[ The only thing that pulls him back to reality, moreso than the loud sounds of battle all around them, rumbling in the distance, is her sudden grip on his arm. It reminds him that he's not alone here, that she's here too and he has to make sure she gets out of here safely as well. It probably plays a part in his decision. Maybe in any other case he might still have tried to get through to the enemies there somehow even if it seems impossible and like a suicidal thing to do, but he can't do that when she's there. Either he'd show her the sight of him being killed as well and abandoning her in enemy territory, or she'd throw herself in the way and maybe get killed instead. He doesn't want to do either of those things to her.
And.. well, if he's entirely truthful with himself, this just is an impossible situation. There just is nothing to be done about it. The sight of bodies dressed in blue hues everywhere is proof enough of that. If none of them could lay even a single hand on the enemy, then even Shinpachi won't be able to do the same before the many bullets nearly rip his body apart.
He glances sideways at the girl clinging to his arm, his expression a little hard to read compared to usually. Usually his emotions show so easily and naturally without even having to think about it, but this sight makes so many emotions rise up in him that he just looks like he's trying to hold most of them back from bursting out on the spot when, even if his men are gone, she at least still needs his guidance.
He swallows thickly. ]
.. No. [ It's the worst thing to admit. There's nothing he can do. Even though he's been training all his life to become as strong as he has, even though the Shinsengumi are known for fighting even in the most desperate situations, there's nothing he can do. Probably not even if he used her as his shield, but even now he's purposefully not even entertaining the thought of that. ] We should retreat and report this to Hijikata-san and the others. [ And figure the hell out what they're even going to do from here.
He glances into the distance again - the enemies with their guns far away from them, the many bodies on the floor, the blood all over them just like it's all over him as well.
(But he's alive and they're dead, and they're the men he's been training with, patrolling with, laughing with, drinking with, and he'd trust every single last one of them with his life if he'd have to, otherwise they wouldn't have been worthy of being called men of his division. And turning his back on something that means so much to him is one of the most painful decisions he's ever had to make.
But they're dead and he can't do a thing for them anymore, while Chizuru is very much alive and needs him to get out of here, especially with how many bullets she's had to endure already.
So his decision is made.) ]
They haven't spotted us yet, so let's go. [ His voice is soft and not just to make sure they don't get spotted after all, but also since he just can't find the power to raise his voice right now, not while he's still trying to process the loss.
Shinpachi turns, making her do the same with how she's clinging to his arm, and the moment she lets go - he would love to give her a reassuring smile right now, to tell her everything is going to be okay like usually but it's so not okay that he just can't - he starts running back in the direction of the headquarters, making sure she's keeping up and not leaving his side. He can't afford to lose anything more now. ]
no subject
And.. well, if he's entirely truthful with himself, this just is an impossible situation. There just is nothing to be done about it. The sight of bodies dressed in blue hues everywhere is proof enough of that. If none of them could lay even a single hand on the enemy, then even Shinpachi won't be able to do the same before the many bullets nearly rip his body apart.
He glances sideways at the girl clinging to his arm, his expression a little hard to read compared to usually. Usually his emotions show so easily and naturally without even having to think about it, but this sight makes so many emotions rise up in him that he just looks like he's trying to hold most of them back from bursting out on the spot when, even if his men are gone, she at least still needs his guidance.
He swallows thickly. ]
.. No. [ It's the worst thing to admit. There's nothing he can do. Even though he's been training all his life to become as strong as he has, even though the Shinsengumi are known for fighting even in the most desperate situations, there's nothing he can do. Probably not even if he used her as his shield, but even now he's purposefully not even entertaining the thought of that. ] We should retreat and report this to Hijikata-san and the others. [ And figure the hell out what they're even going to do from here.
He glances into the distance again - the enemies with their guns far away from them, the many bodies on the floor, the blood all over them just like it's all over him as well.
(But he's alive and they're dead, and they're the men he's been training with, patrolling with, laughing with, drinking with, and he'd trust every single last one of them with his life if he'd have to, otherwise they wouldn't have been worthy of being called men of his division. And turning his back on something that means so much to him is one of the most painful decisions he's ever had to make.
But they're dead and he can't do a thing for them anymore, while Chizuru is very much alive and needs him to get out of here, especially with how many bullets she's had to endure already.
So his decision is made.) ]
They haven't spotted us yet, so let's go. [ His voice is soft and not just to make sure they don't get spotted after all, but also since he just can't find the power to raise his voice right now, not while he's still trying to process the loss.
Shinpachi turns, making her do the same with how she's clinging to his arm, and the moment she lets go - he would love to give her a reassuring smile right now, to tell her everything is going to be okay like usually but it's so not okay that he just can't - he starts running back in the direction of the headquarters, making sure she's keeping up and not leaving his side. He can't afford to lose anything more now. ]