[ This wasn't any of the options he could even vaguely have considered.
She did attack him first - she did kill him without personally being threatened. But instead, the reason she did it.. was him. Because he was being threatened, because she loved him and he didn't even know, he didn't even realise all this time. Even so, she still killed for his sake. She got arrested for his sake (by him, nonetheless), she got interrogated for his sake (where he got so emotional and frustrated because he just wanted to know and help her but she didn't tell him exactly because he was the reason, he was the reason and he never even knew), she was taken away for execution for his sake, she thought until the very end that she was being killed.
All for him. All because of him.
The guilt hits him as a wave of nausea, and his eyes lose focus for a moment. It's all because of him that she's suffered, it's all because of him that she ended up here instead of still being able to live at least a semi-normal sort of life. He knows that they said they would stop being sorry, stop feeling guilty, but how can he do that when he knows this? He completely messed up the life of someone so important to him, and he never even knew.
How can he even begin to make up for something like that? There's no way, right?
Mamoru doesn't say anything yet. His hand just wrestles itself from her grip (it's pretty hard, considering just how strong she can be, especially at times like these), and instead he tightly wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, not even leaving an inch of distance between the two of them.
His head drops onto her shoulder, his face burying itself there.
(He didn't get it back then. When he watches Kaito cry over Haruto's death, bending himself over that photo, shedding so many tears and saying over and over that it was his fault, while it wasn't at all, even though Mamoru told him to stop blaming himself - he gets it now. When someone you care about so much gets so hurt and you couldn't stop it, no matter how impossible it would have been for you to do anything to begin with.. of course you blame yourself. Of course you feel like shit.
It's all his fault.)
His throat suddenly feels really tight, and his eyes start to water up, he can feel it. Mamoru doesn't want her to see him cry since he's already made her feel bad enough, he's sure, so he makes sure to try and muffle it away into her uniform. His fingers dig into the fabric on her back.
He doesn't even say anything - what can he say? Nothing can make up for this. Nothing at all. Not to mention his voice would give away the fact that he's crying, so he just sits there instead, tightly clinging onto her. ]
no subject
She did attack him first - she did kill him without personally being threatened. But instead, the reason she did it.. was him. Because he was being threatened, because she loved him and he didn't even know, he didn't even realise all this time. Even so, she still killed for his sake. She got arrested for his sake (by him, nonetheless), she got interrogated for his sake (where he got so emotional and frustrated because he just wanted to know and help her but she didn't tell him exactly because he was the reason, he was the reason and he never even knew), she was taken away for execution for his sake, she thought until the very end that she was being killed.
All for him. All because of him.
The guilt hits him as a wave of nausea, and his eyes lose focus for a moment. It's all because of him that she's suffered, it's all because of him that she ended up here instead of still being able to live at least a semi-normal sort of life. He knows that they said they would stop being sorry, stop feeling guilty, but how can he do that when he knows this? He completely messed up the life of someone so important to him, and he never even knew.
How can he even begin to make up for something like that? There's no way, right?
Mamoru doesn't say anything yet. His hand just wrestles itself from her grip (it's pretty hard, considering just how strong she can be, especially at times like these), and instead he tightly wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, not even leaving an inch of distance between the two of them.
His head drops onto her shoulder, his face burying itself there.
(He didn't get it back then. When he watches Kaito cry over Haruto's death, bending himself over that photo, shedding so many tears and saying over and over that it was his fault, while it wasn't at all, even though Mamoru told him to stop blaming himself - he gets it now. When someone you care about so much gets so hurt and you couldn't stop it, no matter how impossible it would have been for you to do anything to begin with.. of course you blame yourself. Of course you feel like shit.
It's all his fault.)
His throat suddenly feels really tight, and his eyes start to water up, he can feel it. Mamoru doesn't want her to see him cry since he's already made her feel bad enough, he's sure, so he makes sure to try and muffle it away into her uniform. His fingers dig into the fabric on her back.
He doesn't even say anything - what can he say? Nothing can make up for this. Nothing at all. Not to mention his voice would give away the fact that he's crying, so he just sits there instead, tightly clinging onto her. ]