[ There's something about the concept that exactly makes this so scary in Jeongmin's mind - something that Yunyeol is vocalising right here. "Of course I will." It's true, of course Yunyeol will. Jeongmin knows he doesn't have to add the please, because even if he'd downright order rather than just ask Yunyeol, he would still have sex with him. He isn't able to refuse Jeongmin anything, even if it would be in Jeongmin's best interests (like when he flushed his own medicine down the drain just to see if Yunyeol would stop him) or even if Yunyeol himself wouldn't want it. He can't help but say yes to anything Jeongmin asks of him, whether it's small errands around the house or downright having sex.
But that's the scary part.. because it's different than those errands. It isn't something that's just needed because it's useful to Jeongmin, because it could make his body feel good. It's since he well and truly loves Jeongmin, a heavy warm feeling settling into his chest every time the thought comes across his mind. So he wants to feel more of that.. it his heart already beats its way out of his chest when they only just kiss, he can't even imagine what it will feel like to be that deeply connected with Jeongmin on an entirely different level.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that Yunyeol feels the same. But just for now, just for a moment, he tries to ban that thought of his mind. If he has to make believe to himself that the other loves him for a few moments, then he'll try his best.. it's not like there's a whole lot of moments of happiness to be had for someone with a life like Yunyeol's.
He leans forward a little bit - with the other being on a more similar level with him now, it's easier to lean forward and softly plant his lips against Yunyeol's in a kiss. It's just to remember the taste, and to remember the feeling that's slowly spreading through his body at the contact already. Even with how quiet and passive he is, Yunyeol is so kind and warm and..
When he pulls back a little bit, Jeongmin instinctively lets out a small sigh. ]
I'll let you take the lead. [ Something is different in his tone. It's been different a lot more lately, even if it's often a little more subtle than this.. but it's a lot less dismissive than it used to be. He always used to sound like he doesn't care about anything, but he can't pretend that in this case. Not now. He feels worry, excitement, comfort.. a lot of feeling that he hadn't experienced in a long time before Yunyeol came into his life.
It's why he's letting Yunyeol take the lead too. He wants to feel what it's like to have Yunyeol doing that for him - that, and Jeongmin is too afraid that his own body won't be strong enough if he'd try to take the lead, even though today wasn't a particularly bad day health-wise. Maybe someday in the future he'll attempt it, but he really doesn't want anything that awkward to happen during the very first time he has sex.
His gaze flutters down at the next part. It's a little harder to admit for a guy who's so used to seeming uncaring about everything, and it makes it harder to meet Yunyeol's gaze for another moment. ]
I.. This is my first time, so.. [ He sucks in a breath. ] Show me what it's like.
[ It's a little easier to put it that way. At least a little bit dismissive, even though Jeongmin wouldn't be fooling most people. Trying to at least make it seem a little like he just wants to experience sex, although it's much more about Yunyeol specifically than he makes it sound. ]
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But that's the scary part.. because it's different than those errands. It isn't something that's just needed because it's useful to Jeongmin, because it could make his body feel good. It's since he well and truly loves Jeongmin, a heavy warm feeling settling into his chest every time the thought comes across his mind. So he wants to feel more of that.. it his heart already beats its way out of his chest when they only just kiss, he can't even imagine what it will feel like to be that deeply connected with Jeongmin on an entirely different level.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that Yunyeol feels the same. But just for now, just for a moment, he tries to ban that thought of his mind. If he has to make believe to himself that the other loves him for a few moments, then he'll try his best.. it's not like there's a whole lot of moments of happiness to be had for someone with a life like Yunyeol's.
He leans forward a little bit - with the other being on a more similar level with him now, it's easier to lean forward and softly plant his lips against Yunyeol's in a kiss. It's just to remember the taste, and to remember the feeling that's slowly spreading through his body at the contact already. Even with how quiet and passive he is, Yunyeol is so kind and warm and..
When he pulls back a little bit, Jeongmin instinctively lets out a small sigh. ]
I'll let you take the lead. [ Something is different in his tone. It's been different a lot more lately, even if it's often a little more subtle than this.. but it's a lot less dismissive than it used to be. He always used to sound like he doesn't care about anything, but he can't pretend that in this case. Not now. He feels worry, excitement, comfort.. a lot of feeling that he hadn't experienced in a long time before Yunyeol came into his life.
It's why he's letting Yunyeol take the lead too. He wants to feel what it's like to have Yunyeol doing that for him - that, and Jeongmin is too afraid that his own body won't be strong enough if he'd try to take the lead, even though today wasn't a particularly bad day health-wise. Maybe someday in the future he'll attempt it, but he really doesn't want anything that awkward to happen during the very first time he has sex.
His gaze flutters down at the next part. It's a little harder to admit for a guy who's so used to seeming uncaring about everything, and it makes it harder to meet Yunyeol's gaze for another moment. ]
I.. This is my first time, so.. [ He sucks in a breath. ] Show me what it's like.
[ It's a little easier to put it that way. At least a little bit dismissive, even though Jeongmin wouldn't be fooling most people. Trying to at least make it seem a little like he just wants to experience sex, although it's much more about Yunyeol specifically than he makes it sound. ]