mysteries | i haven't posted in my musebox for so long the layout just broke

[ The past?

It's the first Tidus thinks he's heard Inigo speak about that. He travels--world hops, that Tidus knows, but did he ever talk about going through time? His own time? Tidus trains his gaze onto Inigo, surprised, but surprised by more than just that singular info, but by all of it. ]

What... happened to you? [ Doubles? Why would there be doubles? Wait-- ] Did you disappear?

[ His mind jumps to it--does it make sense?--but he can't let go to the thought. Is that what happened? Why? And how? ]

[Taiki also looks shocked at this sudden mention of time hopping, of Inigo going to save the world even though he would never be able to go back to his own. His own time.

His worried gaze was very firmly on Inigo now and he squeezed his hand, and Tidus' hand. Both their hands even if he was in a bit of an awkward position to hold both their hands like this.

He was silent though, just listening. Tidus had asked a question and so he was quiet, waiting for Inigo to answer.]

[ Inigo shakes his head. For a moment he wonders why that's where Tidus' mind went first.. But then he figures that is not that weird of an assumption. Two of the same people existing in the same place.. It sounds like it shouldn't be possible, right. ]

Nothing happened to me. [ Or, well, at least no disappearing. The question only makes him briefly look at Tidus before he looks away from both of the others again. ]

I'm just.. just doing my best in the past to try and save the world. And once I have, I will just..

[ He pauses. Unsure. Then shrugs, trying really hard to not look as miserable as he feels about it. Just talk about it lightly, Inigo. Casually. Like it's no big deal. ]

Go off somewhere, I suppose. Change my name. Change who I am. I can't exactly be Inigo in a world where someone else is going to grow up to be just that.

[ Taiki squeezes his hand, and Tidus squeezes his back--once turning his palm upwards to wrap his fingers around his, hold him, give him the support he's looking for. It might be awkward, but Tidus doesn't become distracted by thinking about it; watching Inigo, as clear as it is that some part of the other guy is trying to avoid their attention.

But he speaks anyway. He never has before, but now... ]

Why not? I guess there's some stuff you can't go back to-- [ he tilts his head, looking away; thinking about Inigo's hand there, not sure what he should do with it-- ] but you're still you. Can't two guys be called Inigo?

Yes. [He agreed with Tidus full heartedly.] You can still be Inigo, even if there is another.

[Surely, though he can't imagine how strange it would be to live in a world where another you lived, with your entire life...

He held his hand tighter, both their hands, as if he could take their pain away. Both of them had so much sadness and there's very little he can say or do to help.]

Once you save the world... You should be able to enjoy it.

Sure, two guys with the same name can exist, I suppose. But it's getting kind of weird when those guys have the exact same faces and voices, isn't it? [ Sure, it might not be as much of a problem while the other Inigo is still a baby and there's a clear difference, but the older he'll get, the age difference will start mattering less. ] Not to mention that as long as I have the Brand in my eye, everyone is going to know who I am. It'd make things really awkward for the other Inigo.

[ He pauses, and it's as if in that moment he realises the contact he's having with the both of them - and that pulls him a bit more back down to reality. Back down to the realisation that he sure is making things gloomy around here, huh.

So Inigo laughs it off. ]

It's fine though! No need to be so serious about it. As long as I've fulfilled my duty, then that's fine with me. What happens after that doesn't matter. Maybe I can just keep hanging out with you guys like this?

[ He knows that can't be, he knows they all have to return to their own worlds at some point. But he can't help but joke about it anyway. ]

You can talk about it with us. [ And that, that gets Tidus to squeeze his hand, a reactive thing as he knocks his shoulder into his. ] It's your future! Why not think about it now? If you're stuck here doing these missions, helping others out--the thing you can do is think about you. The pair of you.

[ Yeah, he's not leaving you out of this either Taiki, sparing a look over at him from the other side, a huff of a chuckle escaping his mouth. ]

Someone once said, we don't remember what we do here, so it doesn't really matter, but I don't believe that. Whatever you do is always going to be a part of you. You don't remember every single day to the present, but-- it still led you there, you know? You still remember, in here.

[ He picks up his and Inigo's hands, knocks the place where his heart is--or means to, if it wasn't under the blanket, and when they rise in a tangle under it, he laughs sheepishly, sets them back down. Whoops. ]

Plus, I complain to Taiki all the time, about anything! What you're gonna do is way more interesting than half the stuff I talk about.

Of course you can. [Taiki nods at his other side. Completely ignoring the words about him thinking about the future. He has nothing to think about, he knows what they must do. Return to Tai, restore Gyousou to the thrown, save anyone who was left.

But Tidus' words worry.]

We won't remember?

[His voice is very small, horrified.

He wouldn't remember? Wouldn't remember any of this? Wouldn't remember Tidus or Inigo? Any of his friends here? Wouldn't remember these days with his king where, despite being far from home, they were together.]

Is that true?

[ Despite the fact that nothing about his facial expression seems to change, the smile that was at first forced grows genuine as he watches and listens to Tidus. It's the little things that help, like his hand being squeezed, and then Tidus's clumsy action to indicate his heart..

Not to mention that this is exactly what Inigo likes so much about the other. No matter how many times they mess around or yell at each other, Tidus is always supportive when it matters the most.

It's almost enough to make Inigo think of a way to cuddle up to the other more too, much like how he's gathered Taiki against him on his other side, but that thought is completely halted by Taiki's tone as he speaks up. Just hearing that horrified tone in his voice is enough to make Inigo's mind slam on all the breaks and instead just focus on that. ]

Come on, Taiki, we don't know that for sure.

[ His own tone is still slightly casual, but it's just his way of trying to keep the other from falling further down into that heavy thought. ]

It's just what someone told Tidus! I tell Tidus stuff all the time too, doesn't mean it's all true! [ He squeezes Taiki a little in his sideways hold. ]

Uh...well...

[ Tidus doesn't know how to answer Taiki. Is it true? He thought that it was--but maybe, true or not true, it's just not the right thing to say. He's coming up with a lot of those right now, but the end... he's had to think about it a lot. The end of their journey. The end of his, and whatever that means.

But Inigo speaks up for him, or for Taiki, and Tidus would be relieved if he wasn't now doubting his own know-how. He looks dumbfounded, confused. ]

I don't remember who told me... maybe I'm wrong. No one knows what happens, right? I guess I thought... er...

[ But it might be best for him not to finish any more thoughts, and he keeps his gaze on the floor, sheepish. ]

Forgetting is bad... We shouldn't do that.

[But he leans further into Inigo and reaches around to make sure he has Tidus in his arms as well.

It's tricky, his arms are not that long. How does he hold both of them?]

Don't worry Tidus... I don't think either of us could forget you.

[He knows that isn't true, that even the most important, precious things can be forgotten.]

[ Inigo is definitely noticing some things here. First of all there's the obvious way Tidus suddenly seems to be getting so much more awkward. He must be feeling bad for getting Taiki so worked up with a single throwaway comment, Inigo figures.. Though there could always be more underlying that tone, who knows. What's important is that Tidus seems sheepish, and it's not a good look on him. Not one Inigo is planning on keeping on the other if he can help it, anyway.

And then there's Taiki. What he notices about him isn't necessarily what Taiki is saying - it's more of the usual sweetness - as much as it's what Taiki is trying to do. He can notice the other struggling a little with trying to hug them both.

Thankfully Inigo knows that Taiki is so easy to lift up or move around. So even though it still takes up a bit of effort with how tangled up in this blanket they are, after a quick-- ] Careful.. [ He manages to scoot Taiki around until the other is not exactly between Inigo and Tidus, since their shoulders are still touching, but is more just leaning against both of their fronts. Even if Taiki may not be able to reach all the way around to hug them, he can at least easily cuddle with both of them like this. ]

Taiki's right. [ He then simply says with a smile, lingering on Taiki for a moment before turning his gaze towards Tidus. ] Is there something on your mind though?

[ It is awkward, in a few ways. With how badly his mouth is working tonight, how desperately Taiki is trying to tug and reach for him on that other side, and then-- and then the solution Inigo comes up with to fix the latter problem. A Taiki on both their laps. Whatever Tidus was thinking of is paused with the sudden weight; light, but no less puzzling when it's on him. ]

Bw-uh?

[ And now Inigo's questioning him, both in expression and voice. Tidus lingers on him for a second before ducking his head aside, not capable of looking elsewhere with a Taiki in the middle, little to no leeway. A few short and baffled sounds escaping him, just to let him delay in responding. ]

...did you just lift Taiki up like a kid?

[ It's a valid question to ask, thank you very much. ]

[He makes a small, surprised noise at suddenly being lifted. He's used to being carried, but not by Inigo and he is still as he is settled between them.

Tidus sounds confused too and as happy as Taiki is to be here between them, where he is not needing to reach around Inigo to comfort Tidus, he also doesn't want the other to feel awkward.]

I can move... if you want...

[ Thankfully Inigo can see the misunderstanding playing out in front of his eyes as clear as day. He's not 100% sure about it, but at least 95% sure that Tidus is asking that just to avoid answering Inigo's question. And then there's Taiki, who quickly takes it not as confusion, but instead a sign that he should get away.

And Inigo here is having none of that. All of his own worries from a moment ago seem to be completely forgotten, considering the smile on his face and the natural confidence he suddenly radiates. It's easy to push everything else to the side when he's busy helping two people so important to him. ]

Don't worry, Taiki. He doesn't want you to move.

[ Inigo moves a hand up and down Taiki's back, as if to reassure him, even as he glances at Tidus, his smile widening. ]

And yes, of course I did! What, did you doubt my strength? This isn't even the limit of it yet! [ It's not that, it's just that Taiki is extremely light.. But Inigo feels like it's not his place to share that fact with Tidus, and making a dumb joke about it is a better way to lighten the mood anyway. ]

[ Stupid dumb Inigo just doing whatever he wants to...! ]

N-no, it's fine Taiki. [ --but there's no way he can just kick Taiki off now, or he wouldn't exactly want to, either. But now what should he do? Inigo's rubbing their friend's back affectionately, and there's something about it that makes Tidus embarrassed, out of place. This is how the both of them are, and he understands and accepts that. ...but also, one of them isn't usually partially sitting in his lap when it happens...

So Tidus gives Inigo nothing more than a huff at his joke, his eyes becoming adjusted to the darker portion of the small cabin; the side of his face cooling without the heat as directly in his face. He could attempt to move on the conversation as he did before (and as great as that went), but at the same time... Inigo shared something intimate too. A life he never had--and a life he wouldn't be able to return to. Going out and becoming a new person...

If Tidus had time to think about it, some small part of him might be envious. But most of him felt too bad for the guy to. ]

...when I go back to Spira, [ he says finally, his head staying turned; words careful, but aiming for casual, ] I...I go somewhere, where the people I met there can't reach me. Except...there's a place where we can meet, kinda. It's hard to explain. But Yuna went there, and she said she wasn't able to see me, so...

[ Ugh. It's easier to fake when he isn't looking at them, but his whole body feels like needles, or like it might burst. It's too close, too close. He doesn't want them to find out. But also..

He sighs, loud and exasperated. ]

I don't want you guys making a big deal out of it, so-- [ so don't make it one, he hopes desperately ] --so don't worry, okay! I just... think about these things. Remembering people, even if I never see them again. Because we all have somewhere to be, right? Somewhere else.

[He sits a bit awkwardly between them, knowing Tidus is award and yet taking comfort from both of them being so close.

He twists though at the words, his eyes filling with worry. With sadness as he listened to him. A place where he couldn't be reached. A place where Yuna couldn't see him...] Tidus...

[He reached out, easier now he was partially on his knee, to touch his shoulder.]

[ Oh, Tidus. Don't you know better than to tell these two of all people to not make a big deal out of it?

Inigo can see it too. Before Tidus is even done talking. His gaze just shifts from Tidus to Taiki, and he can see the sadness in the the other's eyes. Inigo knows there's just no way Taiki isn't going to make it a big deal - and can he blame the other? It is a big deal, after all. Even with the explanation being so vague, it doesn't sound like a good situation. Surely even Tidus would hate being seperated from the people he knows like that. ]

It's only normal to think about those things under those circumstances.

[ Inigo, at least, is trying. Since he gets it. When he was talking before, he was also kind of wishing they wouldn't make a big deal out of it. So Inigo tries just as much for Tidus in turn. He can feel the hot burn of tears behind his eyes, but holds them back the best he can. ]

And sure, we all have somewhere to be, but.. is that really where you want to be, Tidus? [ Because Inigo feels like it probably isn't. ]

[ He isn't looking, but Tidus feels Taiki turns, can guess--see--the concern of his eye without confirming it. It's a heavier weight, a bigger regret for speaking. His head bows, ducking to avoid it being seen better; the hand on his shoulder nice, but he wishes he didn't need it.

If only he could take it back and say he was joking. But it'd be too cruel--crueller than a half truth. He can't do that to them now; not for himself. Not just so he can be a coward.

He leans himself forward, forehead tipping to rest against Taiki's back. Tone somewhere between resigned and accepting. ]

I don't have a choice. [ It hangs heavy in his ears, and he can't leave it at that. ] But that's why... while we're here, I don't want it to just mean the missions. I want us to have good memories-- that we got to be happy, for ourselves, and it wasn't just misery or fighting. People deserve that.

I want to know... we got to be ourselves. Happy. [ He closes his eyes, exhales through his nostrils, voice dipping on a sigh. ] That we got to laugh.

[ That they were alive and people, and not just a piece in someone else's goals or dreams. ]

Everyone deserves that.

They do. [His voice is still soft, but also there is something more, a fire underneath.] You do. Both of you. You deserve to be happy here and laugh.

[He has to return to Tai, with Lord Gyousou, to save it. Or at last what is left. To stop Asen. But Inigo and Tidus. Tidus will go somewhere he cannot be reached, Inigo will go back to a future that is not his own. They both deserve better than that.]

We should find a place for you both, a world for you to live on. Somehow.

[ Why does Tidus have to be like this? He tells them to not make it a big deal, and so Inigo tries his best for that, but then Tidus just has to go ahead and say all he does now.

That we got to be happy, for ourselves, and it wasn't just misery or fighting.

It hits just a little too close to home. Too close to the years and years he spent doing nothing but fighting while feeling himself sinking deeper and deeper into misery as he realised that that would be all he'd be doing until the moment he'd draw his last breath. Coupled with the heavy weight in his gut over Tidus's fate, it makes the tears finally actually appear in his eyes and fall, trailing across his cheeks even as he makes sure to cry silently.

Maybe he can just hope that their only light being the fire makes the tears less obvious. ]

E-- Exactly.

[ He speaks slowly, trying to keep his tone even. ]

I mean.. I'll be fine. I will figure something out. But.. Tidus, you shouldn't just go back and accept your fate. It isn't right. Even if you had no choice before.. we're travelling across dimensions now. We're meeting people with powers we never could have imagined. [ There has to be a choice. There has to be, because Inigo just can't accept the idea of Tidus being stuck somewhere without the people he cares for back home. The idea of Tidus being miserable or alone-- ]

One way or another, we need to find a place where you can be happy. Like Taiki said. That's what you deserve.

Edited (LOL THAT TYPO bye) 2020-08-22 17:54 (UTC)

I...

[ It's a murmur, a word hardly spoken, a word and more he isn't sure how to say. He doesn't want to--to repeat that he can't, why he can't, a heaviness he knows he can't go back on. Not now--not ever. It's too difficult to know he'd be making everyone sad, the people he cares about most. How they'd be thinking about it, worrying over it, and he would see it reflected in them every time they were together.

At least, that's always been his worry. Back when it was about Yuna and leaving her, every time he thought about bringing it up. And now on the train, when he ever thought about Taiki and Inigo. And it would come one day, but...

His forehead staying rested against Taiki's back, Tidus turns his head, hearing the strain that Inigo speaks with. A part of him knowing he shouldn't look, but he can't help himself, regrets it too when he does; either for the sight, or being the reason for it. He doesn't interrupt him--he can't, not when he knows that Inigo is trying--, but once he's done, Tidus takes a hold of Inigo's hand, slipping first his arm to twine with his, locking them together and resting him in his lap. His gaze lowering into the inky spaces of the room again, twisting after to face the space of their lap. ]

I want you and Saku to have a good life too, you know, Taiki. [ Don't think he missed that lack of inclusion. But at the same time- ] I know it'll be hard; running a kingdom can't be easy. But--at least while you're here too, the both of you...you can have something here, that you couldn't back there. Or can't.

[ And with his one arm holding Inigo's, he brings his other to curl around Taiki's waist, to rest in his lap if he allows it. Unsure if it'll be welcomed, but for once, he doesn't feel weird about it. It feels okay. This feels okay... ]

Will you let me be selfish, and...let me say I was happy? Happy that I got to know you both. And a lot of people on the train. I never knew how big the world... --how big everything is. I never really knew until now. I really got to see a lot...

[ He should say something better, less worrying, less drifting into melancholy. But--he can't help it. The pain in Inigo's own words, his inability to hope. Why did he deserve a better life when the rest of Zanarkand wouldn't...?

It'd be easier not to think about, and just to be happy. His arm around Taiki tightening, his hand in Inigo's doing the same. This is nice. There was still more for him to experience in life than he got to before he went. He never knew... ]

You can both come with us. [The words slip out before he even thinks about the many implications of that. He can't just invite people to Tai. He's not sure how to get back there, he doesn't know what awaits them there and even if he did. Tai is not a wealthy or even stable land. Not to mention that a kirin couldn't decide who got citizenship. He wasn't even a citizen of Tai himself, when it came down to it.

But he speaks quickly, letting both of them hug him as tight as they wanted, his own hands moving soothingly, trying to give them both comfort at the same time.]

Because I'm glad I got to know you as well and I don't want... I don't want you to be unhappy.

It goes against everything he is to allow suffering to happen. And letting these two go back to places... go back to nothing, go back to a future they had no part in... That would be suffering indeed.]

[ Inigo can't stop his tears right now. It's too hard. The more Tidus and Taiki talk, the more it feels like his heart is ripping in two. The way his chest feels so tight outright physically hurts.

So he just lets Tidus move his hand and arm around as he wants. By the time their hands are locked together, Tidus should be able to feel the way Inigo's hand shakes violently, yet still manages to hold onto Tidus's hand so tightly. As if Tidus is leaving at this very moment and the contact between their hands is the only thing keeping him here.

He hears Taiki's offer, and he opens his mouth to reply to it, only to feel his throat feeling so thick due to the tears that he can't even produce a sound. Feeling pathetic, he drops his head forward to rest on Taiki's shoulder, crying into there instead. ]

[ He doesn't know what to say. Should he have said anything at all? When this was the same thing he was scared of back in Spira: telling Yuna the truth, seeing her cry. Tidus doesn't look now, but he can hear it, feel it coming from Inigo; crossing between their fingers, surging into his own heart. He wants to cry too. Maybe he is, a little, eyes wet behind his lids.

But he holds it back, tells himself to. Hates already being this exposed, and Inigo's crying--it's like he knows, doesn't he? He should have hid it. That he was going to disappear, that he could...he wasn't...alive. He was never a good liar.

This is where he should be stronger. But this is where he gets scared the most, of goodbyes, of facing them. And so his head just dips lower, like he's trying to pretend this doesn't exist. ]

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this is a very helpful productive tag i know

just some sad boys nbd