mysteries | ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

Ah so you're letting me stick around. Glad to know I'm not forcing your hand.

[It was clear to her that he spent most of his time making a life on his own. Perhaps he had been frequently abandoned, and thus had to tell himself that he chose to make them leave for whatever reason. To make it hurt less.

She followed him as he clearly knew where he wanted to go, and of course her original 'suggestion' had been true. She was glad that his stubbornness hadn't prevented them from coming here. It was a nice day, and this was a perfectly nice way to enjoy it. She sat down next to him, joining him in his slightly uncommon method of sitting.
Perhaps they appeared like a couple, despite his slightly strange clothes. She however was dressed casually, as her own uniform would only draw more attention.

She looked at him before tearing a small chunk of bread off of the loaf and tossing it over to where a few adolescent ducks lingered outside of the main flock. ] So, were just embarrassed, is that it? You think I'd make fun of a guy who likes to feed ducks? She glanced at him, and then back at the ducks. How can I blame you? They're so cute. The weirdest thing about it might just be insisting to do it alone.

[ .. well, at least she's not making fun of him.

Nor is she telling him to do anything differently - he hates that, too. There's plenty of people who would have told him to sit down properly on the bench, only caring about his appearance rather than about him. People are shallow like that, right? But even if she's really weird and really annoying, at least she's just letting him sit here like this (she's even joining him in it) and just letting him feed the ducks without making fun of him.

Not that there isn't still a part of him that fears it might be her true intentions in the end, so he isn't that quick to give in and let himself feel a little more comfortable. ]

I wasn't embarrassed.

[ He totally was. ]

There's just never been a girl weird enough to follow me here just for this. [ At least that's the truth - even if it's still just an argument to back up his tsun as he throws more bread at the dorks. He's even being surprisingly thoughtful with it, not aiming to hit them on the heads or anything. ]

Well, for one, you seem to make an obvious effort to make any interaction with you particularly unpleasant.

[She said as she tore off another small chunk of bread for the ducks. The fact that he kept calling her weird still didn't insult her. Especially since her "weirdness" seemed to be the fact that she was interested in him in the first place.]

If anyone knows about unpleasant social interactions, it's me. And so far talking to you hasn't even registered against all that I've had to deal with.

[It was intended to be a compliment, and she hoped it would register as such. The fact that he called her weird was still almost a compliment, because it meant that her honest self was shining through. Something she assumed she had forgotten how to be. She had become a master of becoming someone else, ever since her grandmother informed her that whatever she had once been was not a "proper lady". She was starting to remember how she had once been when she was young. Perhaps it was just immaturity, but at least it was something that came from within herself.]

Even though you've technically insulted me a couple times, your actions speak much louder than your words. [She gave him a small smile, not sure how convincing her words would be if she kept a straight face.]

[ She's seeing through him so quickly here. Although it's a mystery how much of Itsuki's attitude is something he consciously puts up and how much it's just something that's been ingrained into him at this point, it's still true - he has the kind of mindset where he wants to do everything by himself and do just about anything to be able to avoid having to involve himself with others.

No one's ever pointed it out like this though. That he's rude, sure, yes. But not that he's rude and they realise it's just something he's putting up - they're usually already too annoyed and gone at that point. (It's better that way, probably.) ]

What are you, some kind of psychologist? [ His tone is obviously laced with sarcasm, but it's just another defense mechanism. It's almost eerie how easily she can point these things out, but as he opens his mouth to say something else, glances at her and then sees that smile..

.. Geez, she's just doing that to manipulate him, right? Especially if she's already onto this much. No way that can be someone smiling at him so genuinely, because that's so..

So.. ugh.

There's a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he tries to ignore it by throwing the pieces a little bit further, clenching them tightly in his hands.

He doesn't want her to leave just yet - that's the only part of the feeling Itsuki can identify right now. ]

I mean, saying all that stuff.. [ His tone is definitely pouty at this point, and he grumbles a little. ] If you think my actions are so much louder, than what're they saying, huh?

No, I'm not a psychologist, not licensed, anyway. [She said with a small shrug. With how her talents were primarily used for manipulation, the idea of helping people honestly seemed very tempting.]

I've just been trained to pay attention to every little detail of the person I'm talking to. So much more is expressed non-verbally than verbally most of the time.
[She looked down and away as she began her explanation, her eyes glazing over slightly as she drew up the memories of their encounter so far.]

Your words are defensive, but your body language is open. If you really wanted me to leave you alone, your arms would be raised or your stance would be closed. Your eye movements are nervous, but you're not actively avoiding eye-contact when you look at me.

[She paused, cutting herself off before she got carried away.]
I could bore you with every nuance but...for now I'll tell you the gist. [She turned back to him finally, meeting his eyes with a keenly knowing smile..] Your actions are telling me that you're interested in me too.

Tch.. no wonder you're not licensed.

[ Since you're completely wrong is what he's trying to imply here, but he doesn't say as much in words. Maybe he remembers how upset she got when he told her she was a liar before, and although he certainly isn't scared of her, there's still something in him that wants to at least hold back from causing something like that again. (Maybe that you actually are starting to give a shit, Itsuki.)

He takes another bite from the anpan before throwing more old bread at the ducks.

She answered honestly, which is a little odd. Especially since the answer is so odd too - not something people would just flaunt around most of the time, but she still told him when he answered. It's something he appreciates, honestly, even if he can't talk about that sentiment out loud. ]

Not like it matters, right? After this, it's not like we'll meet again.

[She frowned at both the finality and dismissiveness of his statement. All the while watching his face carefully.]
There's no need to decide that so prematurely.
[she said with a small smirk. Shrugging, and moving her arm so that i brushed against his side briefly.]

Are you saying that you don't want to see me again? [She asked, just as a whim entered her mind. She leaned over resting her hand on his upper thigh, her shoulder rubbing against him; and stole a small bite from the anpan he still held in his hand.]

[ Holy shit. Okay, he's pretty confused right now - if not just since he's not entirely sure which of his instinctive emotions is supposed to go first here, the fact that she's so close to him and touching him there and it's flustering him like hell (to not even speak about anything beyond that yet, honestly), or the fact that he's pretty offended she's taking a bite from his food. That's his, even if she paid for it, okay!!

The two combined come out as a very manly and confident-sounding squeak (except it's neither of those things) and he tries to pull away from her so violently that he almost sends himself flying backwards off the bench if it wasn't for some quick reflexes on his part. ]

W-what are you doing?! [ Whether it's an explanation for taking his food or being so close-- whichever, just give him one, okay, how is he supposed to deal with this?! ]

[she chewed and swallowed quickly, but wiped the crumbs from her lips slowly with her thumb. She giggled and drew back to a comfortable distance, still not taking her eyes off of him.]
I just wanted a little taste is all~ I've never had anpan from that bakery before. [She was trying to keep from going full seductress, but he was making it rather difficult for her. Everything from his angry blush to his oh-so-manly squeak. Ah, there was so much more than just the bread she wanted to get a taste of. But she would have to be delicate, keep herself out of control. She had moved to fast and busted one small part of her plan.]

But I suppose you wouldn't want to see a weirdo like me again then. Oh well~ [she said with a surprisingly genuine expression of hurt. She had over done it, letting her own desires get ahead of herself, but she wasn't out of options yet.]

[ His eyes totally aren't falling to her lips when she's making such an obvious gesture out of wiping away the crumbs there. Not at all. Except they are, and a moment later he seems to realise as much and instead turns his head away from her completely.

.. even as her voice drops like that with the second part.

What the hell, what kind of influence is she having on him-- isn't this unfair? Why should he have to feel bad about some weirdo harassing him and then acting like this? He shouldn't have to care, so why... ]

Why are you acting like this..

[ It's more mumbled than anything else, still not looking at her. Looking at her will only render him even more unable to deal with any part of this situation and he knows it. ]

I mean.. [ He huffs. (Still not looking, really.) ] If you're at least not eating my food like that.. [ His voice trails off, but there's the pretty obvious implication in it that he wouldn't mind seeing her again then.

Don't misunderstand, etc., etc. ]

Then you'll let me see you again?

[She said, trying to hide how happy his implied answer really made her feel. It was odd since they had only just met, and their exchange had been somewhat rocky, but it really felt like he was actually accepting her for who she was, without any of her masks. Since, from the beginning she hadn't been able to wear one in the first place. It was a little disconcerting, unnerving, she felt exposed, and wasn't used to these volatile emotions.]

I am acting quite strange aren't I...

[She mused, pushing her hair behind her ear as she looked down briefly]

I'm not entirely sure why myself, so that's why I'm trying to figure it out.

[she looked back at him and smiled. He was still probably suspicious of her, suspicious of what her ulterior motive might be. But for once, she didn't have one. She didn't have a mission to conduct or a truth to uncover, she was just talking to someone.]

You probably think it's strange, since we don't even know anything about each other yet but...see I can tell, that you don't really want to talk about yourself, so that's why I haven't asked.

[ When he looks back at her again, there's a small frown on his face - almost as if he's scrutinizing her on the spot. The blush still faintly lingers on his cheeks since apparently he just couldn't get rid of it that quickly, and he briefly pulls his lollypop out of his mouth and holds the stick between two fingers, like he wants to take a look at her without sucking on that thing at the same time.

This girl-- Kiyomi, right? Kusatsu Kiyomi.. she seems so oddly honest and open even about stuff other people wouldn't be open about, but it's true that at the same time it makes him wonder what her hidden agenda is.

But that side of him isn't suspicious enough to fully push her away when the interest is mutual. ]

Of course it's strange.

[ He says it rather bluntly, almost as if it's meant to be an insult. Mostly in tone, since the content not being as much of an insult becomes clear only a moment after. ]

But.. [ Itsuki pops up the lollypop back into his mouth. Probably so he can use that as to an excuse why he's mumbling a little more with his next words. ] .. I guess anything else wouldn't suit a weird girl like you, so just act like yourself.

[ Because if she was just like everyone else.. well, that'd be boring, wouldn't it? Not to mention it would mean that she would have given up on him a long time ago, just turned around and walked away. But instead she's still stubbornly here, no matter what he says.

And it almost makes him a little happy - what a stupid, weird feeling. ]

[Watching him watch her was fascinating, because when he just stopped to look at her, examine her, evaluate her or whatever it was; for that moment she wasn't able to read him. Perhaps because it was meant to be her reflected in his eyes. She couldn't see from his expressions or his movements as he made none. Just looking at her before he put his lollypop back into his mouth and resumed as normal

When he spoke, his tone told her that it was an insult, but she honestly couldn't help but take it as a compliment. Men had only ever complimented her beauty, anything beyond that didn't seem to matter in the slightest.

He still looked so adorable to her. His cheeks still tinged pink as he tried to downplay the sincerity of his words. She found herself scooting just a bit closer to him he was momentarily distracted. Just close enough that their legs touched just a little and that their arms were likely to bump into one another.]
Just be myself, huh...[She smiles, a little sadly,]

That might not be as easy as you think...That only works provided that I know who I am to begin with...

Hey..!

[ He lets out a yelp like that when she suddenly scoots closer to him - even when he doesn't look at her, he can feel the way her limbs are pressed against his own, okay. And it certainly isn't helping any part of his embarrassment here, but the surprise of that is momentarily taken over by a different kind. A surprise aimed at what she's saying.

Not knowing who she is.. what is that even supposed to mean? For someone like Itsuki, who lives and acts in a fairly straightforward way, it's hard to even imagine something like that. ]

And is the solution supposed to be sitting this close to me? Geez..

[ Yet he's not moving away from the contact at all.. With a beet red face.. Itsuki..... ]

Anyway, I dunno what that's supposed to mean. Aren't you a weird girl who stalks random strangers to watch them feed ducks? What's the problem?

[She gave a quiet, bitter laugh. She didn't even know what she was saying anymore. How could she burden this random stranger with her emptiness this quickly? Why did she already feel so comfortable with him? She couldn't forget social propriety if she wanted this relationship to progress in any way.]

Perhaps I am... [her gaze continued to fall and she felt her head drifting down towards his shoulder. She wanted to, but she tried her best to constrain herself. She'd only scare him off. Being in Europe so long had really destroyed her concept of how much contact was too much. For Japanese people, the little she had done so far was already far beyond every line imaginable, and yet he hand pulled away from her. He felt so warm, and she liked that warmth, she knew. She felt like she needed comfort but she wasn't sure why.]

It means that I don't know who I am. I've spent my life learning how to be other people for one reason or another. You already know that I'm strange but see, I don't know--I...
[She was getting emotional again and she jerked her head upright, snapping her mouth shut, not wanting to ruin things further.]

[ This is all so weird, her saying all of this despite them not really knowing each other.. but despite what Itsuki comes across as (or rather, what he really tries to make himself come across at), he can't just disregard this entirely. If not just since it makes him a little awkward. He doesn't know how to deal with emotions other than cockiness, especially when they're suddenly coming from a girl like this. He's not enough of a jerk that he can just walk away now and not feel a single thing about it.

His fingers awkwardly fumble with the stick of the lollypop hanging out of a corner of his mouth, not quite meeting her gaze but still not moving away yet either. ]

So are you being someone else right now?

[She glances at him and doesn't look away.]

No, I'm not being anyone right now...

[She said, not realizing the obvious conclusion to be drawn from her statement. It was probably because she associated identity with a base-line sort of effort. She had been forced to 'be someone' ever since her grandmother took her in. Lack of effort then came to mean a lack of identity. What was identity anyway? A way of being? I list of likes and dislikes? She didn't know. She couldn't even name one thing that she liked or didn't like, not until now. She liked this boy, this stranger for whatever reason. It gave her a soft kind of comfort that for once didn't feel hollow.]

[ Finally Itsuki glances back at her now, his eyebrows raised a little bit - as if either this conclusion is really obvious to him (not having the same problems as she does) or just since this whole attitude she has is surprising him to what she showed before. ]

Then you're yourself.

[ Isn't that how easy it is? Sure, he knows that plenty of people put up a front, and even he exaggerates his bravado at times.. but when you're not doing that, then you're being yourself. Nothing more needed than that. ]

I mean-- don't go acting all polite or weirdly normal or like something else or.. whatever since you think you have to for some weird reason. I seriously don't have the time to deal with that. [ It's the tsun way of saying "just stay as you are now".. it's not like he even knows her or anything, but it's just a fact that weird people feel a lot more genuine and open than all these people faking stuff just to get on other people's good sides. ]

[She blinked and then looked back at him, meeting her eyes. Even if the conclusion was obvious, it wasn't to her. And it helped greatly to hear it from someone else. He was somehow being very genuine himself, even if his words still endeavored to obscure his sincerity.]

I suppose you must be right. I promise I'll just be myself. [Even if "being herself" just felt chaotic and unpredictable as she was flooded with unfamiliar emotions.

After looking at him for a few moments some of her usual wit returned to her.]

Well clearly you don't find me annoying then. Perhaps you find that you even like how I am then.

[She gave him her by now signature grin. One that was equal parts challenging, suggestive and expectant.]

[ Wait, what--

All of this in itself was already embarrassing enough.. it's almost as if he was trying to help her, and he can't just easily come to terms with that. It's how being tsundere works. But then she's suddenly starting saying that kind of stuff with that kind of expression on her face..

Yeah, he just can't deal with this. He needs to get away from this girl before it's too late. Especially since he can just feel his heart pounding in his chest (in.. annoyance, clearly) as he stares at her. ]

Don't say useless things!

[ He half-sputters out the words as he hops off the bench, throwing the last piece of the old bread to the ducks as he moves, even as some of them are already moving out of the way at his sudden movement. ]

I-- I have other important stuff to do! And you better not follow me this time!

[ Holding out his lollipop like it's a weapon, he gestures at her, and then he finally turns and starts walking away with a swish of his wide clothing - just a little bit faster than most people would. Totally not since he's embarrassed or anything. ]

ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject