[ His shoulders grow a little less tense as Souma speaks on. No longer about Eiri, or Haku's feelings, or what happened, but into something that feels much safer and familiar. Thinking about Eiri as a whole is easier in this context - the four of them. Still something he misses, considering it was the closest thing Haku has ever felt to belonging somewhere, but it's something that he's already been missing for long enough that he can neatly box it up in his mind. It's something that's already been given an appropriate spot where he no longer has to fully let it eat away at him every single moment.
And when Souma talks about it, it feels even more like warmth. He's never particularly thought too much about Souma and Shuusuke's bond, taking it for what it was and what he could see, but he remembers nights where Eiri was particularly giddy or sometimes half-drunk (or a little more than that) where the shorter guy rambled on and on about the other two, entire domestic situations included.
It makes it easier to imagine those two. Even if it'd be some ridiculous situation like living on an uninhabited island - but then again, is anything ridiculous anymore when compared to their lifestyle as a whole? But it'd be warm and maybe small but cozy, and for a moment Haku finds himself longing for something he can never have. (Not that it's a new activity for him.) ]
Up north. [ He picks another piece of candy out of a pocket, twirling it around between his hands but not unwrapping or eating it just yet. ] Somewhere where there's not a lot of people. Maybe some cabin in a forest.
[ Not Russia, because that brings a whole slew of terrible associations and memories with it, but still somewhere up north. Not because of the cold, and not because Haku isn't that good with people - because it's not like he has an aversion to them, it's more just that he's not too good with communication - but because that's the only place you can see so many of the stars for so long with the long nights without anything obstructing the view.
Eiri always liked stars.
He glances up from his candy, trying his best to meet Souma's eyes again now he's a little more comfortable. ]
It might be hard to visit your uninhabited island from there though.
[ It feels a little better. Maybe it's unhealthy to crop up all this trauma - it is, for sure - but it's the only way he knows how to cope with everything, even now. He wants Souma's presence to mean good and warm and comforting things while it lasts, rather than spilling everything ugly about himself and letting the memory smudge the warm memories he has about the people in his life who matter. ]
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And when Souma talks about it, it feels even more like warmth. He's never particularly thought too much about Souma and Shuusuke's bond, taking it for what it was and what he could see, but he remembers nights where Eiri was particularly giddy or sometimes half-drunk (or a little more than that) where the shorter guy rambled on and on about the other two, entire domestic situations included.
It makes it easier to imagine those two. Even if it'd be some ridiculous situation like living on an uninhabited island - but then again, is anything ridiculous anymore when compared to their lifestyle as a whole? But it'd be warm and maybe small but cozy, and for a moment Haku finds himself longing for something he can never have. (Not that it's a new activity for him.) ]
Up north. [ He picks another piece of candy out of a pocket, twirling it around between his hands but not unwrapping or eating it just yet. ] Somewhere where there's not a lot of people. Maybe some cabin in a forest.
[ Not Russia, because that brings a whole slew of terrible associations and memories with it, but still somewhere up north. Not because of the cold, and not because Haku isn't that good with people - because it's not like he has an aversion to them, it's more just that he's not too good with communication - but because that's the only place you can see so many of the stars for so long with the long nights without anything obstructing the view.
Eiri always liked stars.
He glances up from his candy, trying his best to meet Souma's eyes again now he's a little more comfortable. ]
It might be hard to visit your uninhabited island from there though.
[ It feels a little better. Maybe it's unhealthy to crop up all this trauma - it is, for sure - but it's the only way he knows how to cope with everything, even now. He wants Souma's presence to mean good and warm and comforting things while it lasts, rather than spilling everything ugly about himself and letting the memory smudge the warm memories he has about the people in his life who matter. ]