mysteries | ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

[ She allowed herself to be lead through the corridors, turning her hand towards his wrist and brushing her fingers idly along the skin there. She kept her eyes on the back of his head. His neck was also somewhat thick, and his shoulders were broad. The Sakura uniform fit him well. SHe let her eyes drink in more observations, about how he walked, how he held himself. Every motion spoke volumes.

While she had expected this, part of her was still surprised that he had brought her to his room. Well, it wasn't his room only, Ariga however seemed to be absent at the moment. She sat next to him on the bed, very close so that she leaned against him a little. ]

Yes you have brought me here. Now what?

[He had been worried about her, right? But there was no way she could expect him to bring that up again. She had to draw it out of him again slowly.]

Did you have anything else that you wanted to ask me? Since I'm such a mystery?

[ At least he doesn't seem to be working up a fuss over the fact that she's practically leaning against him - maybe since Itsuki is too deep in thought over how he's going to word all this in a way that doesn't make it super obvious that he's concerned about her.

After fidgeting with his hands for a moment, he sucks in a breath and speaks up again. ]

Is it any fun? This place.

[ He's trying to make it sound like he's just asking it for himself - he does want it to be fun, after all, he's always looking for more excitement - but it's not his entire intention here. He's wondering if it's fun for her, if her looking so miserable just now is because of what this place was like. It wasn't like the other Sakura guys had seemed like they were having that much fun before either, after all, even if Itsuki sure had fun watching them. ]

[She looked at him, taking in his expression as he spoke. His face was almost like that of a child's. So round and looking to always be in a pout.]

Yeah. It is fun. I get to use my skills to protect people, instead of someone's personal gain. My messiah is skillful and kind. But she constantly needs medical care so I still often sleep alone.

[She shrugged, her shoulder rubbing up against his.] I'm alright for the most part. [she read into his question perhaps a little too far, and continued.]
As long as you can find a way to get along with your Messiah there won't be much of a problem.

[She and Sakari had arrived at Botan around the same and had never had much trouble. But for itsuki it appeared to be exactly the opposite.]

Messiah?

[ Without turning to look at her, he just lets out a dry sort of laugh, taking his lollypop out of his mouth for a moment. ]

I don't need anything like that. [ It's not like he got the best first impression of the concept to begin with, considering what he got to see of the organisation before he joined.. ] I already told them. I'll become a Sakura, but I'll do it by myself. Who cares if you get along with someone or not?

[ If she gets along with her Messiah, then.. well, fine, at least that isn't the source of her grief then. Which means one less person to beat up if this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach would get to that level. But he himself definitely doesn't want something like that. Trusting someone like that.. isn't that just like asking them to betray you? ]

[She continued to look at him, a frown forming on her lips.]

I had no one that i trusted before i came here. That's no way to live. I was only ever used and discarded, and so I learned to do the same with others.

[ She had to be careful. This territory was venturing dangerously close again. Her lips began to tremble but she pushed it aside. She pushed forward for his sake. For the sake of this boy that she hardly knew, this boy who hid his heart no matter the cost.]

My inability to trust people is what lead me to the trouble that forced me to join Botan.

[She looked down, moving her hand to touch his arm lightly.]

If you can't trust your messiah, then, maybe you can trust me instead.

[ The moment her hand touches his arm, he freezes up for a moment - and then he tugs his arm away and out of his reach the best he can, almost as if her touch burned him rather than being just a normal touch.

Before Itsuki can even think about it, the words already roll off his tongue instinctively. ]

W-what makes you think I'd want to trust you instead?

[ He's not sure why he's so surprised about this situation, moving his body in such a jerky way, his eyes darting around. What is this, anyway? Is he scared? Tempted? Offended? Which is it? ]

Even if that forced you here, I'm already here because I decided to join. [ A difference from most people who ended up here as part of something that wasn't their choice at all. ] What could even happen with me anymore?

[Now that was something interesting. If other people knew that, there were many who would feel bitter. Since everyone here that she knew would not have come here if they had been given any other choice.

She wasn't surprised by his jerking away, but she was still a little hurt. Her carnal desires were conflicting with her emotions and logic, even as words floated to the surface of her mind. ]

There are many here who would resent you for that, you know. All of us were forced here by outside circumstances. I for example, I treaded too deep into the company where I worked. I discovered that the Alliance was working in the shadows. I was so effective that they assume I was a spy, and carted me off to Russia for interrogation.

[She neared him again, her face twisting in anger and disgust.]

You fight the Alliance now, and so I pray that you never find yourself in one of their torture rooms. Although with your mouth I doubt they'd have to do much.

[Her own bitterness started to flare up, she didn't want to insult him but, why on earth would he choose to come here?! Perhaps in reality he had no where else to go, and so it was only the illusion of choice. Thinking about that time, taken away from her family and all she knew. She had been strong there, braved the horrors that she had been subjected too. But, now, she had no inhibitions left. And round, bulbous tears leaked from her eyes even as she still looked at him. Her aggressive expression melting away as she succumbed to sobs.]

[ It would have been easier if she just stayed mad. At least it isn't like he hasn't dealt with people getting mad at him before - with his kind of behaviour it's sort of the standard, really - or that he hasn't had to try and shoulder general rejection from other people before. But crying.. that's something he doesn't know how to deal with. He can be dismissive even in the face of the worst anger, but this is different.

Even the fact that she insulted him means very little in the face of it, it's reduced to mere background noise in his ears, instead all he can hear are the sobs.

He's not good at apologizing even when he does realise he's done something wrong or opened his mouth just a little too much. He's also not good at expressing sympathies, considering it's pretty obvious she must be crying at her own memories of it all, her going through that.

Itsuki turns towards her, his own expression falling involuntarily. ]

.. you sure cry a lot for a girl who's trying to be all strict and teach me something. [ It's said with a slight pout, but it's the only way he can even get anything out - by twisting it as always. That's not the problem, it's that he doesn't want to see her cry.

There's another moment of hesitation and he has to swallow thickly, but then he slowly moves to hook the sleeve of his uniform over his thumb, and Itsuki moves it towards her face, trying to dab away some of the tears. Even so he's trying to look away a little like he doesn't really care, but with the act in itself it's impossible to even pretend - only Itsuki would even bother to try. Especially since he has to keep glancing back a little to make sure he isn't poking her in the eye. ]

[ She sobbed, leaning her face against his hand unconsciously. Her right hand reached towards him but fell short and clenched on the meager space between them on the bed. ]

I didn't get a chance to cry then, okay? Every time someone's hurt me I've never been able to cry.
You haven't hurt me at all, and yet I'm forcing you to see me like this...

[ She almost felt like apologizing, but resisted. She had to maintain what little dignity she possibly could. She squeezed her eyes such as she drooped towards him. She wanted him to trust her, because she almost felt like she could trust him. Everything that he thought and felt was as clear to her as if he were shouting at the tops of his lungs. He could grumble and curse as much as he wanted, but he still had a stubbornly honest heart. As stubborn as his pouts and his scathing remarks.
The was a strange kindness in him that she wouldn't ignore. She wouldn't let him ignore it either.]

[ It's obvious that she's trying to reach out to him, even if it's awkwardly not really happening in both directions yet since he's so unsure about how to deal with any of this. He doesn't even know how he's feeling - it's like all of his thoughts and feelings turned into a ball of yarn that came undone and is now all over the place and knotted and tangled.. he can't even find a place to start at.

But he does understand that, for some reason, it hurts to hear this from her and see her cry. It hurts to know that no one ever thought about her feelings, so instead she put up a desirable front for every individual situation, judging by what she told him before. Why do people have to be so annoyingly selfish that they never even thought of...

.. well, he knows what kind of selfish world it is, right? That's why you can only rely on yourself. That's why you have to be selfish, too. ]

Y-- you're right! You're forcing that on me, and it's super annoying, so.. just.. just cut it out, alright?!

[ But for all his bark, there's no bite behind it. Because despite everything, he feels bad, seeing her this way. He doesn't want her to be sad, for whatever weird mishmash of feelings that might be hiding behind that.

So even while he's still saying those words, he's reaching out to grab her when she droops forward, pulling her against his chest.

His arms wrapped around her, he just sits there like that, not saying anything further. Maybe just as long as he doesn't have to explain - whether it's to her or to himself or to anyone else at all - what he's doing, he can just ignore it's happening enough to not tsun about it.

She's warmer than he thought, after all, and there's a nice scent coming from her hair. It's easier to let himself get lost in that rather than to think about anything else in this moment. ]

[She wasn't even shocked when he hugged her. She saw it coming and let her eyes fall shut as he wrapped his arms around her. She lifted her hands, touching him gently at long last. She pulled her arms around his waist and pressed her face against his neck. She let out a few more shuddering sobs and pulled herself as close to him as she could. Taking in a deep breath, breathing in his scent.

It seemed to her that he cared. That he cared about how she felt, and wanted to comfort her, because her pain caused him pain too. She still had little idea as to why, but she didn't mind. She still didn't fully understand why she felt so comfortable with him. Why she was so desperate to be comforted with him. She dug her fingers into the small of his back as she exhaled, finally able to calm down enough to think clearly. But even then, she just let herself relax for a moment. She ddn't need to calculate or plan for that moment. She could just, sit there, in his arms and forget her troubles for a moment. Even if he was still largely a stranger, he wasn't the one hurting her.]

[ He can feel her starting to get more and more calm inside of his arms. And there's something oddly comfortable about all of this, really. It's something he at the very least hasn't experienced in a while, probably longer than that, but.. it's warm, and his heart pounds just a little bit faster at the thought that such a pretty girl is clinging to him like this.

It's something he could get used to, he can't help but think. Even with as embarrassing as that thought is, and even with how frightening it is to let other people in when all they can do is hurt you.. ]

If I.. trust you.

[ Since she did offer that just now, and he doesn't foresee making progress with Ariga any time soon - or even wanting to, really. That guy seems like a brick wall, what are you even supposed to do with that?

The words are soft, only barely above a whisper, and a pout plays around the edges of the words even though they can't directly look at each other like this. Especially not with his face half-buried in her hair by now. ]

J-.. Just saying if. If I do, and you betray me.. I'll-- I'll definitely kill you, got it? So don't even think of trying anything funny like that.

[ She gave a light, slightly wet giggle, sighing again into his neck. This is something that she's never felt before. Feeling totally and completely safe in someone's arms. A man's no less. She ran her hands up his back, spreading her fingers out across his shoulder blades. ]

That sounds fair enough to me. So then if you betray my trust, I'll kill you instead.
[ her words were devoid of any real hate or aggression. Only her genuine feelings as she answered his caution.]

You've been betrayed before then, haven't you. Abandoned even... [ She was definitely going to lose him soon, she knew it. he'd sputter and protest and push her away as soon as she hit on something too embarrassing so. So for that moment she held on tighter, not wanting to let go just yet.]

[ It's obvious that she's touching on something, at least, much like Kiyomi herself is already predicting. Itsuki's hands twitch a little bit where they rest on her back, and his body grows a little more tense, as if it's preparing itself for the inevitable denial that's coming up. ]

I'm fine. I've always been fine by myself.

[ It's no direct answer to anything she's saying, but he wouldn't want to give a direct answer anyway - Itsuki wouldn't be able to bring himself to do it. This is just about the most he can do, repeating the same words he's told himself so many times over until he could believe them with all he had. ]

So.. don't force any weird ideas like that on me. [ But even as he's saying that, he's still clinging her, his head tilts a little now so his cheek is resting on the top of her head. It's rather comfortable. ] I'm.. just saying I'll give you a chance. Don't waste it.

[ Feeling him tense up, she began moving her hand soothingly down his back, shifting slightly so she rested more comfortably against him. This was just so nice, she stopped being able to describe it. And so decided to start treading even more carefully as not to not ruin things. ]

Then that makes us the same.

[ She sighed again, while their chests were pressed as close together as they could manage. She could feel his heart beat, and felt their breathing starting to fall into sync. Her other hand went to his head, resting gently in the delicate curls. ]

I'm glad though. I'll trust you too. I know it's not easy. I've only ever been hurt before, even when I did my best to stay uninvolved. So believe me when I say that I won't take this for granted.

[ He lets out a slow breath. Admitting to himself that all of this is nice and comfortable is one thing that he almost - or, well, practically - manages here, but saying anything more is harder. That he feels glad someone is chosing to trust in him, to believe in him. That of course she wouldn't take it for granted, since she seems like a smart person regardless of how weird she is.

.. that there's a part of him that doesn't want her to make such sad expressions anymore, that that same part of him won't let anyone hurt her anymore.

Those are things he can't even admit to himself, let alone to her.

At least he's not moving out of their current positions when he speaks up lazily again. ]

.. where do all of you stay? The girls, I mean.

[ Because it's pretty obvious that here it's guys-only, and he has to know in case he has to-- you know. Check up on her and make sure she isn't betraying his trust. Yeah. That's it. Not because he wants to seek out this warmth again at all. ]

[ she couldn't resist grinning at that, but did resist the many prodding things she wanted to say.]

There is a old-fashioned tea shop two blocks from here. Across from a flower shop and next to an abandoned office building, you can't miss it. Inside is the secret entrance to the Convent through a door in the kitchen.

[She sighed one more time and pulled herself back, just enough to look him straight in the eyes. Her lips curled into a small smirk as her hands fell slowly to rest on his waist, digging her thumbs slightly into his hips. Squeezing just enough to fully get his attention.]

So are you gonna come see me again then?

[ Is this what animals caught in traps feel like? The way her thumbs dig into his sides almost make him feel like he can't escape, like he can only look right into her eyes and listen to the words rolling across her lips. ]

Wha-- [ His jaw drops open a little bit and then shuts itself again at the realisation of what she's asking him. His eyebrows knit together in a frown and he sucks just a little bit harder on his lollipop, his nose wrinkling until he's practically pouting. ]

Don't get carried away!

[ She totally caught onto his intentions though, no matter what he might be saying. Besides, Itsuki is still keeping a more relaxed grip on her too, proving as much. ]

I... I was just-- just curious... [ That's the least convincing excuse ever, huh. ]

[ She grinned again, lifting a hand from his back to pat his cheek briefly.]

Well then if you even need to sate your curiosity, you now know where to find me.

[She leaned forward and touched the tip of his nose with her own. She stood up, letting her hands fall from him lingeringly, keeping prolonged eye contact.]

I have to go now, can't have your Messiah coming back to see me here now I can I.

[ She said with a small grin. She didn't care, and she knew that Ariga honestly wouldn't care. H'ed probably be grateful to her for keeping Itsuki occupied. But she knew that Itsuki would care a whole lot. Already she found herself trying to avoid him making a huge fuss.
She walked to the door, giving him a lingering look as she rested her hand on the door frame, then opened to door and slipped away into the darkness. Her vision was still fringed in gold, everything felt warm. For so long contact with other humans had always been so cold and empty. Only for work or for personal gain. But now she was experiencing the real thing it seemed. Affection, infatuation. As fleeting as those things might be, she was going to grasp them as tightly as she could, even if her hands trembled or her grip faltered.]

[ Itsuki only stares back at her as she moves to leave - he can't even really do as much as open his mouth, he's just staring like he's frozen stiff. It's only when she's left the room that he finally can move again, starting by lightly rubbing the tip of his nose.

It was only a slight touch, not even a kiss or anything, but.. geez, why is he feeling this way? Just by being close to her, by having skin contact with her, by watching her smile like that...

.. it feels so warm.

... Stupid..

For a moment he grabs the pillow off his bed, pressing it against his face before throwing it roughly back to its spot again.

He really likes her for some reason, that weird girl who seems like she sees right through him. It's hard to deny even for him at this point. ]

ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

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