ic; my young dreams are just faded fantasies

[jinxings]

( THERE'S TOO MANY CUTE GIFS I CAN'T PICK...)

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[insperatus]

[It feels like Haku is quiet for a very long time.

Though maybe Souma is just imagining that. With a lot of people, that degree of silence usually implies a lot of not so great things. In this case, Souma would worry his joking around had totally struck out. He'd worry he was being glib at best, or offensive at worst.

Haku was a bit different, though. Sometimes his silences seemed to mean he was berating himself more than anyone else. Other times- like right now- he just seems seems like a person carefully considering terribly important things.

Souma would never dream of asking Haku to hurry it up in a case like this. Whenever Haku got like this, he'd inevitably say something that was worth waiting for. Back in Sakura, Souma had scolded a fair number of people for saying Haku only spoke nonsense. That was just demonstrably false.

When Haku's question comes, though, Souma is almost winded by it. Just a few brief words, but a lot seems to be implied. Some things Souma can guess at. Other things elude him.]

Sure. You pick the place, and I'll meet you there.

[Maybe they'd sound silly to anyone that overheard them. It doesn't matter. This had been how he and Haku tended to communicate in the past. It feels a little like returning to a home they'd never get to see again. Which makes it into a small kind of miracle.]

[jinxings]

[ Often he feels so grateful towards Souma that he doesn't know how to put it into words - let alone how to ever start repaying the other for everything he does. Even though Souma says so very little, just those few words, it feels more comforting than most things could be in this situation. Souma has never pushed him away, despite his problems, despite his rumored jinx. He's always been like this.. accepting, patiently waiting.

It makes it a little easier to talk. Not that it still isn't hard, but whereas there's usually a wall between him and the ability to open up about anything that he can't quite get over, it feels more like a fence that he can actually climb.

Not about his brother though-- not right away. It's the most raw and sore spot of this all. Like jumping to the peak of a mountain without having hiked there first, it's just impossible. It feels easier to speak about the smaller issue in the face of all this. (Even though thinking of it as "small", even relatively so, feels sadly laughable.) ]

During our graduation mission. [ The source of everything that made him the most miserable he'd ever felt, even if it did end with some relief, yet also some pain that isn't entirely sure how to heal.

His gaze drops, thinking about how to word things, fingers nervously picking at nothing in particular. Even just thinking about this feels heavy, almost as if he's going through the emotions of the moment all over again. ]

I lost contact with Eiri while we were working on a part of that mission. They told me he died. [ It's the easiest first topic to brace, because he knows it's something Souma will understand. The misery and the anger Haku felt, the way he yelled about it to Kamikita.. Haku usually stayed quiet during moments the others actually got mad at their superiors - Souma most of all, but he's noticed moments of it with Eiri, glances of it with Shuusuke. Souma would have understood his outbursts, that's one thing Haku does know for sure.

Still, it forces him to take a deep breath, the thought making his chest feel tight all over again. ] It was the Church's plan.