[ She's apologizing, apologizing of all things, and he can feel his own grip on her tightening a little bit when he hears those words, when he hears every single pained tiny noise she makes. It hurts so much that she's crying - all for him. That kind of decidation, even if it's under orders, isn't something anything could feel flattered by. It only makes him sick, knowing she'd push himself so far and that he's to blame for every single bit of pain she goes through.
Of course he hasn't forgotten the battle - it's impossible here in the thick of the smoke and the gunshots ringing out in the distance constantly - but he's trying to think of a quick way to deal with this in his mind. How does he fight this battle and keep Chizuru safe if she's exactly the one who isn't intending to stay safe while he's trying to fight his way through? It's already seemingly impossible enough without further distractions.
His head leans down, whispering in a low tone, something only meant for her ears as she's right there with his arm wrapped around her. ]
If a bullet threatens my life, then I know I can't stop you, but don't feel so obliged to take everything for me. I'm a tough kinda guy, I can take at least two of those. [ That's probably a bluff, and he knows it, but on the other hand, maybe if he has the time to dodge just enough to make them not land in an area that's too critical.. ] I won't tell Hijikata-san or anyone else. We can say it was an accident.
[ He lets out a tired breath. ]
So.. c'mon, don't do something like this to a guy like me.
[ Don't look so sad and so hurt, don't take the pain that's meant for him, he's a warrior, he's been willing to lay down his life if he'd have to since the very beginning. She didn't choose that kind of life, he did, so he can't bear to see her suffer in his place.
He's apparently not taking any verbal protests to that though, since the next moment he's letting go of her (still supporting her for a brief moment to make sure her wounds did heal enough for her to stand) and running off into battle once more. He knows she'll follow, that's not what he's worried about. If she didn't have that kind of stubborn dedication to a cause, they wouldn't have this problem to begin with. But he figures she can't step inbetween him and the enemy soldiers if he's quick enough, so he runs up to any he can find that aren't aiming straight at him, cutting them down when he's able to. It's a lot harder to focus on battle when he has to remember at the same time to make sure Chizuru stays back, to protect her from herself, but--
Once he's gotten past the first few lines of enemies, he just gapes as the sight in front of them. There's so many bodies mowed down, and still a few more trying to storm the proper enemy lines up ahead. But every single one is being shot down before they can even get close - their guns are even better than the soldiers he encountered on the battle field so far with Chizuru, being able to shoot across a great distance.
(And he recognizes so many of the faces of the fallen, practically all of them, and the more he looks the more he realises just how much of the second division is left, who's still there, because it's almost like every single one of them is lying there lifelessly.
There's nothing worse than the feeling of realising something really is well and truly lost - mostly because Shinpachi hasn't had that feeling much in his life, he's always tried to find some way around it, but even he knows that charging to the enemy lines there won't mean anything but him joining those bodies - but he sure is feeling it as he's staring at the field ahead now.
He's so lost in the shock for a moment that he forgets all about Chizuru being there with him, instead just staring as he tries to think of what to do.
(Pulling back is the only sensible option, retreating and telling Hijikata this can't be saved, but when has he ever done that?) ]
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Of course he hasn't forgotten the battle - it's impossible here in the thick of the smoke and the gunshots ringing out in the distance constantly - but he's trying to think of a quick way to deal with this in his mind. How does he fight this battle and keep Chizuru safe if she's exactly the one who isn't intending to stay safe while he's trying to fight his way through? It's already seemingly impossible enough without further distractions.
His head leans down, whispering in a low tone, something only meant for her ears as she's right there with his arm wrapped around her. ]
If a bullet threatens my life, then I know I can't stop you, but don't feel so obliged to take everything for me. I'm a tough kinda guy, I can take at least two of those. [ That's probably a bluff, and he knows it, but on the other hand, maybe if he has the time to dodge just enough to make them not land in an area that's too critical.. ] I won't tell Hijikata-san or anyone else. We can say it was an accident.
[ He lets out a tired breath. ]
So.. c'mon, don't do something like this to a guy like me.
[ Don't look so sad and so hurt, don't take the pain that's meant for him, he's a warrior, he's been willing to lay down his life if he'd have to since the very beginning. She didn't choose that kind of life, he did, so he can't bear to see her suffer in his place.
He's apparently not taking any verbal protests to that though, since the next moment he's letting go of her (still supporting her for a brief moment to make sure her wounds did heal enough for her to stand) and running off into battle once more. He knows she'll follow, that's not what he's worried about. If she didn't have that kind of stubborn dedication to a cause, they wouldn't have this problem to begin with. But he figures she can't step inbetween him and the enemy soldiers if he's quick enough, so he runs up to any he can find that aren't aiming straight at him, cutting them down when he's able to. It's a lot harder to focus on battle when he has to remember at the same time to make sure Chizuru stays back, to protect her from herself, but--
Once he's gotten past the first few lines of enemies, he just gapes as the sight in front of them. There's so many bodies mowed down, and still a few more trying to storm the proper enemy lines up ahead. But every single one is being shot down before they can even get close - their guns are even better than the soldiers he encountered on the battle field so far with Chizuru, being able to shoot across a great distance.
(And he recognizes so many of the faces of the fallen, practically all of them, and the more he looks the more he realises just how much of the second division is left, who's still there, because it's almost like every single one of them is lying there lifelessly.
There's nothing worse than the feeling of realising something really is well and truly lost - mostly because Shinpachi hasn't had that feeling much in his life, he's always tried to find some way around it, but even he knows that charging to the enemy lines there won't mean anything but him joining those bodies - but he sure is feeling it as he's staring at the field ahead now.
He's so lost in the shock for a moment that he forgets all about Chizuru being there with him, instead just staring as he tries to think of what to do.
(Pulling back is the only sensible option, retreating and telling Hijikata this can't be saved, but when has he ever done that?) ]