, crying into there instead. ]
just some sad boys nbd
But he holds it back, tells himself to. Hates already being this exposed, and Inigo's crying--it's like he knows, doesn't he? He should have hid it. That he was going to disappear, that he could...he wasn't...alive. He was never a good liar.
This is where he should be stronger. But this is where he gets scared the most, of goodbyes, of facing them. And so his head just dips lower, like he's trying to pretend this doesn't exist. ]
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He doesn't want any of this pain for his friends. Doesn't want Tidus to worry about disappearing, doesn't want Inigo lost in a future alone. He wants to help them, make their pain go away.
But he can't. Not really. He's never had the power to stop people's pain. He can't even help the people he is supposed to serve, never mind these two, in this world far from Tai.
He curls up, leaning on them both and trying to hold them both tightly as his own shoulders shake with tears.]
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Especially since Inigo can tell he's no longer the only one crying. It's rather easy for him to feel how much Taiki is shaking with Inigo leaning into his shoulder like this, after all, and he knows it's a telltale sign that the other must be crying too. He can't be so sure about Tidus, since it's not like he can see anything like this and he can't hear the other crying, but he can't imagine he must be feeling great either in the light of what Tidus knows will happen to him sooner or later, or in the face of both Inigo and Taiki crying.
And while Inigo certainly feels miserable enough to cry on, he knows he can't quietly keep crying in this situation. Not even just because he's ashamed of his tears, but.. it just feels selfish. He can't ignore Taiki's pain that must be so similar to his own right now. He can't ignore Tidus when he's the one they both feel sorry for to begin with.
He slowly pulls his head back until he's sitting upright again. The tears are still silently flowing down his cheeks, but Inigo is just letting them at this point. He knows it's impossible to stop them. ]
Sorry. I shouldn't have.. [ Ignored the other two? Stayed quiet? All of it, Inigo thinks, as he shakes his head. ]
Tidus, couldn't you-- couldn't you go home with Taiki, like he offered? I know we don't have much of a choice when it comes to the train, but.. maybe we could find a way..
[ He has to believe in that. Inigo looks at Taiki as he continues, trying to grasp the importance and the weight of the invitation the other extended to them. ]
I--I have something to do back home first, but I could come and join you later.. We could all still be together, just like right now.
[ Inigo swallows thickly, glancing from Taiki to Tidus, where his gaze lingers for a moment. ]
Whatever you do, you can't just ask us to give up on you..
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And maybe that's why--it should be easier to hold them back, but he can't. Not like this. With the bodies shivering with their own pain, and he hates it. He hates this. He hates the lie he can't tell that makes him quiet and makes everything all the worse. Because the truth is too painful, too scary.
But he detests that he's doing this to the both of them in the first place. Inigo speaking up so strongly, trying, and it just breaks his heart more. 'You can't just ask us to give up on you.'
He could just lie. He could just do it. Just say sure, make them all happy. Bury this and never let it come up again.
Tidus pulls his arms away from the both of them, cupping his face into his hands. Trying to steady the shaking of the tears that want to come out, his throat that hurts hard from the stress. It's a familiar feeling, an old friend. He's worked hard to not cry as he used to, to push and keep it at bay.
A breath taken, shaken, unsteady--he takes his hands away, turns aside his head and speaks into the darkness: ]
I need magic--to keep me around. I'm a -- summon. A dream. The train keeps me around.
[ And he tries to avoid the how and why, extending out the hand that happens to be on the same side as Inigo, the SCA always on his wrist. The device they all wear for missions, but for him--he never takes off. Never can. Never dares. His fist gripped, the only point of interest being the wrist-device. ]
I don't have a sad enough Taiki icon. Needs more art.
But he knows that the world doesn't bend to peoples desires. He knows that all the hope and wishes in the world can't remake the world how he wants it. All the magic can't stop terrible things from happening.
So he just cries more, twisting around so he can hug Tidus properly, no longer worried the other boy will be awkward, he reaches out for Inigo as well, gripping them both tightly as if they might just disappear if he dares to let go.
As if they might vanish and the time where he will never see them again will come right now.
no you can't do that to my heart, katy, i can't look at anything sadder than this
And then there's Taiki, who seems to be falling similarly. It says a lot, the way he reaches out to them so easily, not even worrying or hesitating like usually. Just so sad that he wants to hold them no matter what. And Inigo is already weak to seeing the slightest sadness on Taiki's face, let alone this intense sadness. It makes his own chest feel tighter and tighter, and the tears still just won't stop.
Inigo makes sure to wrap an arm around Taiki to hold the other right in return. As if, as long as he does it tightly enough, it might magically make Taiki feel better and stop his tears. It won't, of course it won't, this situation is just so awful--
But Inigo has to try. Because no matter how much he's crying right now, no matter how hard his heart hurts at Taiki's sadness and Tidus's fate, something about the other two being so hurt makes it easier for him to dig himself out of that same pit of sadness. He's been the weak one in front of them enough times now, and if he has to be the one to step up and keep things together here, he will.
He reaches out, a hand latching onto Tidus's arm, especially with how it's being held out on his side. At first Inigo almost grips over the SCA to make his point, but he really doesn't want to be the idiot who accidentally slams the wrong button and sends Tidus back over to the train by himself in this situation, so he grips his arm right next to it, his hold tight - maybe even a little bit too much so. ]
Tidus. You're here now. You're real now. [ Is Inigo still crying? He sure is, but his tone is suddenly much less shakey, like he's steeled himself. ] We're touching you.
[ Okay, that much is obvious, but-- ]
And we're going to keep it that way. You think Taiki wouldn't do anything to help you? You think I wouldn't go beg Naga for a way to make you just as normal as the rest of us again the moment I can get in touch with her? I don't care if that isn't until I get back home, or if we might not keep our memories-- I'll write your name all over my damn arm if that's what it takes to remember! [ He lets out a breath, like he's trying to release some of the emotions that got him so worked up, but it feels impossible right now. ] Why were you carrying that fact around all by yourself when your friends were right here all along? Helping you is what we're here for-- and that's what we will do!
[ Because he refuses to accept any other alternative. Tidus disappearing, going back to being just a dream.. that's just.. it's unacceptable. He can't live with that. He can't live with Taiki being in that much pain over it either.
Even if there was nothing to be done about it in Tidus's own world, there's going to be a solution out here somewhere. ]
this wasn't the cuddles we ordered
Because look what brushing it off did the last time, how he nearly left Yuna: a heap on the ground, not knowing what to say or do but cry.
Tidus doesn't turn around when Inigo takes him at first; a sweep of shoulders shivering, a mouth clenched tight so he can't spill any more tears than what's already wetting his face. Listening to that declaration, nothing to blot him out. The fire's become a distant thing, the mission, everything--it feels all far away. Tidus doesn't know how to progress beyond tonight.
But he looks--slowly, with shame, torn by the inevitability of what's to happen to him, and wanting to believe in friend. His friends. That there could be a future for him.
He wanted that. He used to want it so badly.
Inigo's form is a blurred one when Tidus can't wipe at his face, unable to move his limbs between the two of them. His lower lip trembling now with how he's been trying, failing to hold it together. Some rocky attempt to smile, and failing at that too. ]
I...I wanted to be n-normal...with you guys. I didn't want things... t'change...
[ To not think about it. To not have them worry. To not be seen as a dream.
To just be Tidus again--to never have to see how they would look at him differently. ]
I want a refund
They could. That was the way of the train, people just left. Walked away. But even before... Taiki was used to things changing suddenly. All the hope in the world wouldn't stop them from vanishing. Wishing would not change Tidus' fate, or make Inigo's kinder.
It's enough to make him cry more, enough to make his hands curl where they touched the two of them, clinging tightly too them.
But wishes never changed things. The only thing that could change things was the will of those who fought for things to be better. He's seen people striving in impossibly terrible circumstances, he's seen people beaten, starving, freezing, still going on because they would not let their kingdom die without a fight.
He's seen people risking their very lives to stay loyal to a king who might have been dead. He's seen a frigid, broken kingdom rise up with hope and defiance against those that would destroy it.
He's also seen all of that crumble beneath the cruelty of one man in power but he tries to cling onto that hope, that will.
After all he is the embodiment of an entire kingdom's hope in a peaceful land. If he can hold the dreams of the people of Tai on his shoulders, then he can hold the hope of his two friends as well.]
Inigo is right. Friends are there to help each other. This is not a burden you need to bear alone. You are not alone.
[Tears have made his vision hazy, but he makes sure he is looking Tidus in the eyes.] You are normal. As normal as me and Inigo are.
sorry this angst is nonrefundable
And then there's Tidus. Admitting something so vulnerable, struggling to smile and failing.
They're all a mess, but now Inigo can see there is hope. There is light. Just like how they all dragged each other here to stay warm together and survive this cold night, they can survive beyond that. Even if this problem may be a bit harder to solve than just the problem of being too cold, it can't be impossible. Things only turn impossible when you give up.
He smiles, the arm around Taiki squeezing a bit when Taiki says those last few words. He's just so glad for them. Taiki really is a bringer of hope, isn't he. ]
Taiki is right. What has changed between now and a few moments ago, huh? You're still Tidus. We're still friends.
[ Tidus just is a friend with a special new problem. ]
The only difference is that we're now going to make damn sure you're staying with us, one way or another. Or at least that you get to decide that on your own terms, rather than anything else dictating whether you can exist or not. We're going to figure this out together.
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But-- but they're trying. Not only trying, they believe. It's a confidence that-- that's so familiar to him. Him being on the other side, living with that hope and pushing forward. When Yuna moved ever closer to Zanarkand, every step taking her towards the Final Aeon. When everything seemed hopeless, but he and Rikku refused to give up.
Friends are there to help each other.
We're going to figure this out together.
It's impossible for him to deny that. To challenge them, to disbelieve them. That hopeless position he had been ready to sink into, the regret. Tidus looks at the both of them, sniffling, swallowing. Not caring for the mess that his features have become, his face hotter than the fire blazing could ever make it.
He nods to them, weakly; but it's an agreement, a sign of belief, that he carries as his head then drops, when he can't stop the sob that comes out. ]
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He just held them both tighter, gripping onto Tidus, letting him cry, crying himself.]
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He releases his hold on Tidus's arm to instead hold onto him properly, an arm sneaking around his back, pulling the three of them even closer together, rubbing both of the other boys' backs.
Inigo is quiet, letting them cry as much as they need to. He glances between the two of them for a moment, but then smiles and closes his eyes. He knows he can't reach Naga out there, but he can't help but offer up a silent prayer anyway for them to somehow be able to stay the way they are now. For Tidus to not have to disappear. For Taiki to be able to live without suffering.
By the time he opens his eyes again, a few long moments have passed, and Inigo finally speaks up again. ]
.. You know, we probably do ought to sleep at some point. [ If not just so they can cuddle up in comfort. They have to keep each other warm anyway - it's warmer in here now, between the fire, the blanket and their close proximity - so it's a good excuse to cuddle. ] It's getting late, and I think we can all use it.
[ Considering how much they've cried. ]
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...and that helps him not to pull back or stop so quickly. Taking that comfort and warmth from the pair of them until he feels empty, drained. Until Inigo finally speaks up, Tidus lifting his head to them both. His cheeks wet, and he rubs at them and his eyes with the balls of his hands. ]
...M-mm. [ It's an agreement, if tiny, feeling strangely meek after such a display, a confession. He blinks, and still feels tears trapped in his lashes, lowers his head for a moment. ]
...Thank you. Both of you.
[ Because he needs to say it before anything else. ]
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He shook his head at the thanks.] No thank you... for telling us. You too Inigo...
[Because now they knew, they could help even if it was in a small way, a tiny spark to light the darkness that surrounded them.]
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He just hopes he can pass on that hope to them too - especially Tidus, with how oddly broken the other had looked before. This meek expression on his face is new too, but much more welcome, and it keeps Inigo softly smiling. ]
Well.. in that case I have to thank both of you too for becoming my friends in the first place. I never thought things would end up like this when I first showed up on the platform, but.. it ended up pretty great.
[ He leans over, daring to even press a very light kiss to the crown of Taiki's head before gently ruffling Tidus's hair, letting his hand slide down the other's back until it can pat him there lightly too. ]
Let's try our best to stay like this.
[ Not here necessarily. Even if it's not on the train, but in one of their worlds.. that's fine too. As long as they're together. As long as Tidus exists. As long as Taiki has something to feel grateful for. As long as Inigo has a place to belong as himself. ]
First one caught slacking will have to deal with me.
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[As if Inigo's wrath was the worst thing in the world, and it was in a way. Taiki would hate to hurt or disappoint his friends.
So they can only try, as Inigo says, to stay like this.]
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A scoff leaves him for the ruffling hair, a light knock returned on Inigo's leg for the gesture, affection in the reprimand. And gradually, he's starting to feel easier: in his own skin, with his own state of mind. ]
You'll have to keep me in line for a change, Inigo.
[ As if, he's usually the one keeping the other in charge instead. ]
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Wow, for a change? I'm always keeping you in line!
[ He leans closer, pressing himself against the other guy's side, an arm sneaking over Tidus's shoulders - though careful to still give Taiki plenty of space.
And while the content of the next words may seem whiny, there's no whiny tone in his voice. Inigo just seems happy. Hopeful. He's smiling. ]
Can you believe what he's saying to me, Taiki? You have more faith in me than that, right?
turns out that despite the tears this was the Good Reveal AU
I have faith in you both, you will keep each other in line.
[Stable and as happy they can be. To hold each others hope. He might only have a tiny handful of friends but that's what friends should do. Support each other.
And that hasn't changed, not at all.]