mysteries | ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

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ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

( actual rendition of what's going on here tbh )

[ He can feel her starting to get more and more calm inside of his arms. And there's something oddly comfortable about all of this, really. It's something he at the very least hasn't experienced in a while, probably longer than that, but.. it's warm, and his heart pounds just a little bit faster at the thought that such a pretty girl is clinging to him like this.

It's something he could get used to, he can't help but think. Even with as embarrassing as that thought is, and even with how frightening it is to let other people in when all they can do is hurt you.. ]

If I.. trust you.

[ Since she did offer that just now, and he doesn't foresee making progress with Ariga any time soon - or even wanting to, really. That guy seems like a brick wall, what are you even supposed to do with that?

The words are soft, only barely above a whisper, and a pout plays around the edges of the words even though they can't directly look at each other like this. Especially not with his face half-buried in her hair by now. ]

J-.. Just saying if. If I do, and you betray me.. I'll-- I'll definitely kill you, got it? So don't even think of trying anything funny like that.

[ She gave a light, slightly wet giggle, sighing again into his neck. This is something that she's never felt before. Feeling totally and completely safe in someone's arms. A man's no less. She ran her hands up his back, spreading her fingers out across his shoulder blades. ]

That sounds fair enough to me. So then if you betray my trust, I'll kill you instead.
[ her words were devoid of any real hate or aggression. Only her genuine feelings as she answered his caution.]

You've been betrayed before then, haven't you. Abandoned even... [ She was definitely going to lose him soon, she knew it. he'd sputter and protest and push her away as soon as she hit on something too embarrassing so. So for that moment she held on tighter, not wanting to let go just yet.]

[ It's obvious that she's touching on something, at least, much like Kiyomi herself is already predicting. Itsuki's hands twitch a little bit where they rest on her back, and his body grows a little more tense, as if it's preparing itself for the inevitable denial that's coming up. ]

I'm fine. I've always been fine by myself.

[ It's no direct answer to anything she's saying, but he wouldn't want to give a direct answer anyway - Itsuki wouldn't be able to bring himself to do it. This is just about the most he can do, repeating the same words he's told himself so many times over until he could believe them with all he had. ]

So.. don't force any weird ideas like that on me. [ But even as he's saying that, he's still clinging her, his head tilts a little now so his cheek is resting on the top of her head. It's rather comfortable. ] I'm.. just saying I'll give you a chance. Don't waste it.

[ Feeling him tense up, she began moving her hand soothingly down his back, shifting slightly so she rested more comfortably against him. This was just so nice, she stopped being able to describe it. And so decided to start treading even more carefully as not to not ruin things. ]

Then that makes us the same.

[ She sighed again, while their chests were pressed as close together as they could manage. She could feel his heart beat, and felt their breathing starting to fall into sync. Her other hand went to his head, resting gently in the delicate curls. ]

I'm glad though. I'll trust you too. I know it's not easy. I've only ever been hurt before, even when I did my best to stay uninvolved. So believe me when I say that I won't take this for granted.

[ He lets out a slow breath. Admitting to himself that all of this is nice and comfortable is one thing that he almost - or, well, practically - manages here, but saying anything more is harder. That he feels glad someone is chosing to trust in him, to believe in him. That of course she wouldn't take it for granted, since she seems like a smart person regardless of how weird she is.

.. that there's a part of him that doesn't want her to make such sad expressions anymore, that that same part of him won't let anyone hurt her anymore.

Those are things he can't even admit to himself, let alone to her.

At least he's not moving out of their current positions when he speaks up lazily again. ]

.. where do all of you stay? The girls, I mean.

[ Because it's pretty obvious that here it's guys-only, and he has to know in case he has to-- you know. Check up on her and make sure she isn't betraying his trust. Yeah. That's it. Not because he wants to seek out this warmth again at all. ]

[ she couldn't resist grinning at that, but did resist the many prodding things she wanted to say.]

There is a old-fashioned tea shop two blocks from here. Across from a flower shop and next to an abandoned office building, you can't miss it. Inside is the secret entrance to the Convent through a door in the kitchen.

[She sighed one more time and pulled herself back, just enough to look him straight in the eyes. Her lips curled into a small smirk as her hands fell slowly to rest on his waist, digging her thumbs slightly into his hips. Squeezing just enough to fully get his attention.]

So are you gonna come see me again then?

[ Is this what animals caught in traps feel like? The way her thumbs dig into his sides almost make him feel like he can't escape, like he can only look right into her eyes and listen to the words rolling across her lips. ]

Wha-- [ His jaw drops open a little bit and then shuts itself again at the realisation of what she's asking him. His eyebrows knit together in a frown and he sucks just a little bit harder on his lollipop, his nose wrinkling until he's practically pouting. ]

Don't get carried away!

[ She totally caught onto his intentions though, no matter what he might be saying. Besides, Itsuki is still keeping a more relaxed grip on her too, proving as much. ]

I... I was just-- just curious... [ That's the least convincing excuse ever, huh. ]

[ She grinned again, lifting a hand from his back to pat his cheek briefly.]

Well then if you even need to sate your curiosity, you now know where to find me.

[She leaned forward and touched the tip of his nose with her own. She stood up, letting her hands fall from him lingeringly, keeping prolonged eye contact.]

I have to go now, can't have your Messiah coming back to see me here now I can I.

[ She said with a small grin. She didn't care, and she knew that Ariga honestly wouldn't care. H'ed probably be grateful to her for keeping Itsuki occupied. But she knew that Itsuki would care a whole lot. Already she found herself trying to avoid him making a huge fuss.
She walked to the door, giving him a lingering look as she rested her hand on the door frame, then opened to door and slipped away into the darkness. Her vision was still fringed in gold, everything felt warm. For so long contact with other humans had always been so cold and empty. Only for work or for personal gain. But now she was experiencing the real thing it seemed. Affection, infatuation. As fleeting as those things might be, she was going to grasp them as tightly as she could, even if her hands trembled or her grip faltered.]

[ Itsuki only stares back at her as she moves to leave - he can't even really do as much as open his mouth, he's just staring like he's frozen stiff. It's only when she's left the room that he finally can move again, starting by lightly rubbing the tip of his nose.

It was only a slight touch, not even a kiss or anything, but.. geez, why is he feeling this way? Just by being close to her, by having skin contact with her, by watching her smile like that...

.. it feels so warm.

... Stupid..

For a moment he grabs the pillow off his bed, pressing it against his face before throwing it roughly back to its spot again.

He really likes her for some reason, that weird girl who seems like she sees right through him. It's hard to deny even for him at this point. ]

[ At least Kiyomi definitely wasn't wrong when she saw right through his intentions when he asked her about where the girls were staying. In fact, it doesn't even take that long. Despite the fact that he's so new, the possible punishment of being caught sneaking out at night and sneaking to the other part of section 5 - not to mention doing more than just mingling with someone who isn't his Messiah - doesn't seem to scare him at all. It only takes a few days at best before Itsuki moves out at night. Maybe Ariga notices him leaving the room, but Itsuki doesn't really care since the other doesn't speak up about it. At least sneaking through the hallways of Church goes fairly easy, even getting outside, and he finds the shop Kiyomi was talking about soon after too.

Sneaking in there is one thing, but once he is in the Convent, he realises a whole different problem entirely. He did ask her where this place was, sure, but he never bothered to ask her about her room. It'd make it too obvious. But it does leave him with the problem of quite a few doors with various girls sleeping behind them, and he doesn't know which is the right one.

It stops him for a few moments, but then he realises what to do. He tries to recall the scent from that day the best he can, what he could smell so clearly while she held him, while they were so close their faces literally touched, and then decides to follow his nose. It doesn't deceive him, since it leads him right to her door - and it seems that her Messiah is out as well. The perfect opportunity.

So without knocking or announcing him in any other sort of way, Itsuki just moves into the room - closing the door behind him - and moves over to Kiyomi's bed, casually sitting down on the side of it without saying anything more just yet. ]

[Sakari was absent once again, that was not the surprising thing. The surprising thing was that despite her having been alone on many night like this before, her heat still refused to calm down. Without the presence of another human to ground her, her mind whirled into feverous spirals of fear and doubt. Her chest too tight for her to even let out a sob. She prayed for sleep to claim her, and yet it refused to come as she clutched the blankets tightly to her chest.
In the midst of her anxieties, the door opening suddenly caused her heart to become gripped with fear.
She had no reason to be afraid, and yet her body was frozen. She could hear that is was him, just by the shape of his breath. Even with her back to him she knew who it was. But even so her body refused to obey her.]

Who's there...?

[ She said in a small wavering voice, her throat so tight that it felt like she was being strangled. He still wasn't as familiar to her as she wished. They still had only met a few times, but she needed his comfort again, perhaps it would be what she needed in the face of this suffocating fear.]

[ Huh? Even though he hasn't talked all that much to her before, there's still something weird about this reaction. It feels weird. That voice, so small, so hesitant, so scared.. that isn't like her. It isn't like any side of her that he's seen, anyway, and he's not sure if he's mostly just confused or if there isn't some part of him that's almost breaking at the sound of that tone. It seems to speak of more, since there's no reason for Kiyomi to be afraid of him, right? ]

It's me.

[ It's why Itsuki doesn't hesitate to answer the question, maybe just a little bit quick in his need to reassure her. To find out what that tone is for and get rid of it.

.. then again, that smells like Kiyomi, and it sounds like Kiyomi, but.. maybe he's wrong? He hasn't met her that much before, maybe there's someone similar to her here and he just ran into the wrong room. So he turns to try and look at her, but it's pretty hard to do that in the dark room. He can make out the outline of her, but that could practically be any girl.

So Itsuki hardly seems to waste any time. He's moving again a moment later, turning however he must until he's in a position where he's face to face with her - almost a little too close, but it's the only way he can properly make out her face in the dark.

Maybe a little too close, since he can feel his heart jumping in his chest, the very same feeling as on that day when she was the one who came this close. At this rate his cheeks will be burning red enough to illuminate the room by themselves, but he tries to force it down and focus on her instead. Because if she's giving him this feeling, then it's definitely the right person he's gotten here and there's just something else going on. ]

I.. Itsuki. That's who, geez... [ That pouty tone is totally him trying to bite down his concern but failing big time. ]

Itsuki...[ She breathed his name with a sigh of relief, and felt the tension melt from her limbs as if she had just since been made fully of ice. With her limps thawed she relaxed her shoulders and rolled onto her other side to face him. Their faces were impossibly close now as he was now right next to her. She could just make out his pale face outlined in the dark. His silhouette ghosted by the computer in the corner, the only source of light.

She met his eyes, trying to remember the warm brown color that they held in the sunlight. Breathing him in as she felt his breath on her lips, and could practically feel the heat radiating from his cheeks. He was embarrassed of course, but he was also clearly concerned. ]

Itsuki...[She said again, taking another deep calming breath.] I didn't expect that you'd come for me in the night. But I suppose it makes the most amount of sense. [ Her tone still wavered, devoid of her usual composure. She knew what he was probably there for, but the fear in the back of her mind screamed other possibilities. That he wouldn't be any different for the kind of man her fear had mistaken him for.
But she kept looking at him, lifting her hand towards him almost hesitantly, needing to prove her own anxety wront.]

[ It's obvious that she's still not quite her usual self. The way she hesitates like that, her tone wavering.. sure, he always tries to project a tough attitude and there's a part of him that prefers it if people are just scared of him and stay away, but she's never been like that. She saw through him right away, when they met before he even joined Sakura and then again when they talked here.. so why would that suddenly change?

There's a moment of hesitation born more from embarrassment than anything else, but then he decides to say screw it since there's no one else around anyway and he gently grabs the hand she's reaching out with, enveloping her hand in his own larger one. ]

Don't say stuff you don't believe. [ His voice is low, quiet - despite the fact that Kiyomi's Messiah isn't here, he still speaks as if someone could overhear them. ] I mean.. you don't really think I'm here to do something weird, right?

[ Sure, Itsuki knows what men are like. It's not like he's completely oblivious as to how sexual desire works, after all. But seeing Kiyomi so weak and frightened absolutely kills all thought of that - if it had even come to him so easily with how tsundere he is to begin with. ]

I just..

[ He swallows thickly. This is so hard for him to say, but she seems like she needs reassurement more than anything, which means he has to confess his reasons for coming here, no matter how hard it is. ]

.. I wanted to see you..

[ Saying that feels like plunging a dagger into his own gut, and to hide his embarrassment (especially with how close their faces are and how she's staring right at him) he leans forward to bury his face and curls in the crook of her neck. ]

[ She was surprised with how forward he was being, but she was also ultimately delighted. Her heart now beat for a different reason as he held her hand, spoke to her so honestly, and even drew himself close to her. She squeezed his hand, even as that arm was still pinned slightly under her own weight. She took her free hand and placed it on his back. The sakura uniform gone, he only wore a simple long-sleeved shirt. She spread her fingers out along the fabric and sighed.]

Of course not...I know you're better than that. But, I've survived so far on instinct, and by learning from past experiences and...every other time a man has come for me in the middle of the night--
[ she let out a small whimper and pulled him closer to her. Pressing her own face into his neck and hair.]

I...I wanted to see you too. I'm glad that you came...

[ He had already shown such deep concern for her when she had started to have meltdowns the last time they spoke. None of that had pushed him away and she was so happy. Needing to constantly put up a front is exhausting. And he while surprised, was never revolted by the true self she had begun to show.]

Edited 2015-10-04 21:19 (UTC)

[ His hold on her hand tightens a little when she talks. Especially when she mentions the reason for her apprehention. No way, right? How could anyone do that to someone like Kiyomi? Well-- it's not as if he hasn't almost taken people's lives over literally nothing at all, but that's different. Those people were fighting him anyway, and they're nothing like Kiyomi who is so warm and who sees through to the parts of him he wants to keep hidden the most and just accepts them like that. Without questioning it, without scolding him, without disregarding him for it like everyone else..

He can't let anyone do that to her. Even as his cheeks light up and his heart beats just a little faster at the mention that she wanted to see him (see him of all people) and that she's glad he's here, the tension in his body remains. ]

That didn't happen here, right?

[ For as much as he calls the others at Church lame, he can't see any of them actually going that far. Ariga, who he has had the most contact with, is just boring. Not a bad guy, but boring. The others seem to be just about as much various degrees of the same thing.

Shifting a little in discomfort at the emotions brewing inside of him, he doesn't let go of her hand. ]

I'd like to see them try.. [ Whereas if this was about any other topic it might have been Itsuki's usual tone of amusement, in this case it's not that at all. It's not that he would actually like to see it - it's that he would snap the neck of anyone who tried doing that to her without her wanting it without hesitation. You just don't do that to Kiyomi of all people-- and the thought of some guys having done so before is enough to make his stomach turn. ]

[ She shook her head as she took in another breath. She could feel the tension pulsing through his body, and that somehow comforted her. He was knew to this, being this close and intimate with a woman. He was nervous and so he was also genuine. ]

No...it...It hasn't happened here. It's been...a really long time but... [She shifted against him, not wanting to dwell on the topic too much further. But she still had answers to give him and things that she wanted to tell him.] It;s still hard, whenever I sleep alone, I start to feel paralyzed with fear for no reason.

So unfortunately if you want to punish someone that'd require you flying to Europe or beyond. He probably doesn't even remember me anyway so good luck.

[ The hint of aggression in his voice also comforted her. He was ready to protect her, to hurt anyone that wanted to hurt her. She never imagined that someone would ever feel this strongly about her. It filled her with such unbounded joy and comfort that her heart seemed to have no intention of slowing down.]

[ All she has to say is that and he's already decided. Sure, even Itsuki wasn't sure on his full intentions of going here - whether he was going to stay the night or just go back later, at least when it came to that - but he does know that he's staying the whole night for sure now. If she feels bad when she's sleeping alone, then he'll just sleep here with her. Her presence gives him an odd sense of comfort as well, anyway.

But first he grumbles against her skin a little bit-- it sounds an odd lot like "how could they forget you", but you won't hear him confirm that out loud ever. What assholes, though.. hurting her like that and then just dismissing it? Hurting Kiyomi? Hell, he's only just met her and somehow she's already got him this attached, so how is that even possible? He better never be sent on a mission in that direction, because you can bet he's going to take a detour, Church rules or whatever be damned. He doesn't care.

Itsuki finally pulls back now, his cheeks still a faint shade of pink. ]

Well, I'm here anyway, so.. [ He pauses for a moment, like he's trying to gather his excuse together, and then huffs lightly. ] I mean-- I don't feel like walking all the way back at this time of night, so I'll just sleep here.

[ Because two streets is such a distance, right.. ]

I'll just take the floor..

[ Because he's a scrappy, for one, but also since sleeping in Kiyomi's Messiah's bed would just be weird and sleeping in the same bed as Kiyomi...

.. well, that definitely wouldn't be sleeping with his dokis keeping him up all night, that's for sure. ]

Okay, [She said, a small hint of disappointment entering her voice. She got the feeling that she'd be dealing with this quite a lot. Him mumbling the truth while speaking something to contradict or avoid it. But it was okay. She could tell how he felt just by the way he held her. He couldn't believe that anyone could just toss her aside and forget her.]

But...if you could at least just, wait until I fall asleep...you can use my extra pillow and blanket.

[ She was sincerely hoping that he would just fall asleep with her there, but she knew that she had to at least give him the illusion of control in some way. She took a deep breath, feeling herself start to relax finally.]

I'm fine though. I'm not hurt. I'm lucky enough to not have any lasting physical injuries. [ She let her face fall against his shoulder. Moving her hand then to rest in his hair. She found that she already really like his hair. It was soft, the gentle curls playful and inviting. She found herself even pulling lightly and tangles and combing rather than stroking.]

Fine..

[ Even though something sounds a little pouty about that answer, he's not dissatisfied with the current situation whatsoever. Just lying here with her feels rather nice, it's the same feeling he got back when they were sitting in his room and holding each other. The contact is still a little foreign to him, but in a good way. Like something new he craves more of.

Besides, if just his presence could make her feel better, even though it's him..

He lets her play with his hair without protest, at least. ]

Well, it's not gonna happen anymore from now on. [ Because he won't let anyone. There's ought to be a lot of shady guys out there on missions.. he knows that even if she's disregarding it, it must hurt more than what she's saying. Physical injuries aren't the worst. Itsuki's been in fights, he knows. You can heal from being beaten up to hell and back, but what's harder to cure is what happens to you on the inside. ]

I mean-- [ He squirms just a tiny bit, but doesn't move from his position. ] Otherwise I'd have had to listen to Ariga getting up way too early in the morning again. So annoying... [ Yes, clearly that's the main reason. ]

[ She giggled, drawing her face away from his neck with a faint reluctance. She moved her face far enough away that she could see his face. Smiling at him she moved her hand from his hair to rest on his cheek. She felt a warm feeling in her chest that almost felt like it should be love. But she was discerning enough to know that it was only gratitude at that moment. It would take time for true feelings to grow. But right now she was grateful. And she wanted to stay with him so that the feelings could truly grow. ]

It must be rough having a messiah so dedicated to his training that he interrupts your sleep.

[ She said, doing her very best to keep the wry sarcasm out of her voice. But she kept meeting his eyes like a challenge. Wondering how long he could keep her gaze like this. Her hand on his face, his on her; her legs nudging at his from under her blankets; their lower torsos still pressed together, the remnant of their embrace.]

Of course, it's...

[ He starts out strong, but his tone quickly starts to slide away after that. It's hard to keep his composure in this sort of situation, after all. It's only then that he realises just how close she is, just how much contact between the two of them is going on here. People might say Itsuki is immature, and they'd at least be right in this respect - because his heart starts pounding just from being this close to her, like some sort of little kid with a puppy crush.

His eyes nervously dart around, and he squirms a little again like he isn't sure if he wants to move away from this or not at all. It feels too much like ruining a chance if he'd do that, but it's also just.. just embarrassing, and.. ]

I-it's.. super annoying, yeah..

[ That wasn't a very convincing way of talking normally at all anymore. He just wants to stay close to her and he doesn't know how to deal with it at all - so instead he moves to pull her a little closer to him.

Screw the ground, that's not what he wants. He just wants to stay here like this a little bit more, but saying that is so damn hard. ]

Here,

[ She said, pulling her hands away and shifting back to start edging her blanket out from under him.]

If you're gonna stay here, you might as well be comfy.

[ With some difficulty, she got the blanket free and pulled it up over the two of them. Meeting his eyes briefly again before she curled up against his chest again. Leaving one free hand to play with his hair again. The curls were too bouncy and soft to resist. And the soft sighs produced by her massaging his scalp gave her small phantoms of pleasure. ]

It's always rough with your messiah in the beginning. Sakari has her issues, and so do I. Unfortunately i think that I was actually the difficult one to deal with at first.

[ She said, an attempt at depreciation. Even while Itsuki here may not agree, with how quickly she warmed up to him; she at that time had a very difficult time trusting and getting along with Sakari. But perhaps getting over her fears then allowed her to be so honest with herself now. ]

Of course you were, you're a weird girl.. [ There's an odd sort of fondness in the word. She's weird, yes, but it's what he likes about her. Any other Kiyomi wouldn't be Kiyomi - the girl he's oddly fond of because she's unlike anyone else he's ever met.

He can't even tsun or protest at any of it. Maybe it's since he is getting at least a little bit more sleepy under the current circumstances or maybe it's just since it feels so nice and soothing under the blanket with her, pressed against each other, the feeling of her hand in his hair, gently tugging at it.. The soft sounds and breaths escaping him are like the equivalent of a cat's purr, honestly, she's completely pleased with all of it.

But as tempting as it is to just let him drift off into sweet oblivion, guided by Kiyomi's warmth, he's still hanging too much onto every single one of her words to do that. Especially since there's some ideas that just are hard to knock out of Itsuki. ]

Me and that guy won't get along though. [ Like he's already just decided that - like shutting a door for Ariga. Ariga doesn't seem interested in becoming emotionally invested in this, neither does Itsuki - it's a distance that works, as far as he's concerned.

Opening up to Kiyomi is already hard enough, and she's actually nudging him towards it actively unlike Ariga who seems to accept the wall Itsuki built up.

His words are slurring just a tiny bit, and his head almost actively moves towards her hand, like he's asking for her to keep going on with what she's doing. ]

But I'll be fine.. you're not worried 'bout me, right? 'cause there's no reason to. [ He can handle this. He always has, one way or another. ]

Edited 2015-10-07 21:49 (UTC)

[ Kiyomi's hand paused for a moment after he spoke, pondering his words. She didn't want to stop this for now. Seeing him smile and rub against her hand like a puppy was beyond delightful. But she felt the need to tell him something. Something she hoped could help him. As much as she might wish to be able to help him; in the midst of battle the only one who would be able to save his life would be Ariga. ]

Well, you know why, right? Why Ariga won't trust you right away? [She had drawn her head back again as to look at him better. A small serious frown forming on her face. ] His last messiah turned out to be a traitor. He was quiet and gentle, and we never suspected it. After that happened, I don't blame him for regarding everyone with suspicion.

[ She kept her left hand working in his hair, massaging his scalp while she took her right hand and placed it along his jawline. If he dared to open his eyes he would meet her intence gaze once again.]

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ic; a guy like me can't hold onto or let go of you

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