[It'd all seemed like such a great idea, in the heat of the moment. Basically from the first day they'd met and onward, Yomotsu had been quietly seething from having to be in the near constant presence of a human...a human who seemed hell-bent on sticking with him, and talking to him and...and raving on and on about soulmates. With him. Yomotsu's never had the greatest temper to begin with, but having some guy harass day in and day him while he'd wanted nothing more than to be left alone? There's only so much of that he could take.
And that's why yesterday, he'd finally snapped.
The instant he'd yelled at Taiki to stay put and then stormed off- promising to come back- it'd felt great. Finally. The only thing that might actually work for a change. It seemed like such an easy solution too, like it'd been a wonder he hadn't thought of it sooner. Things could go back to the way they were supposed to be. Just Yomotsu. On his own. Looking for his comb, with no one tagging along behind him.
Except...
...Except that feeling didn't last for more than a few seconds at best. Just a few steps away, and Yomotsu could already feel a sense of guilt creeping into his heart. One that he was angry for having to deal with at all, but one that still kept getting stronger and stronger with every step he took. And then with every few minutes that past.
He'd forced himself to just shake it off at first. It was stupid...feeling so guilty just for ditching some human. This is what Yomotsu'd wanted this whole time, he shouldn't have to feel shitty about it. He'd been clear enough that he didn't want Taiki following him around. He'd even said as much...but that still hadn't been enough to stop the human. So this was his only option left...wasn't it? Besides...obviously the guy would just...get the hint eventually anyway. And then he'd get over it, and probably find someone else to harass instead. It wasn't Yomotsu's problem to deal with anymore. What he should really do is just get the hell away. Away from the field he'd left Taiki in, away from the town...away from the state. Just get out and forget about it and start focusing on his search again.
But he didn't.
As soon as he'd made it into town...he'd just. Seemed to slow down more and more. Like each of his steps started feeling heavier the longer he'd walked. Yomotsu'd thought maybe it'd get easier to just brush it off and forget about it the farther he got...but instead, the opposite had happened...and it felt like his mind started getting plagued with the very thought of Taiki. Because it was impossible to escape one, single question.
What if he did stay?
Even late into that night. What if Taiki was still there, even then? Still just...sitting there, waiting for him to come back? Just...alone, on that hilltop, without a bed, or without dinner, or anything. It seemed like such a stupid thought because he knows that probably literally any other human would leave after a certain point. Maybe after an hour? Maybe more, maybe less? But Taiki...Taiki has to be the one guy on this whole goddamned planet who might just take his words to heart. Who'd hear the word "promise" and cling to it with everything he had, and just...keep on waiting for Yomotsu to come back.
The thought wore down on him all night...to the point where Yomotsu couldn't even close his eyes or get any amount of sleep. He'd just laid down- his heart starting to race painfully in his chest while his mind was clouded with thoughts of Taiki alone in the dark. It was a thought that seemed to absolutely consume him- getting worse and worse and eating through him like a lethal disease.
But even so...Yomotsu is a stubborn creature. And he'd played games with his mind all night- trying to convince himself that it was ok. That it didn't matter even if Taiki did stay there. Because if he went back, he'd just be stuck with him again...and that wasn't worth it.
But even Yomotsu knew by then that he was lying to himself.
And even after he'd finally admitted that...The idea of going back...and seeing for himself if Taiki really was still there or not...it was enough to freeze him in place a while longer...and make a few more hours pass before he'd finally gotten to his feet and started a slow march back to the hill with his head hanging down.
The closer he started getting to the hill, the quicker his heart seemed to beat in his chest...and the more his mind started to chant over and over "don't be there, don't be there, don't be there, don't be there, please don't be there"- right up until he was taking his few last steps. Only this time...for once, it's not because he doesn't want to see Taiki. It's because having to face that Taiki really trusted him is...terrifying. The idea of anyone placing that kind of trust in him is terrifying. And then having to face the fact that he took advantage of that trust makes him feel like...absolute scum. Enough to make his heart wrench in his chest at the very thought of it...and enough to make him almost want to turn around and run away.
He doesn't though. He keeps on walking...even though it feels like his his body's being weighed down on, more and more the closer he gets. Right up until he's there...right at the top of the hill...where Taiki's finally visible.
And god...actually seeing him there with his own two eyes feels like his stomach's been gutted with a cold steel blade. Seeing him all hunched over like that...right in the exact spot Yomotsu'd left him...staring at his goddamned pinkie finger with the string around it.
Yomotsu can feel himself breaking apart at the sight of it, and something in him snaps again- just like yesterday. His hands ball into fists, and his lip trembles a little before the rest of him starts shaking too. His gaze falls down to the ground and he sucks in a breath- feeling tears start to form in the corners of his eyes.]
HEY...!
[His voice is loud, and angry, and it echoes through the quietness of the field around them...but it's not any anger that's truly directed at Taiki this time. He pauses for a moment- trying to fight back the tears before they break free.]
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And that's why yesterday, he'd finally snapped.
The instant he'd yelled at Taiki to stay put and then stormed off- promising to come back- it'd felt great. Finally. The only thing that might actually work for a change. It seemed like such an easy solution too, like it'd been a wonder he hadn't thought of it sooner. Things could go back to the way they were supposed to be. Just Yomotsu. On his own. Looking for his comb, with no one tagging along behind him.
Except...
...Except that feeling didn't last for more than a few seconds at best. Just a few steps away, and Yomotsu could already feel a sense of guilt creeping into his heart. One that he was angry for having to deal with at all, but one that still kept getting stronger and stronger with every step he took. And then with every few minutes that past.
He'd forced himself to just shake it off at first. It was stupid...feeling so guilty just for ditching some human. This is what Yomotsu'd wanted this whole time, he shouldn't have to feel shitty about it. He'd been clear enough that he didn't want Taiki following him around. He'd even said as much...but that still hadn't been enough to stop the human. So this was his only option left...wasn't it? Besides...obviously the guy would just...get the hint eventually anyway. And then he'd get over it, and probably find someone else to harass instead. It wasn't Yomotsu's problem to deal with anymore. What he should really do is just get the hell away. Away from the field he'd left Taiki in, away from the town...away from the state. Just get out and forget about it and start focusing on his search again.
But he didn't.
As soon as he'd made it into town...he'd just. Seemed to slow down more and more. Like each of his steps started feeling heavier the longer he'd walked. Yomotsu'd thought maybe it'd get easier to just brush it off and forget about it the farther he got...but instead, the opposite had happened...and it felt like his mind started getting plagued with the very thought of Taiki. Because it was impossible to escape one, single question.
What if he did stay?
Even late into that night. What if Taiki was still there, even then? Still just...sitting there, waiting for him to come back? Just...alone, on that hilltop, without a bed, or without dinner, or anything. It seemed like such a stupid thought because he knows that probably literally any other human would leave after a certain point. Maybe after an hour? Maybe more, maybe less? But Taiki...Taiki has to be the one guy on this whole goddamned planet who might just take his words to heart. Who'd hear the word "promise" and cling to it with everything he had, and just...keep on waiting for Yomotsu to come back.
The thought wore down on him all night...to the point where Yomotsu couldn't even close his eyes or get any amount of sleep. He'd just laid down- his heart starting to race painfully in his chest while his mind was clouded with thoughts of Taiki alone in the dark. It was a thought that seemed to absolutely consume him- getting worse and worse and eating through him like a lethal disease.
But even so...Yomotsu is a stubborn creature. And he'd played games with his mind all night- trying to convince himself that it was ok. That it didn't matter even if Taiki did stay there. Because if he went back, he'd just be stuck with him again...and that wasn't worth it.
But even Yomotsu knew by then that he was lying to himself.
And even after he'd finally admitted that...The idea of going back...and seeing for himself if Taiki really was still there or not...it was enough to freeze him in place a while longer...and make a few more hours pass before he'd finally gotten to his feet and started a slow march back to the hill with his head hanging down.
The closer he started getting to the hill, the quicker his heart seemed to beat in his chest...and the more his mind started to chant over and over "don't be there, don't be there, don't be there, don't be there, please don't be there"- right up until he was taking his few last steps. Only this time...for once, it's not because he doesn't want to see Taiki. It's because having to face that Taiki really trusted him is...terrifying. The idea of anyone placing that kind of trust in him is terrifying. And then having to face the fact that he took advantage of that trust makes him feel like...absolute scum. Enough to make his heart wrench in his chest at the very thought of it...and enough to make him almost want to turn around and run away.
He doesn't though. He keeps on walking...even though it feels like his his body's being weighed down on, more and more the closer he gets. Right up until he's there...right at the top of the hill...where Taiki's finally visible.
And god...actually seeing him there with his own two eyes feels like his stomach's been gutted with a cold steel blade. Seeing him all hunched over like that...right in the exact spot Yomotsu'd left him...staring at his goddamned pinkie finger with the string around it.
Yomotsu can feel himself breaking apart at the sight of it, and something in him snaps again- just like yesterday. His hands ball into fists, and his lip trembles a little before the rest of him starts shaking too. His gaze falls down to the ground and he sucks in a breath- feeling tears start to form in the corners of his eyes.]
HEY...!
[His voice is loud, and angry, and it echoes through the quietness of the field around them...but it's not any anger that's truly directed at Taiki this time. He pauses for a moment- trying to fight back the tears before they break free.]
What...what the hell are you still doing here?!