ic; fall asleep to dreams of home

[jinxings]

( HAH NEVERMIND found a more fitting image )

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[jinxings]

[ It's a familiar scene. Too familiar by now.

And yet, no matter how many times he sees it, the reaction is still the same. Haku stands there, tall as ever, but completely frozen on the spot. He looks lifeless - more like a corpse that doesn't know it's dead just yet. But he's not the corpse here, he's physically completely fine.

The corpse is the man lying on the ground now, with short hair, darker than Haku's own, eyes staring up to the sky but not seeing anything anymore. His chest doesn't move up and down anymore, and the blood from the gunshot wound has stopped flowing out and staining his black uniform as well. He's well and truly dead. Not like in some other world where he might have held on all the same (because it's what Eiri did, Eiri always survived), where Haku might have heard the words that kept him from breaking --

Haku, I'm your Messiah! Believe in me!

In this world, there's no such thing. There's only a corpse at Haku's feet, shot down from an unknown direction just the moment he wasn't looking. Maybe he should be more on his guard since it could mean that he's the next target of whoever shot Eiri. But he can't bring himself to care about that fact, not right now. Right now all he can think about is the man lying on the ground, and Haku slowly drops to his knees, grabbing the shorter man's hand - but it's as cold as ice. There's no body heat in Eiri anymore, no life, no voice that shouted at him every morning, none of his usual temper and loudness and spirit.

He can already hear the whispers in the back of his mind of when he'll return with Eiri's corpse. They'll whisper that he really is a jinx, that he got his Messiah killed again, that the Church probably won't even bother assigning him new Messiah anymore if they keep dying like this.

For sure, Haku Mitsuni is destined to be alone.

For sure, Haku Mitsuni is the jinx.

Finally sound comes out of his throat - slowly, almost croaking, like he doesn't know how to properly use his voice anymore, like he's forgotten how to breath, only now letting out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. ]

Eiri... [ His voice cracks a little as he lets the name escape his lips as he has so many times. But this time it's different. This time he won't get an answer. Not a normal one nor one of agitation.

Haku knows logically that he should get going, that he should carry Eiri's body back to the Church, that Eiri's whole existence will just be voided, as if he was never even there. Such is the fate of a member of Sakura, after all. Just like what happened with his previous Messiah after they kept getting killed off.

But right now? He doesn't want to. He can't even will his body to move from the spot it's collapsed on its knees.

Right now, it's like he's that child from so many years ago again - alone on the streets, lost, with his mother dead, his uncle killed, his brother vanished. That day when he was taken in by the Church.

Right now, he's just tired of all this. ]

...god he's like a chin rest!

[vindicavi]

[ There are many things that a person would do for someone they care about -fight, die, take the fall, protect, even kill. It's a dangerous thing, caring about someone. The need to keep them near can so easily become twisted and possessive, the stuff of nightmares. It bleeds into everything, perverting and corrupting even the kindest of intentions. It becomes a living hell where the one being protected needs protecting from the one doing the protecting.

It's what happens when the prize sits just out of reach, with competitors who crowd around, "threatening" to take that prize even further out of your grasp.

That prize is Haku Mitsuni. This time, the competition is -or more to the point, was- Eiri Kaidou. Before him, there were others, all forgotten and taken out of the game, dead because they dared to get close. They were a threat. They're no more... and now Eiri joins them, but it's still not over. The game is still in play.

Haku hasn't said 'yes', yet.

The gun that killed Eiri is tucked away, out of sight, out of mind. It isn't needed anymore. What's needed now is to step up and take what is rightfully his. So many have tried and failed, each one serving to slowly break Haku down and back him into a corner, each one building upon the loneliness the last created, meant to open a void that could be filled so easily if he would just accept instead of scurrying back to Sakura. ]

Mitsuni Haku...

[ Slowly, carefully (in the event that there are others nearby, because seriously, these guys are like cockroaches), he draws near to the scene, his voice and expression calm with a hint of feigned concern, never mind that he was just laughing about his near-victory as Eiri's body collapsed. That isn't important -those in the way never are. And so, keeping his distance to not make himself a target but coming close enough that he's visible, the bright white of his coat a stark contrast to their surroundings and difficult to miss, he extends a hand to him, stance open to imply that he's not a threat, saying nothing more but offering everything in that gesture.

Everything he's done has been for Haku, from taking the fall to protect him, to stepping in with the Wrong Crowd to find him, to systematically plucking off anyone who threatened to overshadow or supplant him in Haku's eyes.

Caring for someone else has risks... but when that someone is family, nothing else matters. ]

kento is tall like a tree.. also here, this is your present for going to the interview, good job bb!

[jinxings]

[ The sound of a voice is the only thing that seems to be able to finally draw Haku's eyes away from the corpse in front of him. Instead he looks up from his kneeling position - but it's not like he has to look to know who that deep voice belongs to, it's obvious enough. He's never been face to face with the guy before like this, but he's seen him on the security monitors, he's heard stories from the others, he's even disguised himself as him at one point - Higayama, the guy who seems to make things harder for them at every turn.

(Because even if the other man recognizes his brother, Haku doesn't. Maybe the loss was too traumatic, or more likely, he was just too young. Childhood memories are a funny thing, after all, and often end up bending entirely depending on your own perception even aside from how they have changed over the years as people. There's no way Haku can match up the cruel man standing in front of him with his childish perception of his perfect older brother from when he was little, like a warm light hanging over his memories.)

All he can see is their enemy. And most likely the person who killed Eiri to begin with, considering the fact that he's turning up now. Eiri's a great sniper, after all, it would take more than just a goon to be able to shoot him down like that without Eiri noticing.

But even though he thinks so, even though their enemy is right in front of him.. Haku can't do it anymore. He just can't. He feels completely empty at the loss of yet another Messiah - it's just enough to have reached his breaking point. Who cares if it's Higayama that guns him down here or that it'll eventually be by his own hand when he goes back to Sakura and just can't take the continuing loss anymore? Haku can't even muster up the will to reach for the handgun in his pocket anymore, let alone to grab Eiri's rifle that's been discarded on the ground. ]

Higayama..

[ He breathes out the name, but he can't even muster up the energy to make it sound remotely threatening. He mostly just sounds tired - and he looks like it too, with all the light in his eyes practically having disappeared.

It's odd that the other man is standing there like this, though. Enough that Haku doesn't get it. If he really did shoot down Eiri, then why is he not doing anything now he can easily get a clean shot at Haku? Why is he standing there so open, not even a weapon in his hand, even holding that hand out to him.. Haku frowns lightly, unable to understand the intention behind it. ]

.. what.. do you want?

[ Somewhere in his ear are Souma and Shuusuke's voices talking to each other over their radio, but Haku is mentally so far away that he hardly even hears it, his eyes not leaving Higayama's.

His hand clings a little tighter to Eiri's, though, even as the other can't hold it in return anymore, and even his other hand moves to clench the cold, dead hand between two of his own. It's like a safety blanket, really - isn't that what it's always been? Because he always clung to his older brother when he was there, and then when he disappeared, Haku took the first opportunity to grasp onto what was there instead, his Messiah.. and then his new Messiah, and then his new Messiah, and then over and over, every single time, again and again. And even now he can't seem to stop doing it--

He just doesn't want to be left alone again. ]

Looks like someone hit growth spurts for both of them.

[vindicavi]

[ Information is a valuable commodity, but obtaining something that one considers worthwhile is no easy task. When lacking in concrete evidence beyond a few photographs or the word of an enemy, that information is not worth the effort needed to obtain it. The outcome doesn't justify the risks taken unless one is willing to take that gamble.

...and he is.

It hadn't taken much, given that he'd used Haruki just as much as he used anyone else. He knew how close Haku was to breaking, how close he was to having that chance, that one chance -and there could be no others afterward, so it had to be perfect- to have his little brother back with him, how close he is now to skirting his own death at Haku's (or one of the others') hand. Everything has to be perfect or this would all be for naught. ]

What do I want?

[ Echoing the question right back at him, the extended hand retracts, reaching into his pocket to fish out the gun, his only weapon and only line of defense save for physical combat, pointing it at Haku. ]

What... do I want...?

[ A long, pregnant pause follows, and he cocks the gun, taking careful aim... and then tosses it toward Haku, out of his own reach. It's not loaded, the magazine empty, not even a round in the chamber. The only bullet it had contained was the one that had claimed Eiri's life, and now it's useless, so it's discarded.

What does he want? What he wants is right there in front of him.

Crouching down and balancing himself on the balls of his feet, arms resting on his knees as he leans forward, watching him intently, he makes the split second decision to offer Haku a chance he hadn't intended to give when he'd initially hatched this plan...while still pushing to see just how broken he really is. ]

Mitsuni Haku, what is it you want? To return to Sakura and be reassigned again, a jinx to anyone tied to you? To be set free from it all, and leave behind the guilt, the blame, the loneliness...? Or perhaps you'd rather have revenge, despite not knowing who's at fault? It's there if you want it, though. A life for a life, that's how it goes, right? Sacrifice one to avenge or protect the other? An enemy for an ally, the guilty for the innocent ...maybe an uncle for a brother?

[ Think about it. He'll wait. He's not going anywhere, after all... not without Haku. ]

higayama's puberty all went into his voice, there was nothing left after that

[jinxings]

[ It probably says a lot that Haku doesn't even move. Not even when that gun is pointed straight at his head, when Higayama could just mow him down as well with one clean shot. He could easily go up to the other guy and try to prevent him from being able to shoot, but he doesn't.

What's the point, after all? He fights Higayama, he wins, and then.. what? He goes back to Sakura, and - just like the other man is saying - he'll just get reassigned to someone new who will only die again. Another person to try and not get close to, only to still be devastated by the loss in the end. And it'll keep going, over and over and over. Unable to graduate, unable to do anything but endure it again for the rest of his life.

He doesn't want that. He's too tired. Eiri really was the last straw, the last person he tried so desperately to just piss off as much as he could so that they could never get close, yet he still felt so entirely endeared towards the guy and how genuine he was in every single situation. He still fell for the trap, even if he should have known better as a jinx.

So Haku just sits there. He just sits there, holding the hand of Eiri's cold corpse, watching Higayama discard the gun and squat down to talk to him. He watches the other guy's lips move and hears words come out, but his brain doesn't really process any of it while it's still busy trying to cope with yet another loss--

Until there's something odd about the words. It takes Haku a moment, but then he realises what's so weird about it, and it's now that he finally seems to actually look and see Higayama instead of staring at the other guy blankly and distantly, like he's not even really there. Because the other just said something that no one should know. Not even Sakura could know what happened that night thanks to his older brother immediately taking all the blame upon himself. Let alone the Northern Union, who Higayama should be with.

No one can know what happened that night.. because there were only the three of them. Haku is one of them, but their uncle is dead, so the only other person who could've known..

That's his brother. The brother who had always been so kind to him, who had tried to protect him from how cruel their life was with their mother having died and their uncle being so abusive, with the two of them hardly even having anything. Haku still remembers that day even now - how much it had hurt to see his uncle hurting the person most important to him, how scared he had been that something bad would happen, that he'd be left all alone-- Stop, uncle, you'll kill nii-chan..!

Haku's eyes widen as he stares at the other, and suddenly something about him looks years younger than he really ought to be. ]

How...

[ He can't even force out a question beyond that one word. If there's only two people out there in this world that know about it, and Haku is one of them, then how could Higayama of all people know?

In that case, isn't the only possible solution that the crouching man in front of him is his older brother..? ]