[ Somehow it just makes it all hurt more, seeing her looking at him like that, like she's seriously about to cry or something. He's never really minded the thought of what would ever happen to him - he minds the rasetsu thing so much because of his ideals and principles moreso than minding his own physical condition because of it - since he was prepared to get hurt or die from the very beginning as a warrior. But what he never calculated in there is what other people would feel at seeing him being hurt. If he got hurt or beaten in battle, then the same would probably happen to Heisuke and Sano and everyone else and as much as he hates the idea of them getting hurt or dying (hypocritically), that'd mean none of them would have to see it happen to him and live with that thought. He was always just going to be a warrior for himself, just him and his sword and his ideals, that's why he left his domain to begin with, but.. now there are people who care. Now Chizuru's right there, and his friends too, and.. that just makes it all a lot harder.
He pulls her just a little bit closer, like something might appear and take her away again all the same. ]
We'll go back to the headquarters now. You'll be safe there. [ He just has to do what he was planning on doing all along, just like he never drank the ochimizu. ]
.. Let's keep this a secret between the both of us though. Hijikata-san and the others don't have to know. [ Because that'd mean he would have to join the Corps, and that's the very last thing he'd want on top of all of this. Especially since it'd be so very convenient to shove him in there with all of his own men gone by now. But he doesn't want to be among other rasetsu, he doesn't want to think of himself that way-- he'd rather endure the discomfort of being up during the day. It'll make things harder, but he's sure he can hide it if he tries. In an ideal world Chizuru wouldn't have to know about it either, to save her the pain, but there's not much he can do about that now.
He stares at her for another two, three moments, taking in her expression, and then he decides it can't go on like this. If he doesn't do anything, she'll just stay sad, she might blame herself, so.. come on, Shinpachi, you've stood for worse challenges. Surely you can muster up a smile in front of someone who needs it, no matter how hard it feels right now.
He laughs, a grin breaking out on his face. At first it's a little shaky, but then it becomes less so. ]
Oi, oi, c'mon, Chizuru-chan! Don't make a face like you just had to attend a funeral! [ Even if that might as well be what all of that just now was, along with having to see his dead men.. ] That bastard's gone, so it's all gonna be alright now, see? And after acting all tough 'bout it in front of that demon, I guess I can't take back those words about taking care of you.
So.. don't worry! I'm gonna make it all okay!
[ For her, anyway.
It's already too late for him now and he knows it. ]
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He pulls her just a little bit closer, like something might appear and take her away again all the same. ]
We'll go back to the headquarters now. You'll be safe there. [ He just has to do what he was planning on doing all along, just like he never drank the ochimizu. ]
.. Let's keep this a secret between the both of us though. Hijikata-san and the others don't have to know. [ Because that'd mean he would have to join the Corps, and that's the very last thing he'd want on top of all of this. Especially since it'd be so very convenient to shove him in there with all of his own men gone by now. But he doesn't want to be among other rasetsu, he doesn't want to think of himself that way-- he'd rather endure the discomfort of being up during the day. It'll make things harder, but he's sure he can hide it if he tries. In an ideal world Chizuru wouldn't have to know about it either, to save her the pain, but there's not much he can do about that now.
He stares at her for another two, three moments, taking in her expression, and then he decides it can't go on like this. If he doesn't do anything, she'll just stay sad, she might blame herself, so.. come on, Shinpachi, you've stood for worse challenges. Surely you can muster up a smile in front of someone who needs it, no matter how hard it feels right now.
He laughs, a grin breaking out on his face. At first it's a little shaky, but then it becomes less so. ]
Oi, oi, c'mon, Chizuru-chan! Don't make a face like you just had to attend a funeral! [ Even if that might as well be what all of that just now was, along with having to see his dead men.. ] That bastard's gone, so it's all gonna be alright now, see? And after acting all tough 'bout it in front of that demon, I guess I can't take back those words about taking care of you.
So.. don't worry! I'm gonna make it all okay!
[ For her, anyway.
It's already too late for him now and he knows it. ]