[ It's not as if Jeongmin hasn't asked Yunyeol for a lot of things already. It first started off with him asking Yunyeol to kiss him once, to hold him once, to keep lying there with him once.. but it didn't just stay with that one time. Jeongmin liked the feeling too much to not ask for it again. Being next to Yunyeol made him feel warm, safe and comforted - it made him feel much less like there wasn't really anything left to bother trying to keep going for with his shitty body. Because everytime he felt the warmth of being pressed against Yunyeol's chest or the sensation of the other's lips on his own, he wanted to feel it again. And again.
And even though Jeongmin is sure it's just a delusion on his own part, it's easy to imagine Yunyeol liking it too. Surely he's just doing it because Jeongmin asks for it, but Yunyeol has never been anything but extremely gentle and warm.. like there's always so much love in those gestures. Because there's one thing Jeongmin knows for sure by now, something he can't deny or just be dismissive of.. he knows that he wants Yunyeol to love him. Desperately so. He wants him to somehow do those things by himself, without Jeongmin asking for it first. He wants to hear the words "I love you" from him without having to ask him, even though he knows that day will never come. It's just his own little make believe romance between the two of them - a thought so crushing that he doesn't spend too much time lingering on it.
But he wants even more than that. He's wanted it for a while now, but asking for it felt like such a big step that he hadn't been able to do it yet until now. Asking Yunyeol to have sex with him.. he can only imagine what it'd be like from the way the other usually holds him so gently, but that only makes him realise it would make him feel even more complete than just lying there with the other. It'd be even easier to imagine Yunyeol being as much into him as he's into the other if they're that closely connected too.
It still depends on a few factors even aside from Jeongmin having to gather his feelings and courage to ask, to be willing to take that step.. mostly his body. There are plenty of days where his body refuses to even be outside of his bed for longer than a few minutes - let alone the idea of somehow having sex with his body in that state.
But now it's finally all come together. Even though his heart still flutters so badly in his chest at the thought of asking Yunyeol for this - not that he doesn't know the other will do it without complaints, but it's more the anticipation for the process itself - his body is feeling better than usually today, and he knows that if he doesn't ask now, he won't know when the next opportunity for it will show up.
He's waited for the time he usually goes to lie down a little while in bed before he really goes to sleep (which is pretty early compared to most other people most of the time), especially since Yunyeol always accompanies him to his bedroom at that time to see if he needs anything or wants him to come lie there with him. But this time Jeongmin keeps sitting on the edge of his bed instead of fully moving to lie down, looking up at Yunyeol.
His heart feels like it's going crazy inside of his chest, and his heartbeat is so loud that he can hear it like the droning beat of some loud song in his ears. ]
Yunyeol.. I want you to do something else for me tonight.
[ At least he doesn't linger on just that.. he couldn't. Waiting for Yunyeol's response would make him feel even more on edge then, terrified of seeing a hint of reluctance or disappointment in the other's eyes even though he would agree to it. He has to get to it immediately - it's like he'll die if he has to wait too long now. ]
H.. [ Oh god, he's stumbling a little over his words now. He's looking like a total moron. Sure, he's a virgin, but that doesn't mean he has to look like some idiot virgin, right? Despite the fact it's not a very deep blush due to his illness, Jeongmin's cheeks still turn a faint pink compared to the rest of his pale skin.
The temptation to drop his gaze out of sheer embarrassment is overwhelming, but he resists it. He has to know if there's even a hint of hesitation about the other - maybe he can quickly call it off then before he's in too far and starts to feel regret and guilt over forcing the other to do something he might not want to do. ] Have sex with me.. please.
no subject
And even though Jeongmin is sure it's just a delusion on his own part, it's easy to imagine Yunyeol liking it too. Surely he's just doing it because Jeongmin asks for it, but Yunyeol has never been anything but extremely gentle and warm.. like there's always so much love in those gestures. Because there's one thing Jeongmin knows for sure by now, something he can't deny or just be dismissive of.. he knows that he wants Yunyeol to love him. Desperately so. He wants him to somehow do those things by himself, without Jeongmin asking for it first. He wants to hear the words "I love you" from him without having to ask him, even though he knows that day will never come. It's just his own little make believe romance between the two of them - a thought so crushing that he doesn't spend too much time lingering on it.
But he wants even more than that. He's wanted it for a while now, but asking for it felt like such a big step that he hadn't been able to do it yet until now. Asking Yunyeol to have sex with him.. he can only imagine what it'd be like from the way the other usually holds him so gently, but that only makes him realise it would make him feel even more complete than just lying there with the other. It'd be even easier to imagine Yunyeol being as much into him as he's into the other if they're that closely connected too.
It still depends on a few factors even aside from Jeongmin having to gather his feelings and courage to ask, to be willing to take that step.. mostly his body. There are plenty of days where his body refuses to even be outside of his bed for longer than a few minutes - let alone the idea of somehow having sex with his body in that state.
But now it's finally all come together. Even though his heart still flutters so badly in his chest at the thought of asking Yunyeol for this - not that he doesn't know the other will do it without complaints, but it's more the anticipation for the process itself - his body is feeling better than usually today, and he knows that if he doesn't ask now, he won't know when the next opportunity for it will show up.
He's waited for the time he usually goes to lie down a little while in bed before he really goes to sleep (which is pretty early compared to most other people most of the time), especially since Yunyeol always accompanies him to his bedroom at that time to see if he needs anything or wants him to come lie there with him. But this time Jeongmin keeps sitting on the edge of his bed instead of fully moving to lie down, looking up at Yunyeol.
His heart feels like it's going crazy inside of his chest, and his heartbeat is so loud that he can hear it like the droning beat of some loud song in his ears. ]
Yunyeol.. I want you to do something else for me tonight.
[ At least he doesn't linger on just that.. he couldn't. Waiting for Yunyeol's response would make him feel even more on edge then, terrified of seeing a hint of reluctance or disappointment in the other's eyes even though he would agree to it. He has to get to it immediately - it's like he'll die if he has to wait too long now. ]
H.. [ Oh god, he's stumbling a little over his words now. He's looking like a total moron. Sure, he's a virgin, but that doesn't mean he has to look like some idiot virgin, right? Despite the fact it's not a very deep blush due to his illness, Jeongmin's cheeks still turn a faint pink compared to the rest of his pale skin.
The temptation to drop his gaze out of sheer embarrassment is overwhelming, but he resists it. He has to know if there's even a hint of hesitation about the other - maybe he can quickly call it off then before he's in too far and starts to feel regret and guilt over forcing the other to do something he might not want to do. ] Have sex with me.. please.